Monday, 07 December 2009
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Have You Ever Felt Like You Were Wasting Your Life Away?
I'm 18 years old and I've been in a relationship since the age of 15.
That's 3 years of commitment (two different relationships.) That's 3 years of having someone else extremely close to your personal space. 3 years of sharing your thoughts, opinions, and daily happenings with someone else. 3 years of someone else having extreme influence on your life. 3 years of letting someone else help you make your decisions, at a considerably young age. I've been in a relationship for 17% of my life. That's almost 1/5.
I often wonder to myself if this is why I enjoy being alone so much, when I actually get the chance. (AKA when my extremely anti-social roommate ACTUALLY leaves our room for like an hour to go to class and that's IT... but that's irrelevant and I digress.) When I get the chance I genuinely enjoy sitting, in a room, by myself, just... thinking. My own thoughts. With no input from anyone else.
The point I'm trying to make, is that I can't help but wonder how different my life would be if I'd been single for the past three years. And I wonder what I'm missing out on now, during this rapidly changing stage in my life that's just passing me by.
I love my Cameron. I do. He is my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without him- but that's the whole problem.
I don't ever want to lose him. We consider marriage. I wouldn't be opposed to having kids with him. But we also know that these things are far, far away for us.
While I love being in a relationship I wonder if I really want to be tied down during the most free years of my life. As much as I love him... we've got all the time in the world to be together after we've got our educations and join the work force. I'm glad that I found him; it's almost as if I just wish I'd found him 4-6 years from now.
We've discussed this and he has said, "Would you want to take a break to see how things go?" Because no matter what we do, he will remain my best friend. And when he asked me this, I said no. Of course. Because I feel like even if our relationship weren't "official," nothing about it would change... we're just too close for that. Even if we weren't together, I would still only want him. So I feel like there's no point in even fretting about what I may be missing out on, when clearly I don't want to not be in a relationship.
I realize I'm repeatedly contradicting myself, but I'm confused!
Has anyone else ever felt this way?
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About the Author
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- From: greenglow28@xanga
- About Me: I'm an 18 year old college student, but for god's sake, please judge me on what I have to say, and not my age or the rest of my generation.
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Comments (57)
I think you should take a break and experience what else is out there. But staying with your boyfriend is cool too. Like that high school sweethearts article :)
i know exactly how you feel. i'm 18 and already engaged. i feel like i'm missing out on the whole college experience... living in the dorms, partying, meeting new people (guys and girls). I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing..
I totally have. Then I was like, nah, I don't want things to be any different -- I realized that I was actually so content with the way things are, & if I'm happy with everything, why change it?
People often tell me that I have a chance to explore who I am, see what I'm missing out on when I was in a relationship, so forth. The thing is, for my two past relationships, I was able to do those things while still in the relationship. I was never into randomly hooking up with someone I just met that night and then forget about it. I find a lot of pleasure being in a relationship mainly because I know I will always have someone to talk to about my day, see how their day is going, etc. Single life is often frustrating for me simply because not many people seem to be looking for commitment these days. I often wish that sometimes, that me and my exes didn't break up because I felt a close connection between them. But, just recently, I realized that sometimes, a break up might be the best thing to happen, even if it was a good relationship. You get to meet other people and even those more compatible with you.
However, I never feel that I've wasted my life being in a relationship. We learn from the relationship. We adapt to changes that would happen later in life. Everything that you go through has a meaning and it builds you into the person you wish to become. I feel like I learn more when I am with someone than without.
Wow i get so mad when people complain about being in a relationship. You should just be glad your not alone. I'm also 18 and I've never been in a relationship of any kind. I'm by myself everyday of my life. I hardly have any friends to talk to also. Just be glad your have people that want to spend time with you.Â
I have felt like that. With my last boyfriend. Especially at college, I wasn't hanging out with my friends at lunch or anything because he wanted to hang out with me. I told him I needed to balance it out between him and them. Sometimes see them and sometimes him and both because I felt kind of bad because he didn't have anyone else to talk to at college.
In the end I became unhappy and had to experience other things in my life without him.
