Sunday, 29 November 2009
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The Birds and The Bees
Interesting turn of events at the family gathering.
My cousin just started college and will be transferring to a SUNY in spring which means going away from home. My aunt has never had "the talk" (sex or having sex) with my cousin and feels that if she's going to be away from home, she can't watch over her. And since I'm the closest to my cousin's age, my aunt has asked me to have "the talk" with her.
Now I don't know about you, but my mom never had that talk with me either. I'm a little stump. I'm sure she knows what it is but how do you approach a teenager going on to adulthood about the birds and the bees? Advice anyone?
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- From: utoppia@xanga
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Comments (25)
Well when I was in fourth grade my mom just told me how everything worked and that was it.
I guess you should just let them know that condoms don't protect against all STDs, and that they don't work against anything if used improperly. Her mom should really be the one having the talk with her.
don't make a huge deal out of it or sit her down and say "we need to talk" because she'll get nervous and freak out. let it come up casually in conversation. if she's comfortable with you she'll admit she doesn't know much, and that'll be an opportunity for you to share what you know. just don't make her feel like she's stupid or needs to be educated (even though she does). she'll be comfortable, and she'll learn something too. good luck!
my parents never gave me the talk...
i just came home one day in 5th grade with the "growing up program" leaflets and spared them the awkwardness.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - This.
- John
my english teacher in high school dedicated a whole week to sex
education after she witnessed the so called "sex education program" my
school had. spoiler alert: she hated it.
tell her that sex is ok and its nothing to be ashamed of but also help
her imagine the situations that could lead to sex. teach her the
situations that she should try to avoid and/or understand and the
situations that is more acceptable (this can be subjective). tell her
that she has control of her body and she doesn't have to succumb to
peer pressure if she doesn't want to. i would personally tell her if
she felt it is the right time then she should go for it. give her some
condoms but also tell her that they aren't some "god send" to protect
her from STDs and pregnancy. and of course tell her the consequences
(and pleasures) of sex.
i can't think of anything else
i;lm sure she knows all she needs to know from health class and google. just tell her to be careful who she rolls in bed with
I learned the basics of how everything worked in school. I learned everything else on my own.
I've had a few bumps in the road, but I think I turned out okay.
Why dont you start by asking her what she knows and how she feels about it? Then you can just go from there and maybe correct any misunderstandings she may have. More so than talking about sex you should talk about life in general. There's a lot I dont think some people are prepared for in college, as far as responsibility, going out and partying, drinking, drugs, who you can trust and what can happen when you're hanging around people you dont know, getting caught up in stress of classes and finances.... and well the list can go on.
Dude if it's a teenager going to college she knows already.
Just tell her not to have sex without a rubber and to get on some fucking birth control.
O_o why the fuck would someone wait until their kid is in college to have the talk with them? By then it's moot, if she goes and gets pregnant and an STD, that's her mom's fault.
I'm sure that at her age, she knows what sex is. She probably heard her friends talk about it or took biology, so at least you don't have to explain the mechanics of it.
What she may not know is the implications it has on a relationship, how to properly use birth control, STDs, etc. But then, health class may have covered that.
Find out what she knows already and how she feels about it before you decide to proceed.
I concur with everyone else. Remind your cousin to use condoms if she has sex; remind her that condoms don't protect against all STDs; go on birth control. That's what i'm going to tell my future kids. I mean, you can't watch over them 24/7.
