Wednesday, 09 December 2009
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"That Guy"
Everyone has one of them - The guy who messed us up at an early age. The guy who was totally wrong for us, but we insisted on going for. The guy who gave us that first impression of what a relationship should be like. I hope for most young girls out there, your first real "interaction" with a guy was a great one. But from what I hear, most of these were not happy endings.
Here's a sort of quick look at the one who gave me my first relationship impression!
His name was Anthony. It was my first day of High School...and I was petrified. My whole day was spent hiding from everyone older than me and getting adjusted to my classes. 6th period finally rolled around and I was ready for the day to be over. I walk into my 6th period health class, and what do I see? One empty seat next to a guy I have never seen before. I was an insecure Freshmen, so therefore I was reluctant to sit. But, I did. It turns out that he was very easy to talk to, and we got along fabulously. He even asked for my cell phone number! Ecstatic was not the word to describe how I felt in the moment.
We became fast, uh, "friends" if you would like to call it that. He would write sexual things on my folder I used for that class. He would have his hand on my thigh all class, and kept trying to unbutton my pants. For most girls, that should have been an indicator that he was a jerk. Sadly, I was naive. He would text me and tell me how beautiful and amazing I was. I fell for it.
He asked me to go to the Football game with him. I went out and bought a new sweater to wear so I would look perfect. He held my hand around the whole game, and kissed me in front of his friends and mine! I was on top of the world. That night, he texted me and told me how amazing I was and that he just needed to see me the next day. Of course I melted at this. I walked to his house the next day.
We went upstairs to his room. He got really forceful when he would make out with me, and ended up taking off my pants. He tried having sex with me without even asking if I was okay with it, and without a condom. I objected. I had morals. So, he begged me to "do him a favor." Yes, those were his exact words. I still said no. I was really young and had never done anything except kiss a guy.
The next words that left his mouth broke my heart.
He said if I wouldn't put out, I had to get out. I was confused, I thought he actually had feelings for me. But I did as I was told. I put my pants on and walked home.
He didn't talk to me for days. I apologized millions of times, thinking I did something wrong. Monday in health I walk in, and he had changed seats with a random girl. I have not spoken to him since.
Because of this, I believe my subconscious mind thinks every guy wants sex. Even if I do find a rare nice guy, I ruin it by moving too fast and having sex with him.
I'm interested in everyone else's stories. Who was "that guy" for you? Was it a good experience, or a bad one? Would you change how you handled the situation?
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About the Author
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- From: Believe_InMe
- About Me: I'm an 18 year old girl that enjoys expressing how I feel. I like to see everyone's opinion on what I have to say too. I always have controversial views and will never hold back.
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Comments (84)
Wow....that is awful. What an asshole. Though it's good to hear you stuck to your morals.
Guys like that...ugh...
Awh I am so sorry this had to be your first expirience! Mine was very opposite! My first real boyfriend was Andrew, and he was amazing. We dated for 2 years and even though we broke up, we had a peaceful, mutual break up (yes, they do exist!!) and are still close friends. It seems ever since then I've had problems with guys, and I think its cuz Im just not very trusting of any guys any more :( But i think there is someone for everyone out there :))
u did nothing wrong, therefore u didnt even need to apologize. for me, this guy was last year.
We met my freshman year, he was a junior and i was shy at first but ended up flirting with him throughout class and i started to like him. found out he had a gf.. he broke it off with her. Sophomore year, we start to talk more. we hang out and he takes it slow... the perfect boy i thought. first kiss in the park.. under the stars. then after that it went from playful teenagery stuff to.. do we want a relationship? we decided no, we just want to be 'friends'. then one day, he brings me to his mother's house. we play video games and start making out, he takes off my top.. unbuttons my pants. he asked me if i was alright with it... i thought about it and said no. we spent the rest of the day together, he dropped me off, i didnt know anything was wrong until he stopped answering my calls and not responding to my messages. we recently started talking again.. but im not sure how to ask him why or whether i should just not even go down that road. there were times when i thought i should have just had sex with him.. but what if i did and then he stopped talking to me anyways,. that would have hurt more. i believe u and i saved ourselves from an even more broken heart.Every guy does want sex. Even nice guys want sex. It is a rare guy that will be as forceful as that one about trying to get it. It is really unfortunate that that is the first real experience you had with it, but it isn't a typical one.
