Friday, 11 December 2009
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Who Wrote the Rules Book on Love?
Everyone has their opinions, views, ideals, morals, when it comes to a relationship. But when you hear a story about someones experience in their relationship; their clingy, they are constantly fighting, they are cheating, who came up with this universal law that everyone should abide by some sort of "love rule"? I have known so many relationships that have thrived and so many that have failed, and most of the losses have been because they followed someone elses idea of what their relationship should be like.
My friend is happily married, and unfortunately (or fortunately) her husband has his mistresses. She doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all! He treats her well, he doesn't disrespect her, and she is sincerely happy. Before you tell me "well look at them behind closed doors". I have. He has been the one shattered to pieces, and it had NOTHING to do with him cheating! As crazy as it sounds, she isnt bothered by it. She is one of those rare few people that can handle that. This is a woman who has been in other faithful relationships, and decided to marry this man who she knows very well is sleeping with other women!
Then there is a fellow who is overly clingy with his girlfriend. Constantly calling (literally every half hour) constantly on top of her, and she loves it! He is over protective of who she hangs out with, where she goes, what she does.They have limited privacy, but 3 years and going strong!
Will these relationships last? Who knows? The point is, it works for them. Somehow, these things relationship "wrongs" are working out right for these people. I personally wouldn't be able to handle that, but you will not see me posting anything about "what you shouldn't do in a relationship" or "how to act with the opposite sex".
So my question is, who wrote the rules on dating? Who is to say, whats right, and whats wrong for each and every couple out there?
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- From: NYPr1ncess@xanga
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Comments (17)
hmm true...I guess we just give our own opinions, and the OP has the right to consider them or not? A person has to make their own decisions, and follow their own choices. As long as they understand there ARE choices, and they're not stuck in what they're in...that's all that should matter. Different people have different ways of offering their knowledge, and understanding that makes us more well rounded dont you think?
That's why people should be "open" and "honest" with one another. It's the only way to find the person that is on the "same" page as you are. Unfortunately, people don't take the time to truly know who they are; therefore, they don't know how to convey that to someone else nor do they understand them. Think about it, if you don't know or understand yourself (a person that you live with 24/7) then how on earth could you possibly begin to understand someone else or even let them know who you are? You can't because you don't even know yourself.
It sounds like this friend whose husband has a mistress is a jerk. If she stays with them, then that's her problem. However, they may the type of couple who enjoy having multiple partners. If not, then obviously she's not telling you the whole truth with how she feels.
As far as the girl with the clingy bf...some women like that. Some don't. Some women enjoy more attention than others. If it doesn't bother her, than more power to her. A guy like that would bother me b/c I do enjoy my personal space.
Like you mentioned at the beginning, "Everyone has their opinions, views, ideals, morals, when it comes to a relationship." You may see it as wrong or disgusting, but just as long as the couple is happy and it works for them, why judge?
I personally don't think there are any set rules for falling in love. It just happens. The odds of meeting someone who is not only compatible, but also wants a relationship with you are based on luck and chance. However, staying in love is a choice and takes work. I think happiness, acceptance, and forgiveness are some important things when considering a relationship with someone.
As far as I'm concerned, there are no "rules," and relationships happen simply when people's interests and standards coincide, however outlandish they may be.
that first scenario i can't really get past. i wouldn't even be able to look at my boyfriend if i found out he was sleeping with another chick. i'm sorry, but that is sick. no matter how you look at it.
I'd say it was the heartbroken.
But everyone writes their own rules, in one way or another.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - Unless you're looking at it from a polyamorous viewpoint, in which it is completely natural and understandable. Maybe this woman is not polyamorous but her hubby is, and they've agreed that he can have mistresses. How is that sick, if it's what they both want and agree to?
Frankly, I'm more disturbed by the second scenario because it sounds like every abusive relationship I've watched my friends go through. But, again, especially as a stranger on the internet who has read three lines about their relationship - I can't judge them.
I can say, however, that I would never put up with that, and I don't have to, because my boyfriend and I are constantly in communication about what we want and need from the other.
This just reaffirms my belief that there truly is someone for everyone--even those who dance outside the norm.
-Katie
Yeah, I don't think they're are rules, I mean is she's content with her husband screwing other chicks, go her. I could never.
There aren't any rules... When you're in love, you know it, and when you aren't it, you know it too. Love is so beautiful!
I guess it's just the acceptance, the honesty, trust and the unconditional love that make it. If people lay it all out there, people decide whether they like it or not and if you both are on the same page, awesome.
I would say that love is
patient
kind
not self-seeking
not rude
not boastful
keeps no record of wrongs
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always preserves
and sacrifices for the good of the other person
That's love to me:)
So my question is, who wrote the rules on dating? Who is to
say, whats right, and whats wrong for each and every couple out there?
My answer is - who was stupid enough to suggest there were rules in the first place?
@HollowTendencies@xanga - agreed!! damn straight, i'd be hella pissed, and once some1 cheats it cant be erased. i dont think some1 loves some1 if they cheat.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - LOL
somehow i imagine money is involved, the wife is probably boating it, off her hubbys stuff, and so puts up with the mistress for her diamond necklace. =D
Honestly, anything is possible but outliers never break rules. There may be a couple people who can thrive in a relationship that would emotionally destroy most people. Should we stop giving good advice to everyone if it only applies to 95% of them? Of course we shouldn't, because people are fully capable of making their own decisions.
The example of the 3 year relationship with the overly protective BF shows a major emotional issue that he should address himself. I'm pretty shocked about the married couple with an openly cheating husband but after reading "Under the Banner of Heaven" I've come to realize that some people just don't care about sexual commitment or at least not enough to impact an otherwise good relationship.
Every couple/relationship is different. Whatever makes them happy. Who is anyone to say what's right or wrong, I guess.