Tell her to be safe and that she can come to you for any advice or questions or any time she thinks she is in "trouble" and that you will try not to judge her for anything she tells you. It's important that she knows she can confide in you, just in case something happens or if she just needs to continue this "talk". It'd be easy if talking about sex was just one talk but in terms of being an older cousin/mentor, it won't end with won't talk. Think of it as an ongoing dialogue.
this was SUCH an interesting posting! I am enjoying reading all the comments. A lot of my books deal with the loss of virginity, both male and female. Shelby Stone......Cherry Picking Time......A1AdultEbooks.com
let it come up casually, and just be real with her. about your experiences, and what you think she should watch out for and etc, and if she have any questions and what not
Just be like "You know how to have sex? Know you need to use a condom every time? And oh get on birth control." My dad gave me the "key and the keyhole" speech, but it was like half a year after I lost my virginity. I think you telling her will come across a lot better than her mom telling her. I taught most of my little cousins about puberty because no one else in my family would talk about it. Usually when a parent starts talking about it for the first time at such a late age the kids don't want to hear.
be frank. don't skirt around the issues and be awkward. just tell her the facts. let her know that no one should be able to pressure her into it and that its something she needs to be sure of before she does it. you are not going to have to talk to her about the mechanics of it, she probably already knows those. my cuz actually did the same thing for me, although not because anyone asked her too. she told me some of her stories, like guys who had mistreated her, times when she had been so glad she'd done it. that sort of thing.
Well, if she's starting college, I'm sure she knows a lot about it by now. I agree with @NadoAngel@xanga - about how to have the conversation. Also, don't worry about the awkwardness or anything. The reason for it is for her to get all the information she needs, since it's pretty important to understand completely. So just focus on that aspect of it.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - I completely agree. Quite a few people have commented saying to go over it all, which kinda suprises me. All though it certainly depends person to person ((how interested they are to actually research sex and other related topics like birthcontrol, their school and if they cover sex ed, and if their peers/family are comfertable talking about sex)) you would expect her to know most of it by then. I'm in my first year of college ((I'm 18)), and I know most everything about the mechanics of sex, STDs, Birth control, etc, etc. for quite a while. I mostly learned it from biology, sex ed classes at my school, and friends XP
Relationships are really the tricky part--you have to figure those out on your own XD
Christ... this is why abstinence only teaching in high schools is a bad fucking idea. When the school starts that, this is when you take it upon yourself to teach your children YOUR opinions and values and hope they make wise and safe choices on thier own... let the school handle the scientific portion.
I mean I dont get why your aunt put that pressure on you.. i mean 18 years ago she had her ankles at her earlobes getting worked over unprotected to get to this point.(that was inappropriate and rude, I apologize) I hate how mothers all of a sudden get innocent when this subject comes up.. I mean they had to have sex at least ONCE to have a kid. And.. now that I think about it.. Shes 18 NOW?? What did she tell her when she first got her period?? The stork brings it??
You can't IGNORE or play hot-potato with certain aspects of parenting just because they're difficult. I'd tell your aunt its about high time to man-up and start acting like a MOTHER instead of like a GUARDIAN.
This iggs me to the core and im VERY sorry she put that on you. I would've been kind of insulted, like what was she insinuating by asking you to do this?
my sex talk consisted of mom saying 'don't get pregnant'.
I don't see what the deal is. My older cousin talked to me about it, and it wasn't awkward in the least. Actually, we shared stories. It was interesting.
I think a lot of people here are assuming that your cousin has no idea. Well if she's going into college, I'm sure she knows almost everything. Just have her share her experiences and offer yours.
My sex talk was when i was fourteen i believe.
I was in the car with my mom and she turns to me and says
:"dont have sex"
That was one extremely awkward drive to the store.
hahah
I never had "the talk" with my mother, either. :p And, I wouldn't know how to give "the talk" to anyone else. I would probably tell the person no. I mean, if her mother wants her to have "the talk" with someone, and feels it is that important, then her mother should do it herself. :/ That's how I see it, anyway.
Just send her here to Datingish. I'm sure she'll learn everything she needs to learn about sex. From losing it, to threesomes, to cheating, to pissing off boyfriends....
I was kidding before. Just ask her if she knows what she's doing and give her the text book basics. No need to get graphic but just make sure she understand the whole STD and pregnancy issue.
Are you sure she doesn't already know?