I hate being single. I've been single since I was 14 in high school. The girl I was with didn't had any classes with me and wanted to focus more on her education, so she left me. She didn't even told me face to face, just sent a note to me via my classmate. She didn't even wanted me to reply to the letter. It really messed me up because we've been going out since the 7th grade, but temporary broke up because I told her I love her without knowing the actual meaning of love and stupidly compared it to a game. We tried to patch things together in the 8th grade, but I think I was being more of a leech to her, that could be why she left me.
Years later, she apologized about it, but again, not face to face, but I accepted her apology.
During those years, I would see couples together, laughing, talking, hugging, kissing and wonder what could have been between the girl I was with. I didn't get to share a kiss with her the time I was with her. It was so common at the school, so I thought maybe I'll have a new girl before high school was over. Sadly, that wasn't the case.
Also, during those years, I was online a lot. I would go to chat rooms, talking to people while I waited for my sister to get home (middle and high school class times were different than elementary). I've met some interesting people online and met some girls too. Now, I know what you're thinking, "What a loser", but I didn't know what I was getting myself into at the time. I started having online relationships, the confidence I was lacking was showing up online. However, these relationships never ended well. Most of the girls disappeared on me, never returning online ever again.
One girl kept in touch with me, but disappeared numerous times on me. I was obsessed with keeping in touch because she was so sweet to me. Or so I thought. Six years later, June on Father's Day, I texted her and she told me she had a huge crush on me. We started going out and tried to have a long distant relationship. Horrible idea, especially with her just breaking up with her boyfriend. I, then, noticed a trend of her always talking about him, invited him to our chats and phone conversations. Then, she would complain about how she wants someone to hold her and kiss her and why I didn't lived closer. Next thing I know, she breaks up with me and goes back out with her boyfriend. The relationship didn't last for 4 weeks. I, then, vowed to never have a long distant relationship ever again. I, also, learned from her sister that she was using me from the start to make her boyfriend jealous. Needless to say, I was pissed and upset. All that sweet talking for nothing...
Everyone in my family, as I know of, is in a relationship with someone. I'm the only one in my family who's single. I really hate it, especially when they invite them over, or talk about them in front of me. And it really pisses me off when they say they wish they stayed single, which is utter bullshit. I've been single for 7 years, there's no point in being alone for that long. My sister told me there's no point in finding someone, and when I told her I could never get a date, she said "That's just you". As if she's saying it's my fate to never have a date.
So why can't I get a date? I have many reasons to think why I can't get one. First off, my confidence. I don't have the nerve to just walk up to any random female and talk to her and ask her out. I don't want to feel like some creep. Second, my height. I know, I've stressed this long enough, but it still gets to me. I'm shorter than 90% of the girls around me. No girl wants a man shorter than they are. Third, my lack of cash. I don't own a car to get to places, I have to ride the bus to get to where ever I'm going. I have to rely on my parents to get me to where I need to go, which brings up my fourth reason. I still live with my parents and rely on them on everything. I want to be independent, but how can I when I still need some things from them and I'm 21 years old?
Most people tell me I don't need a girl, I can make it without one. Yeah right...bullshit. No one can live a successful life alone. Most people go crazy if they were alone. I mean, yeah, they have contact to people at work, school, etc. But once you get home, who's there to welcome you? No one and that alone could ruin anyone's best day.
I don't know how long I'll be single. With the year ending, this will be year 7, not counting the fake ass long distant relationship. I'm betting I won't have one next year either. I don't want to search if I know I'll come up empty, but I don't want to stay single for the rest of my life.
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Comments (76)
You're rushing yourself here...
I am 25 right now... I still live with my parents, I have no car, I still have to bus/subway to work... need friends/parents to drive me here and there... (yea call me a loser if you want to but I have no problems with my status right now)
Just be yourself, maybe it's hard to meet new females around you, but there are always chances out there... The more you rush then you are pushing yourself too hard, you'll eventually push people away also...
@jeimusu@xanga - i agree. you seem to be rushing a bit. you're only 21, you have your whole life still.
i understand that it can be lonely, being single, but if you don't approach women.. who do you expect to get a date? most women like when men make the first move.. so you just need to work on your confidence. i'd say that the majority of women appreciate you just coming up and talking to them, even if its awkward. and if that woman is rude or anything, obviously she's not the one and you move on ( :
i hate these "boohoo, woe is me" datingish entries. instead of spending time complaining about how u can't get a date -- go out, work out, finish school/get a job, move out, improve yourself, and u'll naturally have the confidence, cash, and independence to attract members of the opposite sex. being single at 21 isn't the end of the world, there are much bigger problems out there.
Hmmm...I had a major crush on someone who was shorter than me back in HS so I think it just depends on ppl. I really dont know though. Well, I get the sense your not very comfortable with yourself and that's the first thing you have to be sure of to attract a mate. Not to sound mean, I feel like you're pretty much kinda lost with everything. You need to have a strong sense of who you are cuz from what you just described you get thrown in a lot of nonsense in life.
