I live here. My boyfriend lives across the country. Usually we're together while we're at school. Now, I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world, but when I heard that we'd be spending the 9 weeks from before thanksgiving until mid january apart, I began to think - I had never tried a long distance relationship before. I had no idea how a long distance relationship was even supposed to work. Sure, I'd heard everyone else say things like
a long distance relationship can NEVER work!
Now, nearing the end of our long distance stretch, we've made it through by calling, texting and doing what it took to feel like we were closer - we've done it, but it wasn't pleasant.
My question to you is simple - have
you ever been in a long distance relationship? & if so, how do you get by when you couldn't be together?
True
Comments (34)
I'm in one. And the interwebs is our friend, essentially. And a lot of texting.
im in LDR during holidays, aka winter break, and 4 months of summer. its brutal, but we make it work. i get really agitated when i miss calls from my SO - that's what long distance does to you LOL.
well i was in one once - just for the summer. we messaged back and forth every day, and i thought we did great! BUT after the summer break I could just tell everything was going to be different the first time I saw him. We just both changed so much in those short three months. We dated two more months afterwards, really really tried, but we were completely different and it didnt work.
good luck to you hun! Im sure youll find a way to make it work
I'm in one. In fact, it started long distance. I won't be able to see him until March. We talk on the phone, Skype and Xanga. We try as hard as we can to talk to each other everyday, even if it is just for ten minutes.
I think that the most important thing in LDRs is trust. You have to completely trust your partner- that they won't cheat, and that they aren't leading you on.
I dated a guy who lives in America. I live in Europe. We did a lot of skype video calls! This went on for a year. Then he wrote me on my facebook wall that he is currently in another relationship. Yeah. So, long distance dating CAN work, if both are willing to work for the one they love.
I dated a guy all through college and during breaks from school we were technically "long distance," though it was only about a 90 minute drive. This guy was exceedingly lazy and cheap though, so we never got together during Christmas and saw each other once during the summer. Then our last semester at school he went to Washington D.C. for an internship...we survived with phone calls, but that was the beginning of the end. Though I refused to see it, he was a jerk to begin with, and nothing will bring that out in a person more than a stint working in politics in D.C. :P After graduation, I went on a month long trip to China. We made it through with IMs and Ventrilo online chat client...3 months after I returned, it was over, me having fallen for one of my fellow American travelers in China. The whole relationship lasted 3 1/2 years.
I started dating the guy I had fallen for quickly after that...he lived 4 hours away from me, but visited each other twice a month, called and IMed, and got through the whole first year like that until I went back to school up in his area. LDRs are doable but BOTH parties have to care about the relationship and make an effort!
I've been in LDRs before. Really not my thing.
I was in one once. He moved a couple states away after 11 months of us dating. It worked out for awhile after that. We would talk via phone and internet, but after awhile it just fell apart.
I wish now I would have tried harder to make it work, but the past is the past.
Good luck to you though!
We IMed each other (sometimes w the webcam) and talked on the phone a lot. You can always leave little messages back and forth.
Long distance relationships can work as long as both parties make it work. I was in one with someone who was stationed in Virigina, and I lived in our hometown, in Illinois. We made it to almost a year before he broke it off. Some people can do the long distance, some people can't. Just make sure you think about it before you make a final decision. I thought about and it was probably one of the best decisions I made, even though we're not together anymore. I learned a lot about myself because of it.
I'm in one as well. It started off very hard, but if you're willing to make it work it gets easier with time. It also helps if you look at it as an opportunity to try out new hobbies and learn how to be more independent. Of course, it doesn't hurt that we're financially able to visit each other once a month.Â
i went a whole yr doing long distance w/ my bf while he was in iraq...
i couldnt call or text him whenever i wanted.. it was really tough.
but if you both love and trust each other.. it will always work out in the end..
and i agree w/ others. it teaches you how to be more independent.
I'm in one right now. Not just long distance, but internationally long distance (cross country Canada). =P But, we get by with what you've already been doing: texting, calling, IMs, Facebook. Texts added up for me since it's international, but luckily, I have Facebook Mobile so we exchanged wall comments.
LDRs are hard, but as long as you are determined to make it work, the maturity level is there and you trust each other, it will work. Never let the naysayers bring you down.
