Wednesday, 16 December 2009
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Hey, Pal, Slow Your Roll
How do you tell a guy to slow down without putting it harshly?
I broke up with my boyfriend the day after Thanksgiving weekend. I had felt like I was alone in the relationship and he wasn't listening to how I felt about everything. The problems along with cons were adding up and it was a burden more than comfortable to be in the relationship. I wasn't happy with him as I felt like I could be with someone I am really truly in love with.
On the other hand, there is this guy that I had a crush on since July. It was one of those at first sight things when you catch each other staring but you don't look away. I don't know how to explain it but it was something definitely there. He sat next to me until I moved away from him. We had another class again in the fall and this time he sat next to me and was determined to get to know me. We became study partners and friends pretty much. It wasn't until the night before Thanksgiving that I told him how I felt.
Before breaking up with my boyfriend, I told him how I felt about him and how I had been pushing away these feelings for him since the summer because I was in a relationship. He told me he feels the same way about me and he is pretty much on the same page as me. Now the semester is over and we haven't really started hanging out and spending time with each other. The finals end this week and we're already planning times together . Until now it's been making out and kissing when we said goodnight after studying for long hours. He is very physical with me but if I start to get uncomfortable I tell him and he holds back.
We're both so excited to spend time with each other and after hanging out in the city with each other I think he was trying to say he loves me but said it in a way that he wants to tell me that he more than likes me. I told him not to because I'm not ready yet. He understood me. He is an older man and I understand that he, as people put it, has been around more times than I have. We talk to each other about our feelings but I don't want to be played for my heart.
How would you tell your crush or new love interest you're not ready to rush things?
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (17)
Seriously????
Just say it. "I don't want to rush things".
I dated a nympho during freshman year of college... and I'm far from it. She wanted to have sex after 3 days of dating, 6 of knowing eachother, and I was unsure if I wanted to have any before marriage at all. She'd start with the undressing, and I'd have to hold her back. We did break up pretty quickly (we're still friends), and sex is completely different than your situation, but the concept fits.
You just have to make it known that you're not comfortable with it. If the other party doesn't want to slow down, then you shouldn't have to push yourself. Let them know you're uncomfortable, and if they won't slow down, you stand your ground.
Direct and straight forward communication is the best, guys don't like trying to read between the lines or get a clue. Probably because they'll be afraid to get it wrong and panic then get it wrong anyways >.>
uhm, just say, i don't wanna go to fast...
Like everyone said -- just come out directly and tell him. I'm glad to see that's what you did. I'm even happier to know that he respects your wishes. :)
Don't beat around the bush. Just tell him. It's that simple. If you beat around the bush, someone's gonna get hurt later anyways. Be direct because if you don't, there's alot lost in translation and it's going to screw everything up.
sounds like he's playing you already.
College romance. "TEEHEE."
Sounds like you broke up with your bf bc of another man but that's just what I think. Just straight up tell him how you feel and where you stand in "all of this" since you just got out of a relationship. It's not that hard, imo.
come clean to him:)
Yea no other way but to just say to him to hold back. Not that difficult if you are as close as you say then it shouldn't be too much. He should respect your wishes.
if he gets touchey feely that fast and is rushing things, it tends to mean exactly that---
if you tell him to take it slow and he keeps being pushy, then it is mostly about lust. if he respects your words, he won't repeatedly be pushy.
I think the tone of voice has a lot to do with it, and the setting in which you tell him. But, just tell him straight up that you don't want to rush things. That you really like him, but you would feel more comfortable if you didn't rush. You want to build the relationship gradually, or something like that.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Very good point. :)
Umm... it's not that hard to figure out. People ask the dumbest shit on Datingish sometimes!
talk about it, peacefully.
Tell him to have some Drank to slow his roll: http://post.portlandmercury.com/images/blogimages/2009/03/13/1236973578-drank.jpg