Let me begin by saying that I have been in a committed, fulfilling relationship for over a year. My guy and I are great together. When we first met, I was in graduate school, he was taking some classes to get into graduate school. We would study together, we would have many "study breaks", and we were on pace. We understood each other. Fast forward the next year: I finished my masters, got a full time job and he got into graduate school. We moved down south together and our lives are now somewhat different.
So for the past six months, I've been on the 8-5 and he's on the classes- study time- exams- papers-partying -sleep at odd hours- schedule. We barely have time to see each other like we used to and I feel that I'm not as understanding or accommodating to his routine now. I have to go to bed at a certain hour to be productive at work, and I can't stay up with him when he needs me to. And far worse, we are both completely new to the area and I haven't been able to make as many friends (its hard when you're not in school!) so I feel that I'm clinging on to him/ making him feel guilty for being a student. We've spoken about this before but nothing significant has come of it.
Are any of you on different schedules with your significant others? How do you deal and what, if any, compromises are there to be made?
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Comments (18)
Aw, that's unfortunate. I'm sure you both understand that the schedules are not accommodating to either of you, so at least you have recognized that. Now all there is to do is find some way to set aside some time together for both of you. Perhaps look through both your schedules and plan a time where you can be free from your individual itineraries.
that kind of happened to me... as a senior in high school I was going to school 7 hours a day and working 30 hours a week. so I was up and busy from 6AM-10PM every day, and didn't have a lot of time for my boyfriend except the occasional texts and phone calls.
he was a sophomore in college and he didn't have to wake up until 10AM every day, and didn't go to bed until like 2AM, and made me feel guilty for not keeping him company while he studied late at night and whatever and I was like no... because I need sleep. it didn't help that he went to school 6 hours away from me. we really relied on the days that I didn't have to work and it all worked out, somehow because we're still together... and only 1/2 an hour apart. plus, now that I'm at college and haven't been able to find a job (fml) I have way too much free time on my hands.
your situation is different though since you live together, and you really need to talk with him about it... try to start having date nights on the weekends or something, and if he says "but there's this party..." or something you need to say okay... but what about me? just tell him that you know he's busy but he needs to re-prioritize and make time for you.
if me and this boy stay together until he goes to college... we'll be on hardcore different schedules...
When this happens we just get together when we can. Everyone needs to eat so we eat together or just spend the night together. It's always better than nothing and it helps knowing it wont last long.
yes. right now.
he goes to art school and i'm in university.
even though we're still in the same city, we hardly see each other.
i go to school from 11-330 and he 4-10. he works in the morning and i work in the afternoon.
it sucks.
I can understand this. The girl that I'm talking to and I have opposing schedules as well. I work the daily 9-5 grind, and she works in the evening getting off at around 1-2 in the morning. We communicate via texting, but I hardly get to see her and vice versa. What's worst is I will be taking up a second job very soon which means I'll be working 7 days a week with 15 hour days. Makes me wonder how we're going to make it work, but I have faith...so have faith in your relationship, and the rest should fall into place. If it doesnt work out, then maybe it just wasnt meant to.
Not quite to the same degree, but me and my ex had clashing schedules.
We had no classes together and I had lunch/after school commitments and he had evening ones. We really only had Sundays, other than that it was online or in passing that we were in contact.
Didn't last long, lol.
Yes, well you have to decide if it is worth it. It will kind of be like a Long distance relationship so do you want to do it? do you want to put the effort into it?
that sucks. you could try setting aside one day a weekend that its just the two of you, even if you stay in bed and read while he studies. you could do cute things for him like set up snacks for him when you know he's pulling an all nighter but you have to go to bed. talk to him and tell him how you miss having quality time together...
right now, i'm getting to now a guy who lives in a different state, works the opposite hours of mines and it's so frustrating because our calls to each other is no more than 10 minutes but we've made it worked and it's going alright. we're not in a committed relationship, but we've actually planned a weekend getaway for just the two of us to spend time together. it's hard, but if you really care about this person, you would move heaven and earth to be with that person.
my boyfriend and i are in a similar situation...it's mostly hard because for the first half of our relationship, he either wasn't working or he wasn't working all day every day. i got used to him being around A LOT. now, i go to school and he's gone from 630am-630pm or later, and when he gets home he's exhausted so i don't get a lot of quality attention.
it's frustrating. we just try our best to spend as much time together on the weekends (which usually means i leave my school work for after he's gone to bed) for the most part it works out but the weekends are also for spending time with friends and although we have the same friends so we're at the same place, we go our own ways at social events..sometimes we still don't get much couple time.
we just try to schedule times in that will be just for us. it's hard sometimes. but if you both put the effort in to make time for each other things can work.
since you're the one with the set 8-5 and he's more flexi, I would expect him to work around you as opposed to vice versa.
you wanna talk about schedules - I work Mon-Fri days, and he works Wed-Sat nights. So it's near impossible to find the time.
good luck (it can be done).
host a party or go out for coffee/ drinks with some colleagues. If you don't get out there you will go nuts.
its really hard on different schedules.
Me and my boyfriend almost broke up from having such off schedules even though we lived together.Everything just got really stressful which resulted in lots of fighting.I go to school from 10am-4:30pm then go to work from 4:50pm-9pm. and he's always coming home late from work as well... we only see each other 11pm then we sleep...
I have class from 10 a.m.-1:30 p.m Mon-Thurs and work from 2-6 p.m. Mon-Fri... he has night classes and recently joined a band. 'Nuff said.
My boyfriend and I, we're both in College and we have totally a different schedule. He has day school, night school and work as a part-time job. As for me, I have day school, but I'm in many activities, so I'm pretty busy with my schedule too. Also, final exams are coming ><"
So, my boyfriend decided to make a schedule for both of us, he matched the days and times we're both free, so we can have some time together :)
Like Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga said: "Perhaps look through both your schedules and plan a time where you can be free from your individual itineraries."
My girlfriend and I are going through a similar situation, I'm in college and working two part-time jobs, and she's a manager at her job, trying to get back into school, and switch careers. Truth of the matter is, you see each other when you can. Sometimes, if I can I'll request days off of work that I know she has off. Right now it's hard because it's the end of the semester and everything is due, but it'll be winter reak soon. Sadly, school is where his focus needs to be so he can be a good partner in your relationship. :) I know it's hard, but I assure you, he's doing the best he can now so he can contribute later. :) Just think, you'll both get to spend time together during the holidays, and soon he'll get a break from school and you guys can spend the days you're not at work together. :) That might even mean going out and you getting a chance to meet new people too. :)
It'll pass, just hang in there.
this totally describes my situation too.
my boyfriend and i were in college together so we saw each other all the time. but currently, my boyfriend is working, while i'm in grad school. not only that, we're in different time zones (1 hour difference, but it still affects us!), which means we're in a long distance relationship as well. it's hard, but i've found that it helps to set up "dates" (for us, its usually phone dates) ahead of time, so we intentionally make room in our schedules for each other. both of you will have to be more purposeful and deliberate about spending time with each other, since it's no longer as "convenient" as it used to be.