Monday, 14 December 2009
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Friends and Lovers
Every now and then I come across a story about how a couple started out as being best friends, each having its own unique tale. Guys and girls tell me how difficult it is to keep quiet about admiring someone so close to them. How they spend so much time talking, hanging out and joking around with each other. It’s always really satisfying to hear that everything worked out after the guy or girl confesses getting the same feelings in return. But sometimes things don’t turn out so well. It’s hard being rejected by someone you tell all your secrets to and you might think things will never be the same again.
My best friend is Ian. Ian and I have been friends since the 5th grade and started getting really when we started high school. He helped me through a lot of family issues, boy troubles, and school drama. And I helped him as well. Even the times when we had a significant other to occupy our time, I was the first he would find to talk and he was the first I would go to as well. We weren’t like most people. We would always make fun of and tease one another. We both knew it wasn’t flirting and we didn’t’ care about what other people thought about how we treated each other. Although we had an odd relationship, we still loved and appreciated each other as friends.
After a while, I noticed something different with Ian. He started being… really nice to me. It was pleasant to be respected and treated well, but I got suspicious because this wasn’t my best friend Ian. It was… this different nicer Ian. Call me crazy for wanting the rude Ian back. I confronted him about it and he confessed that he was starting to see me more than just a friend.
I loved Ian more than ever as a friend, but I just couldn’t see myself with him. I didn’t have those kinds of feelings for him and it was hard to hear him say he had those feelings for me… And that’s what I told him.
We stopped talking to each other for a few weeks because he told me he needed his space. It was horrible. I missed the name calling and the advice he gave me. He was the only person I wanted to talk to but I couldn’t. It was as if I was dumped by my best friend.
Even though I thought that this was the way it was going to be from now on, I just didn’t bring myself to accept it.
Eventually I confronted him and told him that I still needed him as a friend because I knew he still needed me as a friend. At that time, his feelings for me didn’t exist since he isn’t the type of guy who will have false hope. We slowly started talking again and soon, I had my best friend back. We don’t make fun of each other so much anymore but it’s nice to know we worked things through and remain best friends until this day.
So even though things may be rough with any situation, try and be the bigger person to work it out.
And of course, I want to hear your stories on how you fell in love with your best friend, your best friend fell in love with you, or if you have friends who had that situation.
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- From: shillykins
- About Me: I love talking but sometimes have trouble finding someone who will listen to me rant... That is why I blog. JUST created a Datingish account but still use my Xanga! I just want to start arranging all my Datingish blogs on something seperate than my random, unorganized Xanga so add me! :)
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Comments (37)
my best friend has expressed to me numorous times that he has feelings for me, and i have sort of reciprocated, but this has been going on for a year now, and im very used to it, and it seems like no matter how much we may like one another, fact still remains, im his best friend and he is mine, if ur frienship is strong enough nothing cant change it for too long.
Wow! Great entry. When I was breaking out of middle school and spreading my wings my best friend in my neighborhood expressed his feelings. He just wasn't my thing. I let him down easy. We lost touch. Two years ago I ran into him again and things got kind of heavy for a little bit, and then he turned the tables on me and told me to hit the road. Karma sucks. Bad. lol
"Ian and I have been friends since the 5th grade and started getting really ***CLOSE"
... I hate my typo's :(
In my experience, this is almost always a bad idea, because as cliche as it may sound, it's true that your friendship will never be the same if you find out you're not romantically compatible. But every situation is different.
All the guys I had considered to be my best friends had either had a crush on me, liked me or was in love with me. None of them are around now and it makes me sad because I prefer guys as my friends..
Aw, I had a similar post. My best friend and I have been close for about 4-5 years. We've had times where we've expressed feelings towards eachother, and times where we've kissed and what not...but it never got any farther. With me and him, I think we see eachother in more than a friend way. But, I think in your situation, you're meant to be just friends because you don't see him as anything more than a brother.
May I ask why you couldn't see yourself with him?
I was in the same situation as you...I had a guy who was my best friend for 3 years like we would share our secrets, our feelings and whatnot until he asked me out. I had never thought of him as a boyfriend, but I thought I should give him a chance since he is a really nice guy, so we dated for about a few weeks but then I realized that I could never love him like he loved me (I saw him more as a brother than a lover) and he started to see that in me too so we both broke it off cause it was obviously not going anywhere, but still remain friends to this day, though we are not as close as we used to be.
