Saturday, 12 December 2009
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Why I Hate Being in a Relationship During the Holidays
The holiday season is a stressful time for everyone. With worrying about what to get your friends and family, it becomes extra stressful when trying to figure out what to get your SO. They don't want you to get them anything, but you know they're going to get you something so how can you not get them a present? It doesn't seem right does it?
Well, my boyfriend expects me to do just that. Get him nothing while he gets me something. I'm just not okay with that. Especially since it happened last year, for the main reason that I was flat broke. I would have been lucky if I had five bucks in my wallet at any given time.
This year however is different. I can afford to get those I care about, including my boyfriend, something for christmas. Now the issue is - I spent too much on his gift. I don't know what it is, maybe it makes him feel like less of a man or what (since I make more than him and he's admitted that he can only get me something small), but it gets old really really fast. Why is it such a horrible thing if we spent a little extra on someone we love?
Holidays were so much easier when I was broke. Maybe couples not getting each other something and just spending time together should be the new go-to gift for the Holidays.
What do you thinks ladies and gents: Why is it okay for you to get your boy/girlfriend something, but when they get you something it's not? Why is it not okay for them to spend more on you than you did on them? More importantly: should it even matter?
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- From: TakenAVowofSilence@xanga
- Name: Kirstie
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Comments (141)
I've never liked gift giving holidays...or receiving gifts in general. I think that if you say you're not going to get gifts for each other, then you should both stick with that.
I think it shouldn't matter. Don't keep score on your relationship. It's the thought that counts anyway. =]
I agree with Mary. It's not about keeping score .Sometimes the gifts that didn't cost the giver a thing can be the best.
we only exchange gifts on birthdays. anniversaries, christmas, and valentines day(well sometimes he buys me something but he only ever asks for chocolate kisses) we just spend time together. at the end of the day we both have jobs and can afford our own stuff spending time together is a lot more fun. my friends say i'm stupid and should demand a gift on every occasion i can, but that's just not me and he's not like that either.
I'm not really sure what the problem is? I mean, so what you got him a nice present, and he's getting you something small? If you plan to be together, make it up next year, although it doesn't even matter. Just be together and love one another, and gifts are just nice things to do. I'm making bracelets and cd mixes for everyone, because I'm a flat-ass broke, unemployed college student. I'm just using my resources.
Anyway, good luck on it. It shouldn't be, you HATE to be in a relationship over the holidays. For me and my boyfriend, they're the best times, we're both off school, and we go to different schools. Like, seriously, if he makes you feel that stressed for one freaking day, don't be in a relationship with this dude.
While this may be semi-unrelated to the topic, I think it is one of the rudest things ever to get someone something but expect them (or worse, be disappointed if they do) get you something.
So you can express your love through a gift, but you are prohibiting the other person from doing so? You can sacrifice, but the other person can't?
Epitome of non-sensical.
well. i don't think he's gonna be mad at you if you got him something. i said that a lot and i say that to people a lot. but really, the christmas season is really more in the spirit of giving.
That's not what the holidays are about anyways. You shouldn't have to worry about getting or giving gifts. It's getting together and sharing love that's more important. Since my boyfriend doesn't have a job right now, I'm not going to get him anything.
Christmas is about fun and love. You shouldn't hate having a SO during the holidays.
Money shouldn't matter in a relationship. If you make it a problem, then your relationship will always have problems.
same problem here. i just burned him a cd and i might get him some coffee stuff
if i spend more, i just count it as making up for the thousand times he's bought me dinner or little gifts when i haven't. plus, i calculate in the value for creativity that he puts in.
This might crack you up to realize, but men love competing - even with their lover!
If he gets you a better or more expensive gift than you give him, he feels okay with that because now he has a "point" (or however you wish to look at it) over you.
If you get him a pricier or superior gift, then he has been out-done.
If he starts playfully claiming he loves you more than you love him, head for the hills.
Honestly, it shouldn't matter on the price of the item. Hell, MAKE them something, you know why? Because it's the thought that counts!
