Thursday, 10 December 2009
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I Need Help with My First Break Up
My boyfriend(19) of 14 months and my little sister(18) were sexting each other all night.
I found out the next morning through her phone...I went into a rage and tore /rip/destroyed everything he ever gave me..I stuffed it in a bag and drove to his place. I walked right into his house (he was seated on the couch watching t.v) and walked right past his excited smile and exclamation of delighted surprise and went to his kitchen to get a glass of water. My hands were shaking..my heart was racing a million miles. I used the water to clear the tears from my throat. I went into the living room pushed away his outstretched arms and replied with no emotion in my voice :"I'm just dropping off your stuff."
I walked right out the door kicking his bag viciously when I walked past it. He tried to speak rushing after me "Bella wait! Let's talk!"
I threw him the finger and kept walking "If you wanna talk to anyone go talk to my sister!" I made it to my car and got the hell out of there.
It's been 2 day's and I'm a wreck. We were super close..we texted every hour giving little ily's or just an update on what we were doing..I CAN NO LONGER DO THAT. He wasn't just my boyfriend..he was my best friend. I told him everything. Who was I supposed to turn to now? I want more than anything to call/text him. I just want my friend back.
My sister's excuse was typical: she didn't really mean it..they wouldn't really do anything..she was going to tell me the next morning..blah blah..
His excuse was worse: "I don't know." He called it a stupid mistake. He can't tell me why he did it.
Who is this person? Where is the boy that I loved and cared more than anyone?
I tried to text him because I love him but..he's not the same. Everything just feels wrong...so so very wrong.
He was my first boyfriend..but my second heartbreak. His betrayal is eating at my heart..I want more than anything to just have him hold me and tell me it was just a horrible prank.
But it's not. He wont. I just need help to fill in my time. Anything that helped you all over past heartbreaks will save me in more ways that you can know.
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About the Author
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- From: bella@xanga
- Name: bella
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 5040 Comments: 0 116 View all posts by bella@xanga
Comments (121)
Focus your mind on something else (like school) and don't worry about him. You deserve the best :) P.S. Time really does heal all wounds..
yeah.. im so sorry... that sounds like a movie or something its so surreal...
:( its alot worse that he is your best friend. sometimes, even though its more difficult, its better to be alone. my best friend was, well, just a friend, but she really destroyed screwed me up.consider it an opportunity to start new?wish u wellDistractions. I played music that didn't remind me of him (only a couple songs), cooked A LOT for people and for myself, watched TV shows I liked that he hated, and went out with friends (picnics, hikes, study parties, getting lunch somewhere). I'm not a partier and I don't like clubs so much so I only went to a few of those and only with friends I felt really safe with.
I played video games that didn't remind me of him and that I could do for hours without noticing the time pass. I'd also sleep a great deal.
By spending time doing all these different things eventually I stopped thinking about him and it got easier. I also found a few friends I could depend on when he wasn't there. Plus I got a lot closer to my mother and would talk to her more.
Hope this helps and hope you get better soon!
First of all. Good for you. Good for you for being so strong and not taking that shit. He did something unspeakably horrible to you and you do not deserve that. I know all you want is him right now but he is the last thing that you need.
Bake. I find it really soothing. Besides its almost Christmas so you have an excuse to bake a ton.
Run. Also takes my mind off of everything. Plus gets you in sexy shape. Which will just remind him how much he lost.
Read. Reading is awesome because you can lose yourself in the stories of other people and not focus so much on your own life.
Volunteer. Helping someone else who needs it will make you realize how fortunate you are.
Write. Write him a letter telling him all that he meant to you and all that his hurt has caused. Yell at his dumb ass for what he's done. Write everything that you are feeling. And then burn it.
Hope some of those help! We all get through things in different ways. I hope you find a way that works best for you.
that's insane!
I would be FURIOUS with my sister if I were you!!
I have no idea what to tell you. I would surround myself with friends if I were you.
my sister would not be getting a christmas present either. ;)
I'm so glad you were so strong! Don't give him another chance either. When girls do that, guys begin to think that they can get away with anything and that you're just a doormat.
What I do when I'm upset is just the little things that make me happy. I went to my local Barnes & Noble, I go to the movies, I go to the gym, or I absorb myself in school. Do whatever put a smile on your face before you met this asshole.
