Wednesday, 02 December 2009
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4 Reasons to Wait Until Marriage
1) Sex is never the frontrunner in a marriage, and it shouldn’t be in any relationship. A relationship based on sex alone is lust, not love, and will not work out. Sex is a backseat issue in marriage, surprisingly. Money, time not spent together, and how each other drives are bigger arguments and involve more controversy in my marriage than sex ever will. We learned each other’s sexual preferences after marriage and are growing together and having fun being with each other. Sex alone should not change your whole relationship, unless you’re really that immature and shallow, and in that case, you shouldn’t even be married.
2) Marriage is not just a piece of paper. Marriage is committing yourself to love another person unconditionally until death parts you. If you’re not ready to do that, then you shouldn’t be getting married. Too many people think “Oh, well, if I get unhappy, I’ll just get a divorce.” Uh, no. Marriage is compromise and making it work for the best. You shouldn’t sign the document until you are ready, in love, and have gone through pre-marriage counseling.
3) If one partner wants to have sex all day and one isn’t very sexually active, love overcomes this. Two people in love will compromise, talk about it, and come to a decision. Sex shouldn’t cause problems in a marriage, but if it does, there are counselors.
4) Waiting may contribute to early marriages. So what? Statistics say “…both men and women there may be a "peak marriage age" in the mid-twenties. People who get married between the ages of 23-27 are much less likely to get divorced than those who marry as teens; they are also much more likely to be in high-quality marriages than people who marry in their late twenties or later.”
That being said:
People should get married when they are mature enough to be responsible about it. If you’re not brave enough to be selfless and love another person with all your heart, then you’re not brave enough to get married.
Disclaimer: I didn't wait until marriage, I just think the reasons given in the post "4 Reasons Not to Wait Until Marriage" on Datingish is pessimistic about marriage and it annoyed me.
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About the Author
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- From: MsKittyCatty@xanga
- About Me: My name's Alyssa. I'm a junior in college and I was married on March 14, 2009 to Sean, who is wonderful!! He has a growing online business and I support him 100%. I am a full time student. We live in a tiny apartment. However, Sean currently works at a tire factory 2 hours away from our apartment so I only see him on the weekends. Unfortunately, I'm a quiet type, so I get lonely quite often. Enter blog ville! I like things like pepperoni pizza, strawberries, kisses on the forehead, speaking words of my sentences in French, being happy as much as I can, being myself no matter what, arguing, being barefoot (especially in public places), blue jeans, diet vanilla cherry dr. pepper, hugs, laying in bed, cartoons, batman, painting, sketching, writing, being lazy, cool clear nights where you can see all the stars, watching old home movies, comedy and action films, kitties (and almost every cute animal), being around friends, playing my flute, listening dancing and singing to music!
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Comments (179)
my GAWD is this the xanga obsession of the moment or WHAT?
Personal decision.
People should really stop giving their opinions 'cause we shouldn't get influenced by it at the first place.
I knew this was coming. I'm doing the next one then.
"4 Reasons Not To Give A Fuck About When The People I'm Not Sleeping With Decide To Have Sex"
People hate, but don't worry, I got your back on this one.
Where does the fear of cheating fall in?
Pre-marital counseling is so important.
And I love this paragraph: People should get married when they are mature enough to be responsible about it. If you’re not brave enough to be selfless and love another person with all your heart, then you’re not brave enough to get married.
So true!
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - Me too.
so... if you wait til the wedding night, and the two of you are virgins... the guy will probably not be very good and will go pretty quickly, the the girl will be in too much pain for it to be fun or pleasurable... and then you both will always remember the shitty wedding night sex.
sorry, i don't mean to hate, i've just always not seen how that would work out nicely. it seems better to wait til you're in love.
(btw, i'm a virgin, so i'm not like, trying to rationalize my sexually premiscuous behavior or anything, haha)
but i totally respect your opinion
I actually feel like when you describe 'marriage' you're actually describing what 'love' is.