Basically if you're happy in the relationship then why change it.
I'm 19 and my boyfriend and I have been together since I was 17. We're engaged and even live together. However, I have never wondered what I was missing out on. I know that my boyfriend is the one for me and we're perfect for each other. I've never been much of the party person, I've always just wanted to find that one special person that and live happily together. And I've gotten what I've always wanted and I'm extremely happy with the way things are.
But if you are questioning things then maybe its a sign that you guys should take a break... you dont want to resent things later on...
@JonnyGreenwood09@xanga - i hear ya, i'm also 18 and have never been in a relationship. i don't necessarily have a problem with having been single for my whole life thus far, but i'm so ready to find someone already. i can understand being conflicted if you've been tied to someone for so long, considering i'm sometimes conflicted about being single for so long. i think acknowledging what you have is important. like, a girl i know has been sleeping with a guy for months ... he wants to be in a relationship with her, but she's basically just using him for sex. they act like a couple, but she treats him like shit behind his back. now, THAT i have a problem with.
I'm feeling exactly the same way with my current boyfriend. Thing is, he's my first stable relationship. I tried the whole "single girl party all the time" thing, and it never worked out for me. At night I still longed for someone to share some connection with, someone who actually cared about me and how my day went, not just a guy who wanted to use me or think he could handle a relationship with me when it turned out to be more serious than he bargained for.
Sometimes I do miss the "single life" partying, clubbing, shamelessly flirting, but I know that if I let my boyfriend go over something like that, I would never forgive myself and it would take me a very long time to get over it. And at the end of the day, I'd take just relaxing with him at home than clubbing with my girlfriends.
Do you feel like youre restricted from experiencing other men? Or is this strictly about your alone time, and experiencing other things? I think you're still so very young, that you can experience a lot even with your SO. As long as both of you are understanding about what it is you want to experience. I think you're still at the beginning of your life, and therefore should experience the unknowns (in a safe way), but that doesnt mean you have to necessarily leave his side. Ask him for your personal space 2 days out of the week or something. Go somewhere on your own for some peace and quiet...etc. There are always choices that you can make for yourself, so you dont ever have to feel like you're stuck.
everyday of my effing life. except im 22 & have 2 kids with the person ive been in a relationship with since i was 18. But before him I was in a relationship for 4 years. So ive never had a break either. TAKE ONE WHILE YOU CAN lol.
I wasted two years of my life in a relationship, between the grades of 8 and 10.
I missed out on a lot of flirting and mistakes that would come with, I struggle with crushes and stuff now. I skipped this part of life while in a serious (described as mature relationship) and now I have to go back and live it.
I've had a bunch of "teenage" meaningless relationships since losing the long term one.
I think you are lucky to have him... he sounds very understanding from what you said.
well idk right now it feels like i'm out in the rain looking in on this awesome house party that i wasn't invited to... so don't worry, you're not missing out on much here in single-land.
*cue awkwardness*
I've been single for most of my life and it's getting very old.
You are lucky to have found someone like that though. Keep them close, even if you need to take a break to keep things going. Being single isn't fun after awhile. So be lucky you have lasted this long, and many more yet.
what would you be doing if you weren't in a relationship?
'Nothing lives which would be worthy
of your striving, and the earth deserves not a sigh.
Pain and boredom is our being and the world is excrement,
--nothing else.
Calm yourself. '
-you are too young to know love, think about the man that is too old to say 'no' to love... i guess you were hoping that you could grow to love.
i think what you need to ask yourself is what you get back from the love you give.
I lived my teen years bouncing from one relationship to another, spent two and half years as a a single and I didn't do anything I wouldn't have done when I was dating. I told my husband I wish I would have met him sooner, I'm 23 now, been married almost 9 months. I don't regret being tied down young, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
I've also been in a relationship for three years, with two different people and I'm only 16 now. My first boyfriend I was with for 2 and 1/4 years and we broke up because he was confused about our relationship since he was preparing for college. I got another boyfriend for about a year, and I broke it off with him because my first boyfriend came back to me and said "I miss that bond we shared. I don't think I can find that kind of connection with anyone else." About a month into our relationship again, he broke it off with me because he missed the single and free life. He said being in a relationship while in college made him feel obligated to call or text me all the time even though I never said he had to because I know he wants to live his life a little too while he can.
