Tuesday, 15 December 2009
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Addressing Past Wrongs (A Confession)
I've learned from the experience so that's why I'm sharing it with you all.
So a few months ago; I was with someone, whom I didn't know too well. It happened so fast.. I don't really know what happened. From her telling me she loved me, to planning marriage? I got scared.
Was somebody really feeling me like this? It's a scary feeling. I'm not talking months, this was like weeks into us talking. So I'm just wondering, "is this girl serious" (by the way she's a few months older then me). I didn't understand her immediate attachment. I was very interested in her, and I showed that in text messages. The devotion I had to her in the beginning (because I believe in giving a relationship my all, or at least most if I'm really interested). But that faded; which was strange because my persistence wasn't wasted.
I took advantage of her emotions and threw certain things in her face. I've had a ex (that I wanted to make amends with).
I hate having negative emotions over a person I'm going to see on a regular basis. So when I told her about it, I lied to her right away (not that I knew I did; I had no reason. Well actually I did). I was trying to keep the window of opportunity open, so if it didn't work out with her, I'd always have the "side chick" (in this case, it was my ex before her).
Strike 1: I played her for a fool.
A female friend (I tried to get with her but that didn't work out. We're better off as friends anyway). But I didn't realize that until we broke up (ironic right?). So I would text this friend, because that's what I usually did but she had a problem. But instead of actually respecting her wishes (mind you I had already lied to her), I made it worse. My resistance towards it was another red flag. While I knew my intentions were sincere, she didn't. And that's where the insecurity came in...
Strike 2: I didn't respect her wishes.
So I've messed up enough as is right? I should have been thrown to the curb, but she didn't! Why? because I guess she really cared. But I didn't make it any better (when I could have.)
Strike 3: I hit her (once.)
I'll say once because this wasn't the only time... Why did I do it? because I knew I could get away with it. I wasn't even mad at her. Even reliving this makes me feel like the worse person, because I'm not like that at all. Remember, I was taking advantage of her. It wasn't right and I know karma bit me in the ass after we broke up.
The Aftermath:
The break up was terrible... however; I knew I had to get away from her for a while to clear my head. I dealt with her for as long as I did because I hated my situation at home (while I was working on it while I was with her, it wasn't at the pace I wanted). So the breakup did 2 things. I went back to square one and took time to think about the entire relationship and instead of blaming her for being flat out insecure; I admitted to myself. My situation didn't matter because the relationship made me feel the lowest of the low, so whatever shit I was getting away from didn't matter. But it did get better in time, seeing as I do have goals in mind and a mean to achieve them.
I've never been the one to want to be friends with an ex, but she really didn't deserve that shit...
I feel this confession will allow me to move on from that experience, and maybe put her mind at least instead of her thinking I'm crazy because I'm far from it.
I know I was wrong on so many levels...
I'm sorry...Do you have any confessions you've wanted to make?
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About the Author
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- From: dpisawesome
- Name: Andrew
- About Me: you can either get mad now, or after i finish talking...
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Comments (25)
OMG u did some big ass mistakes, im gld she got away from you, and to think u ma have scar'd her for life for doing all of that to her, i would never be able to forgive a man who has done so much shit like that to me. there is just no coming back from that.
Dont get me wrong, its a great thing that u stepped up to the plate and realize that u was wrong on so many levels. thats a good start but man when karma comes back around and bites u in the ass u are going to get bitting really bad and hard and believe me u, u going to feel what she felt to. nobody has to even touch u just the pain u will feel is going to be harsh and i cant wait to it happens to u and to all them other people who did someone wrong out there.
I couldn't even read this. Rambling incoherence.
i remember when simple plan was really popular...
shit dude, that is too terrible! i dont think you could ever get forgiveness out o ME for that shit
wow you were bad but i guess you're already regretting it. apologise to her anyways...
you are a sick indivuidual. you deserve to be SHOT for hitting a women. you did it just because you could get away with it? you are seriously PATHETIC. and i hope you get shot, ran over, or killed in a horrilbe accident. you scarred her for life. there is NO way to make amends for hitting her. so dont even try.
this is really incoherent and you sound like a douche.
but i kinda did the same thing about having talking to a girl to keep my options open. but not to that extent
no, I don't
Let her know.
you right, you were absolutely wrong and mean to her...and your karma hasn't even started to pay you back yet.
