Tuesday, 22 December 2009
-
4 Steps To Mending A Broken Heart
Do you ever wonder why it hurts so much when love is lost?
The art of romance is to give your heart without fear. When it breaks, you become lost with only pieces that remain. It’s a journey of rediscovery and reassembly, as your hands bleed with each piece.
To mend a broken heart is a process of healing, while emotional wounds are akin to physical. Some say it’s best to keep busy, but at the end, the hurt remains. Rid the poisons that linger, instead of using a temporary fix. It’s about standing tall, even when the world crumbles before your eyes.
Step One
Cut all forms of communication. It gives a sense of connection, and getting over requires its removal. Rid yourself from physical memories, items that were significant. Take drastic measures because you have to be ruthless in determination. Make it an instinct by doing what’s necessary without involving your mind with consequences that don’t exist.
This is disownment. If the phone rings, hang up. If again, do the same. No matter how many times, hang up, or even better, block. Block all known e-mail addresses as well. If you receive e-mails from another account, delete them immediately, emptying the trash altogether and so on. This also goes for online communities. If they come through snail mail, burn without opening.
You have to take action without giving yourself the chance to think.
Step Two
Think logically. Instead of listening to your heart, listen to your mind. Find reasons and make the choice to believe them. Write them down.
Deny yourself the hope that lingers with the logical reasons you’ve found and listed. Use them to refocus your hopes.
Stop trying. Choose, because choices are set in stone. There’s a lot less room to back out.
Time helps nothing. It only provides opportunities to prioritize. What we choose to do with it makes all the difference.
Step Three
If you’re unable to eat or sleep, acknowledge the difference between inability and unwillingness. Force yourself to take care of basic needs.
Take food as you would medication. If you’re eating too much, portion meals and get rid of junk. If you can’t sleep, close your eyes. If you’re not concentrating, think later.
Don’t give yourself the luxury of self-pity.
Step Four
Let yourself cry. Understand it’s simply another way to express feelings and emotions that overflow. Do anything possible to express yourself, through tears, writing, music, etc. Remember the importance of faith.
Remember that crying isn’t a sign of weakness. Letting your heart out is a crucial step. Why not hurt once and for all and be done with it, instead of continuously?
Talk to friends and family. Allow them to be your support system. There’s no shame in asking for help.
Provide the love he won’t return. However much it hurts, you’ll always remain your own best friend. It’s your responsibility to take initiative.
With getting over someone, you have to be real. Freedom is to continue without focusing on the past. We can neither erase nor avoid the inevitable sorrow. It’s a part of life. We must endure no matter how impossible it seems. Walk through to become a stronger person.
Never let the pain exist in vain. That someone is the reason you’re in pain, but it still doesn’t take away your responsibility. You’re worth every effort. Deal with it, not because you can or should, but that you have to.
Realize that even if you’re seemingly denied of it, closure comes from within. When you free yourself from the boundaries of relying on external sources, then and only then will you become more. To understand what it means to believe in yourself, acknowledging that you’re capable.
It’s hard, but possibility outweighs the impossible. It’s about doing whatever it takes, being resourceful with everything you have; the strength and courage you conjure. Love yourself more because the choice is always yours.Reader, how did you mend your broken heart?
-
recommend
- recs 10
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: DearRicky@xanga
- Name: Ricky
- Location: Toronto, Canada
- About Me: I think too much...
-
True 
Lifetime
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 1880 Comments: 0 36 View all posts by DearRicky@xanga
Comments (36)
"Cut all forms of communication" That would be great for someone who doesn't have a child with the heart-breaker.
noble effort TC. this entry is useful when needed. hopefully not for me again anytime soon again.
yeah i think SOME of these have to be flexible... i really have a rough time eating/sleeping when i have any form of anxiety. yeah, i force it down usually, but its usually more than just, a matter of "will."
Good advice Ricky,
I wish I would have seen this last week. All of these tips are worthwhile and can help - it's just easier said than done. I'll add some beer to the mix and see if that helps.
I agree with all of this, but I also agree that cutting all forms of communication is difficult, especially if you see them in public often, or if he maintains that he "wants to be friends." How do you cut him off without getting the stigma of being the cold-hearted bitch that won't give him a chance to make amends?
I like the advice alot =D thanks, ive went through heartbreak recently and unknowingly went through those steps....thanx
i already failed steps 1 & 2 D: !