The mind set I like to keep is - He'll be sorry when I'm happy with another guy and he's 40 and alone. I like to make myself feel like I'm going to succeed and be happy, and that karma will catch up with him.
he is an asshole i'm sorry to say this but it takes two to tango, you should be equally pissed at your sister b.c she is fam. That is very horrible to do, and i know hoe it feels to have ppl do shit behind your back, my b.f used to flirt with bitches behind my back, and LIE to me and tell me "of couse he didnt" once i started going to college with him, he couldnt hide the way his whore friends would act, even one of his ex's told me how he wouldnt walk around & flirt, while i was there, but when i left he acted Different. Yelling at them does nothing, sobbing is good to get it out, but i like to get even. =D
Wow. your sister seems like a bitch and he sounds like a douche. Good luck. All I could say is I would never trust him again..
I cannot believe there are sisters like that. So sorry for you. Just remember that no matter how impossible it may seem, someday the pain will go away. I know it's cliché. I didn't believe in it either, but surprisingly, it has really proven to be true. In the meanwhile, just hang out with your other friends and meet new people. So sorry again.
HIGH FIVE for not takong that shit! ohmygod good for you.
lol like seriosuly? i cant believe he did such an incredibly fucked up thing, what an idiot. you definatley deserve at least someone more intelligent, who would know better than to like blatantly flirt with his gf's sister. HAHA ohmyod what an idiot.
you can do SO much better than that.
Oh my gosh. I unconsciously paused my ipod after reading the first sentence. That never happens...intense.
Anyways, wow. I'm sorry... I'd be pissed too, of course. I don't even have words for this. Just don't trust him again.
dude, how in the hell did that happen? I would eat some food, then I would start looking for a new man if I were you
That's awful. Good for you for being strong enough not to take it.
The worst part is when the doubt starts to seep into your mind - maybe you were too harsh, maybe you could make things better. But none of that is true.
You just have to stay strong and know that you did the right thing for you.
chin up, miss.
:(
Surround yourself with positive friends and family. You need them.
Last heartbreak, I cried every moment throughout the day if I'm by myself. I couldn't control myself. You need people to lift you.
If you can't find others, then invest some time and emotion on hobbies. Focusing on school would be ok but on my end, my academic life went to the shits after giving myself 18 credits worth of science and math courses. Never again! LOL. Anything and everything you can do to keep yourself occupied. Time is a pretty good healer.You just need time to have your emotions cool out and maybe eventually you can come to terms that you no longer wished his hugs because he really is the one who betrayed you.
I'm glad you did what you did. Whatever you do, DONT get back together with him no matter what he says!
I've recently gone through a rough break up as well and what I do is look for distractions. This is the perfect time for you to be independent and love yourself for who you are. It's also the time to learn more things about yourself. Look for hobbies that you enjoy, blast loud music if it helps drown out the pain, hang out with your closest friends who will be there for you, take walks, exercise, write... Find yourself healthy outlets that will help you and over time, it'll get easier. Focus on school, put all your energy into it. Strive for the best of what you can make of yourself and know that you're better off without him. It's his lost, not yours.
Oh god thats horrible, you poor thing :(
I would reccomend watching movies, going for walks (any exercise) and spending your time with people who make you happy.
Good luck, time will help. Its only been two days remember.
well just realize you did the right thing.
The pain doesn't go away for a long time. But you just have to stay functional - that's the most important thing. Keep physically active... I found that it helps take your mind off things when you focus. I did martial arts, and it helped that I could sometimes take my frustration out on other people while sparring :P I'll have to say that the worst thing to do is to wallow in the pain and drown in the sorrow. You need to act on logic, or you might do things you regret, like emo-eat. Kidding, but only partly.
Singleness is a blessing, so make the most of it! Keep your head up :)
WTF?! omg i'm sooo sorry!!!! my jaw dropped to china when i read this!! that is so wrong and horrible!! i know that nothing can really cure the pain of betrayal, but i TOTALLY know how you're feeling. that exact thing didn't happen to me but I was betrayed in a similar manner and the hurt was just the same. trust us, we would beat them up for you if we could. i cant believe you didn't punch him or your sister! you should play jazmin sullivan's bust your windows....it might make you somewhat better...you can feel destructive through her song lol.
ahh it's stuff like this that make us girls go crazy and have insecurities! burns like this totally shake our ability to want to trust another guy/girl again.
even though it's easier said than done, everyone has given great advice! whatever you do, stay strong, don't let him back in because he sure as hell doesn't deserve a second chance. do your best to move, become a better person, get hotter, prove that your life is better and will continue to be better without him. you don't need negative people like that in your life. although she is family, i say, give your sister the same treatment/punishment as your ex. even though family needs to stick together blah blah blah, she should've thought of that when she was sexting your bf! they WILL get what they deserve.
what a douche! and a horrible thing to do to your sister
when i'm upset like that, which has only happened like twice, i basically throw myself into exercise. it's good for you, it's super distracting, and it tires you out so you can sleep off some time when you would normally be awake and sad.
