I'm pretty close to my dad, he's a friend I could talk to about almost anything. I like to think that he's a good guy in general. All my life, he's been a ladies man, never alone, and most of them "hot". When a friend of mine was asking me about what women like about men, about how to meet a girl and keep her around, I sent him to my dad.
After the lengthy phone call, I asked my friend what he said. "Apparently, I just need to be an a**hole, and they will flock all around me." Is this true?
Look at all romantic comedies. Every single one of them starts with an amazing girl who's dating some jerk, and none of them realize it until the end when the perfect man sweeps them off of their feet. It brings up the question: what attracts women to jerks in the first place?
I've dated a jerk or two, and it's never pretty. You know he's not right for you, that you deserve better, but you can't seem to let go. There is always a reason to keep going. I know for me, it was always the hope that he would grow up and maybe turn into a decent person. I didn't want to change him, but I was still waiting, hoping, for a change.
You'd be an idiot to go into a relationship that you knew wasn't going to be good for you. So why do we do it? Their charm? The rebel inside? Not knowing that there is better out there?
I spent over two years with someone I couldn't let go. I knew that I wouldn't ultimately be happy with him. I knew our values and morals didn't line up. I didn't like the things he was involved in. I could never see myself having a family with him. But I could never find a reason enough to be finished with him. I knew he was a horrible person, that there was a likely chance that he had cheated on me, but I could always make up a reason to not dump him. "It will make things too complicated... I'll wait until he graduates... until I graduate... I really think he's ready to work on us..." It was all crap. Every excuse. I knew he was bad for me, but I didn't want to be out of it.
It was only after a summer away, him telling me the truth about a lie, and finding a new friend with fresh eyes to help me see that I was able to let him go.
And I've never been happier.
Have you ever known you were with a jerk, but couldn't let him/her go?
Comments (48)
no i don't date jerks to begin with
It's called the "gain loss" model of relationships. When someone puts you down, their compliments seem to hold so much more weight than someone that has never put you down before. Too bad guys seem to abuse this fact.
I don't know how that actually WORKS, but I'd say be a jerk, watch the girls flock and then go after the ones that don't.
Whoever told you that didn't learn much from Family Guy. Last time Chris Griffin was a jerk, he lost his at-the-time woman. (Yes, I am a geek.)
I've always felt like this whole "girls only date jerks" idea came from guys who felt shafted in the relationship department, but instead of looking at themselves for answers, they blamed women for their shortcomings romantically. Then, the concept just picked up and it spread like a virus that makes no sense.
Even when people (either men or women) do date jerks (either men or women), don't the jerks usually not start off that way? Like they attract you and you go out with them, but once the relationship starts going somewhere, the jerks show their true colors. Something like that. I don't think people actively seek out jerks. I just think that jerks are good at hiding it for a while.
I like jerks.. or maybe it.. it's more of the appearance of a jerk rather than a true jerk. o_o Like most of the guys I date are usually the ones that make fun of me but I know that they're not really like that. Some sort of defense mechanism that they use. They all treated me well to be honest. I probably like the challenge or w/e. Who the hell knows. I'm just the type of person who falls for the flaws first before the good stuff happens. I wouldn't actually date a true insensitive asshole though. These people I date just act like assholes but not really one.
because jerks act like they don't want you, which in turn makes girls want them more. we all want what we can't/don't have.
I started off the nice guy and ended up being the jerk. Didn't work out heh.
Women like jerks because of the qualities that lead men to become jerks.
Namely, confidence (or arrogance, the two are often mistaken for one another), physical attractiveness, the whole 'excitement' factor (bad boys), among some other traits. The whole 'being a jerk gets chicks' thing is hardly the result of some half-assed viral philosophy cultured by men who "felt shafted in the relationship department". Being a jerk, or at least being one to a certain degree, definitely DOES work. The rules of attraction are pretty simple and straight-forward.
It's keeping the attraction going which is the hard part, which is the area 'jerks' tend to fail in. I mean, yeah, maybe someone will deal with their bullshit. But that someone is never happy about it. First impressions only go so far, but that's all the stereotypical jerk can afford. That's part of what makes them a jerk.
If anything im the jerk. >.<
Jerks are sexy for a little while. As for me? That's a no. I don't date anyone who'd boss me around, or be overly possessive and protective, or have a high sex drive. That's MY job.
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - Orly? Does that same thing apply to the "jerkette?"
@Spontaneous_Affection@xanga -
Jerkette? I think the term you're looking for here is 'bitch'. Not that I'm trying to insult you, but as men who act overly confident and sure of themselves come off as assholes and jerks, women who do the same generally come off as bitches, even if they're good people.
