Tuesday, 01 December 2009
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Dealing with a Mental Illness
I have Major Depressive Disorder. Not that it means that I am always depressed, I am a mixture of depressive episodes and happy. I go back and forth and its sometimes mixed during a week, but that all is affected by my work and stress. My girlfriend brings a smile to my face no matter what, she can cheer me up no matter what is going on. I do the same to her. I do take medication to help with the depression. However, it can get bad, and thankfully it hasn't really gotten that low in a while, mainly cause of the medication and I have gotten better at realizing the bad aspects and deal with it the best I can.
My girlfriend doesn't have a mental illness or at least nothing that is diagnosed. She is going to see a counselor soon and talk with the counselor because she has been having anxiety issues and it has affected her breathing and her overall mood. I know stress is a huge factor in her life and other things as well, so I think when those are lessened she is better. I mean a huge stress factor is that we are in an LDR.
Here is the thing, she got all freaked yesterday that she has Bi-polar disorder. I have a few friends with bi-polar and she doesn't fit any of the hypo/hyper manic symptoms or definition of mania. she does seem to have depressive symptoms, some of which fall into the bi-polar depressive areas. I am not down playing bi-polar at all, but it has become highly diagnosed in people who do not have it at all. It takes away from the meaning of the illness. I am leaving all the issues regarding anything up to her counselor and that's that.
Before I ask the question, I want to put it out there that I love my girlfriend and no matter what, I will always be beside her helping her. Here is the question, if your SO has a mental illness how do you work with that person? Do you have a mental illness and how does your SO help you? I've always been on the other side of this, because of my depression, so I am not sure how to be helpful. I love her and help her by giving advise and all, and being protective and caring, but is there anything else that should be done... all of this could just be nerves and stuff... she could just be way over stressed and need a break from school.
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- From: rockawaysurfer45@xanga
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Comments (32)
I'm not really sure I'd say bipolar disorder is over-diagnosed. There's varying degrees of the disorder that have different criteria depending on the extents of the symptoms, but all the symptoms fall under the same umbrella.
That being said, Bipolar disorder runs in my family and I'm symptomatic, though by no means diagnosed. I would say that a lot of people CLAIM they have bipolar disorder, because a lot of people don't really understand that the term means. It's also like this with OCD, which is a shame because I've seen how much OCD can interfere with ones life.
Your girlfriend probably doesn't have BPD. A good indication of that would be age. How old are is she? BPD is something that usually sets in late adolescence, though occasionally earlier, and from what I hear, cases developing in the early 20's aren't that uncommon. But if she's in her early 20's or older, it seems kind of unlikely.
Another thing to consider is that BPD is highly suspected of having a genetic background. Does she have anyone in the family that has the disease, particularly on the mother's side of the family? If not, then it also seems somewhat unlikely, espicially if there's no record of any mental illness whatsoever.
One would also have to consider the kind of life she's lead, what she's experienced in it, and what her emotional reactions were to them. But, that might take awhile to really discern.
In any case, if she DOES have bipolar disorder, then I suppose technically medication would be the best route, though I abhore it. Patience is also a great thing. I know when I get into my depressions and my 'manias' (if they are actually manies), I do and say a lot of things I don't mean. Understanding that someone with BPD has BPD and that they don't experience things like you or others might is a great step if you're with someone with the disorder.
You're probably right though. She's probably just over-stressed and has a lot on her plate.
Simple. if you were miserable because of something you couldn't help, would you want to be abandoned? I wouldn't, so I'd stick by whoever it was I was with. Even if it killed me.
I have depression and it sucksss. T.T
I hope you get well. I hope she gets well. I've been stressed to the point of suicidal ideation a couple of times and attempted suicide once because of stress.
I never had breathing problems. I hever hyperventilate.
My friend does that and I am almost positive she has Bipolar Disorder.
I've been diagnosed with Psychosis and I think it started out as mania. I am dating someone that can understand and relate but we should really talk about it more.
This is never easy, but the best way is to chip away at it little by little every week.
