I am by no means a good person. Nor do I ever intend to be. What noble deeds I commit are merely a side effect of my rigid moral code. And so, the title of Good Person will never be on my mantle though the title of Good Friend and Good Son have been mine me since as long as I can remember. I also fully expect the title of Good Husband to be added to the others one day.
The woman that I was dating had made it clear that she wants something more. To put it best, "she is all that and a bag of chips." Intelligent, no prior responsibilities (kids), and possessing the features that I like in a woman. She gets along with all of the people in my circle except my best friend.
My closest friend is a very attractive woman who can often be found at my house for any number of reasons (as can all my close friends.) A fight with her boyfriend or girlfriend, use of the Wii FIT, making CD's on my computer, fixing herself up to go out with myself and the rest of the crew. She is however a born trouble maker and very ugly on the inside, plagued with a nasty character. Still she is a Good Friend.
It started by the fact that naturally my best friend knows all my jokes, all my pet peeves, and knows all my stories. Through the first two or three weeks everything was placated by the knowledge that the woman I was dating is new to the circle. Past the second month though things got complicated. A verbal fight at a friends house moved things past me and into the realm of personal dislike between the two. If I was ever the reason for the friction between the two that has long passed. Soon after, when my best friend was at my house, the woman I was dating came through to spend the night I had to resolve the problem by telling my friend to "kick rocks." Things came to a head a few days ago when the woman I was dating asked me not to allow my best friend around anymore.
"What? Pixie not allowed at MY house?" I asked. And then it happened to me. The voice of Gore Vidal, my lifelong teacher told me what I'd needed to hear.
You can get sex anywhere but you cant find a friend everywhere. And even if it wasn't about the sex, Pixie has proven to me that she can be a better friend to me than the young lady I was dating.
The break up happened easily enough, there was no yelling although a few tears on her side and she didn't have many things in my house. I have yet to reach out to her or to my best friend and I have the intense feeling to get out of LA for awhile. I haven't been to the state of Georgia since Feb. Plus I think The Nighthawks might be playing down there sometime soon. Either way, the choice has been made, buy the ticket take the ride, and I have to live with the consequences.
Who would you pick? The best friend or the SO?
Comments (46)
"Bros before hoes" as the saying goes. Even if said "Bro" happens to be a gal. If that makes sense :/ :)
Good friends are just as important as a significant other. You can break up with an SO and your friends will be there for you, but who will be there for you when you break it off with a friend?
I would have picked the best friend. When someone I am going out with is making me make a choice between them and a good friend the friend wins.
I would choose the friend, she's always been there while the "other" hasn't. She might leave you in a time of need but your friend will always be there for you NO MATTER WHAT!
Given that you've already broken up with the girlfriend, it makes sense to reach out to the friend who's a girl, right?
Although I don't know why you're friends with a "born trouble maker, very ugly on the inside, & plagued with a nasty character."
you have no business calling your hoe a "girlfriend" if she's just there for your sex. it's funny how guys classify a friend that's a girl as just a good "bro" friend and the girlfriend as just an outlet for sex. gag me with a spoon typical guy
Any girl who would make you choose her over a friend isn't a girl worth being with. She could be perfect in every other way, but she shouldn't tell you who and who cannot be your friend. There are definitely friends of my husband's that I cannot stand...but I deal with it for his sake.
I'd have chosen the friend, too.
-Katie
If I was dating a guy who was very good friends with another attractive girl and spent as much time with her as you do with your friend, I would be jealous also. I don't think you should completely eliminate this friend from your life, but relationships are about making sacrifices. You should have respected your SO's feelings enough to at least come to an agreement where you would never put the friend above her. Unless you never really cared much about this girl in the first place. You can have a million friends at a time, but you only find so many people who are "all that and a bag of chips".
@oranges_are_vitamins@xanga - took the words right out of my mouth! Just like how I wouldn't call a boyfriend my "F-buddy".
@utoppia@xanga - exactly! no respect
@utoppia@xanga - i second that. this post doesn't make you (the post-er) seem like a good guy at all. if you already know tha tyour best friend is a trouble maker, don't count on any other chance of finding a girlfriend with her around.
Friends, always.
It's not like you guys were in love. Friends will always be there but just think.. Maybe in the future you'll be in a more serious relationship. Will your friend be more accepting of her? Sounds like a terrible situation to be in.
Oh yeah, and my boyfriend became more distant with all of his girls that were friends without me asking. I did the same. Sometimes I think it's just necessary. I've learned guys can hardly ever be a friend. It gets too complicated.
My boyfriend and one of my closest friends don't get along either. When his complaints about her go to far, I make it very clear that I'll never pick him over her. It's not something I'll break up w/ him over though, unless he insists on her staying out of my life.
I'd be the hardest decision of my life, but I would choose my best friend. If my boyfriend would force me to choose between him and my best friend, he doesn't really know/deserve me anyway.
@dearFLOPPY@xanga - Hear hear.
honestly i don't think you were very successful at explaining why your best friend is your best friend...ugly on the inside? that's harsh...and i truly don't see how that translates into being any sort of a good friend or a fun person to be around, but she's your friend and it's your life and i know only what you wrote...
ANYWAY. like pretty much everyone else said, if someone makes me choose, they probably don't have my best interests at heart, so i'd drop whoever made me choose more than likely. i'd probably try to make a compromise though...i've never really been in this situation but i've seen my friends go through it. in general my theory is, if you're in a serious relationship with someone, they become priority of whatever gender. but then my boyfriend doesn't have a girl best friend, so i never had to compete to be on top.
a while back my best friend was upset about a guy i was dating. but she was also treating me like shit and choosing her boyfriend over me, so i started cutting her out of my life as much because the guy was treating me way better than she was. the guy joined the USMC, so things pretty much ended there because we were going in vastly different directions (i was starting college too). then, this past summer, she got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. again, she was being ridiculous, and we were still on rocky ground as far as our relationship was concerned. she crossed the line with her insults towards my bf, who was there when i had hardly anyone else. she was not. he had always treated me well, and for over a year she had not. the choice was easy.
he is my future right now. i can find another friend who can be more respectful. now, 6 months later, we're all on pretty good terms with each other. i think the decision is specific to each person, so i really can't say to choose your SO over your best friend...unless one makes you choose in which case the choice is probably obvious.
@meowmeow - I totally agree. If my boyfriend were to have a close female friend who's always around like the OP's friend then it would make me uncomfortable too. I would ask him to limit his time with her.
It's interesting that most people wrote that they would choose the friend but isn't our SO supposed to be our number one priority? You can have a lot of friends but there's only one soul mate.
I choose the person who doesn't make me choose.
definately will choose the girlfriend. Friend's won't stick around for the baby, the baby's graduation, and the baby's wedding.
I like how your friend can just waltz in and use your "Wii Fit" lol
This doesn't even make sense. Your ex sounds like she was little more than a fuck buddy to you. And I can't see myself ever having a shitty person as a friend, no matter how "good" a friend they are to me. I think what you had/have are very immature relation/friendships. "Good" friends will respect both you AND your significant other. They will still be in the car, but they need to take a backseat. "Good" significant others won't try to come between you and your friends.
bestfriend forsure haha. you can't find them NEARLY as often as a girl to date. if there are lots of fish in the sea, that best friend is a rainbow-scaled fish and the girlfriend a sardine or whatever. i was fortunate enough to meet one of my greatest friends ever last year and i would dump a girl in a blink if it came down to the choice between the two. even if my best female friend WERE a trouble maker (which mine isn't), she's your best female friend for a REASON. people don't choose best friends as easily as they choose regular friends.
At least try for a 3-some before you call it quits.