Saturday, 05 December 2009

• Vibe and Its Effect on Your Dating Life

  
  

  I am sure all of us had this experience before. We meet someone new, and that person gives us a weird feeling. And then we feel awkward just hanging around that person, much less talk to them. What we felt from that person is a vibe. To define it, here’s a dictionary definition:

  Vibe is a distinctive emotional aura experienced instinctively.

  I first learned about vibe back in 2007. It was one of the things I couldn’t wrap my head around, simply because no one seemed to be able to explain it. I only knew it was a form of emotional energy that someone gave out. But how to give off the right kind of energy, I didn’t know. I could only meet people and try to analyse it. Unfortunately, it is something that comes from within, and requires a real change to oneself, if one wishes to give off the right vibe. It isn’t in the words someone say, or the actions someone does; it’s all about how someone really feels. This is why women always say, ‘Just be yourself.’ What they really meant was, ‘Be comfortable in your own skin’.
  
  This is where I learnt one of the hardest lessons ever. That my vibe sucked. In fact, it was so bad that people thought I was weird. One of my friend’s friends told him that, and that really killed my night out. But it also woke me up big time.

  That was when I decided I had to improve my vibe, if I wished to become good with women, and people in general. Initially, it was about just making people feel comfortable around me. I did a lot of things, from forcing myself to be happy when I am not, to spending hours / days on end getting rid of tons of emotional baggage.

  Some of what I did worked to a certain degree, but it was really how I truly felt about myself that made all the difference. About a year later, one of my mates came back from Australia. And during one of our nights out, he said this, ‘Dude, to be honest, when I first knew you, I was okay with going out for coffee with you. But to a club to have fun together, it just wasn’t happening’.

  What was the difference from then and now? I worked on myself intensely. I found things that made me happy. I worked on becoming a more open person. I worked on appreciating life more. But just so you know, all these aren’t techniques. I really reinforced the changes and made myself become that happier person. If there’s one thing I found out, shit like this can’t be faked. You can’t pretend to be a hyperactive person and hope the vibe comes off fine. You can’t hope to look chilled when you’re all awkward about yourself inside. I have known guys who say that they are relaxed, when their eyes keeps darting left and right and they look as if they’re living in another world inside their heads. I’ve seen guys who say they’re having fun in the club, but their expression is just blank and their voice is flat.

  But here’s the killer. Vibe isn’t just about making people feel comfortable around you. Vibe is the one thing that influences the mood of the people around you. In my very first paragraph, I talked about how we can feel awkward hanging around people who seem weird. If someone feels awkward inside, it comes out of them almost like poison arrows. That distinct emotional aura influences us. Conversely, it works the same for every single emotion. If we’re happy, we’re likely to make someone else happy; if we’re friendly, we make the other person feel obliged to be that way too.

  What does this all mean? The bad news for lazy arses out there is that, there is no easy technique or quick solution. If your vibe sucks, it will require a real lifestyle and mindset change. You can’t ever learn by asking silly questions like ‘how do I have fun?’ (You just gotta do it!) You’ll have to put in the hard work to see life differently, and be happy with the direction your life is taking. If you’re not happy with the direction, change it! Start doing the things that make you happy. Start indulging in your passions. Start being proactive. Start loving life for what it is. Have a game plan for your life. Work towards your goals. It’s your life, damn it.

  And the good news is, once you sort out your vibe, everything becomes simpler. You’ll realize that dating isn’t complicated. You’ll realize the dynamics between men and women are simpler than what it seems. You’ll also realize all the time you spent in your head wondering about the what ifs, they don’t matter anymore. If you’re a guy, all you need to do then is lead. If you’re a girl, well, pray hard your guy knows how to lead.

  Guest blog submitted by YourLoveWealthHealth
  

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