I confided in my boyfriend at the time that I was scared I might have borderline personality disorder. he kept blaming me for raging at him, but I felt like my anger was justified and warranted and not at all misplaced or out of control. but he kept blaming me for pushing him away because of it and that I was angry for things I shouldn't be angry about. so I was convinced something was wrong with me.
so I went into counseling. I confided in this person all of the arguments I had with my boyfriend and why I had them. the counselor told me that anyone in my position would be pissed and that my boyfriend was really just selfish and trying to shift the blame to avoid taking responsibility.
unfortunately, my boyfriend said my counselor was being biased (even though I showed both sides of the argument). he even went to say he couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that. and when he abandoned me, he ended up dating the girl he cheated on me with (one of the reasons I was so angry at him that he just didn't understand), and he told this girl all about it! it was none of her business, and he knew that she was practically my enemy.
so he left me because I had borderline personality, which my counselor said that I do NOT, and then told his latest girlfriend who tried breaking us up awhile back all about it.
now I'm in a whirlwind, bottomless depression for being so betrayed.
@pouttwistsing@xanga -
That is absolutely terrible.
That guy has the problems, not you.
@pouttwistsing@xanga - seriously, he sounds like the messed up one.. not you.
i used to think i was bi-polar because i would have extreme highs and then extreme lows and it would drive me insane, but my mom told me i was just being a moody girl :/
all i can say is just be there for your girlfriend.. in whatever she's going through, all you can do is be there
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - You are mistaken about bipolar only setting in in the early 20s, though I appreciate that you seem to have done some research on the subject and have a better grasp on it than most people! To clear up the misconception, though, bipolar disorder can actually be found as commonly in children as in adults. It's just that children have different symptoms and it's harder to diagnose. It frequently gets misdiagnosed as ADHD in children because for children, mania is seen as temper tantrums, separation anxiety, inability to concentrate in school, etc. (you can see how it might seem like ADHD, especially if the child doesn't talk about feeling sad at times). I suggest you do research at www.nami.org. Click on Bipolar Disorder on the first page. You can read a lot of accurate information. In fact, anyone curious about more information on ANY mental illness should take a look at this website. You can also look up your local NAMI chapter and visit them (you'd be surprised--they're even in small towns sometimes!) You don't have to have a mental disorder or even know anyone who has one. It's about learning about mental illnesses, how to deal with them (in yourself, relatives, loved ones, or just people in general), and erasing stigmas. I recommend it. :)
To the post: I've also always been on the receiving end of this in relationships, as well. Any kind of mental disorder is hard to deal with for the person who has the disorder and for those around that person. I don't think there's a particular set way to deal with it, because the situation can change from moment to moment. I think communication is important--ask your SO what she feels she needs in stressful or emotional times. I also recommend you visit www.nami.org. I'm sure it has lots of helpful tips for you! Good luck to you and your SO. :)
@AphoticxIllusion@xanga - Exactly. I have a mental disorder (though only my SO, former SO, family and best friend know about it) and the thing I always fear/feared was being left by the people who loved me because they couldn't handle all the things I was going through. I have been left by someone because they gave up on me because of my mental illness, and it felt terrible and left me with insecurities that I'm still dealing with 7 years later. If you really just want out of the relationship, then break up with her. But don't break up with her because she has a mental disorder. Would you break up with her because she had cancer? I didn't think so. She can't help a mental illness anymore than she can help a physical illness.
If you love her, you'll stick by her because this is something out of her control. Especially if she's stuck by you with your Major Depressive disorder. And don't be skeptical of her feelings--she feels them. She should know. If her counselor thinks she has bipolar disorder based on what she tells them, then trust that and be supportive of her. Don't deny her emotions. They are facts to her; she's lived them and felt them, and you haven't.
@FelicianaAlisha@xanga - Yeah.
I have Bi Polar disorder and it got so bad that I had to end my relationship. (It turns out he was making it worse.) But the relationship I was in wasn't the healthiest to begin with.
It's hard to deal with people with mental illnesses. It's even harder to live with them. I personally don't know how to do it. =[ I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were somebody else. I do find that we (as people with mental illnesses) think things are much worse than they actually are.
i have bipolar disorder.
me and my boyfriend, we take the good with the bad.
its all good.
we talk a lot.
we work together to help me, because i hate the meds
communication, understanding, and trust.
that's what i've got w/ me and my love. i'm 'ill' and get these episodes often, but i try to stay happy and what not. knowing that he's there for me is all i need. know he's on my side, and we're able to talk.
