Wednesday, 09 December 2009
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He Said I Would Regret the Day I Met Him
It started like any other relationship. You know, the Ihavetoseeyoueverysecondofthedayitis and the ohlookatuswearedatingloooook! We were so happy! I couldn't get enough of him. He would take me out all of the time. Dinner, movies, putt-putt, bowling. Just everything he knew I liked, we did. It was nice!
Maybe this should be the moment I mention we were in an interracial relationship. He was white, I'm black.
It soon became time to meet his parents. He never mentioned to me that his parents were racist until he mentioned his parents wanting to see me. They knew of my race, but since I had never been to his house in this 3-4 month spam, I didn't know how they felt. I left dinner in tears. I didn't even finish. I just left. They called me the N word to my face. They said many things that I didn't like, and they seemed HAPPY that I was so upset. I never went back there.
His friends hated me too. They never got to know me. All they knew was that I couldn't tolerate weed smoking and that's all they did. Apparently when Daniel* [name changed] met me he stopped smoking. They always wanted him to and I said no. Dan respected my wishes.
Flash forward 1 and a half years and we are living together in our first apartment! It was so wonderful. Living on my own was amazing. I was working 2 jobs to pay my half of the bills and to have more money. I would work from 8-midnight or one a.m. every day, and then come home and do all of the chores. Yes, Daniel had it made. He worked one job five days a week and I worked 7 days a week.
Things started to become sour soon after. I came home from work exhausted so I went straight to bed one night. He slapped me in my face to wake me an hour later, why? Because the apartment was "a mess." Now I was the only one cleaning everyday and was only home from 1 am until 7:30 am and I spent at least an hour cleaning before I took a shower and went to bed. I slept maybe 6 hours a night. I did deserve a break, right? I was the only one doing anything and all he did all day was play video games and have his friends over. And then once he got home from work, he would make more mess by leaving dishes from stuff he cooked [which I didn't see any of] and tracking dirt through the apartment from outside.
This happened more often and it escalated. I was so scared to fight back. He was stronger than me and he told me that if I told anyone that he would make me "regret the day I met" him. I believed it so I kept quiet for 9 months.
My breaking point was when he threw a solid wood chair at me. It hurt. Like HELL. I left that night and went to a friend's house. He gave me the courage to leave Dan. I am so thankful for that friend. I know for sure if I didn't meet this friend that I would be dead. I ceased all contact with Dan. I don't know what would happen if he ever saw me again. I know this though, that will never happen to me again.
Have you ever been in this situation? a friend? What became of it?
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About the Author
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- From: designlessthoughts@xanga
- About Me: My name is Brittany and I am a twenty-something year old woman with tons of words flowing through my mind. I live in good ol’ Virginia and I love warm weather and cool breezes
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Comments (62)
That love, is what you call A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. My mother has dated countless of them, racist rednecks, all who I have had to live with my entire childhood. You are soooooooo much better off.
There are lots of things I'm willing to tolerate from people that I love or whatever, but hitting is not one of them. No physical violence whatsoever. That's partially more for their safety than mine, though. So no, I have not ever been in that situation, I'm sorry that you were though
Stay strong, girl! You deserve so much more and I wish you the best. :]
someone once said the same thing to me.. and after 4 months i heeded his advice. ilmm so better off now
Wow that's awful! I'm so glad you got out of there. No one should have to go through that.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. That guy sounded like a total jerk, not to mention...his family! Racists are ignorant twerps. I hope everything's going perfectly for you now.
I, like you, fled when my ex threw something at me. The emotional abuse was unbearable, but the physical abuse gave me the best reason to leave.
Wow, this is so sad.
I don't wanna think about it anymore and have no advice or insight to offer. Sorry it happened.
That guy is schizo, simply put. I woulda slapped that bitch back, broke one of the legs on the chairs and gone vampire slayer on his ass...haha. Seriously though, it's good to hear you had the strength to recognize the wrong and move on. Racist bigots still linger, and hopefully those who come into contact with them never have to face them again.
