A few months back, one of my girlfriends made a comment about me putting on some weight ever since I left the singles dating pool and decided to dry off my sea legs. I simply told her that I was happy and comfortable.
Ok, I noticed the pattern where whenever I was single, I would shed all my body fat like a dog getting a new winter coat and whenever I was coupled up, I tend to gain back my happy weight. Seriously, it kind of creeps up on me without me knowing. At first, it was only an ounce or two. Then it was a pound or two. Next thing you know it, I can't button my pants and my underwear is cutting into my butt, giving me more lumps and bumps than mash potatoes. I swear, it was not on purpose but I can't help but think of "50 First Dates" when Rob Schneider tells Adam Sandler that sex with his wife was nauseating because she let herself go. Ok, she was like 300lbs and I'm far from it but that doesn't make me feel any better when my designer jeans are screaming at the seams.
Most of the time I don't even think about my happy weight except when I bumped into a guy I use to date at a bar scene and I looked like a crack whore. No doubt my make up was running so I had major raccoon eye. (come on, it was 4am!!!) And not to mention drinking a couple of beers will cause major inflation to your already apparent gut. Granted I am happily settled but who really wants to look like that?!?! No matter what or who, you always want to show people how good you look. Everyone has experienced bumping into an ex and seeing them fat or old or bald and feeling extremely happy about it. And if you happen to look better than them, you're giving them the silent signal of "Can't touch this" and you're secretly doing the Hammer dance inside your head.
I also don't want my man to think I don't care to look good for him. I do. I just don't know why it's so easy to fall into the pattern of being so relaxed you don't feel the need to impress anyone any more. Luckily, he doesn't complain and still thinks I look good or cute 90% of the time but I think he's just saying that. I'm pretty realistic. I've seen myself after a night out drinking with the girls. I look bloated and swollen. Not too far from SJP when she did the photo shoot in SATC after a night of partying and I'm definitely a question mark at that point.
Still, I have to say I'm glad I don't have to primp and pimp myself out but is it not okay to gain a little weight in a happy relationship? What do you think?
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Comments (54)
Rock your body. No matter what size you are, you are beautiful.
Our bodies change over time and our partners should accept that (note that I'm not talking about sudden weight gain/loss that indicates illness or eating disorders, we should all be healthy but healthy comes in a lot of shapes and sizes).
Most importantly is remember that your body is your body, and as long as you are pleased with it and living healthily you don't need to worry about what exes or stupid people who will comment on this post later will say.
Women are as unhappy as men are, when their lovers gain a substantial amount of weight. it's principle; if you change into someone different from the person that your lover fell in love with, they have the right to no longer love you. It's okay to show you're comfortable, but it is never okay in any situation, to get too comfortable with anyone. Not your lover, not your boss, not your friends, not your family. Always show them appreciation and gratitude with your actions and words... and with your lover, with your physical appearance, as well.
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - I think you and me should switch site names.
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - what happened to "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as we both shall live"? You can't always love the same "person" that you met. People will always grow and change, and you can't just stop loving someone after they change...
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga -totally agree. this is why the divorce rate is so damn high. people think they have the right to just leave and not care if something happens.
Well, when your bf cheats on you with a thinner, younger, and hotter girl I guess we'll know the answer.
@softaswater@xanga - What you just said, sounds about equal to having abandonment issues. Of course people don't have rights to their own desires and emotions; if they did, no one would be able to stay in a relationship, nevertheless, marriage.
"Mr. Trebek, I am going to go with 'Emotionally Unconscious' for $2000."
"People should get to know themselves, before latching their attachment issues and insecurities onto another person... Assuming that this individual is emotionally and consciously aware of themselves as well." *hits buzzer* "What is, 'Unwritten Rule #1 for having a successful relationship"?
Alex Trebek - "That is correct!" *Loud crowd applause*
It's normal to gain some weight when in a comfortable relationship. It happened to me and my ex and then we realized it and became unhappy and tried loosing the weight. You should have a routine with someone, even your current SO were you two go walking or jogging. It will be a fun activity and keep you in shape and feeling great. Working out actually makes people happier, plus you will be looking good.
I loved this part of your piece: "And if you happen to look better than them, you're giving them the silent signal of "Can't touch this" and you're secretly doing the Hammer dance inside your head. "
That's what I do in my head when I see anyone that has ever liked me, dated me, or wants me... its great. :D
seeing as how I am opposed to anything fat, I say it's not okay to gain weight under any circumstance. BUT I know what you mean about not wearing makeup or doing your hair/whatever. I'm the same way. If I'm going to be snuggling in bed with my boyfriend all day I'm not going to do my hair/makeup.. it'd be pointless. However, if we go out I'm going to look nice.
But you need to look nice for who your dating/married to. It's just proper.
ladies:if the weight gain isn't that much and resembles jessica simpson, okay. if the weight gain is a lot and resembles kirstie alley, not okay.
guys:if the weight gain isn't that much and resembles an adorably plump jack black, okay. if the weight gain is a lot and resembles k-fed, eww.
