Wednesday, 02 December 2009
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The College Transitional Relationship
This is a rough transition.
I had classmates who I graduated with this year who literally picked out their date during the summer when they would officially be broken up, because they were going to different schools. Others, and especially many people on Xanga whom I've seen, try to make this change work, despite all odds against them.
I hate to say that more often than not, it fails.
I have seen far more of these high school into college relationships fail, than succeed.And most of the time, I feel like it's because people are used to having access to an SO at all times, and then suddenly when your best friend isn't there anymore, and doesn't have time for you... things just slip, and fall, and fail.
While it's devastating, I can't really say I haven't seen a victim of this circumstance come out better in the end.
Ignoring distance problems, communication problems, and travel problems, I present the problem of personal change.
In college you meet a lot of new people, and on average you won't meet the person you marry until the age of 24... which is even AFTER college! It's hard to be with your high school sweetheart forever because let's face it; this is such a delicate period in any persons life where a whole lot of changes and finally figuring out what you want to do and who you are... there's so much change it's hard to honestly say you're the same person you were when you were 18 by the time you're even just 21. So how can you expect an SO to be or stay the same person who you fell in love with way back in high school?
The message I'm trying to get across, is, kind of a huge downer... but still an upper.
More or less; if your current transitional relationship is failing, do not fret! You will find someone else, who will probably suit you and your ever-changing self better in the long run, and especially in a marriage. That's just how this life thing works.
Agree? Comments? Go.
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About the Author
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- From: greenglow28@xanga
- About Me: I'm an 18 year old college student, but for god's sake, please judge me on what I have to say, and not my age or the rest of my generation.
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Comments (39)
Wow, gosh...I don't like thinking about that cos thats where i will be in a year...
It's an interesting point. I met my current boyfriend when we were juniors in high school, but we went to different schools and saw each other once a week at most. We're both sophomores in college now and still together.. we didn't have each other 24/7 to begin with.
well, i've known my boyfriend since 4th grade. however, we didn't start dating until we were both already at college (he's at a different college than me, 4 hours away). him and his sisters (they go to the same college) came in one summer, and one of his sisters has been my best friend since 2nd grade, so when i hung out with her, he came along. he eventually told me that summer (last summer) that he had liked me for a really long time (like 6 years). we're dating now, but it's very difficult, because he is 4 hours away. we make it work though, and i guess it helps knowing that i'm transferring there next year. i don't think i'd be able to take another year of it. so yeah, i hear ya.
well... me & my boyfriend have been dating since i was 15... i am turning 21 in a few days & we're still going strong. but that's just me... everyone else i know around me have broken up [many started dating their SO at the same time as i started dating mine] ... so i agree, people change, & who knows what the future holds? i can't honestly say that i know we will get married but we have evolved with eachother, it's possible, but not a likely occurrence for everyone.
i know many couples who have made the transition. and then a few that havent. one couple in the class before mine started dating when they were sophomores in high school. they're still together and happy now and they're juniors in college. i know another couple that started dating in high school (im not for sure when) but they're getting ready to graduate college and just got engaged... i know they've been together at LEAST 5 years cuz thats how long i've known them. another couple (actually the sister to the girl in the couple i just mentioned) was in my class. she's been with her boyfriend since she was a sophomore-junior in high school and now she's a sophomore in college. she goes to college 2 hours away from where he lives too, but they make things work.
however there are a few relationships that havent made it. one of my friends dated her boyfriend from when she was a freshman in high school and they broke up a few months after she started college.
it just depends on the couples. but while i understand that people change and grow i feel that couples can change and grow together, so dont give such a bad rep to high school couples. yeah it might not work out for everyone, but some people are lucky and find the one early on.
There are always exceptions. One of my best friends just got married about 2 months ago to his high school sweetheart (they've been together for 7 years). Of course, there are also the failed relationships (I've experienced one when one my exes went off to college, despite we planned to stay together). While I can't say I'm the same person back then as I am now, my wants in a partner are almost the same. But of course, like you said, don't fret if one relationship doesn't last. Sometimes, the end of one is a chance for another.
This is true...and it could not have come at a better time for me. Thank you.
Some high school relationships do last into college (even as LDRs), but I won't tell you that it's all of them or that it's easy.
@citymadeofASHES@xanga - ahh you're like my sister and her boyfriend. they've been together since 15 and are 22 now... but they went to the same high school and college, I feel like that has a lot to do with it.
@NadoAngel@xanga - I agree! a lot of people can grow and change together which is great, it's just from my observation, college and distance have ruined a lot of relationships... out of high school relationships, I've seen, usually only work as long as the two people stay close together- it takes really strong couples to be far away from each other after seeing each often, and still keep up their relationships. straight out of high school... this takes some really mature couples, you know?