That being said, every guy wants sex. If they tell you they don't, they are lying. Even the guys that won't have sex with you want to. Biological imperative. They guy brain says "make babies with as many women as possible to propagate your seed!" Society says "no, you don't have money, for that." "No, premarital sex is wrong." etc. But, consciously or unconsciously, that desire is there.
misery posts like these always attract whale sized walls of text, i find =P
wow...is all i can say.
i'm not sure if this counts, but the first guy i ever 'dated' ended up dumping me for one of my friend. she was more at his level...so now i can't help but wonder if any of the guys i meet like me or like a friend of mine. i feel so much like a rebound. =(
Boy, I've never heard of anyone but rapists moving that fast. Really creepy.
I was kind of the opposite with my girlfriend. I was too uninvolved and reluctant to spend much time together. I was always afraid I'd do something wrong to make her upset with me. I regret my inactivity because I probably just ended up looking like an apathetic jackass, which is totally not what I wanted.
Unfortunately, she never voiced her concerns or annoyances, so it was a big surprise when she broke up with me. She only told me her reasons a few days later when I told her she owed me that much, so I'd know what I did wrong. That experience has made me really suspicious of women's honesty. I'm always worried that they are hiding something, forcing me to play a mind-reading game I really don't want to play.
annddd douchebag. :[
as said before all guys want sex, the 1 difference between That guy and The guy is one will respect you the other will not.
*hugss* what a jackass.
mine was the total opposite.
still with the same boy too.
he's definitely a keeper. :) x
@mistermino@xanga - omg, win!
@jeffgodofbiskuts@xanga - Same biological rule applies to women as well. And just like women, men don't want to have sex with every woman they see, just as women don't want to sex every guy they see.
Never had "that guy" myself heh. Sounds like a pretty bad experience though, and yeah I think asking for you number on the first day of school, then writing sexual stuff on your notes should have been a pretty big clue that all he wanted was sex. Least now you know and in a later situation you can be like "nuh uh sucka".
I had one. Fell for him, hard, in 8th grade. Summer before high school, we hung out a lot. He would flirt with me, always sit next to me, etc. Then, things started getting sexual but I went along with it anyways becuase I thought maybe that's how it worked, and then we'd end up being something more. But, no. He'd do sexual things with me, then go around telling his friends I was a crazy stalker bitch.
Good times. Not. He made it so I couldn't trust anyone. He honestly turned me from a silly person who wasn't afraid to show emotions, to what has been described as a "cold, heartless bitch." But those are the kind of people who don't get hurt.Just glad my second time around I found a guy who would never do those things to me.Makes me wonder if all guys are like that （；Д；）
Oh my God. Thats horrible. If only my "that guy" was that point blank then maybe I would have been better off.
So this guy Rob that I really liked and we got together during the end of summer before freshman year. We lasted until like October. It was more an issue with my parents being uncomfortable and plus we went to different school and it made it difficult to see him. So we stayed friends. He was the greatest person to me. Well the next school year I went to his school. I was happy and he would walk me to classes and stuff and I was so thrilled. I was convinced we'd get back together. We were still like best friends. Then suddenly things started to change. I so didnt get it.
There was a dinner at my church and with my best friend on the phone too (I was at her house) and I asked him to be my date and he was like uhhhhhh? and I was like hold on. I gave her the phone and went to get the other one and I picked up but they didnt know it because my friend said "what!!! you better tell her now". I didn't know what was going on but I felt my heart sink. I said "ok i got it" and my bff says "now tell her". I said "tell me what?" and he says "addy, i cant go with you because i have a girlfriend". I felt like he shattered my world. I was like oh ok. Well thats fine then. I went dateless to the dinner but I couldnt get mad at him because I was so crazy about him and he was like my best guy friend. In the weeks following things went great. We were the best of friends and closer.
Flash forward a year, new girlfriend ( a total beotch... she invited herself to my sweet sixteen then had a little fit and had him take her home early... she was there for an hour). He finally comes back near the end and stays to almost the last person there. He pulled me aside a one point and sat me on his lap and told me how sorry he was for how things had turned but that he'd still and always love me. I was the happiest girl in the world.
