Now I don't claim to be a marriage expert or anything like that, but I
am married so I should know something about it, right?
The following insights have been gathered from talking to people in all relationship stages (single, dating, engaged, married, divorced, widowed, etc.), various and sundry books/blogs/articles I've read over the years, and my own experience. Read them through, let me know what you think, and feel free to add your own to this list!
The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
The fires of infatuation have to cool before mature love can grow and develop.Growing up with happily married parents doesn't guarantee that your own marriage will be good. Likewise, growing up in a broken family doesn't necessarily mean you won't have a good marriage.A successful marriage has much more to do with how you handle your current life than what happened in your past.
Just being happy is one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse.Another of the best gifts you can give them is your focused attention.If you know what your spouse's dreams and desires are and help them to achieve those things, you will both be happier.Never keep feelings of gratitude to yourself. You can't avoid arguments, but you can avoid destructive ones.Resolved conflict strengthens and builds relationships, but resentment and unresolved conflict destroys them. Even if you have to take a break from the argument, make sure to resolve it as soon as you possibly can.The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about.Expectations act as set-ups for resentment.If your spouse is acting defensive, you just might be giving them a reason to.Silence is deadly when used as a weapon.Don't complain about your spouse to your friends. Not only will you be acting disrespectfully, the feedback they give you will be unbalanced because it is based only on one side of the story.Don't say anything about your spouse that you wouldn't say directly to them. Privacy won't hurt your marriage; secrecy will.Love requires separateness as well as togetherness for it to fully thrive.If you can't be happy without your spouse, you won't be happy together.Jealousy and possessiveness do not come from love, but from fear.Your spouse cannot rescue you, but they can and should help you rescue yourself.No matter how much they love you, one person cannot satisfy every single one of your needs all the time.
Being married doesn't make you a better person, but accepting and conquering the challenges of marriage does.The only hard and fast rules in a marriage are the ones you both agree on. A feeling of being attracted to someone else doesn't lessen the quality of your marriage; acting on that attraction does.Even the most perfect marriage goes through cycles, and there can be some extremely rough patches.If you give your best time and energy to your job/hobbies/personal interests, your marriage will suffer.
Your opinion is not absolute truth and neither does it matter more than your spouse's.If your spouse thinks something is important, guess what? It is!Threats, guilt-tripping and ultimatums will not get you anywhere good in the long run.The cheap thrill some people get from putting down their spouse gets to be very expensive when it's all tallied up.Forgiveness and commitment are ongoing processes, not one-time events.Forgiveness is its own reward and revenge is its own punishment.It's better to concentrate on what you can do to make things better than on what your spouse did to make things wrong.
There's more to be gained by understanding your spouse's world than by trying to get them to understand yours.Marriage takes sacrifice, but what you gain in the end is far more than what you gave up.Good sex doesn't inherently make your marriage great, but it sure does help! 
Marriages never outgrow the need for romance.Vacations don't need to break the bank or be month-long affairs, but getting away from it all every now and then to focus solely on each other is a necessity, not a luxury.
Recommend
Comments (222)
This is awesome. I especially like the paragraph starting with "Privacy". Good lessons.
I like this.
It's not even necessarily about marriage, but (serious) relationship's.
Very wise and insightful.
great post!
props and AGREED!! rec'd!
@akaBug@xanga - I agree with that.
I read this with my long term/long distance relationship in mind, all of these are very good to remember.
This is sweet and refreshing.
props!!!
I love this....so very true!
Very true!
I also agree! It's so true!
That being said, the guy in the first picture looks like he has cum on his lips...
Thanks for the great insights =)
BRILLIANT. People need to read these even when they are dating.
I love this
I agree with everyone who says that this doesn't just apply to marriage. Any relationship with any plans to be viable at all should follow these guidelines.
Great ideas! Thanks for sharing! :)
Very good and sound advice! It's all stuff that we know, but need reiterated. Thanks for posting!
This is really great!
Good stuff. I like this one the best:
No matter how much they love you, one person cannot satisfy every single one of your needs all the time.
That is *spot on* on what I need to remember. <3
props!!!
I think t his also applies to very serious relationship! Otherwise, great post! =)
And sometimes, you can do all of the above and still not make it work...
Both partners have to have their heads in the game or it'll go wrong.
I'm far from married... but I loved this! :) Thanks for sharing.
This is beautiful! I will try to keep these things in mind for the future, though I am fortunate to have learned some of them already. :)
i thought you were going to write about "the topics one should discuss with a bf before becoming a spouse" but was thoroughly surprised to see all the heart warming things.
:D