I know two people who have been dating for about 7 years, through high school, and now as juniors in college they're engaged
HOWEVER they both go to two different schools, very close together. so the whole college thing was never a problem for them.
I just haven't seen a whole lot of people who transition into long distance college relationships and make it, but they usually end up better off because of it.
@aBeautiful_lifee@xanga - I posted it because I see a lot of people in a transitional relationship crisis at the most... and I just want to point out that realistically, in the end, it'll be okay. we're all real young.
I hope everything works out for you. it'll get better and you'll be so much happier in the long run :) no matter how hard it is or how bad it seems now.
Ugh, I hate relationships that begin at the end of senior year. I tried to avoid any of that stuff but the last month caught me! It was pretty devastating during the summer.
I have a friend who went to Ireland for five years to study medicine, while her boyfriend is in her home country, and they've been together for more than five years. They're still going strong.
@FreeeVerse@xanga - that's amazing! that's really, really good. I'm glad they're that happy with one another :)
I'm in this boat. But I can't say that my relationship is failing. There's definitely been a lot more stress and it has been very difficult. But my boyfriend and I have had many discussions about this. We both thought, Months ago when our relationship was first starting to get more serious, that by the time me moving away and going to college we'd end up breaking up. But once it arrived, we knew that something like that wouldn't be the cause of us breaking up. It's just something so minor that you need to work on. Yes, it can get hard, but I believe no matter the distance and how difficult it can be, if you really want it to work out you can make it work.
That being said, I do agree with your post. Even if your relationship ends you will eventually find the person you are meant to be with.
@Inaheartbeatx@xanga - "if you really want it to work out you can make it work"
that was pretty much my mantra when I was LD with my boyfriend.
college just tends to bring so much change- change in habits, change in friends, change in schedule- that a lot of people don't make it work. it's not that they can't- they just straight up don't. but in that case I mean, clearly it wasn't meant to be.
good luck to you.
@greenglow28@xanga - that's very true. you can't expect something to work if you don't try. and if you don't try, clearly you don't care as much as you think. i think it's sad to see something, that to me, seems like a minor obstacle , can be the end of a relationship.
I agree. Many couples I know who got together in high school are no longer together. On the contrary, I do know of a few couples who did start dating are now engaged/married after dating for nearly 4-5 years.
i dunno my sister and her husband have been w/ each other for like 10 yrs before they got married.. although they are freaks of nature and not normal.. lol..
i've known my bf since i was 14.. and we're 21 now.. we didnt date through out those years.. but we were on and off.. and we have now stabilized to a consistent 2year relationship. :D.. so miracles can happen.. i guess.. hopefully... :/ lol
I am not in college yet, but my bf has been in India since July, so I am used to not seeing him or not even getting to talk to him on a weekly basis now... I am hoping that helps us adjust for when we start college at different places in the country.
I know many couples who decided to break it off after senior year because college was a time for them to start anew.
But for my boyfriend and me, I don't think we ever even thought about breaking up. We've been dating since sophomore year, and we're now sophomores in college. I only see him about once a week, but we still talk everyday. I think it can work if both really work hard at trying to make it work. But then again, college is so different from high school... it's really hard to say.
I know a few friends who have made it work as well.
My boyfriends college is about twenty minutes away so he lives at home. I actually think he's gotten a lot happier since starting. We're together all the time still but he's made some new friends, his high school ones were mostly crappy and I think he just enjoys hanging out with new people. Our relationship has IMPROVED since my boyfriend started attending to college :)
hahaha, the 24yo line is the best there... i agree that HS relationships usually fail when they SOs go off to college, the distance, and maturity levels change things. as for college things tempt you, you can meet people who are on your level and such. people like to experiment and being in a relationship from hs you usually dont.
as for meeting the person you are going to marry when your 24, thats very interesting, im 24 and im with the girl i think i will marry... granted shes still in college but there is something there and we both feel that. we were forced to mature to a LDR right away because i work and as i said she is still in college but we see each other ever 2 weeks and its great. i think making things work either before college or after has to do with maturity levels of the couple
My boyfriend and I started dating when he was a freshman in college and I was a senior in high school. So we are kind of like half high school sweethearts? Anyway, since he started at college and now I'm in college it seems to be a lot easier that I would have thought.
It also helps that he is only an hour away.
But if one really wants it to work, it will work.
My bf and I started dating the summer before our sophomore year of high school. We went to the same college and we're still together as sophomores in college. We're not the norm, but who would want to be? =)