Tuesday, 22 December 2009
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Virginity Re-evaluated
So, I have this new boyfriend and recently we had sex for the first time. But prior to that, he had asked me if I was a virgin. When I told him no, he got mad. He was genuinely disappointed in me.
Now I know that talking about ex's in a relationship is generally a no-no, but he asks a lot about it. And so I told him, that I thought it was the right decision at the time, and although I don't regret it that I'm sorry he's upset about it.He now frequently mentions how our relationship could have been so much better if he was my first and I was his. I obviously can't change the fact that I'm not, and all I can do is reassure him that for now, I'm his.Another thing, he also thinks that I've only slept with one other guy. But I don't want to tell him that there's been two, not just one, for fear of his reaction. But I feel like since he's so concerned about it that he should know, even though he doesn't really want to. Should I tell him?Have any of you ever had a similar experience? What did you do? How should I handle this?
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About the Author
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- From: astronautical123@xanga
- Name: adrienne
- About Me: currently crazy. diary of an eating disorder.
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Comments (121)
Don't tell him, just dump him.
i think your boyfriend is just jealous. if he didn't want to "date" or "sex up" any non virgins, he should have asked that question before dating you or sexing it up with you.
the past is the past. if you aren't banging five guys and him at the same time, what does it matter?
you are his. he should be happy with that.
xo
This guy is a douche. I at least kind of understand how a reasonable person could believe "No sex until marriage" is a good idea, but I can't get behind this tool's "no sex until you have sex with me" policy.
Sure, someone's virginity can be something special, but I'm way more concerned with being the guy she's doing now than the guy she did first.
honestly, while i think it's normal and healthy to be concerned with your partner's past partners, i think he is taking this to the extreme. being angry at you for having sex before him is ridiculous; did he expect you to save yourself for him?
tell him about your past experiences; being your boyfriend, he deserves to know. but honestly, it sounds like he is just a bit too jealous, or something? and this relationship might not go anywhere.
meh he sounds kind of like an insecure hypocrite pussy
my boyfriend was really understanding that i was a virgin and he was my first, but i am POSITIVE he would still have had respect for me if it were any other way. your boyfriend should have some respect for you and your choices....
Secrets and lies don't for a good relationship make. This one sounds like a winner... NOT!
I don't understand his reaction, but I imagine it's one of insecurity. If you can't tell him for fear he'll get made, perhaps you need to reevaluate why you're together.That is ridiculous. He should not care what you did in your past and if he does then he should go find some virginal purity queen and sleep with her. Tell him the truth- because lying isn't any better- but if he can't take it then I don't know what to say. Maybe it's not worth it if he can't respect you for YOU. Don't feel bad about the things you've done because he doesn't understand them
Haha. Is he a virgin too? IF not, just ask him to shut his big mouth.
he sounds really selfish and territorial/possessive. why should he deserve to get so angry about you losing your virginity before you met him? if i were you, i wouldn't apologize, i'd get very pissed off and wanna slap him; how rude.
does he really think that you two were destined lovers and this destiny was carved in your hearts the second you came outta the womb and that because of this you should never have seen or even looked at any other men? you DID have a life before he came into it, he really needs to suck it up and take that.
He needs to grow the fuck up. Unfortunately for him: this is reality. There existed people before him, and he's gotta man up, and shut up.
Oh he was a virgin.. my bad.. just slap him once.
Sorry, I couldnt read the post, the pic was just far far to funny.
He has major insecurity issues. That's really all it comes down to.
as for the v card. Who cares? virtue and all that went out the window when about a third of the girls in my highschool had children by 16.
Who the hell cares?
Tell him to fix his issues or dump him.
Totally not worth the trouble. You should be able to be honest no matter what.
If he can't handle the fact that you're not a virgin and had more than one partner, he's not ready to have sex with you. Tell him to grow a pair.
@Bricker59@xanga - You have the simplest & best answer. LOL. It's good to inquire for safety reasons but this guy is being a jealous jerk to her. And it's not like he's a virgin either. I hate the double standard of virginity. If a girl loses her, people look down on her but if a guy loses it, he's "the man" & can basically do whatever.
maybe he is one of the rare males that value his virginity
I don't know whether to give him e-props for saving himself or to be mad that he is possessive.
what a jackass. if you're actually afraid to be honest with him, he isn't the guy for you. you deserve someone understanding and way less judgmental.
It sounds like he's got some unresolved issues that I'm not sure you'll be able to fix. There is no logical reason why your relationship would have been better if you were a virgin. He wants you to be something you're not, and you shouldn't try to live up to that image. Be true and honest to yourself -- and him -- and if he can't deal with it or constantly makes you feel bad about things you've done in the past, you might need to consider letting him go.
Everyone has a past. If you want there to be a future, the person has to accept the past first. If he can't accept your past then he`s not right for you. in relationships, you always feel that its appropriate for the time. there's no wrong or right in this D:
2010 is coming, people should seriously shut up on virginity. No one cares about guys and their v-card swipes. I hate guys who wants sex with virgin girls just to feel proud / be glad that they swiped another v-card. But just because he was virgin, well... consider himself even lucky that he had some.
I don't know him but he sounds like an ass.
no he does though need to learn to grow up and suck it up
lol at the people mentioning Virtue... virtue went away long before that. but still like the mention. :)
i completely know his position. for the people who are getting all emotional and angry that a guy would value it perhaps higher than a girl. allot of the values of old western culture are gone, some of which was beautiful. and i find the idea of people only having sex with someone they are going to spend a long time with (note: not marriage cause that has socio-religious implications), to be a beautiful thing. allot of the time 'the v card' is given out like a poker game, and some people need more meaning than to just poker. i bet he needs that additional meaning of beauty, and to assume that just because allot of guys don't, that he has to say forthright that it matters is simply ridiculous. it is like saying that a flaming guy should have to out himself to a girl before becoming her friend, even if he isn't comfortable with it; or sure.
if he was visibly upset, there was an issue, a big issue. some people want their first time to be special, and if he is thinking about a 'long' term relationship (however long 'long' actually is). maybe he just wanted it to matter to you as much as it mattered to him...
the only pure advice i can offer is to tell him "that the other guys don't matter anymore." and something about 'our first time was better or more real or truer, than the other guy cause... you didn't leave in the middle of the night. i'd never leave like that, and i'm glad you didn't either' XD something like that. or maybe if he is a romantic, 'i had sex with the other guy, i made love to you'. you being with him doesn't necessitate anything if you arn't a virgin, when most girls lose their virginity they get really attached to the person they are with, so... idk just putting it out there.
@gifteddork219@xanga - wow... i'm so shocked, appalled, and offended; i'm laughing. why people even kinda 'want some' is beyond me. why should people care about one gender in regards to virginity and not the other? or am i missing the point?