I decided to take the advice from my fellow commentators of Datingish in regards to the
Stage 5 Clinger situation.
Unfortunately, I have bad news. The talk did not turn out the way I had hope it would. My friends did approach "Z" and hashed out the problem with bringing out her man especially if it's girls night out. We didn't even get to the part where we thought he was boring and dull (FYI: even our SOs thought he was blah), instead we just told her how it felt weird to have him around especially when it's suppose to be our time to catch up and just girl talk. "Z" told us she understands and was quite happy we bought it up because apparently he doesn't like us... okay, great. Glad we had that ta-... wait, WHAT?!?!
Yeah, so it turns out he thinks we're loud, obnoxious and vulgar. He thinks we're a bad influence on "Z" because we go out and drink without our SO, dress scantily and talk about sex all the time. Excuse me, what century are we in?
I didn't realize you can't hang out and drink with your friends without your SO. And when did getting married or coupled up signified that you can't dress up to go out? I'm sorry if we're not wearing a muumuu or a burlap sack but as long as we're not dressing inappropriately for our age or like Pamela Anderson, I see nothing wrong with wearing an off shoulder top or a halter top. As for the sex talk? Well, I am not going to make excuses for that. Seriously it just comes up and we laugh about it. If guys can talk about it all the time, then so can we!
Anyway, the conversation ended with her saying she won't bring him out but if he has a problem with her going out with us, I don't know if we'll see her that often. She already told us how he didn't like her hanging out with us without him because he doesn't trust us. I find that amusing because we've known her for years while he's known her for a few months.
Ultimately, the decision will be up to her whether or not she wants to hang with us regardless of how he feels but part of me wants to tell her she's dating a psycho. Should I tell her or just let her find out for herself?
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Comments (39)
Stop being a nosey parker. Its her relationship not yours.
It's not a boyfriend's place to tell his girlfriend that it's best if she doesn't see her best girlfriends. Of course, I'm assuming that the clothing you girls wear is tasteful and that you don't get so trashed when you go out that you can't remember what you did the night before.
she'll figure it out...but then it will be too late...
idk...you have to be subtle...you have to talk to her in a way she won't think you're jealous she has a "great" boyfriend xD
It's simple. She knows that she can take you guys for granted because you have been friends forever. But since she has only known this guy for a few months, she doesn't want to blow her chances with him because maybe he might be The One. Let the relationship play out and don't get involved unless she speficially asks for advice or help. If he's as dull and wrong for her as you guys think he is, then she will be back with apologies. Just be there for her and give her support no matter what happens, because that's what friends do.
You know those familiar friends who often get up in arms and are known to give a woman paranoid advice, based on a man they doesn't fully understand? I guess he is trying to keep away from THAT type of influence.
Regardless, it's probably not right for a man to say he should not be friends with them, as a mean to avoid influence from them. It sounds like the guy doesn't trust her to make up her own mind around such women. Let him hang with his own friends instead.
Wow. That seems kind of silly. Ugh. Somehow I think (and hope!) that she'll break up with him eventually.
Maybe your the one who needs to let go. The guy is entitled to his opinion, especially if you ask for it, and maybe your friend has found a more rewarding relationship rather than being one of the bachelorettes. Maybe your just looking for a guy who will party with you and in not finding that, you seem to be taking it our on your friend. And I like Pamela Anderson. I think she's hot! What's wrong with Pamela Anderson?
That is such controlling behavior. It's the kind of behavior that can lead to emotional abuse. It's as if he thinks she's just some dumb girl who can't be trusted with her own decisions.
beep beep. i sense a controlling man.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - boop, you are correct. booop
beep
in my own experience, no matter how much you tell your friend that her bf is a psycho, she ultimately needs to learn for herself. I know that's how I was. I secluded myself from everyone except my boyfriend. He was my life. Only later did I learn that that is NOT how a relationship is supposed to be. The thing is, I know it hurts and is upsetting that she is pretty much choosing her bf and his absurd ideas over her true friends, but I really think you just need to let her be right now. It doesn't make her a bad person I just think she's stuck in her own world. I believe that everyone goes through some sort of relationship such as this and it just takes time to learn and grow from it. She'll come back around when the time comes, but for the time being, I wouldn't bend over backwards for her because it doesn't seem like she's in the mind-set to do the same for you. Just be a good friend, but dont put yourself too much out there for now :) good luck.
lmfao at the previous two comments before the actual previous one.
