Q.I went on a date last night. I had been talking to this guy for a few months over the phone and internet and felt that he seemed normal enough to give it a chance. We had a GREAT time. Only problem is that he doesn't like to hold hands. He will wrap his arm around my lower back but when I tried to hold his hand, he put no effort into it whatsoever. I really love holding hands with the guy I am with and I mentioned this to him. He said he hates holding hands. He said it feels too possessive. But, I love to hold hands so I am a little sad. Should this be a deal breaker? I really like this guy and we have a lot in common. But, I don't want to walk next to the guy I am digging like he is a total stranger.
what a weird excuse. i think arm-around-torso is more "possessive" than hand-holding.
let him know it's something you'd like, but do it in a fun way. take him to a karaoke bar and dedicate that beatles song to him. sing your heart out, and if he still won't give it a chance, he's just not appreciating your effort - and thus not worth it.
i wanna hold you haaand...
That's strange. But then again, everyone has their own set of experiences that affects their preferences and judgment. Try giving it a little bit of time. Explain to him that you like holding hands and if you're unable to reach a compromise, then he probably isn't worth your time anyway.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I agree. Arm around the waist is a much greater sign of possession than hand holding. He probably has some other reason behind his reluctance to hold hands.
Definitely not a deal breaker. Don't be crazy and break up with him over something ridiculous like that.
I don't like to hold hands for a long time because it cuts the circulation to the lower parts of my fingers off.
Not a deal breaker, but some serious BS. I'd ream him a new one. His sign of affection is more posessive than holding hands. Tell him to suck it up and hold your hand. That is not possessive at all-if he's scared of other people seeing him showing affection, then he's seriously insecure.
I wouldn't say a deal breaker at all. Perhaps you could do the arm-in-arm move, which seems more intimate and "grown-up" than holding hands. This reminds me of lyrics by The Maine...
"She's not big on holding hands But that's alright cause I've still got her" Anywho, if this is a big deal to you I like the karaoke Beatles thing, but if he's not into it don't push him. Would you want him to guilt you into doing something you're not a big fan of? Good luck! :D
Hand holding implies a form of commitment wrapping your arms around someone does not. It's really not surprising if he thinks holding hands is more possessive than wrapping your arms around somebody, and it's not surprising that he hasn't reached the level of comfort with you that would be required for such a gesture.
It's hardly a deal breaker. There's no reason he should automatically have to conform to what you want since it's really not that big of a deal. If you're really so sad by the lack of hand holding that you don't feel you can continue seeing him, you probably don't need to be in a relationship anyways, and you'd probably just be wasting both his time and yours.
Of course, on the flip side, there's always the sexual implications of wrapping your arms around someone. You might want to keep that in mind.
lol how weird. no, it's not a deal breaker, but maybe you two can come to an agreement about it. relationships are all about compromise. if he refuses to compromise, then i'd call THAT the deal breaker, instead of the fact that he doesn't like hand holding.
you shouldn't resent him for not liking holding hands (i mean it's not really something he's doing just to spite you, so there's no need to get mad), but it's still frustrating. however, it's perfectly normal to resent him if he's not willing to find a common solution to this.
good luck! this is a strange case, so i hope you find a simple solution. :)
@becomingcate@xanga - My boyfriend feels like a little kid with the arm in arm thing. he gets so mad when I do it.
@xjadersx@xanga - Bahaha, completely the opposite of one of my exes. It really doesn't bother me. Hold my arm. Arm-in-arm. It seems like the boys are the ones with the silly problems.
Surprising, isn't it? XD
And for any of the guys reading this, I'm kidding. I know girls have their quirks too.
maybe he has sweaty palms. hold his wrist. :]
Maybe he likes to keep his hands free. Maybe he feels like if you hold his hand you'll tug him around, which seems possessive. However, definitely not a deal-breaker dear! Compromise!
@becomingcate@xanga - Ahah it's pretty bad that we have to tell people we're joking now. People [at least on here] are too dang sensitive, and freak out so easily. Jeez.