At least, that's what the male populace here refers to them. But I'll use your term instead if you prefer.
In any case, semantics aside, does what apply to a jerkette ? Are men attracted to them in the same ways that women are attracted to jerks? Or are you asking if jerkettes are unable to sustain a relationship in much the same way that jerks are unable to?
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - That wasn't a question. It was a sarcastic remark. Not towards you, I was poking fun at my previous statement. Oh, and a bitch is different. A bitch isn't as hot. She's just annoying.
@Spontaneous_Affection@xanga - Hah, my bad then.
Bitches are quite annoying. But then again, I'm not a fan of dominant women. Lol.
yea my first bf was a jerk. after almost 2 years [even tho he was a total jerk many times], i broke up with him cause i found out he was cheating on me. i had those same reasons why i still stayed with him during those 2 years too. ever since then, ive learned how to determine if a guy is good to go out with or not and plus now my friends are overprotective of me lol
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - You're awesome. I hereby give you my approval.
Confidence does not equal arrogance. The only reason I feel like all women have dated "The Jerk" is because it's not easy to discern between the two when you don't have much experience dating. It's a learning curve; you have to screw up a few times before you figure out what's right and what's wrong.
Regarding the OP's post though, I have to say that unfortunately being a jerk works. The unfortunate bit though is that you end up losing a lot of respect from people around you and if you weren't a jerk to begin with it starts eating away at you. I was a stereotypical nice guy in high school, then became one of those crossbreeds between a jerk and a nice guy. And the ex-nice guys are the worst type because they have inside knowledge of how women function (due to years of being the shoulder to cry on) and by the time they've become jerks, they're so full of bitterness and animosity that they don't care who they upset. Ex-nice guys see becoming a jerk as almost a personal crusade to make up for years of being friend-zoned and that "Now it's MY time," attitude makes you a reckless and destructive human being.
During my time as an ex-nice guy I ended up breaking several hearts, lost a lot of respect from my friends, lost respect for myself, and while I grew out of it, it's a very regrettable chapter in my life and I still feel terrible about all the people I hurt. So in retrospect, if that's what you want, go for it nice guys. Just realize it all has a cost.
ya.. i was with a jerk before, He !!! is one of the biggest jerks i ever met, but he is also one of the nicest guys i ever met too....
he broke up with me a months ago.. and he gave me some bullshit as an excuse for breaking up.. like.. "it's not you, is me" @_@ and also something like "I can't gurantee happiness for you in the future, so it's better to end this now instead of later" .... and the worst part is that.. he said we could still be friends, which we are right now.. but like... being friends with him is like a torture for me..
i can't love him, but i can't hate him at the same time.. do u how terrible it feels @_@
Even tho I knew that me and him will never work out.. but I don't know why I still hang onto him.. is really hard to get over someone.. and it takes time!
because jerks act like jerks in bed and control/dominate her. besides that, I don't see what is so great about them to keep them around.
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - But then Glenn Quagmire acts like a jerk to women all the time, and he get more tail than all of the other characters on the show combined.
It's true females are often times unfortunately caught up on jerks. However, in the long run the nice guy usually doesn't finish last. Moral of the story: Just be nice.
@OlIvIa_yEaH@xanga - oh my god i know exactly how you feel, in the same situation as you..... it really is the worst feeling in the world. word for word everything you said is what i feel right now. i hate it.
yes. please refer to my post "love makes you blind? try stupid" for the details. I dated a real winner, but just like you said, I waited around until he would grow up and realize that relationships require compromise and respect and trust.
Sometimes it's a self-esteem thing, or feeling like you're inadequate. Jerks are good at being in control and making you feel like you're on top of the freaking world sometimes, but they'll also bring you crashing down pretty hard, and convince you that you're worthless and lucky to be with someone like them because they're the "best you're gonna get." And girls buy into this shit, because the guy takes control away from them, so they sit there whimpering and take it, and coming back, no matter what. Example: Rihanna coming crawling back to Chris Brown after he's convicted for beating the shit out of her.
I'm pretty sure the same thing would happen to a guy if a girl completely dominated him. She could get away with pretty much anything. Why do bullies exist? They intimidate people into not saying or doing anything against them, and the people being bullied get so scared that they refuse to report what happens.
There was this simulated prison experiment, I can't remember the actual name, where there were a group of college guys, and half were assigned to be guards while the other half were assigned to be prisoners. In a day, the guards could force the prisoners to do anything at all, even the most humiliating and degrading things they could think of, despite the fact that they all were aware that they were participating in an experiment and not actually in jail.
Long story short: force someone to be submissive and you can do whatever you want to them.