I have a friend who was broken up with the other day because he no longer brought his girlfriend a dozen roses every Friday. No one ever
made him bring her roses or gifts, he did it because he loved her. Why did he quit doing it? He claims that he quit bringing her "no reason gifts" when he knew that she no longer appreciated it.
Many of you know how much I absolutely adore my boyfriend. He never
has to do things for me, but he does them because he truly loves me too. For example, he knows I love cupcakes and can make my day with them, so he's gotten them from the store before just because he knows it'll make me happy - not because it's any special occasion. It makes me love him all the more for his thoughtfulness.
With Christmas coming up, we feel obligated to buy gifts for our significant others, but what about those times when we're given gifts for no reason other than out of love?
Do you think these gifts are good for a relationship or ultimately harmful? What's the best gift you've ever received from your significant other? ("no reason gifts" or not)
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Comments (33)
Wow, that's really stupid to break up just because of that. I mean, you eventually grow out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship and the boy is probably right. If you get roses every week, it just becomes routine and not appreciated.
wow that's pretty ridiculous. -__-
but then again, you shouldn't buy "no reason" gifts on a regular basis. i.e. every friday.
ahh, the extinction phase of classical conditioning. :)
They're good if they're not too often, otherwise they stop being appreciated.
And no reason gift?Probably carnations after a long day of classes or a fleur-de-lis pendant... :D
a fixed gear bike.
Haha.....ummm nope. Most of the jewelry or flowers I've received are a secret apology for the guy having cheated on me. Apart from the current boyfriend that I have- every time I'd get a "no reason" gift I'd immediately ask him what "her" name was. Usually got my answer.
But they're not harmful- just so long as they're not ALL the time because it's true- the excitement wears off if you know when and what to expect! Plus the poor boy must have been broke after a while! Give the man's wallet a break!
Gifts are good in small doses. Don't over do it though or your other may get too used to you bringing him/her gifts that if you decide not to do it anymore. They will either leave you or become upset. One of the two.
Well, I've never recieved a gift that really made me say "wow" from a boyfriend. I guess because I'm suspicious of presents, but I remember one Easter when a friend gave me a T-Shirt that said "Hot Chick" on it. It was so lame, yet adorable. It was completely out of the blue, and she had nothing to gain from it. I think Easter is the most special day to recieve gifts on it, or I appreciate them the most because you don't have to give presents on Easter. So, I'm an advocate of the "no reason" gift, but I don't think flowers should be a "no reason" gift because it makes the guy look guilty. Flowers are a "new relationship" or "I'm sorry" gift. However, "no reason" gifts get lame after a while if the person never gives you a chance to give back. The truth about people is, in my opinion, it's extremely difficult for us to appreciate the efforts or gifts of others if we feel useless. I almost never give gifts; I think people should appreciate my time. Same thing in reverse. I appreciate people's time more than their gifts. For instance, my Vday fantasy - if I had a full fledged one - would include some "Lady and the Tramp" shared spaghetti moment at home. That's the truth about me. I also don't want to get caught up in the reward system with my children, and I don't want a man who "rewards" me for good behavior with gifts. I'm sure rewards are good at times, but reward me with a special glance and just take care of my needs. Why do I feel this way? I remember being a lil' kid and looking in the "reward closet" full of things that I could have used. And I said, "But I'm going to do a good job either way, don't you trust me? And I need that! For school now." I think even when the reward system is used in a "stable" way, it's sheisty. Moving right along to the Gift of Sex. Sex is a Gift from G-d in my opinion. Neither party should withhold or reward, and neither party should do things they are not comfortable with until they are comfortable. Timing is everything with every gift. And some gifts mean more from one person, rather than another. Happy giving!
in terms of psychology that is setting up a false expectation.
if you and your SO go out every friday, and you bring the SO a gift every time, then they learn to expect it. and regardless of what you say, they will be let down when you stop. simply don't set up expectations you don't want to live up to. part of why i don't celebrate 'holidays' (by which i mean annual special times dictated by a culture irrelevant to my interests). for i will let people down when we don't share the same, background. also it makes gifts more of a surprise and from the heart rather than an obligation.same with nephews and nieces... don't give them a present every time, or they will be expecting the present as part of your visit. honestly i think it should be much less than half the time. but that is just me.
whether they are good or not is up to you. like, i love hugs and hugging my SO everytime i see her is an expectation that i would want to perpetuate. cause frankly it is the kind of behavior which (with me) if i don't do, means something is wrong. however jewlery every time, not so much...
