Tuesday, 22 December 2009
-
Nobody, Especially Men, Wants a "Sexy Friend"
If there is one thing I learned about friendship is that friendships can work the best if you don't have a desire to want to be with the person to some degree. I once replied in a very funny way to a friend of mine to avoid complimenting my friend in the way I usually did. She said, "what's with the ghetto talk?" I said, "well, it's better than calling you sweet and sexy".
She said, "well, you can but in a friendly way." The thing is, though, you can't.
I explained to her that calling your friend sexy is kind of awkward. After all, if a man calls a girl sexy, he wants either her or someone that looks equally sexy. To tell you the truth, the thing about men is that we don't really want a sexy friend. That, in fact, is an oxymoron. No man really wants to be just road dawgs with someone they want to kiss or someone they want to bed.
If ever some girls wonder why guys always hang out with each other more than they do with women, its easy. We men can go to a concert, go out to a club, play ball, do whatever and be cool with each other. No attraction. Same rules apply with the homosexual and the opposite sex and women. We can do whatever we like, and respect each other in the morning enough to talk about anything you like to.
With us men, if we had to be friends with a girl, we want to be friends with someone that we don't secretly want to have sex with or date. Someone who to us is not really attractive enough for us to wreck a friendship with. And by attractive, we don't just mean looks. If they can fit that description, then we can hang forever.
Let's say if you are the girl who will talk extensively about your sex life with them. Men can be friends with that, because the truth is the men that are attracted really don't want to hear who you been sleeping with. Men that like you want to know if you will sleep with them. However, friends don't care because they don't really care to screw you, period.
Another good example is the woman who doesn't doll herself up. Its easy to not fall in love, when you are going rough without the use of makeup. Then again, this one can be wrong. After all, I like a bit of tomboy in my girls from time to time.
So, girls, if you are trying to find a friend in a guy, don't do anything as a means of attracting him. Keep it simple, and mysterious. OK, I will meet you at the soccer field tomorrow.
Thoughts?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: mynameisblueskye@xanga
- Name: Blue Skye
- Location: Boston, Massachusetts
- About Me: What should I reveal? I'm African-American, my astro signs are Scorpio and Dragon, I'm left-handed, and pretty candid with my opinions and thoughts. I love music, fruitful conversation, and a bunch of other things. Though, if you sign on here expecting the ilk of everyone's blogs,...well, you'll be a bit disappointed. Everything I post is me going raw with my subjects. So, if you dare addme, fasten your seatbelts. It is going to be quite a ride. Anything else you want to know, talk to me on AIM or Yahoo. Take a look at my profile to find out what my AIM and Yahoo! names are. I also have a policy for adding people. I check your profile, read your blogs, and maybe look at your photos, and then add you. IF you have friends lock, please send me a profile or a sample of your blog to be added.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 75 Views: 0 181790 Comments: 0 2802 View all posts by mynameisblueskye@xanga
.jpg)
Comments (66)
i feel you on this... i can't stay friends with a girl i want to sleep with, at least not close friends where we're confiding a lot of personal and intimate stuff to each other... casual acquaintences or friends at a distance i can deal with, other than that it just leads to messy complications later
Hmmmm...
Generally speaking: These rules are delicate; if you don't have attractive friends, you play yourself into a corner. The women whom you attract, will believe that b/c your friends aren't nearly as attractive as they are, and become comfortable and complacent within your relationship at a rapid rate.
On the other hand, a man that has many attractive lady friends, has an upper hand with a girl whom witnesses this. She will be on guard, and typically suspicious of her interest, and of the other women involved. It would make no sense to bring around a woman who isn't on the same level as those you deem your lady friends.You will stay on her mind, and all people, both men and women know; it isn't how much you like someone, it's how much they like you.
If you over-do it, and have gorgeous women friends, and your girlfriend isn't up to par, she will keep a hidden angst towards your reasoning as to why you're with her, and her suspicions may be beyond your control to handle. You will be forced to give up some, if not all of these women, or her.
(this is generally speaking)
Would it not be best, to truly learn self-restriction in the form of sexual desires/encounters? The amount of foresight, would drastically grow. This is why women are typically seen as "smarter" than men are; they know how to use "sex". The body is only a sexual weapon, when you view it objectively. Then it can be used against you, for whatever purposes the true owner has in mind. When you learn to see a woman in her true form, away from the lackluster that she has created, you will understand a great deal more about the situations you walk into... Also known as: Reality.
ehh i disagree. i'm a girl, and my best friend is a guy. not to sound cocky, but we're both good-looking individuals. everyone always tells us that we would look so good together, and they're always shocked that we've never hooked up. we're both on the same page about the fact that we're JUST best friends.