Flash forward half a year, he breaks up with her and I was almost positive we'd be together. He said he just needed a little single time which I was fine with because I had gone on lots of dates between that time. Well thats when things got completely effed up. After flirting and meeting a friend of mine (backstabbing whore, who he hung out with cause he thought she was a nice person and she kissed him and he was like wth and left then he told me... i waited for her to tell me and i even tried to give her the BoD and hear her side. After two weeks I was mad as hell. I almost beat her down in class but as I was about to grab her by the hair and punch her, she got up and asked the teacher to be excused. I calmed down a little by the time she came back. After class I told her I knew and she goes into a crying fit about thinking he wanted to be with her but saying he doesnt like her and he likes another girl that wasnt me. (not news to me... i knew he kinda had feelings for this other girl too but it was me and the other girl and i knew him better so i wasnt worried) Well about two weeks after that Rob started to avoid me. I confronted him and he hung his head and said that "he has a girlfriend". I was horrified. AGAIN.
After being upset a few weeks then I tried to just be fine and get my best guy friend back. But his new girlfriend pretty much banned him from seeing me. And the whipped little puppy he had become disgusted me. I was so pissed. As the year came to an end and it was time for graduation he would still hang with me without letting her know (his mom would give me rides home and he didnt have a car so of course) At graduation I went to find him after and I called him and he turned towards me and she grabbed his arm and pulled him away and as he gave me a weak I'm sorry smile I lost my best guy friend and the guy I had been madly in love with.
I honestly wish he had just been a sex crazed dog maybe I wouldnt have gotten so hurt. He did a number on my self confidence. Now he's in bad shape and I feel bad but he still wont answer my calls. So that was my first major relationship. Talk about going through hell. That was my high school career that I wasted on that boy. But I learned my lesson and my boyfriend is so awesome. I'm glad though. I knew a great guy when I saw one after seeing how horrible he was.
I feel your pain :/ the first one does still always sting <3 addy
That's a shame that an ass was your first guy. I'm just here to let you know that us good guys are waiting around the corner.
Every guy does want sex, yes, I'm aware. But I believe that if a guy does say he has feelings for a girl, but she doesn't want sex, he should have some respect.
I'm surprisingly not one of those girls who's all for feelings and lovey dovey things. As long as a guy tells it like it is, then I would totally be all for friends with benefits now a days. But I was a Freshman, he was the big bad Junior to me, and he played my naive self like a fool!
Note to all guys: Just tell girls if you just want a hook up! Even if they don't want to, there will be other girls out there that are all about it.
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I feel your pain. My first "real" relationship went sort of the same way. I met him through one of my friends. A hockey player sophomore at an all boys school, I was a freshman. He came over one day & me being dumb we hooked up. We would always talk he would call me and everything was perfect. This went on from october until about december. Then in december when I was at his house for New Years Eve he asked me to be his girlfriend. Nothing could have been more perfect. That night I spent the night at his house. Then about probably a month later. Messages me on AIM at that time and tells me that we can't be together anymore. That his dad wants him to focus on his "hockey" & that he was so upset and he was crying that he just couldn't talk to me at the moment. He did this the same day that the girl i was "best friends" with at the time came home from running away.
Come to find out from a girl I had met after him and I broke up. He had told her the EXACT same story when they had broken up. And even though him and I didn't have such a great relationship him and I will still talk every once in a while.
Every guy I have been with since has been slightly the same. The last relationship I was in lasted 7 months and that one left me more messed up then the first one.
Now the guy I am invovled with just got out of a HORRIBLE 3 year relationship. And he likes me and I like him but he doesn't want to be "in a realtionship" right now. He needs time to get things in his life back on track after being with the crazy bitch he calls his ex. I mean I completely understand. But when him and I go out like we'll be at a party or something if somoene asks if we're dating he will so oh not yet. And him and I had a huge talk the other night and he told me that he does want to date eventually he just can't right now. Which is completely understandable. His ex really messed him up. And I just hope he gives me that chance. :] oh and he always wants to be around me too. He's almost perfect.
that's awful. what a pooper that guy was. ugh.
my first real boyfriend happened the summer after freshman year, and because of the abominable liar he was, i had no idea that i was his rebound girl (his long-time high school sweetheart had just broken up with him a week before i met him). i fell head-over-heels for him, only to find out a month or so into the dating relationship that he had lied about 3/4's of everything i knew about him.
