Wednesday, 02 December 2009
-
I Hate the Stereotypes Attached to My Sexual Orientation
I hate to tell people about my sexual orientation. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with my orientation, and I'm not generally uncomfortable with people knowing. I just don't like it when people decide to make snap judgments about who I am as a person based something that is only one aspect of who I am. I especially hate all the negative stereotypes attached to bisexuality (which is the tag I use when I'm forced to claim one). They're just about all false, and even the few that kind of fit me have little to do with my being bisexual. After seeing a post on Datingish today, I thought I'd take the time to dispute some of the more common misconceptions:
No, I am not in this for the attention. It's not really obvious that I'm bisexual, and I don't go out of my way to tell people I'm not dating unless it comes up. I will correct people who get it wrong, because one of the things I hate more than being labeled is being mislabeled.
No, it's not "just a phase," and I'm not just "experimenting." For as long as I've been interested in women, I've also been interested in men. I've had over a decade to "grow out of it," and I haven't. I don't really think I will, either.
No, I'm not attracted to just anybody. I have likes, turn-offs, and standards just like anybody else.
No, I'm not promiscuous. I don't even kiss people I'm not in a romantic relationship with. I've won't seriously consider having sex outside of a long-term relationship, either.
Being bisexual does not mean that you are equally attracted to both men and women, only that you are attracted to both men and women. It doesn't even mean that you have your own solid personal ratio. How much you are attracted to one gender or another can change over time.
No, I'm not really gay. I like men. I also like women. And I don't like the women I like any less because they're women, nor the men any more just because they're men.
Being bisexual does not increase the number of people I can date. (Really!) Sure, I'm attracted to a wider range of people, but straight men and lesbians aren't attracted to me, and a lot of the people who are interested in men are not interested in dating bisexual men. For some of them it's a turn off, for others it's an insecurity issue, and some have other reasons.
Being in a relationship with someone does not change my orientation. I still notice other attractive people of both genders, even though I don't pursue them.
Yes, I am fully capable of a monogamous relationship. I've never cheated or thought about cheating on someone I was in a relationship with, and I think it's a really terrible thing to do.
No, I will not leave you specifically for someone of the opposite gender. I may end the relationship and my next one may be with someone of the opposite gender, but I have never left someone specifically for someone else, and I think it's also a very hurtful thing to do. Nor have I ever felt that a relationship was lacking because of the gender of the person I was dating.
Bisexuals as a group may tend to have higher sex drives, but I think that how much sex someone wants is a completely separate issue from what kind of sex they want. That said, I think that in order to acknowledge that you are bisexual requires a greater degree of open-mindedness than does an exclusive attraction to one gender or another, and that that open-mindedness can translate into being generally more adventurous in the bedroom.
Lastly, falling outside of the more accepted straight-gay/lesbian binary is an unpleasant place to be. You're not straight enough to avoid homophobic reactions, but you're too straight for some members of the gay/lesbian community as well. People on both sides will question your sexuality and hold it against you. All told, it's an incredibly frustrating experience for people to assign a bundle of negative attributes to you and reject you as a person based on one little word. So, everyone, did I miss anything?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Triton1017@xanga
- Name: Roger
- Location: Turlock, California, United States
- About Me: Well, I'm living in a small town, with my parents until I get my BS or a decent job. I work at the family business. I have an AA in Foreign Languages from MJC. I can speak some German, some Spanish, some Portuguese, a little bit of French, and can understand a bit of Italian. I will fiercely defend my right to use said languages against all I oppose, openly or in secret; what else do I have to do? I'm working towards a BS in Biology, and eagerly awaiting my next trip abroad. I may or may not let you know I'm leaving. It's currently undecided. Unfortunately, there's no place for me to list my super powers. I'd do that here, except then you'd all be able to figure out who I was, and what good would this secret identity do me then. Some of my friends swear I can teleport, but I assure you that's not entirely true. I can do far more. Evildoers and optimists, beware.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 3704 Comments: 0 103 View all posts by Triton1017@xanga
Comments (104)
Woah.
You copied my thoughts exactly.
Thank you.
this was a good read. thanks for sharing.
