In response to a previous post that claimed that men chase women for no reason, seems illogical. I am a man who cares not to waste time chasing women that I am not interested in. Most of my guy friends agree with me on this. . However, there are plenty of women who have told me that they enjoy the chase, because "it's like a game", or that "it's fun". Perhaps it is, but when I suggested that if two people like each other, they should start dating, they disagreed, because the "chase" seems to also involve getting to know the other person, and there are some girls who would rather have the chase just to know who they're dealing with.
There are some girls who like the chase for reasons of empowerment, because it seems like it's usually the guy's job to chase, and the girl's do the rejecting/accepting.
The last reason why girls like the chase is that they don't want to seem like sluts, so they intentionally make themselves difficult to catch (In other words they make guys work for it). This one seems the most plausible to me, although it still is kinda weird. It's just like the
yes=no thing; Why would you not show interest in someone if you're interested in them?
In short, girls may like the chase, and so may a few guys(?), but not all of us do. There are a lot of us who would rather not waste our time, but are forced to anyway since women want to.
Just because we flirt with you doesn't mean we like you; for instance, I've flirted with females that I had no interest in. I just like making women feel good and seeing them smile.
(Side Note: My masculinity is not affected by a girl telling me her feelings, on the contrary, I've become quite jaded and lazy, so feel free to ask me out anytime. The worst I can say is "no", right?)
Thoughts?
SlackerSociety@xanga
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Comments (58)
I've never really played hard-to-get, because the guys I used to like were all dumbasses when it came to stuff like that. I had to be straightforward, lol. And I know guys like you who flirt to make girls feel good. He really hates seeing insecure girls--and thinks that they should be comfortable with themselves. He doesn't lead them on though, he does it in such a way that they know it's friendly and sincere, but still has a flirtatious tone.
With my current boyfriend, I did kind of beat aroud the bush a bit, because I really liked him and knew he felt the same. The reason for that came about due to more personal issues (fears handed to me from my jerk of an ex), but ended up as playful reasons. Once he knew what was up, I let him know I wanted to be his. ;3 And what do you know? We're soulmates, haha.
It's fun. I love seeing that sly "I know what you're up to" smile ;3
this explained the key reason as to why I'm single
I'm too much of a businessman to play a fucking game
I knew someone would chime in with a response to that entry. All I can say is, most guys I know hate the cat & mouse game. Most guys want it to be straight up without the confusion. I'd like to see what the ladies have to say in response to this.
I'm in this situation right now with the girl I'm currently talking to. She seems to love the chase...it's that or she's just not that interested, but she throws signs that she likes me. And now I have to play along, because I like her, and I think it's way too soon to confess my feelings for her.
Like I wrote in my response to the last entry, I think there still needs to be excitement that builds. Playful banter is how I like to put it...but there needs to be a line drawn that you cant cross over when playing this game of cat and mouse.
The "chase" is just childish to me, but maybe that's how most males feel about it?
I can totally agree because most guys that I have talked to have told me I play hard too get too much. But the only reason us girls do that is because we have been hurt before and don't want to completely but ourselves out there like that just to be hurt.
Really nice post. I often flirt with girls I am not interested in - call it practice. But you're right, what's the point of the chase if you're not aiming for some kind of carnal activity? Mind, what do I know - I set up a blog about my own shambolic dating life.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I really think it's time to stop making gender generalizations. It's really changing, you know. It's more individualized than ever before. It's not about "men do this, women do that." It's just some PEOPLE in general are some way, and others are not.
i enjoy the chase but it's not some game to me.
the chase is just a preview for all the thrills in the relationships.
i've had so many guys chase me just because they wanted to see if they could get me.
& the minute i showed the slightest interest in them, they were right on to the next thing.
i never know what i think about this. as a girl, i don't like the "chase" because haha i guess i am a more masculine person- i want to put myself out there, do the calling and asking out and whatever, but i know i "shouldn't", and i've found this to be true. the guys i've pursued tend to run away...my personality isn't (too) overbearing, but i think they expect me to be acting demurely in the beginning, and are put off if a girl is too forthright.
right now i'm in the throes of a "chase"- this guy and i have been dating for a little over a month, but we're not "official", and he's been away at school (two hours away) so it's been a little challenging to see each other. anyway, i answer when he calls, and i text call/sometimes but i try to keep it to a minimum. why?