If I was that guy, I'd buy them every Monday at least. Mondays suck much more than Fridays. Lol!
Stupid bitch of a girl anyways. She never appreciated him. He deserves better.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - Wow, that's really rude. It always suprises me what disgusting and disrespectful things people can type about complete strangers online.
It's a good thing he broke the cycle and grew some balls. Tough luck if she doesn't like it, the guy doesn't exist to validate her existence. Good for you, buddy.
Buying gifts because you really want to is one thing. Expecting them makes you high-maintenance and if you get dropped for it, then that's your own fault.
The best gift I've gotten from my girlfriend was a small glass jar with a hundred individually wrapped paper stars inside. Each star has a message written inside of it, but it looks so nice that I don't want to unwrap them.
@Julie - Wake up and smell the flowers, it's a cruel world, and dating is a two way street. This girl hasn't done shit for this guy by what this post has said. So as far as I'm concerned, she was only in it for the money this guy was throwing at her. Once he stopped, she left.
People like that are low, and so are the people who side with them. Thank you, and goodbye.
Wow, girlfriend sounds like a total bitch.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - You don't know either of the people in the post, and you've only read one side of the story, so I doubt you can know that "This girl hasn't done shit for this guy by what this post has said. So as far as I'm concerned, she was only in it for the money this guy was throwing at her." Those are assumptions backed up by no facts.
Now, I'm not defending the girl - what I'm saying is that your judgmental attitude is disgusting and rude. Hide behind your computer and talk more smack, though, troll.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - @Julie - to both of you, yes, the girl probably was in the wrong and the boy deserves better - but there is no reason to be rude to each other. As one is entitled to their own opinion, so too is the other.
@Julie - You just made a completely incoherent statement. Good job.
@youveleftmespeechless@xanga - I agree, this girl seemed like she was only in it for the attention and the gifts, and once it stopped she dumped him. He definitely does deserve better.
no reason gifts are great. recently I was sick and my boyfriend got me target sunflowers. it's just little stuff like that.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - That was a nice reply. I thought my comment was relatively straightforward, but maybe you should re-read it 2 or 3 if you have issues comprehending English? I cant help you otherwise. Merry Xmas now.
I absolutely dislike it when people give me gifts out of obligation. I appreciate the fact that you bothered but I don't like the fact that I make people feel like they have to give me anything. I give gifts because I want to share some goodness with you because I care or like you; not because I wanted to add a bigger load to your concern list. =_= If you're going to give me something, get it because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. This applies to my birthdays and Xmas especially. I am not at all materialistic and quality time or letters are more meaningful to me than diamonds and roses. I'm quite simple and easy to please and I will not bitch at you or think you're selfish if you do not give me anything. Anyway, I give gifts at random times. I don't need holidays or birthdays to give me a reason to give. You're my friend and I care about you, here, a T-shirt that I think would suit you. You're my boyfriend, I love you, here, I know you like books. -sigh-
Time and love are always the best "no reason" gifts, even though they do have a reason. :)
A dozen roses every Friday? Umm high maintenance...
Gifts can be pretty bad for a relationship I think, because you're always trying to outdo each other. Simple things are better, like bringing home food or randomly going to do something.
i like when my bf randomly takes me to a nice restaurant. or, he bought me this tin bucket on valentine's day last year, and filled it with mm's candies. whenever he sees i'm getting low, he brings over some new bags to refill it. its always a nice, little random surprise lol.
flowers- ROSES every week - first of all, are you really signing up to do that FOR LIFE, because, that would pretty much lead to bankruptcy. and for the girl to come to EXPECT it ... meh. i always think my bfs little random gifts are such happy surprises, reminders that he really does care :) and i mean ... even if its just a thoughtful text message. lol
My b/f will randomly buy me a bottle of red wine every so often, which I love. :) He also does stuff for me like wash the dishes, check/refill the oil in my car, jump my car battery after I've left the lights on like an idiot, and bring me a big cup of coffee from the local coffee shop when I've been up all night writing a paper. I think stuff like that is worth much more than a piece of jewelry I'll never wear or a bunch of roses that'll probably die within a week. :P