I also wouldn't spend time sitting on the couch eating junk and watching sad movies. get out there and hang out with friends! or, do something productive. learn how to knit. stuff like that.
good luck with everything! you did the right thing.
I spent 2 years heartbroken and upset over a guy who cheated on me. during the time we were together he was also my best friend, my first boyfriend, my first love. so the break up was very tough, especially since we didnt talk at all afterwords. after a period of time we tried getting back together, but i was a mess throughout the relationship because i couldnt trust him.
for you, its only been a few days. and no, its not going to be easy and its not probably going to get better in the next few days or even weeks or maybe even months. i hope you dont cry over him and miss him for 2 years like i did though. i dont wish that misery upon anyone.
what he did was wrong. he was completely disrespectful to you. what you did wasnt wrong at all. it was a very smart and brave thing to do. dont forget that! dont go running back to him because you miss him... hes obviously not the same person you originally fell in love with, and you'll probably never get that guy back. but its okay, dont look at the relationship as wasted time or regret it... everyone goes through these trials. its very seldom where someone finds their life mate the first time around. just take the experience and learn from it. and have a long serious talk with your sister about her actions... cuz that was completely disrespectful and uncalled for aswell, however, she IS your sister, your family, and you should try to patch things up with her.
i cant tell you when your heart will start mending itself, it could be next month or it could be a year from now. but you sound like a much stronger girl then i was. just surround yourself with friends and when the time comes, dont be afraid to move on.
thats something i struggled with and i think is the reason why it took me so long to move on from that relationship. i was scared to pursue a relationship with any guy because i was scared that i would end up getting hurt like that again. and well i did end up dating another guy who cheated on me. eventually though my heart mended yet again and i found my now fiance. so dont be afraid to get back up, even though you might get pushed back down again. eventually you'll find the right one, just keep your head up!
Wow... as others have said, GOOD FOR YOU, for not taking that crap. For starters, you're WAY stronger than a good chunk of the female population that would "forgive him" because he "didn't mean it" and make other excuses. With any future guy you date, if he screws you over, keep that strength, because not taking that kind of bullshit is already a significant step in getting over heartbreak.
That being said, that's even worse that your own sister betrayed you - I mean, truthfully? That's WORSE. I know she's family, but keep her away from any future boyfriends, because she clearly doesn't respect you. And bullshit, she was gonna tell you the next morning. Bullshit.
Finally, to answer your question - everyone has given great advice. Cry, blog/write in your diary. Find your other close friends and cry to them. Give yourself a week or two of hardcore devastation, but absolutely NO MORE, or you'll be the pathetic emo kid in a constant pity party.
So, go out and develop a hobby you may have been neglecting, or find a new one. Volunteering was mentioned, and that's an awesome suggestion - it feels good to help people. Exercise (doesn't have to be like, a gym, but maybe dancing or yoga... although beating the hell out of a punching bag feels GREAT). If you have the means, take a short trip somewhere, or just fill up your gas tank and drive somewhere for a weekend. And basically, fill your life with positive things.
The best revenge is being happy without him. Remember that it will NOT heal overnight - you've been together for over a year, so obviously, it will take a while. But eventually, the pain WILL fade away. Best of luck! Don't doubt yourself!
What your sister and your boyfriend did was absolutely wrong. When I read your post, my heart broke a little because that is just wrong. Forget about him. And even distance yourself from your sister. I don't know how you'll be able to forgive her for hurting you. It's even worse because your sister is family. But because he is your best friend as well as boy friend, I can't say that it'll be easy to forget about him. Just spend time with friends and alone and just start fresh. Hope all goes well!
The hardest part of a breakup is breaking the habits! I used to spend every Sunday for 2 years with one of my exes... When we broke up I just had to find something else to do that day! Whether it was just something around the house or going out with friends, it helped keep my mind off of him when I needed it!
I don't think you should talk to him at all... I think you should just leave it where it's at. Maybe in a few months when things have died down you'll be able to talk again. I just don't recommend it now... You might end up taking him back just because you've realized how hard it is without him.
Just remember this phase will pass. Soon you'll feel silly for ever feeling this way!
Good luck and stay strong!