@shoujo@xanga - nicely said
This guy does give off a possessive tone to his actions, but again it is their relationship. Not much you can really do at this point in time, and acting rash would be the wrong way to go about it. I agree with the others, and I think you should let nature take its course. It probably seems unfair that you guys are put on the backburner, but ultimately its up to you and your friends on whether you find her actions acceptable as part of the group.
from my own experience, even if you tell her, she's not going to listen to you so just let her find out by herself.
it sounds like steve urkel hanging around the obnoxious sex & the city girls
he probably thinks her friends are psycho while you girls think he is psycho because he is a conservative while you girls are the liberals
maybe he enjoys talking about politics, video games and sports and finds that mentally stimulating while you girls enjoy talking about sex, fashion and celebrities and he thinks that is boring due to his different preferences. it doesn't mean either are bad, psychotic or dull people in comparison to the other. they're just extremely different and sometimes they just don't have a connection and that is okay. if she thought that he was dull, then she wouldn't be with him in the first place. I think she knows what type of person her bf is and if she likes him a lot, then her friends' opinion of him won't really make her change her mind. as long as nobody makes drunken excuses to have one night stands, which I think is her bf's fear.
They will figure it out eventually. Of course telling would make them think you're too into their business. But then again.. It could be for the better.
hahaha this reminds me of someone i know. at one point we wouldn't see her during summer break, except for maybe twice. and taht's about 4 months break. then we kept talking to her, and eventually she ended up hanging out with us more and well her so can suck it if he doesnt like us
I'd mind my own business, honestly.
Are you sure he's psycho? Maybe you are loud and obnoxious. Maybe you do wear really revealing clothing, even if it's just in his opinion. Leading a different lifestyle or having different values doesn't make you psycho.
Let your friend do whatever she wants. It's not your place to inform her of the judgments you've made on her man's character unless he's abusive.
man, I couldnt/wouldnt EVER date a guy who didnt like "the girls" even if what he said/think is true he shouldnt try to seperate you guys
You date someone, eventually you date their life. And part of their life is their friends.i ddnt really like(at ALL) my ex's bestie girl friend click, but i understood that they are part of the package.
Nooo how about u just dont say a damn thing and how about u stay out of there business because no matter how much u say to her or how u try and convince her to leave him because he has issues she is going to look at u like u arent being there for her and that u are just trying to ruin her life.
I also think u girls put that on yourself, why would u guys keep letting this man come out with the ladies on girls night out. why couldnt yall just open your mouth and tell ur friend either she can leave her man home or she doesnt come, its rude but its the truth oh yall couldve not have called her and even invited her im sure she wouldnt have minded that sense she was with her boyfriend anyways, thats why they call it "girls night out" BTW NO MEN ALLOWED what was a man even doing there UGH
oh and i dont understand why u GIRLS would even sit in front of ur friend'S man and talk about your sexual life, like thats not inappropriate at all to u or u didnt feel not even a little bit uncomfortable talking about it around him hmmm thats a little akward if u ask me, that would be to me if my man was siitng there. there are times when u are able to talk about things and when u shut up..idk whatever. goodluck dealing with the phyco boyfriend i guess
lol. where do these kinds of people come from? i hear all sorts of stories, but have never in my life met anyone like this before.
p.s. i love your posts.
very controlling, very unnecessary though i would be subtle when talking to her about her boyfriend. It sounds like her boyfriend already has a few hooks in her. Just tread lightly or she may take it the wrong way and get closer to him which is the opposite reaction of what you want darling
Haha at the muumuu and burlap sack comment.
I wouldn't say anyting to her unless she comes to you for advice. Even then I would be very careful what you say. All that's going to happen is her getting defensive and running to the guy....you will be the enemy. Trust me, she'll find out soon enough on her own what a jerk this guy is.
@BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga - we actually didn't convince her or even tried to complain about him. We respect each others relationship in the group no matter what or who they are with. We just told her how it was a little weird that she kept bringing him out when it's just us girls. So to answer your question, I'm not in her business at all in regards to her relationship. In fact, when she asked me what to get him for his bday, I told her flat out that I'm not the best person to ask considering how he feels about me. I'm sure whatever gift ideas I come up with won't sit well with him.
Oh, and it's not like we're talking about OUR sex lives. It was more on the topic of sex, like I would share with them what I read on Datingish from other writers and you have to admit, a lot of stuff written here involves sex...
We actually didn't invite her one time we all went shopping and she was upset that she didn't get invited. She told us how she felt left out and we all felt bad afterwards. =\