Monday, 28 December 2009
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Why I Want a Ring. Materialistic, or Realistic?
I've never wanted a ring because everyone is doing it, or because I was jealous at my friend's rings. I've read blogs about girls discussing why it's important for them to receive a "Promise Ring" from their significant other, and whether or not the monetary value of the Engagement ring is important, or if it's a big deal if it's been worn before. Sometimes I believe all of these girls want a ring for the WRONG reasons. That also leads to the bigger mistake, getting MARRIED for the WRONG reasons. I want a ring because I do believe financial stability is an extremely important factor in a relationship.
I've been in love and I was willing to overlook so many defects in my partners, for example: not being divorced, being unemployed, not having any assets, sometimes not even having a car, and forgiving at the fact that they didn't take me out for dinner anywhere fancy, ever.
I forgave and gave, and gave again, and all I received were empty promises. Those empty promises of "I'll get a job soon, honey", "When I have enough money I'll file my divorce", lead me to settle to almost getting married by getting a ride to City Hall and paying our borrowed $50 for our marriage license. The wedding...that's another story of course...
After those relationships I realized that I don't need a man to depend my happiness on, and I know what I want and where I want to be in life. I am a person that will be there for my partner and share with them everything I am. I do not want to have a guy depend on me financially, and I don't want to depend on my husband financially either. I want to be met halfway. I know I will be able to tell early in the relationship, because love doesn't feed mouths, and it gets harder to love the more unpaid bills accumulate.
Now here comes my rational decision on why I want a guy will gift me a ring of my choosing:
My tuition is about $2,500 a semester, and I thought it was realistic to choose a $2,500 ring. Yes, I have a picture of the ring that I want. My rational thought process is that people make investments of over $2,500. At least they should, because even having kids costs more than that. Couples invest in minivans that are more expensive than that. Weddings are more than $2,000, sometimes. The wedding itself is another topic, but please let me explain why I no longer believe I am being materialistic by expressing my desire for an engagement ring.
If a guy thinks that it's too much money to invest in an article like that, what kind of person am I going to be with if they are not willing to sacrifice to show me that they truly want me.
If my partner truly believes that the ring is a waste of money, and they have nothing over that amount in assets then I don't want them.
If my partner thinks that it's too expensive, and that's the final word, well I want a man that will find the resources to find a way to make it happen.
If the guy wants to get it but doesn't have the cash, or the credit to qualify for financing options, then what kind of credit am I marrying?!
Of course, I wouldn't marry a jerk just because he bought me my ring. There are more dimensions in a relationship that I look into that are important, but that's another blog that I'd like to write...
Thoughts?
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About the Author
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- From: xica_iris@xanga
- Name: Rockologa
- About Me: I love music....Music is my life, my passion. I play guitar, I sing, I am a DJ in my school's radio station. I love to go to concerts and interview the bands. I love art, like theater and photography...But music is a big chunk out of me. I enjoy soccer and science (biology was the only class I got an A in besides music) Oh yeah....VIVA MEXICO!!!! :D
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Comments (105)
lol chill
I mean, at one point, you'll get married and there'll be a ring. That's not unrealistic nor materialistic.
ahh... i dont think your reasons sound any different then any of the other posts...
lol...i think you are over thinking the situation and in fact, contradicting yourself in doing so.
girls who want ring that has never been worn or discuss if it should be expensive or cheap are just being honest about the social norm of an engagement ring. Most girls I know expect this because it is just expected by our culture, not for any materialisitc reasons. You however, eager to sound practical and not materialistic, are turning a relationship that is about many things, support, love, trust, compatability, etc. and making it sound as if for you a good relationship all comes down to money--2,500 is all you need to prove that the money is there. And that my dear, in a word, is materialistc.
I have mixed feelings on wedding rings. Part of me thinks they are just a symbol of ownership but they other part of me thinks they're a cute way to signify that you are taken and someone else has your heart. I think it just matters most how YOU yourself view it. I don't want an expensive ring. I want a ring... but nothing that would break the bank. In all reality I'd be fine with an engagement ring and would really want a tattoo'd wedding band.
What about the guy who is willing to pay that much, but is with a girl who would rather have a cheaper ring and use the rest of the money to go do something fun, like a vacation together?
Because obviously, not many young people in this world can have both any time they want.
it's more of a symbol of love and commitment. i don't think it's materialistic. i want a nice size ring though...no more than 1.5 carat though.
i'm all for materialism, but do it with your own money.
if a guy wonders about your financial stability, are you going to buy him a $2500 ring or something of equivalent value? i sure hope so if you're expecting some poor fellow to drop that much on you. this whole notion that a guy needs to buy a ring to show "that they truly want [you]" is disgusting.
rings are cool... but PLEASE, not diamonds. the idea that "rings + diamonds = love" is MANUFACTURED by De Beers.
read this:
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/198202/diamond
True love cannot be expressed by materialistic goods like this. True love is shown through action. Rings won't bring you stability or lifelong companionship. If anything, have him save up for a house.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - @LupusInvictus@xanga - winners.
your tuition is (hopefully) a lifelong investment. buying a ring that will be worthless with 50% probability (or whatever the divorce rate is) is probably not.