I'm still in high school, but I think once you and your boyfriend both get use to being single, you might not want that relationship again. In my opinion, cherish what you have because you might regret letting it go in the long run. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to be tied to the hip. Your boyfriend sounds like a pretty great guy, why trade him up for something that brings you temporary happiness while you can have something that'll bring you happiness for the rest of your life (if you are serious about marriage) ?
understandably. relationship is about sharing yourself with another person. i think its important to figure out who you are first before trying to make a 'us' work. i've been in relationships possibly continuously since the age 15 too now that i think about it, with my longest singlehood being a mere year. i'm turning 22. that's. seven. years.
some think it's important to have someone by your side, but it's a curse and a blessing. some need to break free. some... are okay with it. do i wish i was single more? definitely. i missed out on a lot of crazy nights with the girlfriends because i opted to stay in with the bf. do i regret any of my relationships? not at all. although, i should have given some more thought before agreeing.i feel like unless you're comfortable with yourself, you'll either want an SO badly (if you're singe), or want to get back to the single life (if you're taken). it's not about the relationship.. it's just about getting what you don't have and seeing if that makes you feel better. dont be with someone because you need companionship and it's comfortable.. be with someone because you can't be without them.well, i know this is annoying when you get advice like this...
but i'll give it anyways because i feel like it's the best i can give you.
listen to your heart. when you stop thinking so hard about what you want and don't want the answer will automatically come to you. you're clouding your head.
or... you could try and take a break from your boyfriend and make your choice on the way you feel... do you feel happier or more miserable?
anyways, in my opinion though... having a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't be free and enjoy all the other teenage things. the only thing you'd be missing out on is basically making out with random guys! is that really what you want? why couldnt you do everything else? i'm sure he doesnt mind giving you a bit of space sometimes? and... it's not wasting time if you're having fun!
good luck hun :)
x
@justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga - That's the thing about engagement. It's kind of like a trial period. If you're not comfortable and you have questions, you owe it to yourself to answer them before you jump into a lifelong commitment.
Personally, I think that 18 is a bit young for engagement, because, like you said, you have a lot to experience. And those experiences are what will shape you into an adult who knows what she wants out of life. Think of it this way: if you only allow yourself to experience one thing, you're going to accept that for the rest of your life. And who knows? Maybe there are other things out there (not necessarily romantic) that you'd discover and really enjoy.
As far as the dorm thing goes, yeah, it's a fun experience - you meet so many people. I lived in the dorms one year and I really missed it! I wish I had lived in the dorms for two years. :/
Anyway, I encourage you to really think about the commitment you're making. If you have concerns, your fiance probably does too. Talk to him about it and think more about everything. It's always better to be safe than sorry. If you commit to it too soon, you might end up resenting each other down the line.
Good luck!
im 29. and i just ended up my 5 year relationship.
at times i thought i wasted my time, falling in love with the wrong person.i stop and think for a while.then i realize, i have no regrets.5 years of love, pain and everything makes me a better person for the next relationship.and i became more stronger and independent now.i'm in a new relationship now.
nothing clear. no commitments.and still don't know where we are heading to.
but still i want to take time.rather than rushing into things...and falling out of love again.
take one day at a time.
I have never felt this way before, because I have been single for my whole life pretty much. But from my point of view, this is a healthy feeling. Everyone always likes to wonder about what else may be out there. All that matters is if you act on it or not. Because I'm young too, I know I would want to explore my options. If you do decide to see what else is out there, he should understand. True love always understands (so I've heard!)
its the exact same thing for me! but for me he does give me a lot of space because i would complain about it a lot. i hate being smothered and loveee my alone time. loll. but i stayed with him because in the end i love him and its not like i wnat anybody else. and so we decided that wed stay together just coz were not missing out on anythin. i mean i still hav girl nights n go out n stuff liek that. soo its kewl. it works for us. =)