Saturday, 12 December 2009
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Have You Had a Cultural Wedding?
“Every girl dreams of her fairy tale wedding,” whether it includes a carriage ride to a castle, raining rose pedals, or having an enormous cake that reaches the ceiling. And don’t forget the Prince Charming standing by her side. When I was a little girl, I went to a lot of traditional weddings. It’s tough to forget the food, the colors, and the gorgeous dresses. But all of the weddings I attended were traditional Vietnamese weddings. And when I was 8, it was the only kind of wedding that I knew existed.
My mom respects that I date guys of a different race but is still biased when it comes to Vietnamese guys since she believes “they are loyal and will never betray you.” (I’m aware that personality and loyalty is depended on the person’s beliefs no matter what race).
I, just like most girls, want a fairy tale wedding. I want everything to turn out the way I imagine it to turn out and I just want everything to be just right.
I want a perfect traditional Vietnamese wedding. I want to wear a decorative Áo dài (traditional Vietnamese dress), I want the red rice, the red gift wrapping, the red bean soup, I want to go through the process of the complex engagement, and I want that quail served as a whole on everyone’s plate!
The thing is… the only Vietnamese person I’m close to that’s still traditional and will understand the ceremony is my mom. I’m not close with many of my Vietnamese relatives. What if I end up marrying a Caucasian guy who wants a different kind of wedding or doesn’t believe in the symbolism of the food that’s served? What if I end up marrying an Italian guy who insists that I wear a veil and a dress rather than the Áo dài that I want to wear? What if I never even end up getting married?!
And the fact that I want a Vietnamese wedding will probably make me biased towards Vietnamese guys too, and that’s not what I want to be.
I guess I’ll be one of those women who think of marriage after the first date. (Haha, the kind of woman most men consider psycho).
And who knows, maybe my opinion on what wedding I want will change, but I love my culture and I can’t imagine myself celebrating a marriage any other way. But really, who knows?
Has anyone else ever wanted a cultural wedding and had it, or didn’t get to have it? And how do I make myself more open since I grew up knowing that I want that Vietnamese wedding?
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- From: shillykins
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Comments (29)
Thinking about the marriage ceremony is important. You can always ask him if he's got traditions of his own and let him know that you are close to your own traditions. If he loves you then he'll be willing to do your traditional wedding. First and foremost you need to understand where he's coming from and where he wants to go. When your relationship has gone further it's a good idea to ask him about what he feels about the marriage. If i choose to marry my current boyfriend he understands that we would have to do the traditional wedding of my country in addition to his and our Christian wedding. That's three ceremonies that must be carried out and planned. Point is...you learn to make it work and get the dream wedding.Compromise and plan and it'll happen.
My wedding is in March and I REALLY want a cultural wedding!!
however, my fiance is into the more traditional, American style weddings. So we're going to compromise and add different elements of each into the ceremony:)
Also, if you can't compromise with your fiance about the wedding, then maybe you shouldn't be getting married in the first place....
The Vietnamese wedding sounds beautiful by the way!
The solution is just to do both/all weddings people involved want.
I once considered having a traditional Chinese wedding someday, but I realized that none of the relatives I had any real connection to would mind attending an American wedding. The American wedding would be so much more me and (probably) my spouse. Then at some point I learned that it's up to the bride and her family, anyhow :P And now, I realize I probably won't get married anytime soon, so it's even more of a moot point.
Yes I have.
http://www.lankalibrary.com/images/bride3.jpg
My cousin married an indian man. They had THREE weddings. A korean, indian, and, of course, traditional american wedding. I couldn't attend because of school, but I heard that it was very beautiful. =]
Compromise! c:
I want a traditional Korean wedding~.
an Indian wedding sounds awesome, haha
However, between my bf and I we are three fourths white, and he's an adopted lil Indian anywho. So if we were going that route, it would be American :/ And possibly not in a church cuz he's an atheist :(I'm Chinese and almost all of my cousins who got married went through a traditional Chinese style banquet. The wedding ranged from the usual church to even a Jewish style wedding (since I do have Jewish cousins). The banquet is probably the most important part of any Chinese wedding since the setting is so elaborate. We do the offering of the tea to older relatives and anyone who offers gifts to the bride and groom. The biggest thing, however, is also the meal. I've been to banquets that had as little as 7 courses all the way to a colossal 23 course dinner. I think those two things make up the majority of a Chinese banquet. Personally, for me, when I get married, whatever the bride wants, she should get (since it is HER big day). But I would like to have a traditional Chinese banquet as well afterward.