This is so badly written. Fail. From what I understand, you're a douchebag. :)
You screwed up. Majorly. But you obviously know that, so I'm not going to sit here and pound it into your head. If you didn't know it was wrong, you wouldn't be publicly apologizing for it, with the likelihood that you will be ridiculed and judged.
That takes guts. Even though you were a complete jackass, I would forgive you. Mostly because I forgive everyone (hence why I tend to become a doormat, but those are my issues, not yours). I think everyone makes mistakes and as long as you learn from those, no one should make you feel like an awful person. That includes yourself too. Find it in yourself to be forgiven and don't make these same mistakes again. I'd forgive you once. Twice, I'd hit you back.
I don't understand half of it, but the half that I do understand makes me think you're a sad sad creature. Hope you really learned. If not, hope the next girl you hit disables you permanently.
@cornyonacob@xanga - i am so glad i'm not the only one who noticed that.
As long as you learned your mistake, treat the next one well.
If you actually learned your lesson, it won't happen again with your next relationship. I hope you have, but in my experience, a person needs to lose EVERYTHING to learn how it is to screw up a relationship by cheating.
I understand there's some hate (which I don't understand from a person you don't know) but I was fully aware of being berated with negativity. You can't claim to to have changed unless you're admitted your faults and made sure they wont happen again...
So yea you can say I should be shot, but are you gonna do it?
Just something to think about...
"I don't really care if you hate me, just pay me attention"
If writing this makes you feel better, you're a douche. Apologize to the damn woman. And one day she'll learn to forgive you and move on with her life! Forgiving doesn't always mean saying it's okay what you've done, but saying that life's okay and you can be forgiven. I hope you didn't scar her for life. I hate guys like these. I sure hope you treat your next girlfriend better
all those who called this person names, does that make you much better than him?
There are people we love with all our hearts, and there are those that we can't treat well no matter how hard we try. It varies. I can't say what you did is right, but acknowledging you're wrong is the first step. My ex boyfriend did many of the things that you've done to your ex girlfriend, and although I'm over it completely now, I would've wanted to hear a sincere apology just so I could get on with my life. Don't expect too much, but good luck anyways!
you HIT a woman?! ive experienced domestic violence, and guys like you are the reason why we leave you. of course we don't deserve shit like that, you just like to dish it out. good luck finding your next girl, and be sure to tell her you're a woman beater beforehand.
there is never an excuse for violence ...only when defending yourself when you are being harmed....but anyways apologize to the person you harm and broken their heart you never know what the very words I am sorry or I apologize may ease someone heart and may forgive you for your past doings ...I been harmed and broken before and it made me strong but for some it really breaks them...being a man sometimes is thought a male figure and sometimes our actions are reflections of our past and up bringing ....but anyways just do whats right and I am glad you are being remorseful....
In short you were wrong then why are you thinking for all this???????
Judging by everything you did to this girl and your reflections now, your hindsight is 20/20 (typical) but 1. that doesn't make you a bigger person and 2. it's going to take a shitload of unwavering determination to keep yourself from acting out in some of those ways again.
Keeping another girl on the sidelines? Really dude? You're THAT incapable of independence or, I don't know, loyalty?
But that's not even the worst part. You hit her because you COULD. You knew she'd put up with it, so you disrespected her, humiliated her, and treated her less than human for no reason other than a pitiful amount of self-control.
You took advantage of someone who was absolutely crazy over you, instead of respecting her and finding enough of your balls to admit you wanted out. She has undoubtedly lost sleep, trust and faith in good men because of your weak ass.
It's great you feel guilty and all, but that doesn't mean you won't treat a girl like that again if you feel justified (like you obviously did at the time). Try empathy.
I don't think letting her know is going to do any good. it's just going to clear your conscience, and not do anything for her. If I were her, I wouldn't give two fucks if you were sorry or not.
Not to be harsh, but I don't think apologizing to her is the right thing to do. at all. You need some time with yourself to really think about your mistakes and make sure you don't make them again - this was more than just "oops."