Saturday, 19 December 2009
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I Learned About Love From My Parents
My mom and dad taught me a very valuable lesson about love. The one thing I have really learned about love from my parents is that you really can't date just anybody anymore. Be very careful who you fall in love with or date. The reason I am so picky about who I date these days is because of their relationship. And so far their relationship is...well, let's just say that I can't remember a time when they said they loved each other. I have seen them hug and kiss probably once or twice growing up. Even Mom said, "that's the first time we ever did that in a long time." The rest of the time, they were getting by for us kids.
Whenever one is not around, they tend to slip into complaining about each other's antics plenty of times. It's like they don't even know they are doing it. Not out of love or jokes either. Sometimes, matters led them to get into small arguments about whatever, leading Dad to be the one to back down, because of my mom's temper. It erupted to much worse things when I was little. A fight broke out, and I was afraid to even go to sleep. My mom's scream of "I hate you" still rings in my ear today. Even my oldest brother claimed to see it a little more than I did.
They don't fight like that anymore, but day by day, I see those two in the same room, and wonder what kept them from divorcing. What motivates them to still sleep next to each other today? Why do they remain in the same house, if they have such a problem with each other today? It was apparent that they stayed together for us kids, and even we saw that the relationship is being faked through.
From there, To this day, I am kind of neurotic about dating. I decided when I was young to either never fall in love or to not have a date, till I found someone I would definitely like or I could picture myself having a happy marriage with. After all, if I liked somebody, I wanted to make sure there is no reason that I would want to break up with them later.
Liking someone just isn't enough for me anymore. Heck, my mom and dad liked each other when they met. I don't even believe in the theory that time and effort can make stronger love. My mom and dad dated each other when they she was around 15! The last thing I wanted to wind up with is the same outcome with me and my partners. Anytime I feel even the least bit of disdain for my partners, I make a point to leave the relationship, no matter what the partner says. Either that or make a point to never date them in the first place.
So, as much as people would love for me to be liberal with dating, I can't.
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- From: mynameisblueskye@xanga
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Comments (28)
I'm kind of the same way.. and I can' remember my parents ever being in love. the thing i don't get is that they dated for 6 years before they got married. >.>
i was uber conservative with dating.. I do have a boyfriend.. but he was a very rare find =D
It's sad that your parents relationship deteriorated to this... but at least you are learning from it. So many people fall into the same negative cycle as their mum or dad because they hold them as the apex of "how things should be." Goodluck on finding something timeless and beautiful. :)
I've always been picky with who I dated because of my parents too.
But mine was more for wanting something like what they have. [:
my parents only got married because they had my sister.
and then they dragged me into the picture of their miserable marriage.
yet 22 years later, they're still together...
and my sister and I don't understand why. we feel like they'd be better off divorced.
my sister and I however, have better relationships because of it. my sister has been with her boyfriend for 7 years since the age of 15 and I like to think I've found the one I want... we've been together a year and a half, so we'll see. I think he's a keeper though :)
My parents are the ideal married couple. They aren't technical in their love, and my dad doesn't give a shit for romantic gestures, but he is an excellent male specimen.
You're absolutely right to be selective about who you date. Dating for dating's sake isn't a great idea so you should wait. Yet withdrawing from the 'dating game' completely or bailing out when you sense something 'disdainful' in a person is perhaps a little bit unfair, especially when you say that you're not willing to hear what your partner has to say about it. You leave - end of story.
I don't know how old you are Chris, but you're never going to find a perfect partner. There is always going to be something that irritates you. Always! While I can understand your cynicism towards relationships based on your parents' marriage, is it a good idea to build barriers around your heart? Just food for thought....
Have a nice 2010.
my parents got married because of me. they went to vegas and eloped when they found out they were pregnant. 18 years later they got divorced.
i was really picky about my boyfriends, but i still ended up with two complete losers. i think everything happens for a reason though and as long as you stick on the path that you're supposed to be on then things will work out. i met my now fiance and i couldnt appreciate him more for being such a wonderful man.
i saw a couple come in to where i work. they announced it was there 65th annivarsary that day and then he gave a hug to his wife and kissed her. it was sooo cute. this is just one instance in where i've seen happily married couples that have been together for a long time. i believe love can last forever. but relationships take work, period. and if you're not willing to put in the work then you're never going to reap the rewards.
not so much from my parents.
their marriage mostly consisted of cheating on each other.
they eventually divorced, thank pie.
they're still friends, though, which is nice.
i think if anything, i've learned friendship from the two.
my parents were like that too, except worse. i've never seen them do anything remotely affectionate towards each other. in fights, my dad doesn't back down in arguments. and i've learned to ignore the screaming.
the difference is that i'm desperate for a pet/sibling/so because i know i can do so much better than them and i'm waiting for my chance to show that. try changing your mindset about love. learn from your parents' mistakes. good luck?
Neither can I, honestly. I saw that they stayed together as long as they could so they won't traumatize us. So they divorced when my brother and I were older.
