There's this girl I know who is a big flirt. She's pretty enough and has an outgoing personality so of course guys are always hitting on her. But at the end of the day, she'll call them creepy and complains about why they're always hitting on her. I told her it was because she's a very flirty person and guys take that as a green light to hit on her. She said that's just her way of being nice and she's like that with girls too and they don't take it the wrong way.
Anyway, during one of our social functions, I ended up introducing her to one of my guy friend and they were talking all night and really hitting it off. A few days later, my guy friend calls me up and told me he had exchanged numbers with her but must have transposed some numbers by mistake. So he read me her number except it was a completely wrong number! I couldn't believe it and made some excuse to get off the phone. Afterward, I called her and asked her why she did what she did to my friend. This wasn't some random stranger. Not that I'm saying it's okay to do it to a stranger but what she did put me in an awkward situation. She told me he was coming on really strong, kept asking for her number and she didn't know what to do, so she panicked and lied. I told her she has to fix things with my friend and just come clean that she's not interested. No more flirty winks, sly giggles or accidental touching.
I stopped bringing out my guy friends whenever she's around but up to this day, she still stands by her word that she's being friendly, not flirty and does not lead guys on. I think deep down she's in denial. What do you think? Have you ever encounter someone who's a flirt who claims they are not?
Comments (56)
YES. It's annoying, but there's not much I can do about it. They get all defensive. And I suck at confrontations, so..
Yeah, just about all my ex's where flirts to the extreme, and every time someone or I said something about it, they would always deny it. Of course that usually killed everything.
But it's whatevers now.
It seems like this person uses sex as a way of gaining power over people and likes the attention of being pursued/saying 'no.'
I knew someone from work like this - I tried to stay clear of all contact and just tried to be polite around her. Eventually she got a boyfriend and I think it stopped being an issue.
I'm straight up. I know that I'm a flirt...err...friendly. ~.^
Probably shes just bored.
I know a lot of people like that.
The one girl I know is a good friend, and she knows she's like that. But she also knows her limits. Another girl that is sticking out in my mind right now, she just flat out annoys me in more than one way. So of course, when I find out she is constantly going into the shop where my boyfriend works, and is flirting with him & his bosses, I'm a bit annoyed. I never said anything to her about it, because I wasn't there at the time, she didn't know we were dating. - which i recall i told her and another friend way back in the summer - [maybe she forgot?] . . and so on. Well apparently after this party that me + my boyfriend were at, a friend informed her that we were dating and she goes in the shop a few days later saying "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE DATING" and she has stopped flirting with him. which I'm glad, but just knowing that she was flirting and such . . annoys me. My best friend who knows the girl better than I do say she is like that with any guy she meets basically. Especially ones she knows are unattainable. It sucks because even if i had the chance to say anything, I can't say anything that would piss her off, because she is a client at my boyfriends work, and I don't want to be messing around with their business. It's a difficult situation, sometimes theres not much you can do about those girls.She needs to realize the effect she has on them, even if it's not intentional, and make an effort to tune it down accordingly.
She knows exactly what she's doing. It's annoying as hell. I have a cousin like that and it makes me so angry to see her lead a guy on all night and then talk shit on him afterward.
it is difficult to be on either end of this problem. i've been accused of flirting, when I don't think I am... Perhaps her perception is based on her intentions: if she doesn't intend for anything to happen, then she may truly be just joking around.
On the other end, most people aren't mind readers and have no way to know the other's intentions... you may think you are hitting it off really well, or someone might just be really personable.
Actually, I think there have been studies in which men erroneously perceive flirtatious behavior from women more often than not. It really could be that your friend thinks she isn't being flirtatious and is just being nice. We also have to admit that some men don't get when they're not wanted and will continue to press or harass a woman because he believes he has the right to (not that I'm suggesting that your male friend was harassing your other friend though).
exactly why I don't play matchmaking! As long as you told her what the situation was and she fixed things with your friend, there's nothing else you can do about it. She's going to feel how she feels and if she hasn't changed her ways or agreed with you till now, most likely she'll never change.
Yeah she's a big effin' flirt. She's in complete denial, and she's probably still single because she doesn't cut out that flirtacious behaviour while in a relationship, and it will go from making her boyfriend insecure, to jealous, to downright angry and fed up. She's insecure a little and that's why she has to be flirty, that or she actually thinks a lot of herself and likes the attention (inflating her ego).
I wouldn't bother with her until you give her the blunt, cold hard truth. So it smacks her in the face like a train. Also, don't bother introducing her to any guys. She'll give them mixed signals, and like a bimbo, not understand why they're so into her.
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - I think she sort of stated (if not, definitely implied) that in observation, it looks like she's leading them on or to believe this. If a woman can see it, then it's true, it's not just a man's perspective thing. I know there ARE men out there who perceive things that aren't happening though
What an irritating girl.
me.
i never mean to lead people on, but it seems that you can't be nice to a guy without them feeling like you are interested in them.
Sounds to me like she knows what she's doing, but she also knows that at least some of her friends (such as you) might not really like what she's doing. Its hard to complain about something when someone else thinks you bring it on yourself. :p The, "I'm just being friendly" excuse is just that, I bet. An excuse to justify herself to you, to get out of trouble, and to justify it when she complains about the guys she leads on.
She did put you in an awkward position and it wasn't very nice of her. It was downright rude and inconsiderate, even more so to you than it was to your guy friend if you ask me. :(
I don't think she's all that much of a nice person. She's definitely not a very good friend she will put you in that position and then make up weird excuses for her behavior. She didn't even tell you what she'd done, she had to realize that since he knew you and he knew you two knew each other, that he would try her number and then eventually tell you about it.
I'm sure she has her moments where she's a great friend, but its times like this that really matter. She put you in a bad position, then she didn't even give you a head's up about it. She waited for you to find out in an awkward way, and then she gives you some bogus excuse about it. Did she actually ever explain things to your guy friend? At least if she did that, it would be a redeeming factor, but...still...what a sucky thing to do to someone who is supposed to be your friend!
I wouldn't spend my time around someone like that, if it were me. :/
Get a decoy to seduce her.
@tracezilla@lovelyish - She's more of an acquaintance than a friend which is why I referred to her as "this girl" rather than "my friend" but yes she did clear the air with my guy friend. If she didn't do that, I doubt I would even have spoken to her again.
@utoppia@xanga - Well, that's good at least. :)
Yes, I have encountered such people. One of the girls that sticks out the most doesn't even realize what she does. :\
Post about it is here: Tell me my friend, do you still break the hearts?
wow....i know this story too well. Too often I'm 'that girl'. And in her defense, we do have NO idea half the time that we're flirting with guys. For me, I guess I'm just too confident. But it's something I've always struggled with. And it takes a conscious effort for us girls to stop or even tone it down. She is going to have to recognize that it's an issue for her and want to change if there is going to be any change at all. That's really the bottom line.
@B2yan_C@xanga - I always thought flirting was pretty obvious. Can it really be an innocent mistake for friendliness? =\
That is ridiculous. I think she's really dumb if she doesn't know how her actions are affecting the guys around her. Ugh. Being nice is one thing - being flirty is another.
i'm like her, but i admit it. i'm so flirty. hahaha.
It's so annoying, honestly.
If she doesn't like them then she should stop being 'friendly' with them. Or at least tone it down.