Wednesday, 16 December 2009
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Am I Crazy?
Is it possible to have feelings for someone you don't even see?
I live in Virginia and know this girl in California. Let's call her AQ. We met over the summer during this giant event. We did these activities and she was in my group and I saw her for the better part of about 6 hour a day. What's amazing is I never even spoke a single word to her; nor did I ever really took a good look at her. This was all due to my shy personality and the inability to speak to new people. It was also because I didn't really think of the trip as an opportunity to meet new people so I hardly inserted any effort into it at all. So after a week I left California without even a single thought of her.Back in Virginia, I found her through Facebook but even then, we didn't even talk. But it was when I looked at her facebook pictures that I found her to be rather cute (I'm weird like that). At this point I thought "why does it matter? We'll probably never see each other again" One day, she messaged me saying "Hi, how are you?" which caught me by surprised. I guess it was because I wasn't really expecting anyone that I didn't talk to to try to keep in contact. Everything's a blur but I guess that's how we started talking to each other. We eventually moved from Facebook to AIM (admit it, Facebook chat sucks) but due to her strict parents, we talked at most once a week and she ended up deleting her Facebook. Eventually conversations moved from the redundant "I'm fine how are you?" to "I like this" or "I want to do this". I guess you could say it got more personal since we were well acquainted now. Every once in awhile, we would reminisce about the summer and regret how we never spoke one word to each other (she's shy like me too). Eventually we would admit that we thought each other were cute but I guess this didn't really mean much since... well, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. When school started, we talked even less but found that emailing each other was more effective than AIM. That wasn't the only change though; we started talking about more personal stuff, such as who we liked in school. She had hers, I had mine and we both helped each other through it. One would hear the advise of the other, performing said advice, reported back, and awaited further order. Now we weren't probably THAT dependent on each other since I have other friends to console in and she probably does too. Nonetheless, things continued like that from about late September to last week.Through it all, we shared our disappointments, our joys, and everything in between. We've picked each other up in our time of despair (well, I felt like she picked me up more than I did hers) but I don't know why we were so open; two people who've met once and haven't seen each other since. Throughout this time, I've talked about one person while she has three. I know what you're all probably thinking, but I don't think she's that sort of girl. She's too sincere and honest. But about one week ago, I've decided to give up on my person for good and something suddenly hit me. Throughout the past 2 months, AQ was the only one who I shared everything about the girl I liked. Being the nostalgic person as I am, I went through the old email threads and found our past conversations. Her caring words, her helpful advices, all there in those threads. It's funny, I've shared more to a girl on the other side of the country than any of my close friends here in Virginia.I guess that's when I developed feelings for her. About two days ago I've told her how I felt and to my surprise again, she also had feelings for me. I haven't really asked much into detail of these feelings but suddenly we find ourselves saying "I miss you" more than the maximum of 1 per conversation in the past. We even email each other so much more frequently: at an hourly rate now rather than tri-weekly or something. It's also become ridiculous that I find myself refreshing my email page every minute or so, hoping for a reply when I know that I won't get one for another hour or so. Suddenly, she appears on my mind so frequently now too. Like, I can't stop thinking of her and I don't know why. You're probably thinking that I'm crazy. I'm starting to think I am too. Who knows when I'll see this girl again and I'm acting like I can have a relationship with her or something.So I guess this is where I find myself. As I type this post, I still frequently refresh my email to no avail. I'm 17 and I've had 2 relationships in the past. Both didn't end so well due to incompatibility. I'm not in a rush to be in a relationship. I've tried my best to make this post as clear as possible but I can only write so effectively what my mangled mind can manage.Can anyone help me? Are we just "reaching out" for each other due to past failures? Or is there really something going on?
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About the Author
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- From: diCHETdimay@xanga
- Name: Khoi
- About Me: Just a 17 year old trying to live life to the fullest.
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Comments (34)
There might well be something going on... I know what this feels like. I don't think you're crazy at all for developing this kind of relationship! Good luck and see where it goes from here.
nah.. you're not crazy.. !! LOL>>.. and it's ok to have that kind of feelings.. :)
By the way, are you alright with the LDR ?
my advice? apply to college in california.
we have good schools, beautiful weather, and a wonderful girl to offer you. what more can you possibly ask?
Funny thing is, I'm in a similar situation. We are currently in an online relationship right now, and I plan to go see her in March. We live on opposite sides of the country as well, but I feel that as long as both of you commit enough and are willing to have this relationship survive, it will work. You just have to take some big steps if it is something you want.
It is possible because chemistry can be felt by emotions and that in turn can be mistaken or not be mistaken for love, lust, etc. You're still really young though.
well I know a girl who got married to a dude she met completely online, it was about a year before they met each other, but heck, he moved by her and they got hitched and have been happily for 3 years. Its not for everyone, but not crazy to fall for someone you cant see. In fact, it sort of can create an intimacy that most people dont experience. But the real question is, if you had serious feelings for her and got in a serious relationship, would you or she be willing to commute at some point to be with each other?
I've felt similarly. the distance is too much to bear because aside from comforting words from emails/IMs, I want the physical cuddling comfort part but I can't have that. when I was in high school, I fell for this guy I met from online and we talked constantly but it ended with disappointment and sometimes I wished I never talked to him.
There might be something going on.. But then, it all might be show. With some people you can't tell unless you meet them. I don't know how you do it. I would have conflicting trust issues. But this is just me.
