Monday, 14 December 2009
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Guys Love The Chase
Why do some men complain about us ladies not "showing enough interest" when they pursue us? Don't they love the chase? If you think about, it's about playing the game right.
Almost always have I been in situations where the guy chased after me, but as soon as I showed some interest, he was gone! Hmmm...why waste my time when you don't have the intention of pursuing a relationship with me?
There was one guy in particular who always called me, visited me, and sent me letters and cards (he lived in CA, I moved from CO to NYC to MN...I know crazy). I let him chase and I gave him enough signals to let him know that I was interested, but when I confessed my feelings for him, he flat out told me, "I have no intentions toward you!"
Ouch! That was a friggin' slap in the face! 'Til this day, I'm wary of showing guys I'm interested albeit the aforementioned happen to me again. It's humiliating and hurtful. *sigh* What happened to the simpler times when someone liked you and you liked someone back, you two got together?
Chasing is fun. But what happens when "predator" captures "prey"? Why do men let go of the women they worked so hard to impress in the first place?
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About the Author
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- From: LoveableV@xanga
- About Me: I'm an ordinary girl living in an extraordinary world, here to share random insights on random topics.
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Comments (51)
You need to show enough interest for the chase to take place. Also, you forgot one of the fundamentals: the new car smell.
Maybe you just assumed he was trying to date you? Every time a guy does something nice doesn't mean he wants to jump your bones and saddle up in a relationship with you.
You can show all the interest you want in someone, but the key is to do it before they give up and move on.
Yeah....maybe you were reading way too much into things that he was doing, or maybe he was just a really weird guy.
I know whenever I try to be friends with a girl, they always assume I want to fuck them. Which honestly isn't the case. Even girls who aren't what males would typically find attractive seem to automatically think that any attention I give them is a signal to get together. It's annoying.
But yeah, guys do love the chase. But they also love for the chase to be over and to have security. But even at that point in a relationship, it's nice to be surprised.
sometimes because the 'thrill of the kill' is what is motivating.
like if a lion catches a gazelle, the gazelle tries to get away still, it isn't always the same way with women. sometimes the guy thinks the game is still going, and the girl just seems to give up.if you will pardon the expression, 'tag' in elementry school was much the same game. i mean it was so much more fun when you start off playing tag, and it slowly morphs into wrestling or hide-n-go-seek or something. however the playful morphing doesn't seem to matter anymore... so rather than tag to wrestling, the girl (the second person, who gets to choose the second game) generally chooses 'house', which no offense but it isn't close enough to keep attention. if it was fair, yeah, you could choose that, but it is a different type of game.
the traditional 'male breadwinner' role in society isn't very interesting. you get up in the morning, go to a job/school doing something you likely dislike, and if you have a girl then you hang out with her and have a good time, but not an exciting time (i may be wrong, if couples watch tv together). that is it. however if you are a single guy, and you find a girl who is funny or smart, or playful, you start thinking OMG maybe there is more, maybe that terminator excitement is real in some small way. and because generally she gives a little resistence, there is that initial thrill, which allows a cause to be singing in the rain. cause he is accomplishing what he wants. now if the girl gives in at this state, and admits to being caught, in the words of the joker '(he is) like a dog chasing cars, i don't know what i'd do if i caught one'. so i suggest never letting the guy think he actually caught you, until both of you know it as an unspoken truth. and if you go 'all the way with him' make sure he knows there is much more (even if there isn't or you are unaware of it). and challenge him to find it.'we had sex, we did not make love... i bet you couldn't love me if you tried'
its like playing chess and he has you in check-mate. and (occationally) saying "actually we were playing tag". tag him, and then run off and have him chase you. and if he brings it up, he didn't beat you XD
for me, it's a bit beyond that. i've never had an experience where trying hard to get a girl, got the girl. either she was so easy it was a turn off, or there was no chance.
(other question)what happened was technological advances gave people the idea that they could do better in certain, fairly shallow areas.
please note, not all men think the same. because action movies are so- enjoyed by my gender, i bet that most would like to be the terminator or governor or something. and have enough excitement that maybe the guy is saving one person's world in a way... in a story that doesn't have a boring happy ending... until the actual end.
he was either freaked out when you confessed your feelings for him and is afraid of commitment, so he said what he said to back away from you or he just loves the thrill of the chase and wanted to continue the flirting but you wanted to move it to the next level since you like him and he likes you, too, yet he is probably just comfortable or content with chasing because he is immature or a jerk. if he wasn't flirty in your phone calls or letters, then it was just his phone calls, visiting, letters and cards were probably just to be a considerate friend to keep you company in case you feel lonely since you've moved around a lot and it might be difficult to make new friends.
i really feel you on this...im not really into the whole blogging thing...but this is exactlly how i feel. Or even worse you're with a guy and they act so into you. You go on a head over heels date. Like hooking up in the rain after a really weird movie where u just laughed because what else was there to do? Anyways basically this went on for 3 weeks and he was texting me all the time we hung all of the time. The minute he asks me to have sex things change. He said i got clingy. I think it's that he lost interest even just subconsciously because EVEN though hes a virgin the thought of not being able to fuck me made him lose me. Maybe its ridiculous to post this to the world. But it's just the truth
men want purely physical feelings. when it comes to real men...do they ever grow up.