I was in one while my boyfriend was in India... that was about 5 months and he's home again... it was hard at first because we could only talk once a week, then 3 months in we got skype and talked about two times a week... but we got sooo bored with each other that way because he did the same exact thing in India every single day and I was in the senior slump school rut. Ergo, we really didn't have much to talk about during our long skype sessions and got really fed up with each other. Hopefully you'll both be busy and are naturally good communicators. But after this you can go a couple days/weeks and it won't be as heartrending not to be near him XP
no. i don't like doing long distance. i just dont think it'll work out for me personally. unless we were together first before the long distance
I live in Michigan. My first love was from Ecuador, and I had a sort-of boyfriend from Mexico. Long distance is really hard and even though it was an online relationship I felt as much love and hurt as much as if they'd been right next to me. I was willing to do it and if I had to I could do it again, even though it hurts so bad because you want them next to you. But the key to long-distance relationships is communication, otherwise things can tend to fall apart.
I'm in one. And we make it work because we love each other. Yeah, it's hard. We won't really be able to see each other until next November. But we have friends who pass on messages, letters, late nite phone calls, and a lot of patience and love to hold it all together. Do I think this is for everybody? No. And if I had a choice, I wouldn't want to be in a long-distance relationship. But it works for me.
you have to decide whether you're both ready to jump in. I wouldn't say this is normal but I only dated my boyfriend like 4 months at the end of my senior year of college.
Then I moved 1000+ miles away when my graduate school plans fell through. We did fine... you need to download Skype immediately!! fights suck... because you have all this planning before your next phonecall or whatever so then its less spontaneous and stuff, which makes it more stressful because everything is premeditated.
you have to be mature and you have to have a good group of friends so that not everyone is going to try to hook up with you, or hook you up with someone. I have had girlfriends try to hook me up with someone while I was distance. you have to be ready to say no if you hit it off with someone.
but my boyfriend and i talked a lot and made a committment that has really paid off... we moved in together right after a year of distance and it felt right.
Long post! sorries
does a 9 week separation qualify as a ldr?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - temporarily. does being a smartass qualify as necessary? exactly. :)
I dont think Id be able to cope in an LDR,
The longest distance between me and someone was only about 37-40 miles.. Or for people from the tri-state area.. 35-45 minutes on the Garden State Parkway.
So I really can't say much on long distance relationships...
@LunchBox90@xanga - Love the Earthbound picture.
I think long distance only has a chance when you have a short enough time. 9 weeks vs. 3 years is a big difference. My ex and I were in one for a year, trying for 3 total. Needless to say, we changed and experienced a lot during that year and it just didn't work out.
Well, I know what you went through. I think they can work. Of course, I might just be talking like that because I want to enstill hope in myself. My boyfriend is across the ocean. We IM all the time (MSN video, and calling each other's computers). The time difference is hard to deal with. I'm about seven hours behind him. But the only thing we have trouble with right now is that we can only say that we want to hug and kiss each other.
But...Good news! He's coming down one summer! XD But yeah. I totally think they can work as long as you're patient and you're willing to sacrifice.
Yep, I am. Well, I will be in about a week or so. My husband is being deployed soon for about 4-5 months (less than 6, I know that much!). We've been through this before - first with boot camp, and then there was a good period of time when the Navy was slow on putting paperwork through for us to qualify to live on base, so we essentially spent 6 months of last year/the beginning of this year apart. So I'm used to it, and I'm just grateful that I got this much time with him. We keep in contact basically through writing to each other. It's not going to work that much this time around, because he's going to be on a submarine, and mail is very slow. He may not be gone long enough for all my letters to catch up with him. However, I do know that they do have email, so I will be emailing him as much as possible. And he will be able to call when he ports, so that's how we'll keep in contact.
I read something one time that said that military wives have many, many honeymoons, and that's true. Homecoming is one of the best things ever, so I'm told. I have only had a "homecoming" where I got to see my husband again after being apart for his schooling (still for the Navy), but nothing like this yet.
I think it's worth it - but we were already married when he joined the Navy, so I think it was more of a joint decision than if we just happened to live states apart. Before we got married, we spent 6 months in different cities, but we were still on the same coast, even in the same state - just 3 1/2 hours away. But again, email, text, phone - all good things!