Seriously, I really don't see why everything has to be a competition between two people. I'm all good for competing but seriously. Come on.
i agree with you that it shouldn't even matter. it's just presents. don't make it too complicated! last year i got my boyfriend a DVD and he got me a pair of mittens. we had a wonderful holiday season. it's silly to create pressure around something as inconsequential as a holiday gift.
im not saying holiday gifts are bad, or that you shouldn't give big gifts...i just think you should forget about pressure, or what you're "supposed to" give, or whether you should expect something back, etc.
i guess for me it's easier because my family is asian and we never had christmas or hanukkah or anything in the "holiday" season. we exchanged gifts because it was fun to go shopping and get into the festive spirit, but that was it.
Well, I bought my boyfriend bunch stuff like true religion jeans and ralph lauren scarf. He's never gotten me a major gift like the ones I've bought him. I don't really expect anything except his love and attention. He makes me so completely happy that it really doesn't matter what I get him because making him happy makes me feel so good! But he's always doing small things for me, which all adds up, like buying me food, paying for taxi rides and much more. He even bought me a plane ticket to NYC (i go to school in rochester) so that I could stay with him for just the weekend.
So basically, in answer to your question, it SHOULD matter about what you guys get each other, only to a certain extent. Don't obsess about it too much. As long as your thoughtful with your gift, the price really shouldn't matter. I only bought my boyfriend expensive shit because I just love buying my love ones expensive products. That's just me I guess lol.
oh hell i'm screwed. i got my boyfriend 2 things totaling 40 dollars (a shirt and a poster). he can't get me anything because he doesn't have a job. even though he said he was still going to get me something, i have no idea what, or how, but yeah. anyway, i love to buy people stuff, especially my boyfriend. this is our first Christmas together. what if he feels like less of a man because whatever he gets me, i'm sure is not going to be as much as 40 dollars? i was hoping he'd just absolutely love what i got him, but if guys are really like this, this is no good :(
Gift giving isn't that important in our relationship. My SO knows I have very little money, so he's fine if I can't afford to get a present. I still try to, though.
maybe you could both put money toward a night at a really nice hotel with a bottle of champagne. that way you're both paying for a gift you'll both enjoy together. maybe you could splurge a little more and get something cute at victoria's secret :]
We don't go overboard. It's the thought that counts. :D
My birthday is two days before Christmas, so I think that puts a little extra pressure for my boyfriend ahah :) Maybe you can make him something handmade? I made my boyfriend a blanket this year because he complains that he's cold at night. lol
how about being extra creative? nothing too pricey but just creative. idk. cook him a dinner or something lols.
it shouldnt even matter!
my policy is, i only give my boyfriend a gift on his birthday.
so therefore, he cant feel bad about getting me something back, b/c its HIS bday, not mine.
And on holidays, like Xmas or Valentines Day, I dont get them anything, And i prefer them not to give me anything either. the present should be just being able to go out and spend time with the one you love, not worrying about getting them something
Sheesh, be thankful you are in a relationship during the holidays. Why are you complaining? I've spent many of my holidays alone. It's not fun, trust me.
As far as gifts go, be thankful if he gets you anything. I've had bf's in the past that didn't get me gifts for special occasions (i.e. Christmas and my birthday). It's more special if your significant other gets you a gift without you having to ask than if you have to bug him for one. If you want to get him something, that's your choice. It's not the price of the gift that matters...it's the intention behind that gift. So what if you are poor...a card is not expensive.
Same problem. Since I'm not allowed to date, I had to lie to my parents to go shop for my SO. I spent around $50. He isn't the affluent one in this relationship (then again, neither am I xD), but it's the thought that counts. Homemade gifts are better imo, because they're made from the heart. Haha.
Doesn't matter. Just enjoy each others company. Sometimes one has more than another to give and then it turns around again so it all evens out.
I feel the same here. My boyfriend has a job, so he can afford to get me a gift, but I'm absolutely broke. I've tried convincing him not to get me anything, or if he really wanted to, maybe some socks cause it ensures he doesn't go overboard haha. And I have a *I didn't get him something last year, so now I need to make it up* sort of mindset.