Saturday, 12 December 2009

• WYD a Much Less Attractive Person than Yourself?

  
  

  Last year I wrote several self-reflective notes on facebook on a range of topics.  I received a lot of feedback on many of my posts and many were well received by my 'facebook' friends.  Sometime in March 2008 I also formed a facebook group which sought to inspire debate and discussion on issues related with existing power struggles and inequalities between men and women in my country.  At some point I posted an excerpt of an article entitled "Why is Beauty on Parade" by De Clarke (1983) (see below) that I found while browsing on the net, and waited for people to comment. 

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  "What is femininity?"

  Beauty in women is provably equal to femininity. To be unfeminine is almost always the same as to be un-beautiful…What is feminine? Smallness is feminine; cleanness is feminine; a high voice is feminine; helplessness and cowa...rdice, and correspondingly dependency and admiration for others, are feminine. Femininity is learned; girls are "brought up" to be "ladies," or they "run wild" (getting dangerous ideas about self-sufficiency and courage). Femininity also requires vanity--a preoccupation with one's appearance (an acceptance of the idea that one's worth depends on being attractive).

  Beauty takes time; it is also learned ("Her First Barbie," says the ad; "Long hair is easy for little hands to style." Along with Suzy Homemaker domestic training for preschoolers goes indoctrination into the necessity of female beauty.)--as well-trained mothers train their daughters in turn to pluck, to shave, to pain...t, to be judged, never to be satisfied.

  An "attractive man" on the other hand is not small, nor does he have a high voice. His is resourceful, modest, and independent (to the point of becoming robotic); he is not afraid to get his hands dirty. He should be embarrassed if caught worrying unduly about his appearance or clothes; it would betray an unmasculine insecurity and vanity. (People may call him a faggot if he dresses too neatly and prettily.) He should appear natural (not made-up); mascara and face powder are definitely damning evidence of unmanliness. He can choose to shave his beard or not, and still be dashing; even a "healthy sweat" is charming in the right masculine context.

  An attractive woman, then, is insecure, immature, vain, short, timid (quiet and fearful except when protected by her man), and dependent. She should also be young. An attractive man should be tall, mature, reasonably hairy, self-assured (even aggressive) and outgoing. Is it really coincidence that the m...an ends up with the powerful, impressive personality--and the woman ends up (by psychiatric standards) close to the borderline of neurotic?

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  This article spurred a lot of discussion.  For me, 'who' and 'what' is considered "hot", "attractive" or "beautiful" is entirely subjective.  It depends on one's standards, likes and preferences, for instance.  So I fully agree with the idiom that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  Besides, while attractiveness and beauty are important and have an initial bearing on whom we decide to couple with, it's pointless marrying a fantastic looking guy or girl with whom you have no mental connection.  A mental connection lasts but beauty - outer beauty that is - fades. Of course, it would be fantastic to find and couple with a guy or girl whom you find attractive, hot or what not and with whom you also connect with...that is perhaps the ultimate.  Who doesn't want that? 

  Anyhow, most people agreed with my point of view.  However, as all discussions do, the focus started to shift.  I argued that today middle-aged married women, generally speaking stay attractive and are more 'fit' than their married male counterparts.  Think beer belly, receding hairlines and love handles - think middle-aged married men.  You may think that this statement is highly debatable and would depend on the context of that observation.  And you are right.  Yet, based on my observations, and the many women I meet in my own country, women today are making more effort to look good even after they marry (especially in a society, mine included, which rewards beauty).  Women are expected to stay youthful and beautiful.  If they don't, than their man is likely to stray.

  However, and again this is based on my observations and not on empirical research, when men reach a certain age (especially if they're married) many let themselves go.  This kind of sucks because if you're a middle-aged female (especially in your 40s), separated (we have no divorce here) and eligible for dating, than the probability of finding an attractive, 'fit' (and intelligent) man your age is rather slim.  Since the male-to-female attractiveness ratio is rather skewed, eligible middle-aged men have it really good because there is an ample supply of attractive women in each age cohort.  Women, on the other hand, would have to look for younger guys - if attractiveness is an essential criterion of what they seek in a date or mate.  Some of my female friends actually do opt for younger guys. 

  The discussion then turned to another observation.  One of my male friends argued that women would in fact go out with a much less attractive man than themselves.  Some even date "ugly" guys.  However, he said that you'd never see an attractive guy date a "minger."  Because, and he said this not me, "men are more shallow than women are" in this regard.  They have something to prove.  To that I say...huh, like what?  And for whom? 

  So what are your thoughts on these issues?  And would you date a much less attractive person than yourself?

  Now for today's song post.  Well I can think of no better song than Beautiful by Christina Aguilera.  This is a song that I've often listened to and is one of my favourites.  And as we say in Maltese - il messag jinstab fid-diska meaning "The message is in the song"     http://www.clipland.com/Summary/701007081

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