Thursday, 31 December 2009
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Booty or No Booty
My girlfriend just had an interlude with a guy she met for the first time last night. He said a bunch of sweet stuff and eventually got what he wanted. And now today he hasn't called her back. I told her that obviously she didn't make him work for the cookies so its kind of her own fault.
I hate being a woman because we are the ones that are responsible for setting the pace in a relationship. We have to slow down and make men earn sex. It sucks but there is only one way to get a guy to respect you by not putting out.
Get to know someone first and take the time to make them earn your love and respect before you give your body. Otherwise, it just going to lead to a world of hurt in most cases.
What is your opinion how soon is too soon?
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- From: skeeziix
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Comments (71)
I would have to agree with you 100%. The only bad part is that we can warn our friends but sometimes they need to make their own mistakes several times to finally get it. Sometimes people need to learn on their own and see it for themselves.
Sleeping with on the first night and she wonders why he didn't call back?
I'd wait at the LEAST til the 2nd.
can't agree. i have a few friends who started out as fuckbuddies with their current boyfriends. and one of them have been dating for 4 years already. i think it's more about communication. if that can happen, then it's not so much putting out to set the pace. but taking the time to get to know each other in the process. but having sex with a complete stranger is a definite no go.
but hey, i did that and now im good friends with the guy and we're still doing our thing, altho not dating. and the best part is that, it's mutual too. i have my eyes on someone else and so does he.
but if that guy didn't call your friend back, then she should call him (if she has his number). don't attempt to pursue a relationship, but a friendship. it's working well in my case. i msged the guy via fb after a month of not seeing his (after that one night stand).
K well, I'm just going to put it out there that I don't judge based on a girls sexual habits. It doesn't make me respect you any more or less. I'll admit, I have a different view from most guys on this subject as I'll go into a monogamous relationship with a girl that I just had a one-night stand with. That said, "how soon" kind of depends on how you feel about the guy. Does he seem genuine? Does he show signs that he'll stick around? How comfortable do I feel with him on a physical level? What do you want out of the relationship?
Plus, stringing a guy along for sex doesn't guarantee a relationship, sorry to say. If he wants to date you long term, he'll date you long term. Making him wait till the third date isn't a landmark signifier ok. The fact is, if you go on the third date, sleep with him, and he falls of the face of the earth, shame on you for going through three dates and not being able to tell he was just looking for some ass.
I feel like as society gets looser... Respect gets lost. There is no reason for a guy to care about a girl or call her after they just f***ed.
To each his own.
Well personally I think every person has their own pace and should respect themselves so that the next day they can look at themselves and not regret a damn thing. If you feel that sex is only for those who love each other then wait. If not, then do what you feel is right. I personally think sex on a first date or hell even if it's a one night stand is fine. Just be honest with yourself and be completely alright to never hear from the person again and honestly you have to be safe. I know girls who can be just as emotionless about sex as the stereotypical guy is and guys who think sex is only for love. Guys can set the pace too, they just tend to have less control then girls. In the end every relationship is about making yourself happy because life is too short to be with someone, even friends who hurt you or use you.
Probably that guy is sick, or being kidnapped by the Mafia or Alien (whichever comes first), and other possible things could happen.
How soon is soon is actually depends entirely on the relationship with that person. My guy friend once told me that generally if a girl goes straight to bed she's a slut or desperate and guys like neither.
Ops. Foot in the mouth disease.
My husband and I had sex on our first date. But, I was completely convinced I was in love with him (and vice versa, it turned out). And nothing has proven me wrong - and now it's been nearly 3 years since that night.
Sure, it's good to wait sometimes. But I can't state this enough: If sex makes or breaks your relationship, your relationship sucks and you can do better. Doing it too early or waiting too long is a) relative and b) not the defining line of things. If it is...I gotta ask, why? You should love your SO for so many other reasons, reasons much more important than sex. (Disclaimer: Yes, sex is totally awesome. And it takes your relationship to a new level. But going to that level, again, shouldn't change how either of you feels.)
I think guys would appreciate something more when they know they earned it in the long run... Otherwise, if they know they can get it easily, why bother caring?