I had a somewhat similar experience, altough me and the guy dated for a while and he asked my permission before we had sex. then later in the relationship thats kindof what it was all about, we broke up but sex is still all he wants from me, he like forces me into hooking up with him. I know i can say no but i mean i am horny and a very weakwilled person and he knows this. I always told him i never want to hookup with after webreak up and he just forces me into it because he knows its my weakness he takes advantage of it terribly bed. He will say things like "I've been really stressed out please?"
I do the same thing in relationships now i rush toward sex and ruin it and i am also not trusting of guys AT ALL anymore. Mostly because this kid and i grew up together were actually really really close. If somene who use to be a really good friend can use and take advantage of me like that, what could happen with someone else? Thats what i think about every time i start talking to someone new...then i am the one who rushes into the sex? It makes so sense! I am really working on it though. I cut of contact with my ex and and making like a huge effort not to rush things with anyone else.
Not all guys are like Anthony who looks to make friends only in a motivation to have sex. i have a friend priya we never crossed our limit or even had a with kiss each other and still we maintain a very good relationship. Girls should be more conscious while picking up their boy friends and if you find that he looks only for sex in you better avoid them .I am really happy that you crossed the toughest situation in your life without giving chances to him. hats off.
by
seafishingtackle
What a jerk. Good on ya for sticking to your morals though. That guy for was about 2 years ago. First time I was ever at college so I was all for meeting new friends. Then there was this guy who caught my attention on the first day and thought to myself he is so out of my league. It was freshers week when the lead singer of a pretty big band where we're from was there and a girl I talked to was talking to him and a girl he was with. He ended up talking to me and asking me for my msn and number. We then went on a date and we seemed to get on great. We had tons in common. I did end up having sex with him after a while of being with him. Then we ended up breaking up but he still wanted to sleep with me and stuff. I did once which I wasn't proud of but after that anytime he asked me I said no. I wasn't going to let him use me anymore. I grew up and stopped being so naive. Now I don't see him anymore.
Wow. I'm sorry your first real experience was with a jerk. I'm glad to see that you stuck to what you believed in though - good for you!
My "that guy" was a little similar to yours. Very flirty. Very sexual. I liked him for a year or so, before we began a friends with benefits relationship. Eventually, much like you, things ended because I refused to have sex with him. But to this day, even though he has a girlfriend, he will call me when they're on a break. He really is a sweet guy - just not one I'd date.
@StargazingSuzie@xanga - and @xo_picklesmith_ox@xanga - I'm proud of you two! That's the right thing to do in situations like that. You've gotta stand up for what you believe in. I always tell my friends that we're all so young and do not need to worry about finding the right guy. If we hit 35 and still have no boyfriend, then we can worry and complain.
@seafishingtackle - That made me really happy. It is so hard to find a guy who doesn't want sex though. But like you, I have a best friend named Jon whom I met my Freshmen year in highschool. He's everything to me and has been there for me my whole life. He's a Sophomore in college now, so it's hard to keep in touch...but we know we're always there for eachother and we do talk about once a week.
"That guy" was my first real boyfriend... He was extremely jealous, controlling, and an ass. I lost my virginity to him in the first few months of dating him and he broke up with me soon after that... I was devastated! I felt used. Within a few months we got back together and were fine for about a year. He even gave me a cheesy promise ring... The jealousy just got worse and I was forced to delete every guy's number from my phone and if he caught another guy talking to me I was in "trouble." It lead to a bunch of fights, but what was so unfair was that he was "allowed" to text, call, and talk to other girls all the time... It eventually lead me to be almost as jealous as him. We were together for two years and when we broke up the final time he broke into my house and chocked me. Luckily my parents got home in time and kicked him out.
Throughout this whole time I was in this unhealthy relationship I was always in secret contact with my now husband. A few months after "that guy" and I broke up I was back with my now husband and within 6 months were engaged... A year later and a month before our wedding my husband got his revenge. "That guy" had been dating one of my friends and when they broke up he went crazy on her like he did on me, but not to that extent... "That guy" tried kidnapping my friend and my husband was there to see it. He confronted him and a big fight broke out. My husband beat the crap out of him! "That guy" hasn't lived it down.