1. I don't want him to think I'm clingy.
2. I want to know that he's interested enough to pursue me. (I think this is a big one for a lot of girls)
3. Typical gender roles dictate that he should be doing the pursuing (he's very into chivalry, opening doors, etc. and I think this may be important to him)
4. "Common knowledge" (aka The Rules) dictates that he'll value our relationship more if he has to work for it.
5. We're still feeling each other out (how often do we each want to talk? see each other? spend time with one another's friends?)
So...that's why I, personally, am doing a bit of "running" from this particular guy. Hope that sheds light on something for someone
I'm a girl and I haaaate the chase. My biological clock is ticking; I don't have time for this crap!..
Also, a lot of men seem to translate my blatant nos into somehow meaning that I'm just playing hard to get.. No, I really mean no. It creeps me out or just makes me uncomfortable because I don't know how to get it through their heads that I mean no without hurting their feelings.
Synopsis: [Man's Perspective] Foreplay is important, but unnecessary.
Personally, I'm not a fan of games. I either like you or I don't. Furthermore, flirting is not an indication of interest because I flirt with people that I am not romantically interested in as well.
@amor_e_alegria@xanga - "I flirt with people that I am not romantically interested in as well."
May I ask why? I kinda wondering if the chick I'm talking to just flirts for no reason, so I need to figure that out. Doesn't it send the wrong message, especially to someone who might be interested in you? I can't seem to understand why one would flirt with others with no intention behind it.
i guess it depends how long/well you know this person, etc. idk, my one ex bf, i told him most of my feelings pretty straightforward = he freaked out and became awkward (he was 3 years older than me) = he felt trapped and broke up with me 3 months in.
so, i allow the person to know i'm interested, in a subtle way. if they like me, they'll pick up on it. if they don't, i know they aren't genuinely interested to the level i would want someone to be, see? its like a compatibility test. i don't think its a game, cause i dont engage in "playing" unless i'm genuinely interested in this guy. but. everyone wants a fair playing field right? we all want to know that we're on the same page with someone we're interested in, right? sometimes saying this directly isn't the best method: frankly because, a lot of people LIE. actions speak louder than words.
idk if i'm being clear or not, but depending how well i know the person, if we end up really dating or whatever, then the open communication can begin.
I don't do the chase. I do not even like it. I guess that's why when I turn guys down, they keep on bothering me. Because they THINK that ALL women like the chase. NOT TRUE. It would be nice to get to know the woman before assuming she likes the chase or not. I get fed up with that shit.
Yes=Yes.
No=No.
Or at least when I say those, I mean it.
@DeathzDezign@xanga - I don't even flirt at all, not even to guys I'm romantically interested in. I think flirting is fake.
yes!
@schallerbrandon@xanga - haha niceeee...
I don't like the chase I don't like playing hard to get. I like being straight forward and getting right to the point. In the past, guys think that I'm trying to play hard to get but I just really wanted them to FUCK OFF! Chasing is just all games and fun. When you find the person that's meant for you everything just easily falls into place. For me it did anyway
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - then again, i think i do make it QUITE clear when i'm NOT interested. for example, if i cringe away when you touch me, flat out say NO to invitations, ignore you, or act flat out rude: no DOES mean no.
its when i'm sort of ambiguously "yes" that you might have to think. lol
How is the guy supposed to know if the girl wants to be pursued while acting like she doesn't or if she doesn't want to be pursued because she really isn;t interested?
I never played hard to get, but I never made things easier for guys either. Why? It's just the whole "He's just not that into you" thing. If he tries very hard, it probably means he's very interested. If he gives up at the first difficulties he's probably not worth having. I want someone who wants me that bad. So, yes, the chase is important. I think it also makes guys value what they got once they finally got it.
STOP flirting with girls you have no interest in!
The chase shows how much he likes you.
the chase is the best part!!
it is fun and flirty, after that it just gets boring
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I def. love the chase! Most guys call me a tease and get fed up with me, lol.
@musterion99@xanga - That's what I want to know...