My mom became less crazy and they both high-fived each other when the divorce was final.
People drive me crazy as it is..why marry one of them?
After all, the number one cause of divorce is marriage! :D
- Kunoichi
My parents love eachother. They get in tiny little arguments, but end up chatting, giggling, and doing what couples do.
My mom says she was lucky to have him.
I'm concerned that I'm not as lucky, and because they are kind of the ideal couple in my mind, I'm so picky. . . making it extremely hard for me to find anyone.
If it wasn't for the hot passionate love of my parents, I wouldn't be here at all, you know.
I feel like your parents are a reason to be more liberal with your dating - just be careful when it comes to sex, and don't Marry someone unless you're sure.
Going on a date doesn't have to be this big commitment.
Your parents sound exactly like my parents...and I grew up not really knowing what love was, and eventually I started to believe that it didn't exist; people just made it up to make life more interesting. I was suuuper picky about dating, and then when I started to try dating it just felt off and I would break up with them within a month. But my boyfriend now, I am absolutely crazy about. I know that he's the one because I've dated around so I know what I want in a relationship...and it's like he was made for me. I don't know, love works in mysterious ways...but at least I know it exists now. My advice would be not to settle for someone you're not crazy about, but also don't be too picky...you might find an 8 and be wanting a 10, but remember you're not a 10 either. Nothing's perfect.
My parents divorced when I was young, and I learned two lessons of love, one from each of them, depending on how they lived their lives after separating. My dad taught me the most hopeful lesson.
My dad taught me that it can definitely happen, even if you messed up once. He and my (step)mom are beautiful together, always picking on each other and having fun. I'm not saying it's perfect -- they get into disagreement sometimes -- but that's something else they've taught me: love is not the perfect fairytale you grow up believing.
My mom's story..let's keep this comment on a lighter note.
I think my parents were really stupid in marrying, and even worse at being in the marriage. Hopefully I have learned from them.
My parents never did get married...and I have to say, that was the best thing my mom ever did for me. I always tried to be careful with getting close to people, but when I was pregnant at 19 I got married because I thought it was the 'right thing to do'. 7 years later, we're divorced and I am a single mom with 3 children. Things are so much harder for me having been married just for the kids than it was for my mom doing it on her own from day one. So, I strongly advise against getting married for the traditional notion of 'the right thing'.
Marry for love, and nothing less. Don't let other people guilt you into choices you don't really want to make.
my parents had never met before their marriage date. my mom said okay off of a picture, and my dad was this bitter, angry guy because he had gotten divorced recently. he was pretty awful to my mom the first several years of their marriage, and my mom struggled to even get him to let her come to America (she was in India) with him.
he got better over time, and my mom was always oppressed by him. I don't get why they stayed together either, but my mom said it was for my brother and I, and also because it would look really bad in their society if she got divorced. my parents seldom say 'I love you', are hardly ever affectionate, and I have never even seen them kiss.
but in contrast, I really believe in true love and hope with all my heart that I find someone who I fall in love with and we get married. but my mom doesn't believe in that either and she thinks I'm gonna end up with someone who will force me to do things I don't want. I really want to prove her wrong.
I feel like the majority of the population has to deal with this. And if not this, divorced parents. My parents were happy and in love my whole life, and they still are. My idea of love is all candy coated and unrealistic.
I don't want to repeat history either and that is why I'm sooooo picky
@Salivarysatisfaction - I love your hair.
And, yeah, my mom and my step-dad (I was 2 when my real dad ditched) used to get into ridiculously violent fights, and would want me to be their mediator. I remember once I was outside tanning and my step-dad started hollering about a cup. He stumbled into the backyard with a gash in his forehead bitching about my mom throwing a cup at him.
Now that I think about it, it's funny. Back then, not so much.
i share the same scenario with you. and it happens to be almost everyday in our house. they've been through countless fights and arguments for almost 16 years now. but they still opt to stay together for the sake of their 5 kids. well, though I'm immune by their quarrellings, it really still gets into my nerves whenever they do. . .
The sex was that hot ;D
it's such a girl song, but How Do You Love Someone? by Ashley Tisdale is the song for you!
My parents are the same!! Except they openly agree that they hate each other, and sleep on different couches (they don't ever go into their bedroom anymore, they both sleep in the living room... it's kinda strange).
Their current excuse is 'we don't have enough money to live separately,' which is up in validity since their previous reason to stay together, 'for the kids.'
It is so, so much worse for the kids to stay together and try to force it when the kids see fights constantly, and have to physically hold both parents away from each other. I'll never forget some of their more intense fights.
I will never, ever get married. Ever. I will never, ever end up the way my mother is.
I just want to clarify, my father is not abusive, and I don't really blame either one more than the other for the situation. I just will never end up like they are.
I also wanted to say, that I'm not an emo kid anymore, and never really truly was. I'm actually very happy, and love life. I just never want to fuck that up with a man. I don't need it!! :)