Money isn't everything. My fiance and I have been through financial ups and downs, but I would never leave him because of lack of money. And I'd hate to think anyone else would miss a chance to be with someone special just because of what is [or isn't] in their wallet.
wanting an engagement ring isn't selfish. I just got engaged [planning a long engagement of 4 years] and the ring was only 1000. Why? I dont need anything extravagant. I dont think you should stick with someone or leave someone because of money. Money is just paper and cotton. It's what we trade for things we want. I understand it's important to feel financially secure, but imo it's more important to feel loved. My boyfriend isn't mr. moneybags, and he wants to be a teacher, definitely a low paying job. but I support him all the way. I dont care how much money we make, as long as we love eachother everything will work out.
Diamonds are gross. Fuck De Beers. I would cringe if I bought a ring over $500. Why spend $500 on a ring when I could invest it. Traditions can suck it.
And btw I cold easily afford a $10,000 ring but I would rather spend it on a down payment on a house than a ring.
Wow. You sound beyond ridiculously materialistic. And self-centered. So it sounds to me that how much money a guy has is wayyyy more important to you than what kind of person that guy is. Sad, really.... very sad.
And I agree with @LupusInvictus@xanga and @MissPixieGlitter@xanga . Totally agree - awesome comments!
You know what? No.
That money could go into something more worth it.
A ring doesn't mean squat, he can still leave you.
I rather have him spend that money on dinners
or save it up or something worth it.
A dinky little ring with a rock on top is not
something worth 2-100k.
It seems like if you need a ring to serve as an "investment" towards your relationship then you're screwed. And if this guy has to spend $2500 on a polished rock, what are you doing to reciprocate that token to him aside from the arduous task of accepting that ring? You want something nice, understandable, I imagine almost everyone does. But making it the deal breaker for your relationships? That's unrealistic AND materialistic.
I've known a few couples who got married and didn't have expensive rings for a long while. Their marriage didn't break apart and fall to flames over not having some clunky diamond ring.
Rings are a weird subject. I tend to lean towards "They're a symbol and nothing more". Here's why; people in lots of different financial situations get married and some couples have nicer rings than others. Obviously, it's personal preference and you work with what you have, but the fact is, no marriage is more or less likely to succeed based on the karats in a ring... or if there is a ring at all. You say if a man really loves you than he'll buy you a ring. He'll say, why is your love based on a piece of metal?
I get what you're saying about wanting to be with someone financially stable, but what if you knew he had that? Would getting a ring still be that important?
i dont mind a lolipop ring! :D
its yummy!I think what you're describing is materialism. Just because you use the willingness to purchase a ring as an indicator of romantic eligibility doesn't mean it's also automatically an indicator of financial stability.
i was proposed to sans a ring. and i still said yes. and the wedding? i'd like to know what kind of wedding you are expecting. the boy who proposed to me without a ring, we'll be having a wedding of about 50 guest and its going to cost about as much.
BECAUSE a car, a house, a family are much better "inverstments" than a ring and a giant wedding. finacial security is important...sometimes. this whole matter is simply based on what kind of people you are, what kind of jobs you have and what you want to do for the rest of your lives.
i'm going to be a missonary... no money...ever. but i will be married to the person i love an di will be doing something that is fulfilling and makes a difference to someone else's life.
thats happiness. not a 2,500 rock
Instead of a wedding ring, I want a tattoo on my ring finger when I get married.
Maybe of his name, maybe of something that is special to us.
I don't believe in divorce.
It's not likely I'll ever get married, but it's what I've always wanted.
I don't think it's incredibly materialistic. I do think maybe you place a bit too much importance on money. Financial stability is a completely understandable desire, but financial stability doesn't necessarily mean well off, which is somewhat what your post implies your looking for.
But hey, who am I to tell you what qualities should be attractive to you?
I just want a man that makes me smile and shows that he appreciates me every single day. I don't want to make him obligated to buy an expensive or inexpensive ring or anything else. if he wants to buy me an expensive ring or car or house or whatever, it'll be his own decision, if he thinks I'm worth it. I'm not materialistic but if he willingly showers me with gifts, I'll accept them
he doesn't have to be rich but I'd like financial stability and most importantly emotional stability.
@s_h_a_sha@xanga - "i dont mind a lolipop ring! :D its yummy!" too funny, but it will be gone after oh so many licks.
i didn't know engagements can last four years?
yes this is very much something worth thinking about.