Tuesday, 29 December 2009
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The Stereotypical Breakup
John breaks up with Karoline, but Karoline is having trouble moving on. Karoline tries to contact John but he is being an asshole and ignoring Karoline’s phone calls, txt messages, emails, etc - wow, what a dick move on John’s part. Eventually Karoline moves on and falls in love with someone else, and they live happily ever after.
The real question is, is John a jerk for not responding to Karoline’s phone calls, txts, emails etc? John broke up with Karoline because he didn’t want to be with her anymore - it just wasn’t working out.
Who’s the real jerk of this hypothetical situation?
On one hand, it’s rude to not answer someone’s calls or messages, but on the other hand, obsessively calling someone who doesn’t to talk to you is stressful and rude to the other person as well. At first it seems like a dick move to never talk to her again, but if she’s in love with him but the feelings are un-requited, then talking to her is only going to prolong the process of her getting over him.
If you break up with someone because you decide you don’t want to be with them any longer, and you’ve already had “the talk” with them tied up all the other loose ends, are you obligated to talk to them?
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- From: thebeautyofwinter@xanga
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- About Me: I do not have an eating disorder, and I do not hate myself - I just want to lose weight. "I am strong and I am beautiful. Today I will accomplish great things."
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Comments (53)
Absolutely not, in fact keeping in contact is sometimes really bad if you want to move on because it's really easy to want to fall back into what you once had.
My ex and I have honestly broke up countless times because we just aren't right for each other, but we usually keep in contact because one of us doesn't want to move on and drags the other person back; it's silly really and would be hilarious if the break ups didn't hurt so bad for both of us.
The guy in the picture looks familiar :\
@imperfect_still@xanga - just curious, do you think it hurts the new person your ex is with and vice versa if you keep in contact while dating other ppl?
John did the right thing. Things would only get worse if he talks to her. It would make it harder for her to move on and give her false hopes. Trust me. I know. My friend was naive enough to think she was just being nice by not only talking but hanging out with her psycho ex even after he stalked her and showed up in random places she was at. It gave him false hopes so now he's not moving on any time soon.
I had the same exact experience. Except my calling and texting was wondering why he broke it off (I didn't get an explanation until later). Little did I know he was just being a coward, and that he himself would never admit that he was using me.
It was one of those things I thought I could fix but, looking back, I should've broken it off myself. He treated me like shit anyway.
I hope she never talks to him again! :)
John is right here. Having been on both sides of a break up, I know that it's for the best. Staying in contact right after a break up makes it harder to move on which is ultimately what you should be aiming for... NOT GETTING HIM/HER BACK. It should be a general rule that you shouldn't even talk to the other person for at least two-three months after a break up, depending on how long the relationship was and how psycho-clingy the person who was broken up with is.
John is doing the right thing. He could have picked up once and tell Karoline that she should stop since it wouldn't be helping either one of them out.
There is one stereotype in breaking up that I do hate: that they always assume it's the guys fault. A few months ago when I broke up with my recent ex, I was having a catch up conversation with a friend I met through her. When I finally broke the news to her that we broke up, the first words out of her mouth were, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"
you are not obligated to talk to them if all the loose ends are already tied. so it's fine.
I have definitely comforted friends who are offended that they are being ignored and while I say things that make it seem like I agree with them, in the back of my head I am praying that the guy won't call or text back. Because it is exactly what the girl needs.
And I have also been the friend that guides my girl's through break ups with the advice-- "Cut him out like a tumor!" Because if they don't, they will get back together and they know it! And something in them wants to a little bit, but they broke up for a reason and that reason will resurface and you will have a drama-filled 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, or 5th) relationship with that person, but it all comes down to the truth--YOU AREN'T GONNA STAY TOGETHER! So stifle those sub conscious desires for reconciliation and ignore their existence.
It may seem rude and offensive, but I have had to block a guy's number from my phone and facebook account from my friend's list and literally looked straight ahead when he was staring at me from two feet away, and that is the only way he got the hint. And trust me, while I was rude, he definitely brought it on himself. It became my only recourse.
You're not obligated, but if it was really a relationship and it wasn't a horrid end (cheating, something mean said...) then I don't see why, after giving each of you space, you can't be friends. Or on the other hand, why not fucking answer the damn phone and TELL her you need space. And that she needs space to get over it.
I think John should has made it clear that he wont reply anything ---b4 the gal learns that herself
First thing I have to say, is the guy in the picture is damn handsome o_O
Second off, I have to go with @XxcUTie_AzN_GuRlxX@xanga 's comment, and from personal experience I can say that not giving your ex time to move on after it's over, complicates things.
i never understand why girls even put themselves through that torture. you gotta know he's not gonna respond, he said he was through, so why make yourself miserable by tearing yourself apart at the seams?
i did try to stay friends with an ex, who had wanted to stay friends with me, but it was many months after our breakup before i felt ok texting him casually. and i still messed myself up eventually...
the whole no contact, not picking up texts, not responding to calls is exactly what the best course is in a typical breakup. As has already been stated, you split up for a reason, so there is no real chance that things are going to change so dramatically that you will ever really be able to work past that, and hence why bother?
But then again I am more than a tad bitter about those kind of things right now
im sure she just needed some closure to move on.. so YES John is an ass!
No, John is making the right decision. The best way to get over someone and get them out of your life is to cut them off. John doesn't want to be with her anymore, but Karoline still has feelings for John which is why she continues to try to contact him. He's doing what's best for the both of them. Let's just hope Karoline isn't too bitter that she constantly crank calls John.
My first boyfriend back in high school broke up with me because he realized he was gay. I had to continue spending time with him since our families are close...I spent the entire rest of that day with him and we were together all day a few days later too. It's possible to move on while remaining in contact with the other person. I think I got over it in about a month. But if the person who initiated the break up does not want to remain in contact with the other person, they don't have to.
My answer is: NOPE! I think that if he had continued to talk to her, it would have given her hope. FALSE hope.
It depends heavily on the situation, but I think John was doing the right thing here. If it's a long term relationship you owe your ex an honest explanation, and you should be clear about whether or not you want any contact with them. If you don't, their calling or texting is rude and offensive.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - You got that right, boy's a hotty!
John was not in the wrong. How else do you force both parties to move on? If he had entertained her hopes of rekindling whatever they had, it would have been horrible on his part, but he knew to stay back.
@wyrdkismet@xanga - Mmm it's highly dependent on the situation, but I would say in most cases yes, especially if there's still some feelings between the original couple. But it doesn't have to be, and a person shouldn't be forced to lose contact with their ex because their current doesn't like it.
John wasn't wrong.
Karoline got her happily ever after in the end.
@imperfect_still@xanga - good answer. i felt relieved after reading it.