Q. I've developed a crush on one of my good friends. Anyway, I started feeling like maybe he liked me back so I asked him out on a date. Maybe that was too forward, but he told me that he didn't feel comfortable dating a friend of his because it might ruining the friendship, and then suggested someone else I could date. Obviously I was really hurt, and now I'm wondering, if he was lying and just isn't interested in me...What do you think?A. This is tough because you can't help liking him. I think you should avoid trying to figure it out because it won't change anything. He was very clear that he didn't want to be more than friends because he didn't want to ruin your friendship, whether it's true or not shouldn't matter (it being true is probably better for your ego, though). If you can, it's important to refrain from showing interest in him in that more than friends way--you don't want to seem desperate. Hopefully, you two can remain friends after this--try to put it behind you, any residual awkwardness should pass with time. And remember that old expression, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
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Comments (24)
It's blunt but I think that those "I don't wanna ruin our friendship" lines are just nice excuses. Of course, he isn't interested in you, but you shouldn't be upset because of the way he chose to say it.
Maybe the guy is gay and hasn't told you yet or dosen't know how to tell you.
boo, girly excuse. find some testosterone!
Its a polite way to say hes just not that into you.
Read "He's Just Not That Into You". I think it might help.
Like everyone said, it's a "nice" way of saying "I'm not into you like that."
*Insert all other replies to this post here.*
@silverlocket_88@xanga - @lastlyfirst@xanga -
I personally disagree with that book with a fiery passion. Sometimes the guy in question really is too shy to make the first move or whatever.
However, in this case, if the guy says he just wants to be friends, then that's another thing, and you should leave that be. He actually said it, he's not expecting you to go "oh really?" and bust him on it or break through some "test".
But that book makes it seem as if when a guy likes you, nothing will stop him. You can't assume all guys to be the same, just as you can't assume all girls are the same. She asked a guy out - men are usually told that girls never ever do that. Girls are told that guys want to do the asking. The point: There are no "rules" these days.
The situation's really a shame, though.
Yep all that matters is whether it is a yes or a no. You don't need a reason. Just move on because there's nothing you can do to change that.
Not ruining the friendship is the same thing as not being interested.
But it's not a 'nice' way of saying it, it's not an excuse, at least not in every case. I'm really good friends with an attractive and smart girl and I could never look at her in that way. Why? Because we're such good friends. Because we've always been that way. The fact that I'm such good friends with her is the reason why I can't look at her like that.
Just take a statement like that at face value. There's no point at trying to dig for a deeper meaning.
iono, i can think of some guys who i really wouldn't date even though i'm attracted to them because i don't want to sabotage the friendship. even if i weren't attracted to them, the friendship still matters to me.
poo.
your kidding right? why cant u just accept what he told u and move on...females are so difficult, if he was to be rude about it u would have been looking for him to say it in a nice way, BUT when he DOES say it in a nice and respectful way u cant accept it. nothing u can do or say to change his mind so get over it and take what his answer is and move on and the next time dont just assume someone likes u..........actually next time wait till the guy asks u on a date geeezz ur time will come to date just right now isnt ur time...be patient
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - Sometimes GUYS are just too complicated we have to use the book or movie (whichever comes first) to translate them. . I bet IF there is a men dictionary out there, it would be a topseller. This guy didn't make the first move, it was the girl who asked he out FIRST
"She asked a guy out - men are usually told that girls never ever do that" - We're in the 21th century now. That was so yesterday. And I have to agree with a passion that when a guy really wants you, nothing can stop him. Why? Because its the truth.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - I'm not saying to use it as her personal guide, but it could help with a lot of her wondering about his intentions and meanings. She could flat out ask him if he doesn't feel the same way back. Maybe he is shy, but she'll never know. I tend to think the whole "he's shy" thing is horse shit since he suggested someone else for her to date.
@silverlocket_88@xanga - That was my point exactly. We're in the 21st century now so there are no rules, it's not always the guy who takes initiative.
If you disagree, you disagree. But I hope you understand what I was saying.
@lastlyfirst@xanga - Yeahhh... suggesting someone else to date was the clear indicator. I just wouldn't turn to HJNTIY for advice about it, but I've already spit out my 2 cents.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - I do. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say too.
@silverlocket_88@xanga - *nod*
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - LOL. *poke*
@silverlocket_88@xanga - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtRXfs1CHC0
either he just wants to be friends or he just can't get past the friendship into a relationship. either situation doesn't do anything for you & being friend isn't too bad. cushion time
perhaps its other reasons. how protective is he of the ones he loves? how much did it seem to mean to him what you two already have? ask yourself, why WOULDN't he be interested? has he ever expressed an interest in dating or going out with you you before this event? what could have held him back? there are negatives of starting a relationship, and it gets worse if you are attempting to change the dynamic of an established relationship. i mean, theres some obvious downsides that can be understood and avoided going in, but from personal experience, I say its impossible to predict the worst of it. the worst mistake every guy eventually falls for is gambling too much away because he's invested emotionally. this game is not for the inexperienced.
he's just not that into you girl!
I've been in this situation before. It really is hard to tell what he really means but I was friends with a guy and after awhile I admitted to liking him. He told me he liked me too but he didn't want to ruin our friendship because that was more important to him. I was told by friends that he was just saying that to be nice and that he wasn't interested. I had decided to do my own thing despite friends advice and focus on being good friends. To cut it short we ended up together for awhile. And no it didn't necessarily ruin our friendship. So I would advise to just work on being friends. Better the friendship relationship and try and move on. If something is really meant to be it will.