Saturday, 19 December 2009
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The Student Helper and the Tennis Instructor
I work everyday at a elementary school across from my house. I have the job title as "Student Helper" which basically means that I'm a janitor that works more and gets paid less. When I'm working I usually don't look around or attempt to talk to any teachers or students passing by.
One night I was told to lock up the school, which meant i had to wait for every teacher and student to leave the building even after I had finished my duties. Everyone had left but these groups of children getting tennis lessons in the gym. All the children had gone home and now the instructor was walking out to his car. Out of the blue, he taps on my shoulder while I'm locking a door, he asks who I am and what I do at the school. He told me his name was Oliver, and I told him that my name is Lesia and I explained my job, a few minutes in he asks if I have a Facebook, I replied with a yes and spelled my name for him. Being excited was the first of my emotions.
When I got the request on Facebook I was eager to find out more about him. The first thing I saw was his birthday, I was shocked when I saw the year "1980" This meant he was 29 years old. I'm 18, so that leaves us an 11 year difference. At first I wasn't sure what I should do, hangout with him and find out more, or rule him out because were far off when it comes to age. So in my confused state, I talk to my friends. After talking to them I think i became even more confused than I was before I talked to them. Half of my friends gave me the brutal truth that 11 years apart is disgusting and could mean he's a pervert and the other half tell me that age is nothing but a number and you can't help who you're attracted to so go with the flow and get to know him.
So tell me, when is age "nothing but a number?"
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- From: hopelessly_confused
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Comments (25)
Age is does matter. A guy who is significantly older than you could be contacting you to get into your pants. I was 17 and dated a guy who was 24. It wasn't until a month or two later that I found out all he wanted to do was get in my pants. He'll say so much bullshit to you that you'll believe it....but anyway. maybe this guy might be different..just becareful.
Age is nothing but a number. It's really a matter of how he acts, if he's mature and if he can stand on his own.
The older you are, the less the stigma. At your age, the stigma is still great, and if you ignore other people's judgments, you may find happiness with him. But there is also some partial truth to their disapproval. You are probably at different stages in your life and meshing your lives together for the sake of some chemistry may turn out in more heartbreak than love. I have experienced this firsthand, dating guys that were older and in different stages of their lives than I was ready to accept into my own.
I think age is just a number when you like someone. It all depends on you. If you like he then you should chat with, become firends with him. This will tell you more about who he is as a person. You could just end up being good friends, or it could be more. I think you will be able to tell if he's a good person or not. 11 years dosen't really mean anything to me, but I've always liked older men.
A 29 year old should be looking for a girlfriend in the 23+ arena. He can't take you with him to bars, 21 and up comedy joints or anywhere else that won't be swarming with annoying teen agers. I say be careful of him, he may just be looking to hook up with a hot barely-legal.
@Salivarysatisfaction - I definitely agree. Do be careful and wonder why he doesn't fit better into his own age group. Remember - it can't even be an issue of your maturity, because he doesn't know anything about you (at least based on what you said).
if he wants to have sex with you after everyone at school leaves, except for you two, then his intentions are fetish porn reasons. age is nothing but a number but in this case, student helper and older instructor relations is not wise and full of drama.
does he knows you're 18? maybe he thought you were older?
I was asked out and dated by a girl 18 years younger than me. Actually it was a lot of fun, so I have to acknowledge age is just a number. However, if the guy or girl whoever is older cannot really connect with the other one the relationship can be a disaster. See for the younger one everything is new but for the older one he/she had gone through the age so the adjustments should come from the older person. If the girl or boy is matured enough it is okay to date as long as they both have no problem with it.
The Signature Of A True Human Is The Smile He/She Brings On The Face Of Others.
LonelyPoet
As far as he knew, you were an employee at the school and he probably thinks you're cute. Just go with it, you're both adults.
if he doesnt know you are18 go for it but just in case look him up:
here
then just go with it. you guys may or may not connect
I think the fact that he's the one to approach you.. and ask for your facebook makes it a little easier to believe that he's a pervert. I like someone who's 25, and he was obviously not gonna approach me. To me, an older man who hesitates is more trustworthy than some older man who comes asking for your website after a couple minutes of chatting..
i def. think age matters a lot, just from my own experience. guys that are about 7+ years older have different priorities in life while guys my age tend to think like me a little. not all guys around my age are immature. this day and age, we're all at the same points in our lives when it comes to careers and goals. i prefer dating a guy who's around my age.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - completely agree.
I agree with a lot of the other comments here...you should be wary, yes, but i don't see a problem with getting to know him better. there's no reason for you not to be friendly with your coworkers, no? ^__^v
being asked for your facebook doesn't really seem like a big deal to me, either. there are now plenty of parents and 'older' people that also have accounts, and i'm friends with plenty.
also...to be honest, i think you might be looking too deeply too quickly. if all you've had is one conversation, how are you to judge his intentions? he's probably seen you around if you work there every day...so okay, maybe he wants to get in your pants, but it's just as likely that he's trying to be friendly. i wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. don't fall for him just because you think he might be interested! if it turns out he's not, you'll just be disappointed..and if you come on to him too strongly, it'll just be awkward later :P
Yes, age is just a number. But honestly, most of the time when a 29 year old wants to be with an 18 year old it is solely for sex. That's why your friends are telling you the brutal truth, because they care about you. I know I would be really worried about my best friend wanting to be with a 29 year old.
And lets be honest, you guys are at different stages. He's almost ready to get married, and you're most likely just looking for a good time. Of course a nice long relationship would be nice, but he's at a totally different stage. You still need to get out there and discover yourself and get the taste of all different types of relationships.
I've experienced both. One a perv and another genuinely nice to me. I guess you have to know more of the particular person before you could tell. At this stage, it's probably too early to comment, I would say take it easy and get to know the person more before you jump into conclusion.
while yes age is just a number and all that stuff, it is true that being at different stages of your life,will be really really difficult to handle.
@Trigger821@xanga - yeah he definitely knows im 18. I've told him several times. He always tells me that it's okay.
@the_Froschprinz@xanga - i agree with you 100% because if that if i dont take the oppertunity then it may never come around again. and he seemed very sweet and very mature, but at the same time someone i can connect with. when i talk to him (which is much more now) i dont even feel like im speaking to someone so much older than me. As for now im running with it. I just hope it works out. but thank you for your great advice!
age is definitely nothing but a number. on of my best friends' parents went are 18 years apart and they're happily married after 25 years [about]. don't even worry about it... and i mean, getting to know him isn't a crime. you're allowed to talk. just follow your gut. and be careful. if something is off about him, then listen to the warning bells.
My sister is 23 and her boyfriend is 34. They live happily together, and i don't find it tooo weird, usually. it's a little weird, but, eh, it works for them.
Age matters when you're a minor and he's an adult. The law can bite you in the ass for that.
Age don't matter when both of you are an adult, both parties are responsible and mature enough to handle the relationship, and if you two can work out the difference of years in between your age.
Age is nothing but a number when the two people are at the same point in their lives and have the same mindset even though they are years apart in age.
Age is definitely just a number, but it typically corresponds with a life stage and a level of maturity. So unless you're super mature, you might want to look closely at that. Either he's appropriately mature (in which case he may be starting to seek someone to have a family with in the near future) or immature (in which case you should look at his background and figure out why and if he'll ever get past his current mental age).
Good luck to you!