Sunday, 20 December 2009
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Sexist, Nasty, or Just Plain Careful?
It’s come to my attention that I might be a bit… well… SEXIST.
Sexist in the sense that I expect things from men that I would never expect from women.
Let's set the scene. Imagine the train is busy and another lady takes the final seat.
I accept this with: "Well. She wanted to sit down!"
But if it's a dude that grabs the seat my immediate reaction is: "WHAT A FIEND. THERE ARE FEMALES EXPECTED TO STAND AND HE SITS DOWN! HOW DISApPOINTED MUST HIS MOTHER BE!? WHAT AN AWFUL JOB SHE DID OF RAISING HIM! I BET HIS WIFE/GIRLFRIEND IS A WHORE. NO DECENT LADY WOULD GO NEAR SUCH A VULGAR BEAST!"
I expect guys to offer women their seat on the train if it's busy.
I expect guys to offer to carry women’s heavy goods.
I expect guys to offer to drive if we're going anywhere. What kind of dude expects a lady to drive him!? A dude that needs to grow a pair of balls!
I expect guys to offer to pay for the woman when out to dinner .
I expect guys to offer their everything... even if I can see that I'm probably physically stronger than their weedy ass is, even if I have no intention of allowing him to get away with paying for us both, even if I can see that I'm more capable of standing up on the train than he is.
I expect guys to be gentlemen. And to treat me like a Princess. Even if I seldom act like one.
And if the guy doesn’t exhibit any of these gentlemanly behaviors then he is demoted from 'guy' to ‘undatable’ and in most cases ‘unfriendable’ too. There are approximately 3 billion men in the world… why would I waste my time with one who wasn’t going to treat me well and to the standard that I am accommodated?
I expect men to be gentlemen... and if they're not? Then they're not worth my time, and I like to imagine them only being able to snag them simple, un-educated girls who have probably slept around and picked up a few diseases, because those are the women they deserve.
… Which are hardly princess-like thoughts! But in my estimations, all girls are Princesses… until they start dating these non-gentlemen, and until they let these douchebags get away with their behaviors! That’s when women relegate themselves out of the big-leagues. That's when women start deserving the undateables, because they are enabling them.
So am I being sexist? Pure Nasty? Or am I just playing a careful dating game? (One which has always worked mind you… I’ve never had a bad boyfriend!)
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About the Author
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- From: Kookoolee@xanga
- Name: KT
- About Me: Hiya! I'm KT! And sometimes? I get awfully confused and put milk on my fries and salt in my tea. But I'm not all bad. Honest. I like big adventures, cheesy music, sparkling wine, classic literature, and pretending I'm Taylor Swift in my car!
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Comments (130)
I wouldnt say Sexist, just old school.
Some guys are raised as gentlemen to offer their seats, help with heavy bags & what not. Sometimes if you ask they will help you. I dont expect guys to do this anymore because times change & they sometimes think if they help you, they'll get their heads bitten off by some independent woman who can do things on her own. I've even seen women do that & call them out on it. It's like damned if you do & damned if you dont.
I think you are looking at it wrong. Expecting it and wanting it are two different things. If a guy says I expect my wife to have dinner ready when I get home, that is wrong just as it is wrong for a women to say I expect a man to carry my heavy goods. Now wanting a gentleman to offer you his seat, to help you with the heavy stuff and be nice, is fine. Just as wanting a wife who *if possible* can have diner ready a nice clean home and look good *if she doesn't work outside the home*, is a nice thing. But you don't expect anything; you want those things.
You had it right, expecting it because "he is the man" is sexist *period*. Just as a man expecting a woman to do certain things is sexist.
For the record... I offer my seat to all women or older men, I offer to help with the heavy lifting, I open her door, and let her go first, and I even cook and do laundry. The only thing I don't do is dust, vacuum or do yard work *I hire others to do all of that*.
@fugita@xanga - That's a very good way of putting it too! "Expecting it & wanting it". Good call!
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - thanks I think it makes it pretty simple that way.
Yes, I believe respect for women is important, but aren't women equal to men? So, why would a man do all those things for a woman if she wouldn't do the same to her equal (man)?
Now, I do always offer to pay, give my seat, ect to women, but it almost sounds like you want every man to be whipped.
In one word: yeah. In two words: pretty much. In four: No bones about it. If I were to think all that myself, I'd think I was being either sexist, have way too high a standard or just plain silly. After all, how can you give fair reasoning to one sex, and criticize another for doing the same thing, especially in a day and age where women are looking to be more independent in life? It just seems mixed up. If women want to have equal opportunity to men, expectations of chivalry is going against your own wish.