I think more often now people are turning marriage into, from 4 Reaons Not to Wait Until Marriage, "just a piece of paper".
I feel like marriage in it's smallest form is a formality and a personal descision not a be all end all like it's made out to be.
@gifteddork219@xanga - Isn't that what these blogs are for? Putting your opinion out there?
“…both men and women there may be a "peak marriage age" in the mid-twenties. People who get married between the ages of 23-27 are much less likely to get divorced than those who marry as teens; they are also much more likely to be in high-quality marriages than people who marry in their late twenties or later.”In response to this, waiting till marriage is what causes people to marry younger. and as this states, teens are more likely to get a divorce. But waiting till marriage causes many teens to get married. Which as stated, is more likely to end in divorce. So is waiting really necessary? Why is it that marriage is a pass to being 'allowed' to have sex? Why can't people be able to show / share those emotions and experiences with the person they love before marriage, without being looked down upon?
I am seeing people between the ages of 23 and 27 getting married a LOT-and I've never heard of people having more problems if they get married later in life (late 20's/early 30's) because the way things are going for me right now with girls and all that it looks like that could be the time that I tie the knot/undergo an unseen miracle.
i respect the idea of waiting until marriage. but it's a personal choice. i chose not to wait and i don't regret it one bit.
I am not planning on waiting til marriage. :) I haven't had sex ever though.
both sides are right. I say pick out what you like and do as you wish. Thankyou for really making it clear that marriage is not a just a piece of paper =]
@Inaheartbeatx@xanga - Wrong. People who are virgins and get married are way less likely to get divorced. Go read a book idiot.
Statistics say “…both men and women there may be a "peak marriage age"
in the mid-twenties. People who get married between the ages of 23-27
are much less likely to get divorced than those who marry as teens;
they are also much more likely to be in high-quality marriages than
people who marry in their late twenties or later.”
Citation needed.
@gifteddork219@xanga - YOURE THE SHIT <3
@SNL_x@xanga - I wasn't implying that if you marry a virgin your going to get a divorce. I wasn't even stating anything that has to do with that. Whether or not you have sex before marriage has nothing to do with getting divorced. .
lol, what?
1. I don't see how having sex before marriage would mean sex can change the whole relationship. In fact, if someone deserts you because of sex (whether you refuse to do it with them or you didn't), then it wouldn't have been a great idea to marry them in the first place anyways.
2. I don't know how this is related to what you're trying to say.
3. ???
4. ..What does this have to do with sex before marriage? If you're going to marry someone just because you don't want to wait, then .. yeah, I'm not even going to try to explain.
I just spasmed.
Maybe I should work on trying to read between the lines, or get a translator for nonsense.
too late, whoops.
SO GLAD YOU WROTE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can totally agree. I'm also glad that you have written this upon your own experience. And I'm also glad Datingish featured this, there are so few abstinence posts on here. It's very refreshing!
i knew this would happen. someone post something that rubs some people the wrong way then another person decides to post something that is the complete opposite of the previous post. i mean it happens all the time, especially on datingish.
don't get me wrong. the other post rubbed me the wrong way on how it portrayed marriage but this isn't going to help much.
is it me or are more people looking at marriage as nothing but a piece of paper. honestly. what the fuck?
Crap I missed the peak marrying age...damnit.
I used to be anti marriage. Some of your points reminded me why. #2 especially, if the whole point behind marriage is devotion and love for someone else other than yourself, why does it take getting married to prove that? I'd rather devote myself to someone without marriage to prove how much I love them. With marriage divorce may be common, but it is a pain in the ass, costs a lot and takes at the minimum 6 months to get through. In that time you can come to a decision to not get one, or just stick through it because a lack of funding. If you're not married and have an easier out, yet stick it through and try your hardest to make it work even through the hard times then that shows more love to me. That said, I'm back to actually wanting to get married again...for better or worse heh.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - totally should!!! xD