When you dont look for relationships they come to you so just chill but dont listen to me cause i dont practice what i preach.
I really liked this post. Most people won't come straight out and admit that they hate being single. I always put on such a fake act about how I don't mind, and blahblah...but I secretly mind a lot.
I'm 18. I've had 2 actual relationships that were the opposite of functioning. The first, was obsessive. The second, abusive. What's sad is the fact that when I'm feeling down about myself...I want to text my abusive boyfriend. I did have the courage to end things with him, but I suppose that subconsciously I still believe he will be the only guy that ever wanted me.
But that's not the point! It may be sort of bad that you don't have your license, because I hate when I have to drive my guys everywhere. But living at home is fine. All my guy friends are 21, and they still live at home. They are either at community college, or working a stable job trying to save up for their own place. I don't view that as an issue.
How tall are you? I bet not shorter than me! I'm 5ft 1in. And I highly doubt you can be any shorter than that. You just have to go for the shorter girls if you're terribly uncomfortable with your height.
Annnnd, you don't need to have the confidence to walk up to a girl and act like a jackass. You just have to make casual conversation. Just the other day I was at the gas station, just pumping my gas, minding my own business, when a guy about my age walks by and says "Man, it's hot out here today!" I cracked up...because it's actually very cold and windy and he saw me trying to rush my gas along.
It's the little things that girls like. Just casual conversation. Be funny. Funny guys are always the best! Fake confidence if you have to. I know I do it every single day, and it works. Guys and girls both tell me they're jealous of how confident I am.
Keep your head up. Life will get better. You can't base your happiness off of whether or not you have a relationship or anything. You've gotta look at the positives, and take small steps to change the negatives.
well, get a job, save up for a car, brush your teeth (jk on that one, i mean, you should definitely brush your teeth, but you probably already do), and it's totally okay if you still live with your parents man, times are rough on everyone, and you're only 21. i know a 24 year old who still lives with his parents and has a girlfriend. also, i know a lot of girls that like short guys.. in fact one of the reasons i like my boyfriend is because he's short. another thing, get involved, do you go to college? i hear that's the prime place to meet chicks ;)
if you don't go to college, do you have any friends that do? i mean, maybe your friends can introduce you to some single ladies.
yea... noone to welcome you when you get home is the saddest part. get a dog lol they can't talk but they can welcome you home, but it's not the same... i feel ya. Oh and don't listen to some of the other people who gives comments because they don't know how the experience is like... I have a car, cash, well paying job with benefit, lots of friends, but sometimes even when i'm around a lot of friends i still feels lonely without a gf. I remember looking for a girl since Junior Prom when I was 17... now I"m 23!! and still single. Time just flies! But don't give up! and lower your standards haha that was my biggest mistake.
I just wrote something about this, my friend is going through the same thing. First of all, you want to know how you can be independent? If you don't have a job, get one. You still "need" your parents because you're making it so that you'll always have to. And you can't get a girl because you're spending too much time focusing on what's wrong with you. Stop that. It seems like you hate the negative parts of yourself so much that to even a girl you don't know well, your flaws just seem obvious. That's not cool. The more you dislike yourself, the more others will notice it. It's like this, If you don't even like yourself why should I like you? And once again, like someone else said, stop wallowing in your own self-pity and do something about it.
oh, and another thing. Think about the past relationships you've ever had (including online) and question what went wrong, what happened, etc and learn from your mistakes. Pin point every single one of them
I dislike being single because my friends try to "set me up" with people. It never works.
If you act like your awesome, other people will, too.
I know that sounds bullshit, especially coming from a girl who can't keep a boy to save her life, but the worst thing you can do is dwell on not being in a relationship.
Cheer up, buttercup! (:
Don't worry =) I know a lot of people older than 25 that still lives with their parents and can't drive. As for the relationship, I honestly don't understand what's so bad about being single, I mean, there's that feeling of freedom... but I'm sure you'll find the RIGHT person eventually. Don't give in to what other people have. Good luck =D
I am 26 and still single, live with my parents and cannot drive.
I remember being 16 still in school when some people in our form try to set me up on a date with someone else in our form, did not work.
I been asked out twice and do not feel bad saying no to them, as one just asked me out of the blue and the other one I did not have any feeling for her and did not fancy her.
I am quite happy being single, the right person for me will come when the time is right.
hey, I'm single and 21! and I feel ya... I've had boyfriends but nothing that ended up serious. While it sucks being single... I'm not too concerned about it yet. I know (hopefully) that someone will come along when I least expect it. Same goes for everyone... people need to stop stressing over finding someone. I mean you're only 21... if you were in your thirties I might be a lil concerned then. But you have plenty of time... trust me! And how you were saying that you don't have confidence... well gain some then or fake it at least lol. This is so cheesy... but if you don't think highly of yourself and don't have confidence in who you are then no one else will. Like who you are and other people will notice and like you as well. Just work on your personal image and make sure you go out with your friends a lot to bars or wherever else... there will be opportunities okay!
p.s. - I love Believe_InMe comment... listen to her! lol she speaks the truth.