Wow :/. I'm glad you got out of that mess, you deserve better!
wow. that is terrible. T_T at least you're out of that situation now. the point is thank goodness you're okay ugh. i've never been in this situation nor do i know anyone that has, but it's just too awful.
Oh, man. =/
@Mistressofmyownfate@xanga - @FallenReign@xanga - @strawberrys_n_cherrys@xanga - @escaping_logic@xanga - @escaping_logic@xanga - @feathereyecandy@xanga - @methodElevated@xanga - @Vacantwhispers@xanga - @DeathzDezign@xanga - @mywordsx@xanga - @Asianrockgurl@xanga - @Keeko1@xanga - thanks for the support!! i am so glad i left him when i did, it took me 2 years to be able to really tell anyone about this after i left. everyone always wondered why i left. I am so thankful for the encouragement, it makes me feel better. I've always been scared to talk about very personal things. this just helps make it easier for me.
Good for you for getting out! You are such a strong woman. That sounds like sheer misery and I'm happy for you that you finally escaped it, although I am sorry that you went through all of that horrible stuff.
My dad used to beat up the racist kids on the playground for using the N-word and making fun of the minority kids (the teachers didn't care), and sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to do the same, especially when I hear stories like this. A couple of my guy friends talk about threats they made to guys they knew who were hurting their girlfriends, saying stuff to the abusers like, "Next time that happens, I will hit you, and you won't get up." I wish someone like that had been there for you. I know violence isn't the answer, but it's so totally my gut reaction to this kind of thing. Grah. I'm so glad you're okay. Did you get any of your stuff back or did you just walk out with the clothes on your back? That sucks sooo bad. The worst I've ever experienced from a boyfriend is fairly mild to moderate verbal abuse, nothing like what you went through, and I had a hard enough time getting out of that one! So you are really awesome. And I hope that right now things are ten million times better for you in every way.
@DistantStarlight@xanga - they are! im finally in a great relationship, and i know this will never happen to me again :)
what the hell. he suddenly became abusive?! you never saw that coming earlier? that's terrible. >.< i'm sorry you had to go thru that.
Stories like yours are so upsetting! No one deserves to be treated like that. =/
I had an ex grab me and slam me against a wall once. I left him immediately, I knew I had to get out before it escalated even further than grabbing and pushing.
And it definitely helped to have supportive friends who were there to help me through it.
I'm always saddened by stories of women who have to suffer through that type of abuse and disrespect. At least your story as a happy ending, I'm so glad to hear that you're much better off now. =)
sometimes people do crazy things for love and I guess the fact that he went against his parents "racist" wishes would have kept me there for a longer time. Yet once it crosses the line of physical and mental abuse, I'd have to rethink it all. I'm glad that you were out without harm. I've had heard too many stories and know of too many people who got harmed in the process or never got out of it and just learned to live with it. experiences like these make a person stronger (or weaker) and I'm glad that you are a strong woman and can live a happier life. Love makes a person go crazy!
aww i'm glad you came around after living through that. be happy, you deserve it!
i just think that up to this century, racism/cultural barriers shouldn't be a problem anymore. but it happens.. and its unfortunate!
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - thats how it happened. thats how it happens a lot. they lure you in and then they show their true colors.
@KristInRainbows@xanga - thanks so much <3
@zockonzockon@xanga - i dont see how you could love someone and beat them. i dont think he loved me as much as he said he did.
@babyxelmo@xanga - it really is. people are so idiotic!
It's never okay to hit. I'm glad you're safe now.
I'm glad you were strong enough to get yourself to leave that piece of trash. ANY PERSON who treats you with violence is a sorry excuse for a human being.
@SillySmile@xanga - @feelslikejuly@xanga - thank you!
Wow, you are so incredibly strong. Having read your experience, I am inspired by your strength. You are an amazing woman. :)
Also - I hope to know that you are happy now? Satisfied with life? Hahaha all things that people like you deserve...and so much more!