Thursday, 03 December 2009
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All Over Again... and Again, and Again
Being a fan of procrastinating when it comes to homework, I tend to take frequent “Facebook breaks” and for some reason, I had this sudden curiosity about one of my ex-boyfriends. I deleted him as a friend after we broke off our 11 month relationship, dated other people, got back together and after he unintentionally reminded me of the many reasons we broke up in the first place. I basically deleted him from my life only to escape those flaws that bothered me so much. I knew that even if I were to simply keep in touch with him, I’d probably fall in love all over again.
After starting college, I thought I would never even think about thinking about him. And if I didn’t think about him, I wouldn’t want to talk to him. And if I didn’t talk to him, I wouldn’t fall in love with him again and again. And if I wasn’t in love with him, we wouldn’t break up again. I was so busy with school and work that I didn’t have time to think about anyone at all. But I guess I just experienced one of those random moments where I became incredibly inquisitive about him.
At that moment, I wasn’t expecting to find anything about him on his non-private Facebook profile. But when the page loaded and I saw the words, “In a Relationship” reaching out from the computer screen and slapping me in the face, I felt as if that were the perfect FML moment.
Why did it even matter to me? I didn’t want to be with him. I knew that if I never ended things the second time, I’d be buried up to my neck with irritation and frustration. He was allowed to have a girlfriend if he wanted to and he was allowed to move on with his life after I ended things the second time.
And even though it’s been over 3 years since we shared our first kiss, why is it that I still have these unwanted feelings of not wanting to share him with anyone else? Even though he’s not technically mine, I still find discomfort knowing he’s with someone else who he is proud to call his girlfriend.
I guess it’s just something about a first love that you’ll never forget. I thought I forgot… How do I forget about it? How do I stop the good memories from flooding back into my mind? And how do I still have these unsolicited feelings that I was for sure were gone a year ago?
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- From: shillykins
- About Me: I love talking but sometimes have trouble finding someone who will listen to me rant... That is why I blog. JUST created a Datingish account but still use my Xanga! I just want to start arranging all my Datingish blogs on something seperate than my random, unorganized Xanga so add me! :)
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Comments (20)
//How do I forget about it? How do I stop the good memories from flooding
back into my mind? And how do I still have these unsolicited feelings
that I was for sure were gone a year ago?//
Instead of running away from your memories, you ought to learn from them.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Agreed.
I deleted my first ex boyfriend from my life because we tried to be friends after we broke up and he simply couldn't be civil towards me.
I found it horribly ironic that after our break up at the end of May, after he'd told me he would never love anyone else and we were perfect and he didn't want anyone else and he was now doomed to be lonely forever;
that in August he was "in a relationship." and I was like ...really? it's been two months... and you were so terribly heart broken over me? yeah not so much.
I caught back up with him about a year later... he told me this girl was the love of his life and they were perfect and that they were even engaged... their relationship lasted something like 8 months. (we dated for 14 months. I never got proposed the idea of marriage.)
I was upset about this relationship at first because I deduced that maybe never cared about me, or that maybe she was better than me, since he cared about this girl so much in only 8 months.
but eventually I got over it, stopped believing she was better than me, and chalked it up to the fact that he has attachment problems and a really warped view of love... or maybe he's just learning to refine his concepts about these things.
we're young, we're learning. he had to move on from you eventually- it does sting a little bit when it's sooner rather than later, you know, because you thought they cared so much about you and you feel like they shouldn't be over it so quickly...
but this is growing up. all I can really say is deal with it. :( I hope things get better.
you get rid of the good memories by creating better ones, and you have to understand that even if he's dating someone else, it doesn't mean she is as good a person you are. for all you know, they might fight every day and be stuck in a poisonous relationship. please do not let his feelings for other people dictate your self worth. believe me, I am the queen of jealousy. I've only just begun to stop letting other peoples feelings toward me dictate my self worth and honestly, it feels wonderful to be free of it. I don't know when or how it happened but it did. all I can say is that eventually, it will get better. I promise.