I have Bi-Polar disorder and anorexia nervosa. I was diagnosed three years ago, and since then, Ive lost two boyfriends because I have a mental illness. Its become a reoccuring action it seems, that when they discover im labeled as "mentally Ill" they tend to distance themselves and we end up breaking up. Its really frustrating because I have suffered from Bi-polar long before I was diagnosed, and my relationships seem to be going just fine, until I drop the bomb that I happen to struggle sometimes.
In my opinion, if things are great, let them be great, and if she has some bad days, be there.
dont let a title come between you.
My boyfriend now has been my best friend for five years, He was in love with me long before I even considered dating him. He was one of the first people I told about my disorder, and was the first person I told that I am bi-sexual. He has seen every side of me, and loves everyside.
We dont talk about my disorder or anything, unless money for medications becomes an issue. We go about our days as usual, and if Im having a hard time, we'll talk about it, and then he'll do his best to make me laugh and forget why I was upset.
Dont get me wrong, its not all sunshine. I get crazy, drink, smoke, party, stay up for days at a time, and lie about insignificant things. When I hit the low stages, I am a bitch. I dont want to be touched, or looked at, or even spoken to. But then again other times, when im in a low stage, if he doesnt cuddle me or talk to me, or pay attention to me, I flip out. Its completely random and impossible to predict, and he gets rediculously frustrated and upset. We do our best to communicate and figure out what each other needs, but sometimes it ends up with him sleeping on the couch, and me crying into my dogs shoulder in the bed. Its not always easy, but then again Im not on medication at the moment, and havent been for six months. When Im medicated, life goes by much smoother, and the really really random epic and drastic mood swings are few and far between. But my boyfriend and I love each other, and he knows that my freakouts and screaming and crazyness arent a direct reflection on him, its just the way my mind works. He loves me, and I love him, and thats all we need. Its been five years and he hasnt gotten sick of me yet. And believe me, Ive given him PLENTY of reasons to ditch me.
My best advice is to just let it take its course. Dont let a title effect your feelings about her. And doctors can be wrong. Always get a second opinion. I had three before I accepted my diagnosis. If you havent had a huge problem with her mental status so far, then dont expect it now, If your looking for problems, theyll come much quicker and easier.
And if she is diagnosed, shell probably be upset and scared, because its never fun, so just be tehre for her.
Im sure you guys will be okay, and I wish you the best!
Just try to be supportive and understanding. I've been diagnosed with a lot of disorders and my fiancee helps me a lot. He's never been diagnosed but I think he's depressed and it's hard for me to deal with, being depressed myself. Just try to be there like she is for you.
@pouttwistsing@xanga - wooow how messed up, im so sorry u had to deal with a jerk like him, like everyone said u wasnt the problem that jerk face was the damn problem. Dont worry about it though, he will get whats coming to him...karma is a bitch.
these kinds of entries give people an excuse to spill their stories... they've been wanting to. I've done it with other entries. It's kind of a nice thing.
rant people rant x]
girls don't want advice. just be there for her and listen :)
@pouttwistsing@xanga - That sucks, seems like a jerk.
@andeeeee@xanga - heh how true, even if they ask for it.
Yeah do your best, if you can't handle it you can't handle it but at least try your best to be there.
@TryMe_HideMe@xanga - a lot of her stuff revolves around stress and not being able to be active, we talk a lot, video chat and IM and texts. i am there as much as one can. she knows it and its wonderful, she is there for me, even though she doubts she is. i was really close, and i would venture to say best friends before we got together and it was more of a shock when we got together then anything and we were kinda thrust into and LDR really quickly. for us it is a two way street and i take the good and the bad, she does too, she hasnt seen the really bad for me because i havent been doing so poorly. its def not all sunshine, i mean, im kinda straight edge, more out of necessity (i have always been involved in education or Law so i have to be careful), i have let go and dont like myself, i am me, and to try to be someone else hurts. my SO loves that because im genuine and i dont lie (i try and she can see through it). she has done her own things- she drinks, not that much anymore and she does smoke pot, and got caught with her friends in a dorm room, but i was cool with it, she is very solid and we talk about it all, so i dont worry about the bad times, because we can make it through.
