Sunday, 06 December 2009
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What to do with Expressionless Men
I'm not sure if this is an accurate generalization, but in my experience Asian guys are a lot more expressive emotionally than are white guys.
My Asian ex-boyfriend would usually giggle and do some silly, gleeful face whenever he saw me, or he would look so down and depressed you could tell how bad he felt from a mile away. Even when we were just cuddling he'd make odd content, gurgling noises. I've been dating a white guy for a few weeks, and it's all right except for the fact that at least every other day I'm paranoid that he's unhappy with something I did or that he's gradually getting fed up with my close friendship with one of my guy friends.
It's not that he's incapable of making facial expressions; he just makes about one tenth as many as my ex-boyfriend did. Watching my ex's face was almost like watching a visual representation of his every thought and emotion.
I've talked to my boyfriend about how it gets me worried that sometimes I can't tell if he's content or dissatisfied, but he doesn't know what to do about it - it's just awkward trying to make facial expressions all the time that you normally would not make.
I'm constantly confused as to whether I should try to shake off the feeling that something's not right when he doesn't seem happy at all to see me or whether I should constantly ask him how he feels. Either choice doesn't seem like a smart decision, so I'm hovering in the middle, ignoring some signs and asking him occasionally if everything is all right.
What's a girl to do?
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- From: gatorgirl54@xanga
- About Me: still figuring out life.
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Comments (65)
what I did, was I finally divorced him. i will always wonder if I made a mistake (for myself, I think he's happier but it's a little hard to tell for sure). I think he may have been feeling a lot more than he was ever able to show me.
guys are so lame in that way. they think it's all cool to not show any emotion or express how they're feeling. robots, they're all robots.
Some people are just not good at showing their emotions. I wonder if there is a cultural thing between Asian men and white men, but I'm not so sure. I know some expressive white ( heterosexual ) men, so it might just depend on how he was brought up.
I guess he could SHOW you his love for you in action, rather than in words or expressions. That is what some guys ( and some girls as well, but not as many ) have to do.
Way to make a generalization.
Well most men seem this way to me. There is a social misconception that guys should not show their emotions especially to the opposite sex. I hate this too, but if he says there is nothing wrong I guess you just have to believe him and if it is still awkward for you just walk away.
Do you have more experience or something, LOL?
Because ONE white guy and ONE asian guy is not enough to make any sort of assumption.
That's a really BROAD generalization, too.
"White" and "Asian"
There's a hell of a lot of white and asian cultures, are we talking about any in particular?
On the expressions thing, I've been involved with an asian guy (From India), and he was VERY!!! expressive, lol, mostly with anger, but gotta love all those hot make up sessions, mhm, yeah, ha ha. Probably too much info there. xD
I'm currently dating a white guy, and he tries to be "expressionless" on purpose and fails miserably.
It's kind of annoying because I see his emotions, but he tries to pretend that he's not showing them, anyway.
It's like.. wtf? Haha :D
Anyhow, I don't see why you would even consider making that generalization.
Who wants to promote differences between races? (Especially one as absurd, and so obviously, not true)
I mean, yeah, cultures and customs are one thing, but.. this generalization is so broad I'm kinda finding it somewhat insulting as someone who hates how people think they can clump an entire continent (or skin color) as ONE ethnicity. -.-
My boyfriend of two years and ten months hides 99% of his emotions. It's really hard sometimes, but we work fine. If you can't take it, leave.
eh, don't agree with that generalization, but my boyfriend and i are usually pretty reserved with our emotions, unless we're happy. we always showed when we are happy with each other. we just always hide our discontent, which is unhealthy and we're working on it. we both told each other just to be more open about it.
Way to generalize. Also, I'd rather have a guy who's expressionless than one who's bubbly to the point of seeming gay, like the asian you mentioned. I like my men hetero, thanks.
You shouldn't assume as of now with your limited experience that all men from X culture are like this and all men from Y culture are like this. It really could be the individual rather than the culture. But, who knows? It could be a cultural thing. The idea of the sturdy oak was very widespread in the Victorian era and it still affects Western societies today. Maybe, you could address your concerns with this guy. Let him know how you feel about you not knowing how he feels.
@Gorrific@xanga - So, you're telling someone off for generalizing and then make a generalization yourself? Heterosexual men are capable of acting feminine without it somehow comprising their sexual orientation, you know. Sexual orientations do not define the way you carry yourself.
yes, way too general applying to only a couple of samples. i think expression has a lot to do with a person's personality, and as you know personalities can't be changed over a short period of time. His expressionless face is part of him, so I do not think you will be able to change that. And yes it is true that most men are less tact in knowing how to deal and showing their emotions, we're hardwired like that.
and what's up with the gay remarks (pointing above). so all expressionless males are hetero while all the bubbly types are always gay?
honestly just don't think too much. if there's a problem, he seems like the type that will just tell you straight up. I assume thats how he gets his points across, LOL hence the lack of an expression.
Expressionless males scare me. But it's so cute when they try to stop themselves from laughing. It makes me want to show them a good and start expressing how they feel comfortably.
i don't think it's a race thing; i think it just depends on the person. some people are just kind of stoic.
You can't compare apples and oranges. Some people wear their emotions on their faces and some people don't. You can't generalized that just because he's white, he's expressionless.
What's a girl to do?
First, a girl is to stop making moronic generalizations about guys. Second, that girl needs to realize that not everyone shares their emotions in the same way or in the way we would personally want them to be shared. Second, if it still causes that girl's panties to get in a bunch, she should be honest and open with the guy - tell him what you're seeing and how it disturbs you.
@Gorrific@xanga - Irony attack!
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - Thus I said "Seem". I didn't make a generalization, I was talking about the two specific people she mentioned.
Oh, women make me full of merriment and mirth!
There are some men who are more reserved than others with emotions, and it goes the same with females. Just because you can't read a man's emotions is no cause for alarm or to break up with him.
I tend to wear my emotions on my face too. Is it a weakness, or a strength?
@Gorrific@xanga - haha wow great job of discrediting everything you said with that last statement.
I don't think this has to do with races...some guys are just better at expressing their emotions than others. My boyfriend isn't good at it...and he's black..kind of irrelevant. MAYBE it could be partly a cultural thing but I don't think different experiences with 2 guys is enough to draw conclusions from.
I can relate to you, i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I started to observe how he acts around his family and its the same with me, so honestly that's just how he is. I've brought up it up to him to ya know but he said he doesnt really think about it. We're fine together though, we've gotten through it
Just like everyone else has already said, it's not about the race.. But I did have a white boyfriend who barely showed emotion, haha. And I know a lot of outgoing and fun white guys who DO show emotion. And look at David Choi. (youtube) He's probably never shows emotion in his videos. Hahaha.
idk my bf is pretty expressive, whether he means to or not. i'm usually the one he can't read...
@Gorrific@xanga - I like my men hetero, thanks.
It seems that the word "seems" is not in this statement thereby making it clearly state that you like men who are heterosexual because they do not express their emotions. This makes any man who does express his emotions not up to your male heterosexual standards.
I'd rather have a guy who's expressionless than one who's bubbly to the point of seeming gay
This statement is saying that any man who is too ebullient gives off the impression that he is gay. You are likening a bubbly personality as an indicator of male homosexuality which again is not an apt comparison.
If you were making a statement about the two men the OP has dated, then why even bring up this argument? It has nothing to do with the post at hand.