Tuesday, 01 December 2009
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4 Reasons Not to Wait Until You're Married
1) Everyone says sex changes the relationship, so why would you want to commit yourself to spending the rest of your life with one person and then do something that night which will drastically change the relationship?
2) Marriage is just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean you'll be together forever. The divorce rate is 50%. Are you going to get a divorce and then re-save yourself for your second spouse? Signing a document doesn't make you officially in love and perfect for each other, and it doesn't mean that unforeseeable circumstances in the future won't tear you apart. Being committed to love someone as much as you can and staying together as long as possible is what's important, not the piece of paper.3) Having the same sexual preferences actually matters quite a bit. If one partner wants sex 3 times a day and the other is content to have sex once a week that is not a trivial thing, that's a serious cause for concern in the relationship. It will cause problems.
4) Waiting potentially encourages people to marry sooner, contributing to the divorce rate. If you can't have sex until you get married you're not going to wait until you're 30 to marry the man/woman of your dreams, you're going to marry that guy/girl you met in high school who's almost exactly what you're looking for but not quite there when you're 20.
That being said:
People should have sex when they feel they are ready, and when they're mature enough to be responsible about it. If you're not brave enough to go buy condoms at the grocery store you are definitely not brave enough to deal with the consequences of sex.
What do you think? Are you waiting?
If you're married or have been married: did you wait? How do you think waiting (or not waiting) affected the relationship?
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About the Author
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- From: jenessa1889@xanga
- Name: jenessa1889
- About Me: I try to treat everyone with respect and to be open minded to all ideas. I like to think and debate about things, particularly in philosophy and politics. I ask questions a lot. I love to learn. I love anything artistic. I'm very touchy-feely with the people I'm close too. I'm very liberal, but I understand why some conservative ideals exist, even if I don't agree with them. I'm very against drugs (that includes alcohol), but if that were a requirement for all my friends I wouldn’t have any haha. I love life and I find myself moved to tears on a regular basis by simple little things. Sometimes I randomly think of something funny and I have to try really hard not to burst out laughing so I don’t look crazy. I like using big words. I play piano and sing in choir. I compose music a lot. I write non-fiction stories about the crazy things that happen in my life. I love writing fiction as well.
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Comments (231)
Waiting, for good reasons : )
concise and very well-worded. definitely a good thing to think about. i definitely agree with the last paragraphs that you said. wait until you're ready, and if you think you are mature enough for it, go ahead.
Didn't wait, although I wasn't really ready.
I wouldn't have waited eventually anyways though.
I like this post. Sex is about maturity that comes with understanding one's body not whether or not someone is married.
No wonder 50% of people have STDs. Congrats on being sluts and having dirty giners. Have fun when you get cervical cancer.
I like your reasons. I still want to wait but I feel that if I do get in a serious relationship im not going to force waiting. But im still not going to be easy and just give myself up because we all know some people arent truly ready or mature enough to have sex.
I'm not waiting for marriage--I think that sex is too important to a relationship to wait until after you're legally bound to this person to see if you're good together or not. I just have to be able to trust myself with the guy, cause I have weird trust/body issues.
THANK YOU! A sensible person exists!
This is a really good post, and all your points were very true. I agree with you 100%. (:
i waited until i was 18, and definitely changed my relationships then. even now, i'm 25 and it's still hasn't changed. i say, do it when you're ready.
I'm waiting for personal reasons as well.
Regarding the points.
1) This is a case-by-case matter, so I wouldn't jump on the bandwagon and assume that because couples X and Y had this change their relationships, Z will too. A lot of couples are more open about their sexual fantasies and desires than you realize, and there are couples who can act "sexual" without actually engaging in intercourse (eg: foreplay, etc). The key is to be open and honest about what you think your sexual needs are. Sure, having experience helps (after all, you may think you like something but then find out it's not as fun as you thought), but in the worst-case scenario, where the two of you are completely, sexually incompatible, will you use that as a cause for a breakup? Maybe, if all you care about is the sex.