@FelicianaAlisha@xanga - a lot of what she needs is to be able to talk to me, so regardless we always talk, the best we can. we have very good convos, deep ones, stupid one, romantic ones. whatever is necessary or whatever we feel like. stress plays a huge role in our lives and so a lot of what has been going on is that. she is seeing a counselor today... hopefully it helps, i think it will, it helps me.
@pouttwistsing@xanga - guys like that need to be shot. ive been the guy whose told the girl and had everything good leave at that moment. or in the case of my ex use it to their advantage. its not fun. people who run from mental illness when with an SO are afraid that they will get it and such, which is very wrong. those who stay its either cause they love them or seek to control, sometimes a fine line. hang in there and dont worry, i have been in your place, and trust me it gets better!
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - you might need to check your terms, BPD is commonly an acronym for Borderline Personality Disorder- different from Bi-Polar. in terms of it being over used, i can tell you from my own experience dealing with counselors and insurance morons, Bi-Polar is highly used as a diagnosis even when it doesnt fit. the DSM IVR re-worked Manic Depression into Bi-Polar II, so it would be more clean cut. problem is that mental illness is not clean cut, you can have symptoms across a wide range of things. she isnt claiming, shes worried about it. there is a difference. also people can have variations on OCD and claim they are OCD and be partially correct. no one is one thing unless they are labled. to answer your q, she is almost 20, but the age doesnt matter, people can have breaks at most anytime, it is just more common for late-teens, early twenties because of the stressors in life at that time.
I have a whole slew of mental illnesses, including schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia + major depressive disorder), Tourette's Syndrome and generalized anxiety disorder. It makes things very difficult, but my boyfriend is normally very good at helping me cope with these problems. He supports me financially because I'm unable to work with my conditions, and that alone lets me be able to manage my illnesses enough to live a somewhat normal life. I make what money I can selling my jewelry and photography, and I do all the cooking, cleaning, finances, errands and chauffeuring that needs to be done. Sometimes he forgets I have a much harder time than most people doing ordinary things, though, and going about my daily business can be overwhelming at times.
There are occasions when life seems completely unbearable and I go into a severe anxiety, psychotic and/or catatonic episode. He is usually very understanding, helpful and emotionally supportive. He keeps my spirits up with encouraging words, laughter, and hugs. When I get really depressed for lengths of time, however, and if he's also under a lot of stress or depressed, that's when he forgets I have an illness and gets testy. He'll wrongfully claim I'm depressed all the time and that I never do anything, ever. It's hurtful, but I try to remember that he has his own problems. He, like your girlfriend, has some mental health problems that are undiagnosed. We actually balance each other very well personality-wise, though.
My ex had A.D.D. Nothing horrid or anything but he was always hyper and at times would even get annoying. But he always made me happy and I never wanted to be mean to him. I went onto WebMD to figure out ways to distract him. One way, which I learned on my own, was intimacy, but that wasn't always going to happen. I eventually started to see what he liked and tried my best to occupy him in those things. When you are with your girlfriend, no matter the disorder, you should just be there to occupy her from the thoughts of it. Like do things she likes in your free time and just take her out to dinner and things like that. Bi-polar is not so bad, considering since you already make her happy all the time, it should not affect your relationship. If she is anything into romance, that's a big plus. Honestly, if you just keep her mind of the matter, then she will be happy and not worry. She have things to think about with you and she should be fine. I had gotten anxiety attacks and my mother does not believe in therapy and medicine like that so I had to deal with it on my own. The best way was to get my mind off the problems. And my boyfriend, during that time, always contributed into helping. In a relationship, gentleness, help and care is the best medicine for anything.
Just don't yell at her and don't leave because of it. Also, don't say that you will be there and then decide to leave. I have had 3 boyfriends who all PROMISED that they could handle me, that they weren't going to leave because of my anxiety and depression. The first two I didn't believe, and they ended up leaving because of it. The last one, who was my very best friend, and promised me he would always be there long before we even started dating, I trusted him. And then he broke up with me, and I thought OK well at least we will still be friends (That is what he promised me...even if romantically we ended he would still be my friend). Then he told me that he wanted nothing to do with me because I am too stressful, even as a friend. Worst feeling ever.
Just stick with her. That is all you need to do.