Ever run into someone and you don't know whether to say "hi" or just pretend you didn't see them and continue walking? Well I have and the end result was not what I expected.
A few days ago, I was walking around debating what to get for lunch when I see a familiar face on the opposite side of the street waiting to cross. As I stood there, I started asking myself what should I say? Then the light change and he started walking and passed right by me as if I was invisible. At that very moment, I didn't know whether I should be relief that I avoided such awkward "hellos" and "how are you doing?" or offended that this person no longer acknowledges my existence.
Granted, this guy use to be my close friend. We use to hang out and party all the time. But in my much younger and wilder days, I kissed him at a party and everything changed. Turns out he liked me a lot and I did tell him I didn't like him that way but would like to stay friends with him. He continued to worship the ground I walked on and I pretended not to notice. Needless to say, things never went back to the way it was and once I got into a relationship, we lost contact completely. So after not seeing him for 8 years, I did want to apologize and to let him know that karma did indeed find me and paid me a visit 10 folds.
I could probably find him on Facebook but are some things better left alone?
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Comments (35)
I'd say leave it in the past, unless you have some interest in reconnecting with him.
If you want to apologize, I would do it. In fact I had been in a situation similar, as to where I didnt avaoid the guy, I defriended him because I didnt like that such a close friend liked me. Later down the road, I apologized and it meant a lot to him.
but if you dont think you need to apologize, let it be.
I would tell him what you were apologizing for as so that he doesnt think you are trying to rekindle some feelings. Tell him what you told us.Hey! I personally think you should at least apologize, you know how much better you'd feel? And who knows, he may be like, wow, I've missed your friendship...or he may be the opposite, but at least you apologized.
Good luck!
if you want to be civil with him, why not?
try not to get offended by that stuff, don't assume anything. he probably wasnt paying attention and just didnt see you. you dont know for sure.
leave it alone. it has been a long time
where i work we wear uniforms, so when i see someone outside of work wearing regular clothes, i often do not see them. lol
it's been 8 years, leave him be.
some things are better left in the past.
I would encourage you to "mend the fence," so to speak. One can never be on good terms with too many people.
I think it's BS to say things are better left in the past. The people of the past are what have made you who you are today. If you feel guilty then find him! Maybe he really didn't see you? Maybe he did, but seeing you reminded him of how bad things ended. Take the initiative and go for it! Great friends are hard to come back, and if you lost him at one time, you might can just get him back!
8 years is a long time, forget it and move on.
Yes, leave it alone. Sometimes you just have to accept the absence of closure.
when i was in college, i still had this guilt of betraying and having a fight with one of my best guy friends in 4th grade. i think i became afraid he had a crush on me ... so, i kicked his ass! end of friendship. i sent him a facebook note saying i still remembered and felt bad about everything. lol he thought it was random as hell, but told me he didnt hold any grudges. (granted, we were 10, vs. 20, but still lol) i felt years better!
so, i say go for it. especially if its one of those actions from your past that make you cringe.
If you still feel guilty about it and are sorry, then apologize
It'll mean a lot to both you and him- there won't be any more guilty feeling for you- and for him, he may have already forgiven you, but he will be grateful that you went out of your way to apologize. But apologize in person.. I think that is the way to go.
@TerrorSak@xanga - sorry, everyoone assumes. ive been that high school guy. i might be biased because its a sensitive subject for me, but maybe it was wishful thinking on his part, which just sounds like just immature thinking really. i doubt he intended anything to happen badly. some people, like that guy, just get swept up in what they want and act really impulsively, without considering what they'd be risking. 8 years is plenty of time for more mature thinking. if you'd like to attempt some sort of contact, definitely go for it. who knows, after all this time maybe he feels just as wrong, if not moreso, for being so stupid. maybe he'll end up apologizing to you lol.
Most people would say that you should just let it be.
Me -- myself being the Curious George that I am would really, really would like to see the what kind of a response you would get from a person where you had a semi-unresolved issue with that is 8 years old.
8 years *is* definitely a lot of time to change a person. There's absolutely no criticality in whatever you decide but... at the very least, aren't you 'curious' yourself to see how much he has grown since you and him were once very close friends 8 years ago?
Better to leave it alone...starting up old drama is worse than starting new drama.