@choosingausernameishard@xanga - technically, you can't disagree; you're a girl. You may have his words, but you don't have access to his mind. He may actually have a desire for you, and finds it within his better interests, not to mention it.
Amen.
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - here here
I agree, it's really hard to remember you're "just friends" when your best friend is insanely attractive. My best guy friend and I both ended up having feelings for each other, though at different times, ha. Talk about bad timing. Somehow we're still friends, despite that, and that's awesome. You make some very good points.
I wonder if women feel the same way about guy friends?
From a girl's perspective, if you're a guy, don't change/take off your shirt in front of your female friend! I was with Richard (let's call him that) one afternoon and he had to take off his shirt and change into his work shirt after class in the parking lot. The rest of the week, every time we hung out, I'd think of him taking that shirt off, and how good he looked. Awkward.
So that's why I have so many male friends...
But I also think someone can be attractive without you being attracted to them. I know plenty of men who I could see other women finding attractive, or who I can even see as being attractive, but I have no desire to have sex with them. For me, there has to be an actual chemistry if I'm going to have an honest to goodness crush on the guy. Just the fact that he is good-looking isn't enough for me to want to kiss or bed him. I've never been a guy, but I'm willing to bet they need chemistry, too.
@seeker_nyc@xanga - :D
This makes sense! And it's true to some extent. I have friends that I find to be very sexy but that's about it. I mean, I think that's about it? Silly subconscious....
I completely agree with this posting. :] Well put my friend.
Latoshia love your way.
So what, sexy women can't have guy friends? You have to dull yourself down to be able to talk freely to a guy you don't want to be with? I see what you're saying, but some girls like to be pretty. Some girls are insecure as fuck and can't even leave the house without makeup (cough, me, cough). The point is, am I supposed to purposely make myself look less sexy just so I won't tempt my friends?
Good post. (:
im tired of guys wanting to be more than friends and follow all these rules.
but it makes for a great read.
maybe guys at my young age are different, idk.
A boy whom I believed to be a potential guyfriend wasn't. He was all friendly and persistent in hanging out with me this winter, to the Zoo Lights, to the Aquarium, the beach, etc. . . until during a conversation, I brought up something about a man I liked.
He immediately came up with lame excuses to cancel the trip. All along, I knew he had underlying motives, and my cousin was right: he was interested in me.
You made a good point!
this is why my ex is best friends with a lesbian.
this is true for women too - I can't be friends with guys that I find to be attractive.
what's sad is, I don't have any good male friends because one of us always ends up developing feelings for the other.
well said.
i do agree with @BlehhItsTu@xanga - that sometimes a friendship is something more, but that is more about roles than overall relationships. by which i mean some people would like to be friends before becoming more is some 'idealized, romantic' relationship. but again that is personal preference. for the most part when you are friend zoned, you are taking yourself out of romantic relations with the person.Wow, this brought me a lot of good insight. Which is also kind of disappointing for me, too, in terms of guy friends. Much appreciated post.
I haven't found this to be true. My guy friends are hitting on me constantly (I actually slept with one of them for a while), but since I am now engaged, it's understood that it's all in good fun. Sure, they're completely serious with the words they speak, but they know it's not going to go anywhere anytime soon.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - For a relationship, yes. For sex? a whole lot less.
This is so true...I use to have nothing but guy friends which we would flirt and joke around. Still I considered them good friends, some even best. They would go out of their way to spoil me and I was naive to thinking they just really liked me as a person. Over the years I lost my "good friends" because of constant trying to take advantage of me or hitting on me. When I finally got married either they stopped talking to me altogether or I stopped talking to them because they couldn't be appropriate.
Also, I think it's important to note
that guys can and do still make friends with sexy girls. A lot of that,
though, is us making (sometimes poor) attempts of expanding our number
of potential hook-ups. I know a lot of times a guy's relationship
advice to a girl is not actually genuine at all. "You could do better"
often means "You could do me."
@Shy___Away@xanga - just because they know you are taken doesn't mean they secretly aren't waiting to find a loophole so they can be with you. My guy friends would give it a rest slightly while I was taken but the moment they knew my whole heart wasn't in it they would sneakily try to get to me. I have even had my good friends take me to their house to hang out when I was so drunk I could barely walk and tried making their move when I had been dating the same guy for 3 years.
totally true, i never want a sexy friend either. i rather be the better looking one.
Oy, I don't have any guy friends. ZERO! My BFF of 5 years confessed his feelings for me. Now, he's lost to me forever. It saddens me...
I love sexy friends