I believe you're right...or else I might've been overly sensitive about that guy who kept leading me on. When I told him I liked him...He sounded clueless.
That picture is a little creepy.
"Almost always have I been in situations where the guy chased after me, but as soon as I showed some interest, he was gone!"
story of my life
a guy who's truly interested in you and wants to pursuit you will never wait that long for you to confess first
they say take the amount of time it takes for you to be interested in a man, divide it by ten and that's how long it takes for a man to fall for you
so if he shows interest in you and you already sent him signals telling him you felt the same way, yet he never really asks you out or taking another step, he might as well won't do it.
lesson learned? just enjoy the chase and be flattered that someone's interested in you :)
if it doesn't work out then just move on to the next one
there're many fish in the ocean <3
it goes both ways. there is a lot of variables. but you gotta play the game to win.
I think it's mostly about ego and when guys do that, they're being entirely selfish. My thesis is that men pursue women to see if they can get their interest, not because they actually want to girl. Winning the attention of a girl due to effective chasing is a huge ego booster.
Likewise, not being able to win the love of a girl they actually want is a huuuuge ego crusher. I'm thinking guys often will chase after girls they don't want to be with because they want to see if they actually can have a girl if they want to, but avoid pursuing those they really want to avoid failure.
Of course that's not true for everybody... but I feel my thesis is justified because I'm pretty sure that's what I do (and I'm not even a man).
ORR maybe they're projecting because that's what girls have done to them!! Again... I might also be doing that.
agreeee. but sometimes, i think i do that too. hahaha.
Funny, I was under the impression that predators kill their prey. I'd rather not be prey, thankyouverymuch.
Your situation sounds like a big miscommunication. That's the thing with this ridiculous "game" idea - its based on noncommunication, mindreading, and hints. Bogus.
If you have feelings for someone, tell them. If they don't return the sentiment, accept friend status or move on. If you want to sleep with someone, tell them, and if they don't return the sentiment - you've got hands.
Women don't have to take a passive role in their romantic lives any more than men do. Hell, if I (or my two best friends) had fallen into the "game" mindset we wouldn't be with the men we are with today and that would be everyone's loss.
@feathereyecandy@xanga - @thuynguyen90@xanga - I'm wondering how you come across guys who want to chase for fun.
Most of the guys I know, think that "the chase" is bullshit.
I for one agree in slight. I think that people who like each other should just start dating.
But the slight part is that some guys dont appreciate women until they've "worked" for them.
@mooonshadow@xanga - I would like to consider what you said. I'm not going to chase a girl to waste my time. I've got better things to do. And why would I waste my time chasing a non-potential candidate?
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - that's a good question! props for men who've got their perspectives straight :)
the chase i do not like.
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - We were both students from single-gender highschools in Hong Kong. Most guys from all-boys highs are douchebags, come to think of it. Might that be an answer to your question?
I absolutely, positively HATE HATE HATE the chase. I hate playing games. I want everything to be straightforward and out in the open. If I show interest in a girl and she doesn't seem interested back, I believe she doesn't want anything to do with me.
In short, if a girl tries to play that game with me, I probably won't even pursue a relationship further.
@envisionedlight@aol.com - Thank you! I totally agree!
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - just my bad luck i guess?
@thuynguyen90@xanga - Apparently MY bad luck; I'd love for a girl to confess their feelings to me instead of the other way around. I've never heard of girls doing that before. Neither have I heard of guys running away right as they're about to score either.
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - "I've never heard of girls doing that before." For real? o-o Come to think of it, you never like the chase. Doesn't that mean you're always straight up with your feelings? Next time, before you decide to do so, maybe just take a step back, be patient, and let the girl come to you? :)
About the guys, it's still a big question mark that me and the OP are waiting for an answer.
@mooonshadow@xanga - I think that is human nature. Even though doing so is acting like the worst kind of jerk, its hard to resist trying to impress someone that is easy to impress. Although, I have been pretty much able to stifle that urge. Don't you love it when someone knows that the only reason that you would ever be interested in them would be for an ego booster... and yet they play mind games to try to keep or start you pseudo flirting? Why would they try to sabotage their own feelings? Do they think that I am so weak minded that I would cave in a moment of weakness?
As to the title of the post, I have had that happen to me before. I don't know what is up with it. Its mind boggling that they would be that cruel. I think its better not to have "crushed" and lost than not to crush at all! :) Especially when the person in question is just about the epitome of manliness, character, and graciousness. Based on the circumstances though it could have simply been an obssession of his about inquiring about someone we both knew that led me on. Hah. What a prize fool I am :)
@thuynguyen90@xanga - I can give you some insight, but this is only a theory. There are some guys who aren't used to women asking them out, and it threatens their masculinity. I don't know why that is, just know that it is a possibility.
Hmmm... a lot of good "theories" and comments. I'm just tired of "men" who don't know what they want. Or maybe I need to look at myself and re-evaluate how I interact and "give signals" to guys. *shruggz*
At this point, I'm content with not being chased. It's exhausting either way!