I think you should find him and just talk to him. Yes eight year is a long time, but it's not that long of time. And if he was really a close friend to you I'm sure he would love to hear from you.
i think you should go for it. i know i would--in fact, i'd have even said hi to him on the street (though granted, i'm more outgoing than most people i know). you even said he was a close friend. what do you have to lose? and if after 8 years, he still holds a grudge, then...well i guess he's got a lot of growing up to do still, lol.
I think that if you are feeling guilty about how you acted in the past, and you are truly sincere in your apology, you should go ahead and look him up. If you find him through FB, send him a message but don't request to be his friend. That would be a bit presumptious, you know what I mean? Just send him a message stating your sincere apologies and see where it goes from there. If he ignores it, then you can rest easy knowing that you have at least done your part. If he opens up and you guys reconnect as friends again, then all the better. Good luck!
Leave him be. After years, it's time to move on. Let him do it in his way. If he didn't say hi he either didn''t see you or didn't want to talk. Either way you should just respect his space. Of course that's just my opinion =)
I HATE these occurences. I have so many of them with people. I should work on my social skills. =\
I was in a similar situation. When I was a sophomore in high school I had a best friend who wasn't a lesbian, but worshipped the ground I walked on so much and became so clingy that I began to resent her. I should have just talked about it with her but instead, I took the immature way out and completely devastated her. I wrote her a long letter about how much I hated her and how I was way better than her in every aspect. I even accused her of being lesbian for me. She was never pretty or skinny, and I was. She had a face full of pimples and I was her only friend. I was popular with everyone, so when we stopped being friends it wasn't much of a loss to me. But about half a year later when I started junior year was when things got worse. I never felt any remorse for what I'd done to my friend, but I definitely believe in karma now because my life went completely haywire and I got used really badly by a boy who I was infatuated with. A bunch of my friends turned out to be fake and I was simply alone in life. My popularity plummeted. I even cut my hair myself while I was having a breakdown and it turned out awful. One day when I was at my lowest, I ran into my old friend in the hall and she had completely changed. She had lost 75 pounds and was skinny, her acne had cleared up, her hair was long and gorgeous, and she was simply beautiful. I felt so ugly compared to her. I'm sure she had heard the rumors going around about me at school and I expected her to say something mean to me about them but instead she smiled sweetly and asked how I was doing as if she genuinely wanted to know. I felt awful because not only was she gorgeous now, but she truly had a gorgeous heart too, which was something I had been lacking for a while. Luckily, in the summer after my junior year my life got better. I started dating a boy who I was head over heels in love with and who loved me back, I didn't have as many friends as I once had, but the two best friends that I did have were the greatest friends in the world, and things just seemed to be going my way. I never regained my popularity, but I managed to stay out of the negative spotlight and everyone generally liked me again. But good life or not, I still felt the need to apologize to my old friend. So I sent her a message on Facebook and told her how truly sorry I was and how immature and stupid I had been. I told her that at the time I was just frustrated and handled things the wrong way but I would completely understand now if she didn't want to be friends. I said that I wasn't writing this message to try to bring back our friendship, but simply because I couldn't stand that I had hurt her so much and that it really brought me happiness to see how great her life looked like it was now. I sent the message and wondered what she would say. She replied saying that she didn't think that being friends again was a good idea, but that she had no hard feelings to me and that she really appreciated my apology and took it to heart because I had really hurt her badly. That was good enough for me. We saw each other in the halls a few more times before I graduated, and every time we smiled at each other and made brief conversation. It was not at all awkward because it seemed like we had some mutual understanding that although we would never be friends again, we still cared about each other and wanted one another to be happy.
So to make a long story short, I would really advise you to apologize or just say whatever you feel like you need to say. I've found that it's hard to go wrong when you're truly speaking from your heart. It really helps and even if you think it might not mean much, it could be just the sort of closure that the other person needs.
Good luck!
his ego remembers how you treated him back when he was interested in you and he probably thinks that you aren't worth his time anymore, so he ignored you.
leave it alone!! i think it's such a bad idea to apologize so late! it's insulting because you ignored the problem to begin with, trampling the guys feelings in the process, and now you wanna bring it all up again to make yourself feel better. there's almost nothing more selfish!