I'd think that the guy left for either of these reasons:
1. The sexual chemistry is not perfect;
2. He's simply a sex addict.
The problem of being ignored after a sexual act happens not just to women but also to men. It's not only women that "sets the pace" - "it takes two to tango".
I don't think that withholding sex is the only way to make a relationship work... That actually seems to be more about power-tripping than love and romance... You're focusing on what you can lose, rather than what you can share and enjoy.
Of course you can't share with just about anybody - you know you have your own tastes and skills... You know your own body and mind and spirit... With that knowledge, you can avoid sleeping with incompatible men who decide to forget about you in the morning (because they realize that they mistook you for their dream girl); because.. you just have an intuitive grasp of how your energies meld together...
I know I sound vague already but I just described how I avoid heartbreaks. Of course I have made a couple of mistakes, (submitting to the wrong men) and I attribute them to youthful ignorance and the failure to be true to myself.
~~~
What I really wanna say is - I think it's silly to believe that keeping a man is about "making him earn sex." As if he's a factory slave. I'd do this to guys I despise enough to seriously torture him. What a waste of my time.
Oh, I thought this was going to be about actual booty shape.
@mycontinuity@xanga - I did, too. haha! But then again, if they talk about a woman's actual booty, LOovelyish would hold down that fort.
very true! 100% agreed
I agree.
I do not believe that there is a set time frame or date number that makes it not too soon, or too soon to have sex with someone. I think that it is totally dependent on the person and how much you trust them. For the last two people that I slept with, one was after 3 or 4 months of dating while the other was just after a week. Looking back on the situations I feel like I needed to be assured that the guys were worth their salt.
The first of the two I mentioned I knew nothing about before we started dating. I did not know his friends, I met him at a party, and just was not sure of his intentions since you usually don't meet quality guys in that setting. That relationship lasted almost 2 years.
The second of the two I knew beforehand and had become friends with him prior to dating. He seemed alright and I just knew he wasn't going to run off afterwards. I have been with him for almost a year.
Just don't jump in without being 100 percent certain that a person is in it for the long haul...unless you don't want them around for that long and in that case disregard my comment.
I'd say before you love the person is too soon. But that's just my opinion.
@mycontinuity@xanga - So did I.. not going to lie, kind of disappointed.
Anywho... my fiance and I have been together for over two years, and we're holding off until June, when we get married. Beliefs about faith and sex aside, sex is both physical and spiritual. It's the most physically intimate you can be with another person, and if you're not sure you're going to stay with them, I don't know if it would be worth it to give that much up. Spiritually, psychologically.. the people you have sex with stay with you forever. Even physical relationships that don't include intercourse specifically have a permanent effect on you. Who doesn't remember his or her first kiss, or the first person that held their hand? Sex can also complicate otherwise clear relationships. That's why you don't do it with just anybody, and why there are boundaries as to who it's socially acceptable to sleep with, and when. Obviously it's a personal preference.
it was a one night stand, what did she expect, for him to care
I won't have sex unless I'm in an actual serious committed relationship.
why do you say guys have to "earn sex" as if you don't want it yourself? have it if you want it, don't if you don't. geez.
Well it took me three months to have sex with my boyfriend. I don't want to share that part of me with someone I barely know. If you want something serious, you usually should wait. If you want it to be an act of love eventually, just wait until you love the person.
Don't give it up so fast, and you won't get hurt.
Some guys will flatter until they get sex, it's just how they are. If the girl doesn't want to have sex on the first date, and she wants him to remain interested, well then good luck. Go out with a guy who isn't just interested in sex. I haven't heard of girls going out there just looking for sex, but I'm sure it's happened.
People need to grow some brains, and then this wouldn't be a problem.
wtf that was clearly a one night stand. did she not realize that?
ummm...
the guy probably found out something he doesn't like...
When ever you think the right time is. It happens when YOU are ready. I mean actually knowing the person through everything, not on the third night or something like that..
Waiting til you love them can still lead to hurt. Either way, the possibility exists. Do it when it feels right-- just be smart about it and don't get knocked up. But if you do give it up easily, don't expect to earn respect as easily. Goes for girls and guys.