(also, the term "rebound" REALLY comes into play here. people use other people to heal after losing their relationships. it's just the natural way of things. just because he's with someone new doesn't mean that you're not the better girl because in all reality, you probably are and you will find someone who loves you more than he ever did because that's what you deserve.)
Me and my boyfriend broke up like 3 weeks ago and it's still early days yet. I had been doing fine about not thinking about him till I saw on his bebo that he was talking to this girl who he told me when we were together that he didn't like her. I was kinda bummed bout it.
To be honest though you are going to have days that you think about him. First loves tend to never be forgotten completly. Just learn from it and move on.
Just don't dwell on it. I know that sounds crazy and tough, but in time, you'll get over it.
Don't think about it, concentrate on other things.
Most likely, you won't get over those feelings.
Me and my boyfriend just broke up .. two days ago and he was my first real relationship. So I'm working on the whole "getting over your first love" thing while the cut is still fresh and deep. :(
Ugh that happen to me recently, I deleted him but for some reason I looked and felt my heart drop when I saw this girl he was talking to all over it. It sucks, I know its so hard to forget them, no matter what you try, but over time you'll find someone who was everything you ever wanted! :]
Sometimes you can't get rid of your memories, but they will become weaker over time. Trust me, I know what you're going through. Going through the same stuff.
Learn from your past, leave it to rest, prepare for the future, because it's only a day away.
You can't forget. As much as it sucks. It'll become less and less that you think about it over time, but you won't forget.
The good memories are the ones you should want to remember. I mean, even though he's an ex , it makes it difficult, those are good moments in your life. You don't want to forget all those moments in your life just because they didn't end the way you would have liked, or because it hurts to remember them do you? That'd be a lot of your life that you'd be forgetting.@greenglow28@xanga -
It's just weird how I DID get over him and was perfectly happy without him in my life. I think I just need him still as a friend. But the last time that happened, I let myself fall for him agian. Haha, I guess it's just a self control thing.
You want the good things back, and that's what keeps you from fully remembering all of the bad stuff. Sometimes we even fool ourselves and think, "It would be different this time. We're older, more mature."
Right now, the only reason why you feel this way is because you want what you think he has -- a good, positive, and meaningful relationship. You don't really want him. He is merely a false representation of what you want.
@LaVieEnR0se@xanga - Ditto. Mine was last friday. Black Friday. At the beach on a vaction with his entire family.
It sucks, but you will learn from it. Relationships are always a learning experience. It helps you grows as a person.
And that's why you leave Facebook...idle hands...idle minds...but yeah I keep telling myself that as I'm crying my eyes out that it's really over.
out of sight, out of mind. it's so true. my ex and i, when we used to live close to each other and work together, our relationship was so toxic, it was always off and on, sometimes i forget to remember if i broke up with him or not or if we were together or not. i deleted his phone number from my cell phone even though i have it memorized, put away all our pics together, stopped talking to him altogether and now, i'm about 80% over him and our relationship.
I just want to say your cute.........that is all.
@shillykins - NO. NONONONONO. YOU DO NOT NEED HIM AS A FRIEND. You broke up with him, remember? :) MAYBE you need to reconcile and make things right, and make small talk with him every now and again but you do not in any way need to have him as a friend. especially not as a good friend. maybe a "oh, hey!" when you see him out friend, but definately NOT someone you want to make plans with friend.
@fallguyoftheheart - Thank you haha
@lobsterrxX@xanga - We live over 400 miles away from each other now lol. So I guess the saying hi when I see him and small talk won't happen anytime soon.
@shillykins - oh, haha. gotcha. :)
I live by, don't regret, keep the memories and move on. people say things like "forget about everything" and "think bad thoughts" but I keep the good memories and i never regret having them. Eventually you realize that all you can do is but to move on. When I say think of the good doesn't mean to just sit at home and mope and mope about how you miss the good times. but eventually when you can accept that you had some good times and that you can move on with that to someone who will also give good times, it helps.