Sunday, 29 November 2009
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The Transition Guy
Today I was talking to my best friend about a guy she has been spending a lot of time with lately. She says that she is very physically attracted to him, and he seems to like her because he texts her all the time and they have hung out a lot in the last couple of weeks. However, she says that there is something about him that is off. He is just too socially awkward and they don't really have a lot in common.
However, because she finds him so attractive she wants to keep talking to him just so she can have someone to cuddle with, kiss, whatever until one of them finds someone else who they are more compatible with. Since she just got out of a long-term relationships she considers this guy to be a "transition guy"- there to keep her company until she finds someone else. She also feels that he is doing the same thing to her, so she doesn't feel like she is using him.
What do you think the of the idea of the transition guy/girl? Do you or have you ever had someone that you kept around just so you didn't have to be alone, even if you didn't really see a future with them?
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About the Author
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- From: meowmeow
- Name: meowmeow
- About Me: 20 yr old college student.
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Comments (44)
pretty sure..I was that guy on a couple of occasions lol
sounds risky. not my style.
@sarahflorida1085@xanga - Agreed. I think it'll make me feel guilty if I ever find that other guy and then.. what happens to this guy? Leave him alone?
isn't that kinda like a rebound guy? o.o how about learning to be single..?
@divinexsimplicity@xanga - indeed, there are a lot of emotional consequences that can play out and who knows if both people can walk away fine.
Definitely had that. Though we both had the understanding that we shouldn't be together, we still cuddled and shared all sorts of physical affections just for the sake of having it. The fact that there was attraction made it easy at first. I thought we both had the hope that there could eventually be SOMETHING. But it turns out, I was the only one feeling that way. I was the sucker who developed feelings and he's the one who always finds someone else to develop feelings for. Never me. Very horrible situation that I highly recommend staying away from.
If something's off about him, it's a red flag, for guys especially. Let's just hope she's not stupid about this.
I waited four months after my last long term relationship before I started going out with my current boyfriend. We've been together going on almost 3.5 years.
I've been on the brunt end of this rebound. He wasn't looking for anything with me. Just as a buffer.
Either way, that's using someone. And she is pretty sure that he's doing the same thing to her? Well, that just says she doesn't know. And its probably something she's using to make herself feel better and to justify her own actions to you.
Its never okay to use someone. No matter what label or justification you give it. However, if they're mutually alright with it that's another thing, I suppose. But, it doesn't sound like she KNOWS that's what is going on. She just THINKS its mutual. There is a difference. In order to be sure, she has to hear those exact words from him.
Which brings me to what I wanted to say to begin with. :p Lol! I'm so long-winded, sorry. I just think she needs to talk to this guy about it. To make sure that he knows this and is cool with it. Because, otherwise, it might end up that she is wrong and he is not using her for "company" between SOs and she really ends up hurting him badly because of a miscommunication. Or rather, a non-communication.
I guess, though, if she doesn't really care if she's hurting him, as long as she's happy, that's a different matter. :/ Callous and rude and speaks of multiple character flaws...but...*shrug*
Either way, I hope she's not like that, and that she will talk to this guy and make sure she is right about what she thinks.
Thinking about it, if you're caught with the "rebound" guy on multiple occasions, wouldn't it be weird and hard to find someene else? How the hell do you get used to one guy for now and then transition to someone else when it's serious? It's totally like skipping the "single" part in life. SIGH.
IDK, my BFF Jill.
I actually am currently doing that..... yikes.
My cousin does that so a lot of the times I can't tell if the guy she is introducing is her boyfriend or not. Personally, I'm not into all the mushy stuff without the warm fuzzy feelings within.
doing that right now. sad.
It's kind of wrong unless the other person is doing the same...
Ouch. Harsh.
I think it's for people who are afraid of being single.
i think it's stupid...two of my female friends do this.
i think it's important to revel in single-ness before swooping into another relationship. it helps you grow as a person, and can make you better for you next relationship.
it's also not healthy to not know how to be by yourself. i can't stand it when my friends think they "need" a guy. you don't fucking "need" anyone. they are not air or water or food. they may help in a lot of ways, compliment and maybe "complete" you, but you do not NEED them. i love my boyfriend more than i've ever loved anyone or anything. and if he leaves, i'll be devastated. but i could survive. it'd be hard, and i might want to die, but his departure wouldn't kill me.
i think it's wrong. i mean, i suppose for the two of them it's kind of okay because they both are in the same place, but it's stupid to rely on someone else to make you happy. if you can't make yourself happy, then how is anyone else REALLY supposed to know how to make you happy?
being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. if you can't understand that you probs can't be in a mature relationship anyway...independence is cool. being clingy or obsessive or hopping from guy to guy is not.
i think that sounds like she's lonely...
but i do get her point of view...
but not really...
getting out of a long relationship and then missing what long relationships came with...
the cuddling, late night talks, sleeping together, kisses, holding hands etc...
If she didn't do that with him, and just spent time with someone that'd make her laugh, or forget her pain, a friend/best friend, then that'd be good for her.
Even if she doesn't feel like she's using him for her own desire,
What she literally is doing, IS using him.
Even if he doesn't mind it, or he is using her too.
@tracezilla@lovelyish - Loved your comment.
@proudsmartypants@xanga - I hear ya.
She's still using him....and she doesn't KNOW if he's using her for the same reason. It really really sucks when you find out that the person you like has no intentions of sticking around.
That can just get messy so I try to stay away from it. First of all, it's using the other person. Second of all, it's possible that either way someone is going to get feelings for the other person and someone will end up hurt.
I'm sure it could easily end badly, but as long as they're both on the same page with what they want I don't really see a problem with it.
The transition guy is the perfect relationship without all the stress. No drama, no jealousy, no "cheating" can occur, no clinginess, and you can "dump" them easy without all the guilt or stress. Of course, only if both parties agree to these circumstances.
To me, the transition guy is an amazing thing every girl should experience in her life. Just as long as both parties respect each other.
@sumtymesiwonder@xanga - Thank God you believe in these things even though you are in a relationship. Most people who have that outlook on relationships are either single or just don't like relationships. And then they get into a relationship and change their mind. I'm glad you realize the reality of the dating world. Good for you, and good example for all the stupid guys and girls out there.