OMG! Sanity, at last!
It's OK. Some people are too busy being blinded by their own straight privilege to make any sense. Don't let the ignorant haters get you down. :)
thank you!!!!!
agreed all around.agree completely, thank you for some sanity here.
NOPE U DIDNT MISS A BEAT, THIS IS A GREAT POST AND I CAN RELATE TO YOU 100%...IM ALSO BISEXUAL BUT HONESTLY I THINK ITS ALRIGHT TO DATE A MALE AND FEMALE AT THE SAME TIME, BUT IF UR DATING A FEMALE AND THEN DATE ANOTHR FEMALE THEN THATS CONSIDERED CHEATING IN MY EYES AND THE SAME THING FOR THE OTHER SEX.
do you get the "are you up for a threesome?" question a lot? haha
great post.
i hate it when people claim it's "just a phase" you'll grow out of
Nice! The one that I get the most is girls look at me funny when they find out I'm bi. Like they suddenly are nervous to be around me because they think I'm checking them out. News flash- you're not that cute.
Xanga should give you an award for this.
@suggestivetongue@xanga - "news flash- you're not that cute."
that made me laugh. :)
I think you hit the nail on the head. good post! thanks for sharing the perspective of bisexuality.
THANK YOU. my thoughts exactly.
@suggestivetongue@xanga -- so funny! i hate when that happens. one of my friends keeps "wondering" and she is SOOOO not my type but won't believe me when i tell her that. sometimes girls can get so self-absorbed and think they're wanted by EVERYONE. guess what? not true this time!
and also : just because i'm bi does NOT automatically mean i want a threesome. because that was a NOTORIOUS question from past relationships. no, i dont want to add another person kthanks.
good on you for posting this :)
i enjoyed reading it. thank you x
Excellent post! It was very well written. One of the best posts I have read in a long time. And I like the way you think! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this; this is a great post. I intentionally kept my mouth shut on the other post because my personal experiences with friends who have been bisexual are not necessarily indicative of the traits or feelings of all people who are bisexual. Making snap judgments about someone based on being bisexual is just as stupid as making judgments based on being totally gay, totally straight, of a certain age, of a certain nationality, or wearing a certain hat or a pair of shoes. I try to stay away from sweeping general statements about "groups" of people, as a result. Everything you said here is dead on.
Well written response to the original article. I hope this helps clear up a lot of things for readers. :)
I am so glad you wrote this in response!!! ^_^
The not gay enough/not straight enough part is soooo true T_T
That was an awesome post.
I once dated a bisexual guy. He was really sweet, talented, super tall and handsome, but unfortunately I couldn't get over the fact that he was bisexual. Being bisexual AND bipolar made him more emotional and sensitive [than i am], which kinda reminded me of a girl.
@BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga - Interesting.
I agree with your post completely in regards to people whom are actually bi. I do get annoyed by people who are straight and claim to be bi though. Almost as annoying as gay/lesbians thinking they can turn straight people gay.
I want to relate, but I can't. I identify as gay. Well, in whatever amount of experience, I find it extremely rare to find a man who can have the emotional depth and reflective understanding of all the parts and pieces of bisexuality. This is why I have always believed that men could not be bisexual, but women could.
I'm also a big believer in the idea that anything is possible and that nobody should be suppressed for what they happen to be.
This was an extremely intelligent post that offered me insight into an understanding that I have not realized, and allowed me to question my own ideas concerning the matter.
Therefore, know that you do make a difference.
spectacular post. :)
really informative.
although, you have to understand,
some bisexuals do have those presumed traits.
not saying all of them, do, obviously.
but there're some out there.
YOU ARE AMAZING. Â Thank you for saying everything I wanted to say. Â
I think you just busted some of those stereotypes. Thanks for being so honest and sharing your point of view.
Thank you.
I think people are too quick to place labels, on any sexual orientation.
Heterosexual males are all sex-obsessed, narrow minded.
Lesbian females are butch.
Bisexuals can't make up their minds.
etc. etc. it's truly ridiculous.
Major kudos to you, dude. The other post is insecure crap. That is all. :D