It's not a deal breaker. Some people just don't like to do certain things. If not holding his hands, why not put your arm around his? Mm.
This would be a pretty pathetic excuse to break up with him in my opinion...what's so bad about not being crazy about holding hands? It always reminded me of the couples in high school who were in an obviously superficial relationship who needed that hand holding to make it seem like they were holding it together, so I was never a fan of holding hands because I felt like it was superficial and affected. Putting my arm around my boyfriend's arm makes me feel a lot more mature, and it feels more intimate than some cheesy hand holding. I'm his first girlfriend, though, and he'd pout a little when I said I didn't like holding hands, but I'll do it sometimes since it makes him happy.
that's weird. i would be concerned about his commitment skills
that's weird. the only explanation I can think of is if maybe he was nervous and his palms were sweaty? i hate the hand on the small of the back for someone I haven't been with for a while, I agree with others that it's pretty possessive; I feel like it's trying to steer me or something.
maybe see what he does next time?
@xenchanTme@xanga - That's usually the reason why I don't like holding hands with guys, lol. :) They get so clammy.
Are you sure he doesn't have sweaty hands? I've (awkwardly) turned down a few high-fives because my hands tend to get sweaty sometimes. Or take Smith Jerrod's advice from Sex and the City: "Just hold my fucking hand."
when he knows hes found the right girl, he'll do anything [out of his comfort zone] for her out of love
I suppose i'm the only one that doesn't find it weird that he doesn't like holding hands. Its not a deal breaker. Something that small should never be.
maybe just link arms, wrapping his arm around you is even more possesive
locking arms is more fun than hand holding to me.. lol, my boyfriend's hands are freaking huge so they like crush mine when we hold hands.. i don't think he realizes how tight he's holding my hand sometimes and it hurts
It's not strange at all. He said it is possessive to hold hands (Locking arms is basically the same thing as holding hands.), but he will wrap is arm around you. How is that not possessive? My impression is that he doesn't want to be possessed by you. When he wraps his arm around you, he is trying to be affectionate, but at the same time he is asserting that he is a free man. If that's the only problem you're having and you're not feeling hurt or demeaned by it, I would recommend giving it some time, and he'll come around once he's gotten to know you better.
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what a weird excuse. i think arm-around-torso is more "possessive" than hand-holding.
let him know it's something you'd like, but do it in a fun way. take him to a karaoke bar and dedicate that beatles song to him. sing your heart out, and if he still won't give it a chance, he's just not appreciating your effort - and thus not worth it.
i wanna hold you haaand...
That's strange. But then again, everyone has their own set of experiences that affects their preferences and judgment. Try giving it a little bit of time. Explain to him that you like holding hands and if you're unable to reach a compromise, then he probably isn't worth your time anyway.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I agree. Arm around the waist is a much greater sign of possession than hand holding. He probably has some other reason behind his reluctance to hold hands.
Definitely not a deal breaker. Don't be crazy and break up with him over something ridiculous like that.
I don't like to hold hands for a long time because it cuts the circulation to the lower parts of my fingers off.
Not a deal breaker, but some serious BS. I'd ream him a new one. His sign of affection is more posessive than holding hands. Tell him to suck it up and hold your hand. That is not possessive at all-if he's scared of other people seeing him showing affection, then he's seriously insecure.
I wouldn't say a deal breaker at all. Perhaps you could do the arm-in-arm move, which seems more intimate and "grown-up" than holding hands. This reminds me of lyrics by The Maine...
"She's not big on holding hands
But that's alright cause I've still got her"
Anywho, if this is a big deal to you I like the karaoke Beatles thing, but if he's not into it don't push him. Would you want him to guilt you into doing something you're not a big fan of?
Good luck! :D
Hand holding implies a form of commitment wrapping your arms around someone does not. It's really not surprising if he thinks holding hands is more possessive than wrapping your arms around somebody, and it's not surprising that he hasn't reached the level of comfort with you that would be required for such a gesture.