@Spontaneous_Affection@xanga - :) lol, I appreciate the gesture. Maybe we might! *waves* Do you find yourself to be cynical moreso than spontaneously affectionate?
I'm kind of like that but I'm trying to get back in shape again just for the sake of my health. It's hard because instead of my boyfriend motivating me to be healthy and fit (and look great), he likes the fact that my cheeks are chubby and my love handles are creeping out of my jeans. >_>; It's pretty funny but yeah, we both try to be healthy for ourselves and we'll accept each other no matter how good or bad we look.
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - One; who's married? Two; change is imminent, but that would be why it would be advised to be in a relationship with one who changes with you. Yet, I have to say, even then, we would all feel somewhat threatened, if a physically attractive individual found our lovers to be worthy of their interest and time. ESPECIALLY if we let ourselves go. This is usually where you hear about all the time and emotional energy invested in your relationship, and the jealous remarks about someone that cares more about their overall self, than you did.
Truth be told, it can be broken down in a sequence of events.
- You get fit, b/c you're emotionally lonely and in search of someone to invest in you.
- You find someone and for the beginning of your relationship with them, you withhold info, your body tight, and your wits about you; you're still not sure whether or not this person is in for the long-haul or not.
- You realize you've found someone and slowly, but surely, pack on those extra pounds, allowing your physical attraction to be replaced by emotional baggage, and complacency.
You really didn't care about your appearance at all; you only used it to "bag" a person that you could "share" yourself with. Meaning, someone socially and emotionally uneducated enough for you to feel comfortable with, who wouldn't know a way out of your (women in general) emotional traps and leachery.
Even though I have my own weight issues they are mine. If you want to leave me for someone because I gained like 10 pounds which can easily be lost, well dont let your ass hit the door on the way out. If someone really loves you they will accept all of you, not leave as soon as you can't fit in the same size jeans. I mean, yeah it's not cool to gain 40 pounds in 3 months but a few pounds shouldn't affect how you feel about someone you love.
Has anyone seen those new AT&T commercials with Luke Wilson? He fell off big time. He has definitely gained a lot of weight but apparently that only matters when a woman does it.
i have actually lost weight since we started dating... i think my bf has gained weight? idk so he tells me anyway. i really don't notice. i think he lost weight from when i first met him to when we started dating ... but really, i dont think it matters, i loved him for HIM. i used to be shallower, and think i wasn't physically attracted to him but... i kinda just screwed myself over back then. i love the whole him, no matter what size! lol
well, although of course i would like him to be healthy. and he would too! he's trying to eat healthier, i think. w'e
since I started dating my boyfriend I've gained 6 or 7 pounds (which looks like a lot on someone who's 5'1-5'2). he loves me regardless of my weight, & I'm very happy with him. (: when I'm single I'm at an average weight. a while back, I was in an abusive, totally wrong relationship, & I dropped about 15 pounds (that guy fueled my ED like a fucking a match & gasoline).
anyway, I don't think people in relationships should "let themselves go" simply because they're "off the market".
right when i saw the title, i thought" OMG, my boyfriend just said that to me yesterday." HAHA
Hmm... maybe this could do hand in hand with that 'I only have work out because I want to look good for sex w/ random people' post?
My boyfriend has tubbed out since we started dating. I've remained the same.
As long as you feel comfortable in your own skin, you shouldn't be worried. But if it's enough to make you feel like you're being unhealthy and unhappy, it's time to get back in shape regardless of what your boyfriend thinks. Even though your title says you're happy, the tone of your post seems a bit... unhappy? or rather, uncomfortable with the size you happen to be right now?
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - It's a play on words. It kind of means I can be closed off to people, then just accept them at random. I'm kind of moody. I guess I'm cynical. If something comes to mind, I say it. Mean or not. I like things in black and white.
i'd have to see it in person, but when your jeans are bursting at the seams, it's more likely a good thing than a bad thing. (for girls, at least.)
Don't worry about it, you got this. and if your boyfriend does say something about it, then just lose it(if he was any sort of man he would offer to lose it with you).
people get too comfy in a relationship,forgetting that they should keep trying to attract one another & stay healthy,& they forget the most important thing,loving themselves!!! That is very,very sad! Fat isn't really that ugly or weight gain,but unhealthy is!!!
I don't really think that there's anything wrong with gaining a little bit of weight when you're happy in your relationship. I do, however, think there's a line between gaining a little weight (the freshman 15) and letting yourself go. Obviously, even larger women can rock killer clothes and carry themselves with confidence, but in my experience it's a lot harder to do. We're not all model-esque women with no breasts or cruves and we can't all be so blessed as to have Jessica Alba's abs. But I definitely think we owe it to ourselves (and yes, sometimes to our SO's too) to at least maintain a somewhat healthy weight.
That being said, as long as he's not complaining and you're happy and healthy, indulge yourself. You spent a great deal of effort staying fit and trim while you were in the dating pool. Dry off your sea legs and carry your new body with confidence (: