Thursday, 17 December 2009

• Cheating Will Save My Relationship

  My boyfriend and I have a twisted romance. When we first met through mutual friends, it was like love at first sight... except he barely speaks English (he is Russian) and I barely speak Russian (I'm Russian but my first language was English). He was running after me for the first few weeks, I didn't really give him the time of day, but eventually I couldn't get enough of him. That's when he pulled back. And for months he would ignore me, and I would pine for him and I was a complete mess when he wasn't around. I eventually did my own thing, went on dates, slept with other men, tried to forget about him, but when he called, I would melt. He's a shy guy so any attempts he made to get with other girls (that I heard about) were often failed and simply for the purpose of me finding out, because he knew I would. When I called, he dropped everything.

  Our mutual friends would get us both to come out, and he would either be all over me, or I would be all over him, both of us played this game of cat and mouse. For ONE YEAR. I really lost myself for a few months, started drinking, hanging out late nights, going to work a mess. Then one night, we met up at a lounge with all of our friends. Had a drink together, and got to talking. I was having problems with my parents so he offered to let me live with him for as long as I needed. I moved in the next week... and at first, he was constantly trying to get my attention, texting me, asking me to go wherever he would. It's definitely not that I wasn't interested, it's that I was so 'heartbroken' that he didn't accept me as his girlfriend, and that we had this messed up situation between, I was too busy shacking up with other guys. Of course we eventually fell in love, and I became faithfully his.

  Since he is Russian... he is illegal here, and he wanted to get his green card. He attempted to claim that he was a Jewish refugee to claim status here... but that failed. So his next stop was..marriage. I grew up in America. I swear, if you would have told me that I would be in this situation a year and a half ago, I would laugh at you. But somehow, I caved in, because that fact that he might be deported was too much for me to bear, and married him. Now this was a mutual agreement between the both of us. We would treat this like a normal relationship.. the marriage was only going to be a bonus for him to get his status here. But for the longest time (even prior to getting married) the leverage in our relationship became off. I wanted more from him. More attention, more kindness, more text messages, more phonecalls... just more. Because I always lacked that part of him. I wanted all of him for so long. He tells me now that he loves me, that I am truly special to him.. but sometimes, his actions don't say this.

  So now, if only to control my emotions and balance out my relationship with the love of my life...I've called on my old friends with benefits. Some of you may think that's wrong, and bash this decision, but I'm trying to explain why I feel this is right. It's difficult for me to give him his space, and not go nutso without him.. unless I have something (or someone) else to preoccupy my time. These men are not emotionally necessary to me, they are physically there to occupy my time, so I am not overbearing to him. I've tried for so long, NOT to be overbearing. Nothing is working. Any hobbies or activities outside our relationship, they do not help calm the anxiety I get when he isn't around me (or isn't calling me). He doesn't have to call every second, but even twice a day is not enough for me. He lives on his own... and he is fine, with or without me. He's stated, more than once, and not in a malicious way, that if I want to go out and do my own thing, he will be fine, he can entertain himself.

  I will cheat in him. And I will back away from him with all my emotional baggage. I feel this will not only save our relationship from me constantly being overbearing and jealous of him, but it will calm my anxiety. I wont worry about what he is doing, if he is with another girl, or if he is even thinking about me... because I'll be doing the same. And I know, for a fact, our love is different, its so different I don't know if anyone in this world could understand it. I highly doubt any of you will understand my actions, but I can understand that too. I know without a doubt that no matter what, we will last. Cheating and all. This is no ordinary love.

  Do any of you have a crazy, twisted, love story?

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