I think this has becoming a neverending circle of doom for us guys. We get close to you and we are getting along like really good friends or even close. We laugh, make fun of each other, and help each other out. BUT when it comes down to relationships or us confessing. It just goes down the drain. I personally went through this hell hole once and I don't plan to do it again. I am glad to hear and that you are very lucky to have your friend Ian came back of being friends with you. I find that your situation very rare case and again lucky. I guess it is one of those life lessons you can't avoid going through the "hard way."
@peterpahn@xanga - OH btw great post! :D
Mm. I've had feelings for my best friend for years but she also happens to be a girl and doesn't feel the same way. It's hard to deal with it; I just keep my mouth shut most of the time. I think it's the hardest when you are best friends with someone who doesn't, and probably will never, feel the same way or even consider you someone they could have romantic feelings for. It hurts a lot.
My best friend told me he was in love with me, and I felt the same. We got together, and we were together for a couple of years. We broke up last wednesday, and he still wants to be friends. It's really hard for me now, because he was the one that initiated everything, and now he is the one falling out of love with me, but I still want him in my life...and we're going to try to be friends. I have no idea if we'll get back to the way our friendship was a few years ago...but we'll see.
@JazzedUpArcher@xanga - That was my situation exactly. Except I couldn't be friends because I had really intense feelings for her and I was afraid I would be toxic when she started dating someone new. Right now we're not talking at all, haven't for at least a month.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - I'm afraid that I'll be toxic when he is in a new relationship also. It's a hard thing for me to accept, but I'm just focusing on the fact that things will work out in the long run, even if it's not as we expect them to now. Good luck with everything, I hope you guys can be friends again.
@ossumisu@xanga - they say it's the guys you love as a best or really good friend are the ones that fall in love with you and in my life it's the truth.If we treat the men we crush on like a good friend,maybe that's what it takes for us & them to fall in love.Makes good sense to me because after all,if you love yourself,you respect yourself & don't rush a relationship.you start as friends & see if it will grow & blossom into something more.If not,you have a great friend who will care for you and always have your back as will you for him.Makes total sense!
@dianalovelace@xanga - The reason why they aren't my friends now is because I did not feel the same way for them as they did for me. After telling them that, they all become distanced..
@fallguyoftheheart - I just didn't. I wasn't about to "give him a chance" when I had no feelings for him in that way. And it worked out for the best because we're still good friends now. It's not like... a girl can just date any of her friends that like her. She has to like him too and I didn't like Ian like that.
sucks for ian and the rest of us like him. For me, some of the scars have lasted over a decade now and all the relationships in that meantime. She was the girl I put above others and my gf hated it when my 'friend' would be high priority. My motto now... if she is a friend, she'll let me go in peace.
I've known her basically all my life since pre-k (preschool) and have remained close friends ever since. She was my first crush in elementary sometime in 4th grade I believe (I got over the stupid cooties game by then). When middle school came around we both had AIM and talked alot on their whenever we werent in school and just talked about anything. Around that time my feelings for her became more developed. No one really knew that I liked her besides me so I kept it to myself. It was about 8th grade when that show The O.C came out on tv and we both soon figured that both of us had the same love for the show which brought us a bit closer to one another. Freshman year of highschool we had the same class and sat right next to eachother and enjoyed seeing one another everyday. Classmates who sat around us would keep pestering about the two of us to just go out with eachother already and how we "would make a good couple" , but she would just nod her head and laugh it off in which I followed along. At that point I was just feeling more than just a friend towards her and I knew that she would'nt feel the same way. As sophmore year came around I began distancing myself from her which led to seclusion between the both of us all the way to the end of senior year of high school. Through those 3 years it was difficult to forget about her since I deeply fell for this girl...my bestfriend. Couple of weeks after graduation I thought about her again and how she was possibly leaving to a college out of town. Well three years of not talking to eachother I missed her so much and with the thought of her leaving home for college and us not ever seeing or talking ever again I found her on facebook and messaged her apologizing. We met up one day in the summer before our journey to college began and caught up on things. Well, as it turns out she confessed she had feelings for me/how she fell hard for me that freshman year of highschool. We are both now in our second year in college and shes now dating someone else. Guess her feelings changed after that three year hiatus I pulled. I felt pretty distraught after I found out from a friend she was dating someone else and I did want to seclude myself again from her but I needed to accept it even though its still difficult though her friendship means alot to me and I plan on keeping it. Together or not she's still my bestfriend. Maybe later in the future something will happen.
If you read all that then thank you for enduring that horrid grammar. Yes it was a long story sorry.
Here goes with my bad grammar!
My girlfriend and I have been really good friends ever since we met.
We met on Christmas Eve and we started out fighting.
