There have been a fair share of dealbreaker posts on Datingish, and I'm throwing my own out there now. I'm really into this guy I go to school with. We have a lot of fun together, we share common interests, and we can talk for hours about music.
We're both 23, but he doesn't drink or party and kind of looks down on people who do, and that really bothers me. I'm not nearly the partier that I used to be, so it would bother me if he were to say anything about the nights I do go out.
Is this something you think I could overlook, or that maybe he'd learn to deal with? Are there any dealbreakers you thought you had that turned out to be a non-issue, or something that came up during a relationship that was the last straw?
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Comments (16)
You should talk to him about it. I think I used to be one of the people who looked down on every person who partied, but now that I've been in college longer and experienced more, I realize that not everyone parties irresponsibly. I just knew people who depended on alcohol to make them feel like they fit in, or people who drank every week.
I had no problem with my then-boyfriend drinking, except it started to become a problem. He would blurt out things that he did to me sexually, he'd drink a lot alone when he felt depressed, and when I told him I thought he should cut it down to about 2 times a month, he argued that alcohol was what allowed him to feel like he belonged in his social group and that I didn't want him to be happy.
So basically, you should try to get him to see that partying is only an issue when it negatively affects you and those around you.
if you dont talk about this it will become a huge thorn in your side. if no middle road can be obtained then it will forever be a problem and arguments will arise. if you are ok with not going drinking and to parties, then so be it. are you willing to change for him?
I think this is definitely something you should sit down with him and have a talk with about. There's no reason that you should have to worry every time you want to go out whether or not your boyfriend is going to be looking down on you, or maybe will make some kind of remark about it before you leave or next time he sees you. :/
If this is something you both are totally at opposite ends of the pole with and don't see either of you making any kind of compromise, then it might be that this relationship isn't meant to work out.
But, definitely don't decide something like that without talking to your SO about everything first. o.o;
He sounds very judgemental - imagine what he's going to be like in 20 years when he gets EVEN MORE stuck in his ways. You won't be able to do anything without his sneering looks.
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if a guy i was with looked down on me every time i partied, it'd be a deal breaker.
i don't party a lot, but every once in a while it's fun to let loose and get a little drunk and have a good time with your friends. as long as you can be responsible about it (no driving, no sexual abuse, remaining faithful to your partner if you have one, etc), then i don't think there is a problem with it, as long as partying isn't your life. if you need to be drunk to have fun, then you're one hell of a boring person.
you definitely need to talk to your boyfriend about it, because unless you do, this isn't something that's going to change on its own. you two may have to come to a compromise, which may involve you partying less than you use to, but if you have a boyfriend and you two are serious, you should respect his opinion about things too, to a certain extent.
good luck! i know it's hard. my boyfriend and i went though this same thing when we first started dating (he partied and i didn't), and we found a happy medium. he and i both party moderately haha.
I love how it's always the guy who has to comply with the female's wishes and wants and habits, but never the other way around.
Just go for someone who lives a lifestyle like you, unless you yourself are willing to compromise. Don't expect people to deal with things for you, and don't expect people to change for you. You must be the change you wish to see in other people.
Dealbreaker.
Dunno if it was me, I wouldn't be interested in you hehe. I don't drink or party much myself and I'm really not attracted to girls who drink more than maybe once or twice a year. I guess if I really really liked you I could try to put up with it. But to me girls who drink are just annoying to be in a relationship with. Friends who drink can do whatever they want though.
Sounds like a party pooper. What happens on celebratory occasions? He sneers at everyone drinking at a party?
Um, that's something you need to talk about NOW. Before he gets super judgmental toward your occasional partying. If it doesn't end on a good note, then break it off.
not a dealbreaker, but you def. need to talk, share, communicate alot in order to make it work
Does he know you like to party occasionally? It may be a deal breaker...but maybe wait and see. If you end up really liking the guy you may consider changing some of your habits or basically partying and decide he's more worth it. I've actually seen this sort of situation pan out like that. I wouldn't try to make it a deal or a deal breaker just yet. wait it out...build the friendship and see where it goes.
sounds like a dealbreaker
You should talk to him about it; if he is really as stern as you have described, it could be a dealbreaker. If you find out now you could part on good terms.
I'd be wary of anyone who looks down on people for something as common as partying while in college. Everyone deserves to let loose and have fun sometimes. My ex would probably disapprove of a majority of my current behavior...meanwhile, I've never been happier and my grades are immaculate. Dating someone with a stick up their ass really sucks.
Sounds like he might be pretty arrogant and have a bit of a superiority complex. My ex-boyfriend tended to look down on people for similar reasons, he was basically a 50 year old in a 21 year old's body and it got old. I don't know this guy personally, but based on past experiences it could be a dealbreaker.
@ashley120691@xanga -
I really agree. It depends on how long you know the guy, and how much you like him.
If you know him just recently, and you're not into him....it's a deal breaker because he's being very judgmental. What the point of college if you're not trying new stuff!
But if you do like him, and know him for a while - talk to him. Explain your side. He may be worth it.
p.s. I love you for loving 30 ROCK <3