I don't really agree with step 1. All of my friends do, and they think I'm "stupid" for keeping in contact with my ex. I don't see it that way. I see those that ignore/avoid/rid themselves of reminders as weak. I am still able to face my ex without falling apart, BECAUSE we communicated. I am happier to have him in my life at all, and I would be devastated if I lost him completely. We were always great friends, and I was not willing to give that up because our relationship didn't work out as we had planned. I think it makes you stronger if you can still keep in touch with the person that you loved. They were such an important part of your life, why would you rid yourself of them completely? Time heals all wounds....whether your ex is in your life or not.
i really liked your post. it's not stupid but actually the real way to mend broken hearts. i like the fact that u said, time doesn't make a different. it just gives you time to prioritize. it's very true. people say time heals the heart, but time just gives you other opportunities to meet other people and embrace yourself once again =] good blog.
And if you're having trouble starting those four steps, follow these first:
1.) Power in numbers. Invite a group of friends over who are sympathetic towards your side. Nothing reminds you how good your life is than a group of people who will take time out of their day to tend to your wounds. (If you don't have any friends, skip this step and head straight to (2.).
2.) Get good n' boozed. Having trouble throwing out those old pictures or souvenirs? A little encouragement from your friends and your (now) best buddy Mr. Daniels will help you get rid of em. (If you've followed this step properly, you'll probably end up burning them out on your deck while laughing and revealing graphic and possibly untrue statements about your ex. Aim for that.)
3.) Start yelling. Pent up frustration is never good so let your feelings be known... in a very loud manner. Don't worry, with Step 2 behind you, you won't be hesitant about it. This is only the natural step after the bonfire actually. In fact, make sure you can get your friends to join in and have them yell about how good you are at stuff and why you don't need your now ex-SO.
4.) Let it out and cry. By now you've grown old of Daniels and probably had a good couple hours of discussion with a guy who calls himself the Captain and you need a little release... so head to the toilet. While you try to snot-rocket that last piece of pizza from your nose after the End of Times just exited from every orifice on your face, you may fear for your life. However, soon you will realize that you still have it and you just had an awesome party. This may lead you to cry... well that and there's still a piece of crust in your right nostril. Don't worry, everyone does it at some point.
After following these steps, you should be able to move ahead into the four listed in the original post... worked for me anyways.
@JazzedUpArcher@xanga - well said
@mcmeister89@mancouch - hahahahahahahaha ok. i have been on the backfiring end of this plan, though, and it didn't turn out so well. sobbing and vomiting into a bucket for hours did NOT make me feel like i didn't need him and could conquer the world...just made me feel like a giant mess. but i know this can work for some people (that's why i tried it, after all!)
like others have said, i agree with these steps- especially #4, good advice!- except for step 1. i still keep in contact with all my exes, out of necessity or just out of desire to be friends. especially from my first relationship, i kept all my mementos, and i'm so glad i did. i still have (and treasure) them, and i would have lost so much- memories of a terrific relationship, and of a very formative time in my life- if i had destroyed them. like @JazzedUpArcher@xanga said, i think the real mark of a strong person is being able to get over your ex while maintaining a healthy distance. when i can look back at a relationship and see both the bad AND the good, that's how i know i'm really over it. and sometimes that takes a looooooong time
@JennyGee@xanga - Lol, I just hope no one took those steps literally. Sarcasm can so often be lost on some.
I think the first step is to change the picture of the bloody heart above...it's kind of creepy, no?
@seriously_meredith@xanga - It still works, and still helps. You cut all forms of communication except those that are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for the benefit of the kid. And you can't use the kid as an excuse to make contact either. It is possible to get over someone while still having them as a small part of your life.
@goodbye__dinah@xanga - "Friends" doesn't work unless there has been significant time for both parties to heal. Men like to use "friends" as an excuse to still see you, talk to you, hang out with you, etc, but have no emotional obligation to you. It is entirely impossible to go from being together one day to friends the next. If he is truly willing to be friends, then he will understand that you need time apart to heal and move on. You just tell him that you'd like to be friends someday, but first you need to erase him from your life as a boyfriend, and you can't do that if you still see him all the time. He'll understand.
@Trigger821@xanga - They put it there. I didn't, lol...
Here is my original entry (I clicked on anonymous by accident): http://dearricky.xanga.com/718674473/4-steps-to-mending-a-broken-heart/
That picture's a little graphic.
@seriously_meredith@xanga - Agreed. I can see where that would be a problem.
distract yourself has worked best for me...spend all your time with your friends, get your mind away from him.
Stir it for two hours.
nice advice!
in the past, i got over things by just not caring. when ever i found myself thinking of the other person, i would force myself not to. have the mentality that you don't need that person anymore. for me, the only woman that will forever stay in my heart in life is my mom. i love mommy.
I wish I found this sooner. I knew a few of them.. Still I can use everything at this point. Great post though.
how do you cut all ties when she lives right next door? I just love seeing her car pull up late late at night or not at all til the next morning!