Q. My boyfriend has been suggesting that we try new things in bed--mainly talking dirty and he's mentioned fantasizing about other people. I'm not sure I feel comfortable, but he really wants it and keeps talking about it. I want to make him happy and be open to new experiences sexually, but I'm kinda freaked. Any advice for the first time? A. You should never do anything you're not comfortable with. If your boyfriend cares about you, he will respect your decision--whether or not you decide to go through with this request. As always, it's important to keep the lines of communication open. It sounds to me like you're not ready to take this next step with your boyfriend just yet. There's a difference between wanting to be open to new sexual experiences, and actually being open to them. Whatever you do, go slow.
Comments (30)
sex should be enjoyable for both people involved. let your boyfriend know you aren't comfortable-be adiment about that. if he loves you, he won't push it on you. if he does, he clearly doesn't have good intentions, and it's time to move on.
Trying new things in bed is fine as long as your partner is interested in making you feel comfortable and feel comfortable about it. If your partner want to think about other people when you are with him/her on bed.. Believe me.. time to find another partner who can think about you and do things with you.
The Signature Of A True Human Is The Smile He/She Brings On The Face Of Others.
LonelyPoet
For the first time? Yeah, it can be a little intimidating- you don't want to sound dumb, or whatever. But it's REALLY fun, and worth getting over the initial intimidation for. I don't really have any advice on fantasizing about other people, but for talking dirty, it's good to focus on specific body parts, and talk about them, or, more importantly, what you want to do to them. It doesn't really matter what you say, because when you're having sex, you tend to be more focused on other things.
@coolmonkey@xanga - ....wow!
@coolmonkey@xanga - oh, did somebody leave you?
@jo_lovely@xanga - Where'd you get that idea?
If you have to spice things up to that kind of level obviously the sex isn't doing it for the SO alone. In other words, boring sex=bad sex. I find often times "role taking" and "talking dirty" is degrading on either end of the field. But, that's just me. I'm more of a passionate person.
Haha I never liked the idea and my bf and I ended up doing it eventually anyway. If you try it, ease yourself into it. If you're uncomfortable with it, just don't do it. He should accept that.
That advice basically hits it right on.
@coolmonkey@xanga - Well if he's that selfish, I don't think she'd want to be with him anyways.
Either way, you have to be comfortable. You have to be ready. Talking dirty may be nerve wracking at first, and after you may be thinking he'll laugh at you. It takes a bit to get used to, but eventually it becomes really fun and it makes things better.
I wouldn't like the fantasizing about other people though. No way no how for me.
this just proves that people need to have social compatibility and sexual compatibility when a relationship is involved.
i'm so glad my girl loves my fetishes, and i her's.
Just make sure you are comfortable and ready because if you're not, then you will hate the experience, whatever it may be.
Eh, I think the entire thing is stupid. Please lay here and be the body while I imagine you're someone else I consider more attractive.
My 'douche' radar is going off.
I guess it works for some couples, and I'm not putting it down. But typically this isn't a good sign. Fuckkkkk that.
@raedium@xanga - This!
I'd go and find a new BF love, he's clearly a kink. Ask him if he's into danger w**king....bet he is.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Fuck the 'Fantasizing about other people'.
He should be wanting to think about you.
What a prick.
I agree with the advice given.
2eprops for that advice
hit it and quit it
Well, trying new things for your partner is just part of a relationship. Sometimes new things may be uncomfortable in thought, but end up being a lot of fun, or being good.
However, pretending you are someone else is disrespectful. I say you should get a picture of one of your ex boyfriends, and look at it while you guys are "getting it on" And just keep saying the ex's name. or, just invite the ex over - lol.
Like I said, trying new things is a responsibility of every sexual partner, but his request is hurtful and out of line. Dump him and get someone that appreciates you.
do NOT do anything you're not comfy with! and fantasizing about other people is not cool. I'm sure lots of people do but openly admitting that to you?? umm what??
@coolmonkey@xanga - that is so true. i mean, he could probably just go right around the corner and pick up a few hookers along with some stds.
@peaceciao@xanga - seriously.. anyone who is comfortable with that, in my opinion, has a few mental issues to work out.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - Haha true.