ROFLMAO. A princess set for a disney movie if ever I saw one. You're straight out of a movie, doll. I'm a complete asshole and I would hardly call the women with whom I've held relationships simple or uneducated. However, I would definitely call any of the countless women who act without class or intelligence and still expect to be treated like princesses, both simple and uneducated without the slightest hesitation. If all women are princesses than none of you are and none of you deserve special treatment.
Pig.
Double-standards. People expect things from one sex that they wouldn't expect from another. We expect guys to offer to pay for us, then we harp on them about being sexist and old-fashioned when they do. If they don't, they're jerks and not worth our time. It was one thing like a century ago when a lot of women really were helpless, but now we're not. Unless a perfectly able guy (or girl) takes a seat from someone elderly, handicapped, or pregnant, I don't find it outrageous. We're NOT princesses, and I hate when girls expect to be treated like princesses. Why should guys have to offer to pay for our meals? Why should they have to give up their seats? Why should guys have to waste their own gas money every time either of you wants to go out? We girls should be giving the same amount in return if we want guys to do anything for us.
I don't think its sexist. Although I've never expected it because I never felt that I deserved it.
But its perfectly right.
Generations before thought that was right & they turned out great. =]
I love your post, to be honest.
Well, technically this isn't sexism if we're going by the academic definition (prejudice+power=sexism), but I would definitely say you are reinforcing gender stereotypes.
I understand you might like the outcomes of these expectations (a sit on the bus, less likely to pay for stuff, being treated nicely without having to do anything), but you shouldn't expect men to act one way and women another. People are individuals who are going to act the way they want to, not the way someone (who they don't even know) expects them to. Projecting your beliefs to others will set you up for disappointment and piss other people off.
Also, by your guidelines, I'm apparently a man. Guess I should stop all that seat bus giving, heavy goods carrying common courtesy I was raised with. :\
Holy shit... Yup, you are. You obviously don't consider men to be equal, from what I can see, you actually think them to be inferior. How? You say that all women are princesses until they date douchebags, which is more full of shit than the Augean stables. Your own story contradicts you. You say that you've never dated a bad guy, yet that you're not a princess. So unless they became douchebags shortly after dating you, you just proved yourself wrong in the same post.
Sounds to me you like guys you can walk all over and so long as you can do that, you'll date them. This is probably why you haven't had a bad boyfriend, you most likely had them so pussy-whipped they'd do your laundry if you asked.
I'm all for being a gentlemen, I'm the most polite guy you can get when it comes to treating a lady, but there's a difference between that and letting a girl get away with anything and making you do everything.
I like the way @fugita@xanga put it most. The fact that you simply EXPECT a man to do this is nuts. If I were to say that I EXPECT my girlfriend to give me a blowjob everytime I see her, people would think I'm an asshole. The fact is, I only WANT a blowjob everytime I see her. (PS girls, I'm no different than any other guy).
@darkangel6541@xanga - Very well put. I agree completely.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - hahahaha... that is too funny. great comment though!
@fugita@xanga - Concur, great way of putting it :)
i just think its a little harsh to automatically assume anyone they are with is a "slut" or "a whore". Just because the men aren't for you doesn't mean they aren't someone elses cup of tea.
IMO.@mcmeister89@mancouch -
phahaha. good comment! you should date someone you feel is equal to you.I agree. If you saw the movies "My Girl" when Dan Akroid's character takes Jamie Lee Curtis's Character on a date, he was given the advice to do the opposite of what woman expect. Don't pay for the check, make her. Don't open the car door, she can do it herself. And he came off as being a jerk because it wasn't the "Gentlemen" thing to do. It's not to much to ask. It's being nice. It's showing you care to do these things.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - I wouldn't besurprised if the next post is pondering the reality of equal opportunity. Which one between us would you rather tackle that one?
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - all yours guy. You've proven yourself to have quite the balanced mind on these matters.
not sexist. just chivalrous. ^__^
@xsillyheartx@xanga - Yes but if a guy expects you to cook dinner, clean the house, and give him a blow job everyday he is an asshole because he is expecting you to do certain things. Wanting and expecting are two different things. A gentlemen will offer and a lady will want the gentlemen to offer but she should not expect him to do anything.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - I see it as she is expecting him to be a certain way when she should want him to be a gentleman but not expect anything. It is a big difference. Much like I explained before.
You are just majority entitled. I usually offer up my transit seats to the elderly or the crippled (or a cute girl
) help men or women I see struggling with a heavy load and generally expect nothing from the opposite sex. Then when men do get up for me, pay me dinner and hold open the door it's as special as it should be.
@darkangel6541@xanga - Thank you perfectly expressed!
@Salivarysatisfaction - I like the way you think!