Just be yourself, know yourself, be true to yourself and everything will follow... confidence, people attracted to you, getting a good job and getting some cash... if you know yourself and be true to yourself it will all come more naturally.
@RaquelHiggins005@xanga -
What she said.
@TheRealMelanie@xanga -
I got set up twice by my friends and both of them ended up being very bad dates. I'd like to say I'll never let my friends set me up again, but I'm sure I will haha.
being single is not that bad. if you're looking, you're going to end up forcing yourself into something. just let things happen.
@Liera@xanga - Sorry OP, but I'm gonna have to agree with her. I usually feel pity for those in your situation, but it just doesnt sound like you're willing to do a damn thing about your situation. You can get a job without your own car, that's what public transportation is meant for. Go out to group events, the gym, etc. Put yourself out there. It doesnt mean you necessarily have to approach anyone. But the more you get out instead of hiding behind the computer, the more likely you'll meet a few more REALISTIC women that might find you interesting. You're an adult now, quit acting like a child...from what I'm reading about your no car, no money, all about the parents line. The last thing I mean to do is come off as a jerk, but it doesnt sound like the OP is giving any effort, and expects things to just happen for him. That's not how the world works.
@Saelee2009@xanga - I can relate to how you feel on this one, although I was only technically single for 1.5 years. I've found someone now, so we'll see how that works out...but good luck to you. I feel like it comes when you're not searching...but keeping an eye out isnt a bad thing either.
We're on the same boat Mister! Except now we should transition into getting a job, volunteer, and get ourselves OUT THERE! And do something that makes ourselves feel awesome within. Then the likelyhood of dating will rise significantly compared to staying at home all day. ^^
@Liera@xanga - I am going to have agree with her on this one... normally, a post like this, i will empathize and feel sorry, but there is a level at which you (OP) know what you have to do, and yet you are not trying. there is a lot one can overcome regardless of anything as long as you try at it. you seem really down to earth and that will help you in the long run. also 21? you are young, you have a lot of time left in your life, relax and let it be. get out there have some fun, hang out with friends. i mean you do have friends. if you can be confident with them, then you can be confident with anything... in addition, no confidence= no chance of getting a job.
@jeimusu@xanga - i holy agree, im 24 and i live with my dad and i have bus/train to get to work or to get home i have to have my dad get me most of the time since i leave work so late. i do drive, that is a difference but i cant drive into nyc all the time (insane)... i do it when i am going to visit my gf.
to OP- there is nothing wrong with LDR even if you meet online, you just have to be confident with whatever you do... online can help you gain some of the confidence you need... try an online dating site.. dont count yourself out... your 21, just able to drink... you got a life ahead of you.. chill and relax
I am 26 and single. Sometimes I feel the same as you and other times I don't mind being single at all. I have only been in one serious relationship and it was a mess from the beginning. We were together off and on for about 4 years. By the end I felt like I had gotten out of prison or something.
I enjoy being single b/c I can do whatever I want without answering to anyone. Every so often I'll see couples who are all lovey dovey and I wish I had someone but for the most part being single isn't that bad. I figure when it's my turn to be in love it'll happen. For now I'm focusing on my work and advancing in my career.
I've noticed that single people that complain about single status are either a) surrounded by happy couples or b) surrounded by bitter singles that want to be a happy couple. What happened to option c? Happy single people that are focusing on their own lives and where they want to be in the next five years?? Or d) those unhappy couples that remind you of the joys of being single lol. REMOVE yourself. Get a group of happy friends that aren't all happy/clingy/lovey dovey and remind you of what you're missing out on, get some normal single friends, or a friend that has an SO but is independent and happy even if they're not side by side... Hang out, and go have fun. Stop dwelling on what you DON'T have, you're future baby momma will come lol. Just relax and LIVE, then... all sorts of wonderful things will come to you...
Homie, I hear you loud and clear. I'm 25 and I've been single almost 9 years. it's hard to see people around you in relationships/marriage and you feel like you're left out in the dust. This is something I've had to deal with this entire semester-and sometimes you feel like nobody else really understands what you're going through. It is tough being single right now because so many people are in relationships, engaged, or married. The thing about it now is with all the hype about affairs in marriage on the news I've had some second thoughts about marriage and relationships in general. It hasn't made me not EVER want to get married or anything but you start to compare/contrast the good and the bad about it.
have you been to college? do you have a job? I think you should work on these things before trying to get a girlfriend!
@Liera@xanga - listen to her
You live alone and you die alone, how could you hate being on your own? Sure it gets lonely but that's why you have to invest in other non-intimate relationships while you're single.
At least savour the independence.