You're not crazy at all. You two seem to share just about everything comfortably with each other. No one can possibly tell you if there is something really going on. Only you two know the real answer to that. My question for you is: What do you expect to happen next? Or, What would you like to see happen?
dont think too much, just go for it and give it a try! you dont want to regret anything for the rest of ur life pondering what if you guys did date..good luck
I think this happens to a lot of people. You can share things with people online that are far removed for your social group because:
1. Anything you do will probably not effect them
2. You don't share the same friends/know the same people, so they will always side with you and support you
3. Chances are, they will never tell anyone your secrets because they don't have access to the people who would matter
Essentially, you can share your private thoughts with them because there's very little to lose.
With that being said, I don't think that you should pursue anything serious with this person unless there's a chance that you'll be physically close to them eventually (college?)
Online dating is incredibly different from live-action (HA) dating because YOU CAN CENSOR WHAT YOU SAY BEFORE YOU SENT YOUR EMAIL. I just feel like there are too many unknown variables that you should consider and there's just not enough that the two of you could probably give each other when you're so far away (without the benefit of a deep-rooted relationship to draw from). If the two of you are never going to be able to live close to each other, then what's the point of even having a relationship if it will never truly be fulfilled?
I guess what I am trying to say is that a relationship involves more than talking, no matter how wonderful the communication is. I would definitely keep this friend and try out the LDR if you're really compelled to do it (b/c otherwise, you might not be able to stop thinking about it). I just wouldn't expect a lot out of it, I suppose :/
Good luck!
Yes, you are crazy. In my opinion, unless they're in front of me, those people do not exist. Which is why I love the anonymity of the internet and troll everyone when I feel like it.
Also, people in real life are a lot different online.
- Kunoichi
awwwh cute. hrm, you're still in hs. who knows. you might end up going to a college nearby?
Thats cute, no your not crazy. I think somethings going on but the distance it the only obstacle.
Aw, this is so cute. No, I don't think you're crazy at all!
My fiance and I met online. We didn't even know each other in person first like you and this girl did..So I felt a little crazy about that back in the day too. I would just say to keep up how yous have been talking..Now yous know you like each other, maybe something more will come of it.
I started talking to my (now) fiance through another online friend yeears ago. About 6 years ago. Like you, we both liked other people and had our little complaints about the person we were with and gave each other advice. We lost touch (change of screen name situation) for about a year or so. I decided to get on my old name just for the heck of it one day and it turns out that was the only day that summer that he was online (on a friend's computer since his wasn't working) and he asked me where I had disappeared to for the last year and I told him I gave him my screen name, but on his end it was missing a number on the end (so we jokingly blame each other for that missing year of contact lol). From then on we started talking more and more and eventually (3 years ago, now) he suggested we meet. So he drove from Ohio to Pennsylvania (8 hours from where he was) so we could meet. He moved out to PA to be with me this October and we now only live an hour apart. This past November marked our 2 year anniversary and he proposed to me on that day.
I think if yous get more serious, yous should talk about how realistic or unrealistic it is that yous will eventually be together, in person - for good. Until that's possible, maybe yous could try things long distance. Long distance relationships are hard and can get lonely at times, but if you really care about someone, I know it can work out. It's worth all of it.
I can really relate to your story in a lot of ways. I hope everything works out for the both of you!
Not crazy. Been there, done that. I've realized I'm not really suited for LDRs, but it makes a ton of sense to me that an initial connection can be made while chatting to someone online. Like, you actually talk and connect with someone based on what's in your thoughts and feelings.
It could be either or. Think about it. You're each sharing some of your deepest secrets with each other, and trusting each other so much, it seems. Naturally, feelings will begin to develop. You're not crazy. Trust me. :)
From reading the underlying tones in this post, though, it sounds more like you are each reaching out to each other right now, though. You each want someone to trust and be able to confide in, like anyone else. So, yeah... I believe that in these early stages it's simply two people reaching out to each other, hoping to find someone who won't let the fall, and you each seem to be finding it.
Just try to keep things natural and don't rush. You guys will be fine, I trust. :)
Any way of seeing each other again in the next several years? And what trip were you on and why when you met her? :)
I'd also suggest being cautious, though, before you fall too hard. Seems she is still in that "mind's not made up yet" stage. She has liked at least 3 other guys recently, so it seems to me that she is still sorting through things. So, be patient if you really like her. Okay? :) I don't know if she's ready or willing to part with all of them like you were with your's. Best wishes, though!
Thanks for sharing this moment in your life. I find it beautiful and sweet. :)
*hugs*,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
Do what you want to do...move there if you have to :) What ever you think is right, is right.
You're young, do what you want to do for now. She's all the way out there in Cali, how will you hold up a relationship with so many other people out there?
Like they say, the more you spend time with someone, the more you start looking at them from a different angle. :)
You're not crazy. It's normal.
just a word of advice. things are so much more diff in real life. trust me on that one. you cant HEAR the tone of the other person... even if what theyre saying is the idk. nice sounding.
im sure that the there is some kind of spark. but i really dont believe in long distance relationships. i used to. trust me. but... it desnt work that way. i would say go for it if you guys are like... not that far away. who knows, it might really work out.
haha you're not crazy! it's common now and i'm somewhat going through the same thing as you, heh. im just hoping he and i both are compatible for each other in REAL life.
AQ??? most people go for Smith or Jane Doe. lol'
good luck
you are not crazy, i actually went like that and it is highly possible to feel this way about a person miles away. it's falling for their personality the way they handle things. the guy i am with now, we met kind of like that and we talked and kept talking and year from now or so.. he told me how he felt and i the same...and as awkard as it sounds or how crazily dumb it may seem we've been in a lond distance relationship for the past 8 months. and i wouldn't give it up for anything. :)
good luck. as long as things are open between the two of you the easier things get or straighten themselves out.
I think...that unless your parents suddenly announce to you that you're moving to Cali, you shouldn't give so much into it, but in all fairness, tell that to AQ as well. Because just as you said, you don't really know when you're going to meet her or if something is really going to happen.