2) Marriage may be irrelevant to you (hence your reduction of it to a "piece of paper"), but it's a physical symbol of a loving relationship (don't know if that's irrelevant to you). To some people it's much more than just a piece of paper.
3) Indeed, it will cause problems. So will coming from different cultural backgrounds, different financial situations, etc. The key here is to see how far you are willing to adapt. Some sexual preferences are not necessarily static, and our sex drives are also rather fluid, too.
4) That's a matter of personal restraint. If you don't have that, it's your own damn fault.
solid post
I completely agree with #2. Although marriage is a very special moment in a couple's life...it does not determine the genuine love between the two. Anything is still able to happen, and although you've signed a lawful contract, it still doesnt bind you emotionally. In my opinion. The rings are a symbol of the love you share, and is a rightful reminder...but I still dont think marriage binds two people. #4 also makes a great deal of sense, but I dont see that very often in my area...I see more kids getting pregnant, because they dont understand the consequences of being immature in a mature situation.
I didn't wait, no regrets. The third reason is a big one for me, since we are highly compatible with each other
i was going to wait. sometimes i wish i did. but there's no turning back at this point.
Not everyone wants to get married either. The whole waiting thing doesn't hold water for me.
Definitely agree with your post.
I thought I was one of the only people who viewed marriage in that way!Good to know I'm not the only one. Honestly, I don't care about marriage, I just care about being with the person. I don't need to go through all the time, stress, and money of marriage just to prove to someone that I love them. By all means, wait if thats what you want, but I think if you feel ready and are mature enough, go for it. I don't see why you need to wait till marriage, It's just not necessary.I don't think sex changes the relationship, or well, it shouldn't. I was a firm believer in waiting, but I gave into the pressures of my boyfriend at the time (though he might tell you otherwise, hmph). and when that happened, the sex did not change our relationship. the only thing that did change the relationship was his behavior about other things unrelated to sex.
but other than #1, the other three points make sense. however, I am celibate again. I'm waiting again, I guess you could say. I don't really believe in giving myself to just anyone. I want to be be in love if I'm going to have sex again, and I would assume that will happen before marriage. So I think it's smart to wait for love, not necessarily for marriage.
my circle of friends pretty much all sleep with each other. lots of one night stands and meaningless, out of relationship sex is occurring all around me. it sickens me. I'm so tired of people like THAT telling me that I need to go out and have lots of good sex. Just because I'm waiting, doesn't mean I'm doing it foolishly. I'm just waiting for the right person to come along, not necessarily for the ring on my finger.
I'm waiting for the right guy. Not for marriage.
i wish i waited for the perfect person to have my first time with.. but i dont believe you should wait until you're married. i agree completely with what you are saying. sex changes a relationship a lot - you shouldnt have to wait till you're married , but make sure you are ready to have sex and that you are responsible enough to have sex. because there's a lot of idiots out there that don't practice safe sex and become completely clueless as to why they got pregnant or got an std.... -_-
I disagree with the first part of the first sentence of number 2.
I agree with pretty much everything else though.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I agree with you 100% :) :) :) :)
Having waited 25 years and hearing the things I'm hearing now, I'm torn these days as to whether I should continue to wait or get with some hot girl and bang her like there is no tomorrow (since some guys I know have NO respect for the institute of marriage, but that's another story). It's getting harder and harder for me to see the real benefit of waiting before marriage other than avoiding STD's, emotional damage, etc with all these guys who cheat on their wives and even Christian men who sleep around. And then there's the numerous stories I hear about so and so doing this and so and so doing that, and those come from both guys and girls. Hearing those stories makes me feel bad that I'm choosing to wait and holding out for all this time. So right now I don't know it's it's REALLY worth it to wait, even though some girls have told me that they like the fact I've chosen to do so.
It's different for everyone. I won't dispute that some of your points are good ones. :)
I wanted to wait for the right person, and I did. I was 17 and we broke up two weeks later, we were good friends before and we're good friends now. I have no regrets and I'm glad I did it.
I'm waiting, not till I get married. I want to be in a commited relationship where we both love each other, that dosen't have to be marriage, but it can be.
I agree wait till you are ready to do it, your the only one that has to live with it.