Name calling, insults, threats, you name it.
She was nice enough to be the better person and when it hit 12' on Christmas day, she opened herself up and tried to work it out and it did well.
We had many on and off's and I can't say that she was my bestest friend or that I would call her that or even see her often but she was always there for me.
She just got out of a bad relationship and I was getting over a ridicolous relationship for 3 years.
We had numerous breaks in talking to each other with lasted for months at times but we always somehow found our ways back to each other.
Pride got in the way of being able to communicate at times but we let it go now.
I can happily say that we are together now since October, technically we aren't official but we are closer then boyfriend & girlfriend "status" yet everybody knows us as a couple already.
There was a time about a year ago where we both got into a meaningless relationship just to get each other jealous. Wrong? yes, very wrong. Even more wrong on my part since I'm the one who initiated the battle. It hurt the other person involved especially, myself, and her.
Currently I've had lots of issues with money, family issues, and school. It's been real tough on myself but I can't get too down since I really do have my best friend and the love of my life.
My jealousy does come into play though since I honestly cannot believe I have this wonderful girl in my life. She's not my ideal girl but if it's not her I doubt I could love anybody else. I believe that's what makes it count. I'm sure I'm not her ideal either but we do make it work.
So yes, I really do believe best friends can become lovers and it could tend to become something really wonderful if both people are working towards the relationship and not letting go. ESPECIALLY WORK HARD if you're one of those jealous/overprotective psycho types like I am. :)
well there was this girl I became best friends with
and when we realized we started to have feelings for each other
we didnt do anything speicalI just said, lets keep it going
So we did just that, on top of our budding best friendship we started adding a bit more romance
it felt like spaghetti sauce, you cannot go wrong with spaghetti sauce
you put in onions, peppers, cheese, mushrooms, celery, anything and it only continues to add on to the already delicious flavor.
So we didnt experience any immediate transitioning in our relationship i suppose
But the subtle changes in our relationship was possible due to the fact we both knew we loved each other
We went out for about a year but unfortunately we were doing so against her fathers wishes....that man is a psycho seriously
so we decided to break up due to her father
but at the end that spaghetti sauce was really really good
though we barely talk anymore I chatted with her recently!
same situation but things didn't work out.. =/
it's still heartbreaking and I think of him every night. why can't he see that i love him but not in that way? why can't he just accept that?
Oddly enough, I kinda have a reverse of the best friend story. I fell for a guy. He is amazing. We were friends, but not super close. The day his gf broke up with him, I started falling. A few months went by, and due to my inability to keep a secret about myself, my friends(his friends too, we ran with the same group of people) found out that I really liked him. Eventually, I told him how I felt. He didn't return the feelings which was tough for a while. He got back together with his gf. This just about killed me....
I know you are wondering where the friends part comes in. Well, after him and his gf got back together. Him and I became amazing friends. For two and a half years, I began considering him one of my closest friends. He was always there to help me out and pick me up after other guys pushed me aside. He knew how I felt about him and that helped me be even more honest and open with him as he was with me. We flirted and whatever, but nothing that would be considered cheated. We just had a great friendship.
By the time college rolled around, he became my best guy friend. Whenever I needed him, he was only a phone call away. He would come in a heartbeat if I needed anything at all.
Unfortunately, I am living proof that a one-side love within a friendship doesn't always work out. Recently, I realized, even though this guy was looking out for my best interest in life as one of my best friends, he was hindering me from finding a guy that loved me. He was holding me back and stringing me along in a way that he could never understad. Mostly, because he didn't know he was doing it. So, I had to stop being his friend. We haven't talked in about three weeks. Previously in our friendship, we would go through times of silence when I got too attached, and he would just let me be knowing that it would blow over in a week or so. So he has not bothered me since I deleted him from my phone, facebook, etc.
I don't know if him and I will ever be friends again. It is terrible of me to just give up on such a great friendship without him even knowing, but it was time. I had to run.
I know there are tons of wonderful stories about friends becoming lovers, but mine is not one. I don't regret anything. I don't regret loving him and I don't regret becoming his friend. It is just time for me to remember the good times and forget the bad and move on.
honestly, i couldn't see myself being with my best friend either but i decided to give it a shot, and its been the most successful relationship of mine to date. maybe you should've just gone ahead with it and see where things end up, because now you've lost the best friend he ONCE was, and you probably don't have an SO that you can talk about things that you talk to Ian about.
my ex and i were the best of friends before we started dating. essentially we talked for 2.5 years waiting for each other. i was a bit too young and it would've been ldr and impractical.