well nowadays, vietnamese weddings are like a mix of the two. you start with the traditional ceremony before the wedding, then go to the church and do the reg ceremony. that's probably how mines going to be. ^__^
My wedding is January 15th and i had a traditional engagement, and for the wedding we planned to do both. In the day time we'll have the groom picking up the bride at her place and both the bride and groom with be in tradional outfits ofcourse. and with all the presents thats wrapped in red, then later on after the whole kneeling and bowing to the ancester, then we'll have the reception where i get to wear my wedding dress later on that day.
i should get married on a drawbridge. and instead of walking down the aisle, we'll just sit at the tops of the two bridge halves, and they'll slowly be reeled down until we meet in the middle. haha how ridiculous
Man, I don't know. I don't want any traditions, really. Hell, I probably won't even have cake (wedding pie is the shiznit)
But, yeah, if you have something special in mind and it is really important, any decent person will understand that and compromise with you. : /
my older cousins who have married have all had the traditional vietnamese kind of reception for lunch at their parents house. where all the relatives come and line up with gifts wrapped in red and all that good stuff. and the bride wears an ao dai. etc. but then they have the dinner reception american style. at a banquet hall or wherever and the classic white wedding dress. soo nothing stops you from having the best of both worlds =)
Won't the man you'll be marrying be someone who'll understand your desires? I haven't really been to cultural weddings before. I wish I had that sort of experience!
i've never even been to a wedding before ._.
mine's going to be half cultural, half westernize.
i've only ever been to indian weddings and i'm 22, so...you're not the only "culturally inexperienced" one :p
I can't say the same that I want a traditional wedding as much as you want yours.
I have been to a traditional vietnamese wedding though, and I loved the colors and the dress and everything.
For my filipino heritage, I don't remember a lot, but the country is pretty much westernized anyways.
I do want to wear the traditional abaca dress which is highly expensive i'm sure. But I still dream of that very perfect white dress that I want to wear in front of the altar.
I'm sure, when you get to the day when you are gonna be married, whoever you are will will let you wear whatever it is you want. After all, it is gonna be your wedding right?
Most of the weddings I've been to lately have been both. Westernized wedding in the morning and traditional wedding in the evening... (personally, I really dislike traditional wedding games).
I don't see what the big deal is about, I really don't. Just discuss it with your [future] significant other.
cultural weddings ftw
I love attending cultural weddings! I haven't been to one in years because none of my relatives are going to get married any time soon. My favorite part about a cultural wedding besides the food and beautiful outfits is when they play traditional wedding games with the bride and groom. I would love to have a cultural wedding when I get married. As for the guy part, I don't think they usually mind. Women tend to take over the wedding plans, haha.
im going to have 2 weddings.
one westernized (in Canada) and one traditionally chinese (back in China) since alot of my relatives won't be able to come from China to attend my wedding. ALSO, going back to the asian countries = cheaper yet more extravagant..so why not :P
If my boyfriend wanted a cultural wedding, I think I'd be okay with it. I don't know what kind of overall theme I want yet, and I think that kind of big decision should come from both. It's the little things that get me though... like the fact that he wants his best girlfriend to wear a tux so she'll fit in with his other groomsmen, and I'd like her to wear a dress.
It's silly. :P
Although I do have slight issue with the term 'cultural' wedding. America is a culture too...
its probably best to mix the cultures, because it's reflective of the life you both will be living together, your new home
but if you have the money, then 2 weddings could be fun :)well considering that i'm chinese, cambodian, and vietnamese, it makes it kinda hard to decide on how i want my wedding to be like. i'd probably end up doing one of the three and an american wedding, since i'm catholic. but i've been to a vietnamese and cambodian wedding which are gorgeous, so till that times come i'm not too sure. =/