It's hardly a deal breaker. There's no reason he should automatically have to conform to what you want since it's really not that big of a deal. If you're really so sad by the lack of hand holding that you don't feel you can continue seeing him, you probably don't need to be in a relationship anyways, and you'd probably just be wasting both his time and yours.
Of course, on the flip side, there's always the sexual implications of wrapping your arms around someone. You might want to keep that in mind.
lol how weird. no, it's not a deal breaker, but maybe you two can come to an agreement about it. relationships are all about compromise. if he refuses to compromise, then i'd call THAT the deal breaker, instead of the fact that he doesn't like hand holding.
you shouldn't resent him for not liking holding hands (i mean it's not really something he's doing just to spite you, so there's no need to get mad), but it's still frustrating. however, it's perfectly normal to resent him if he's not willing to find a common solution to this.
good luck! this is a strange case, so i hope you find a simple solution. :)
@becomingcate@xanga - My boyfriend feels like a little kid with the arm in arm thing. he gets so mad when I do it.
@xjadersx@xanga - Bahaha, completely the opposite of one of my exes. It really doesn't bother me. Hold my arm. Arm-in-arm. It seems like the boys are the ones with the silly problems.
Surprising, isn't it? XD
And for any of the guys reading this, I'm kidding. I know girls have their quirks too.
maybe he has sweaty palms.
hold his wrist. :]
Maybe he likes to keep his hands free. Maybe he feels like if you hold his hand you'll tug him around, which seems possessive. However, definitely not a deal-breaker dear! Compromise!
@becomingcate@xanga - Ahah it's pretty bad that we have to tell people we're joking now. People [at least on here] are too dang sensitive, and freak out so easily. Jeez.
It's not a deal breaker. Some people just don't like to do certain things. If not holding his hands, why not put your arm around his? Mm.
This would be a pretty pathetic excuse to break up with him in my opinion...what's so bad about not being crazy about holding hands? It always reminded me of the couples in high school who were in an obviously superficial relationship who needed that hand holding to make it seem like they were holding it together, so I was never a fan of holding hands because I felt like it was superficial and affected. Putting my arm around my boyfriend's arm makes me feel a lot more mature, and it feels more intimate than some cheesy hand holding. I'm his first girlfriend, though, and he'd pout a little when I said I didn't like holding hands, but I'll do it sometimes since it makes him happy.
that's weird. i would be concerned about his commitment skills
that's weird. the only explanation I can think of is if maybe he was nervous and his palms were sweaty? i hate the hand on the small of the back for someone I haven't been with for a while, I agree with others that it's pretty possessive; I feel like it's trying to steer me or something.
maybe see what he does next time?
@xenchanTme@xanga - That's usually the reason why I don't like holding hands with guys, lol. :) They get so clammy.
@xenchanTme@xanga - I was going to say that
Are you sure he doesn't have sweaty hands? I've (awkwardly) turned down a few high-fives because my hands tend to get sweaty sometimes. Or take Smith Jerrod's advice from Sex and the City: "Just hold my fucking hand."
when he knows hes found the right girl, he'll do anything [out of his comfort zone] for her out of love
I suppose i'm the only one that doesn't find it weird that he doesn't like holding hands. Its not a deal breaker. Something that small should never be.
maybe just link arms, wrapping his arm around you is even more possesive
locking arms is more fun than hand holding to me.. lol, my boyfriend's hands are freaking huge so they like crush mine when we hold hands.. i don't think he realizes how tight he's holding my hand sometimes and it hurts
It's not strange at all. He said it is possessive to hold hands (Locking arms is basically the same thing as holding hands.), but he will wrap is arm around you. How is that not possessive? My impression is that he doesn't want to be possessed by you. When he wraps his arm around you, he is trying to be affectionate, but at the same time he is asserting that he is a free man. If that's the only problem you're having and you're not feeling hurt or demeaned by it, I would recommend giving it some time, and he'll come around once he's gotten to know you better.