My roommate and her girlfriend have had a hard time being together. They started dating about a year ago. On Valentine's Day of this year, they made their relationship official. During the first very few months they were together, they seemed happy. I started to see a change in their relationship after 3 months, being that my roommate was always complaining about how immature and irresponsible her girlfriend is. So they ended it.
After a month of grieving, they got back together because my roommate was in love with that girl. I never approved of their relationship after that. I barely saw my roommate because she was always with her girlfriend and every time I would talk to her, she would complain about what her girlfriend didn't do and how she's not happy. I told her that maybe it wasn't a good idea but she wouldn't listen. They broke up again before this semester started. They were still close friends and use to talk like they never broke up. They would still hook-up even after everything happened and pretend like they were a couple. About a month ago, she decided that she should completely end things with this girl because they would always fight about little things. Just recently, they started the cycle all over again, to the point I believe they are together.
I'm not exactly sure about something like this. I told her that even though I STRONGLY don't approve of what she is doing, It is her decision of what she wants to do with her life. Me and her "girl" don't really get along. As her friend, I know I should try to make amends but I can't get along with her, even if I tried. Lately, my roommate has been keeping her stuff from me. I respect her privacy but it's weird. We haven't been as close and she has been sneaky about this. I discuss this with her and she said that she didn't want things between us to change. But if she didn't want things to change between us, then why is she keeping things from me? I try to keep things normal but I feel like our friendship is becoming a one-sided friendship.
What do I do? What are your thoughts about this?
Comments (12)
Is this first complete love? If so, let her do what she does, she'll learn that love that is really good should not provoke you to only speak ill of thier relationship. The obvious thing to do if you are not happy is to make yourself happy. Point blank.
Hm, well I don't see why her relationship should effect your friendship. Even if you don't like this other girl, just try to push that aside. You don't even have to get along great with her..Just be civil. Maybe talk to your friend about how you feel more.
IT'S A TEST OF FRIENDSHIP TO SEE IF YOUR FRIENDSHIP CAN SURVIVE WITH THE BULLSHIT GOING ON... IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE... IT WAS MY JUNIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL... MY BEST FRIEND THAT I'VE KNOWN SINCE 1ST GRADE GOT A BF (TILL THIS DAY SHE'S STILL WITH HIM) BEFORE HE WAS EVER IN THE PICTURE IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME AND HER... WE WERE LIKE GLUE... WE STUCK TO EACH OTHER AND NEVER LEFT EACH OTHER'S SIDE... SHE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND VICE VERSA.. BUT THEN I NOTICED A CHANGE IN HER WHEN HE CAME INTO THE PICTURE... SHE WASN'T AROUND AS MUCH ANYMORE.. SHE DIDN'T PICK UP MY CALLS AND IF SHE DID SHE WOULD TELL ME SHE'S WITH HIM... AND WHEN I WANTED TO KICK IT WITH HER SHE WOULD BRING HIM ALONG AND I JUST GOT FED UP AND I FLAT OUT TOLD HER HOW I FELT AND SHE BASICALLY PICKED HIM OVER ME AND I DIDN'T LIKE HIM OR HER AT ALL AFTER THAT... SO SENIOR YEAR CAME ALONG WE DIDN'T TALK THE WHOLE YEAR TILL A MONTH AFTER WE GRADUATED I GOT A CALL FROM HER OUT OF NOWHERE AND SHE WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT... SO I GAVE HER THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT AND LISTENED TO WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY... AND WE TOOK IT DAY BY DAY AND NOW WE'RE CLOSER THAN EVER AND HER BF DOESN'T INTERFER WITH OUR TIME ANYMORE AND WHEN I NEED HER SHE PICKS UP HER PHONE AND WHEN I WANNA KICK IT WITH HER SHE OPENS UP A DAY FOR ME AND SET TIME ASIDE FOR ME...
IT WAS A TEST FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP TO SEE IF IT WOULD SURVIVE AND IT DID... AND IF YOURS DOESN'T SURVIVE THEN YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDS ANYMORE... IT MAYBE HARD 'CUZ OF THE HISTORY BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA DO SHIT THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO!
I know a couple like this, it's horrendous. Luckily, it doesn't effect me like this does you
This is a tough situation. It is clear that this kind of go-nowhere relationship is changing your rooommate which obviously changes what you two have, no doubt about that. Unfortunately, I haven't really seen anything that will break them apart while they are still together. The only thing that I've witnessed that works is getting one or the other to date someone else. Try to see if you could make this happen when these two are on one of their little breaks.
It's not the best adivce probably, but I've never really seen anything other than a new partner work.
@CrAdLe2daGrAve@xanga - Your situation is completely different. Hers is difficult because the relationship her room mate has with this girl is damaging and unhealthy
and is changing her for the worse. The situation you described just
sounds like you were feeling left out of the picture and got mad about
it. Unless her relationship with the guy was abusive and unhealthy, then it's apples to oranges...
You can't tell someone what to do. The best way to learn is the hard way.
I was in a relationship like that- a constant cycle of going nowhere, except I always wanted to be with him, but it hurt too much because he was always playing with my emotions like a yo-yo.
But I digress. I felt resentment towards the people who got involved to try to keep us apart. I thought it caused more problems, and it broke my heart even more that people didn't want to see us together. I know it hurts to watch your friend do this to herself. It hurt my friends, too. But I think the best thing to do is just stay out of it if you can't support it. She has to learn for herself that a cycle like this isn't healthy. Wait until their relationship hits a low again, as it most likely will, and remind her of all the things that made her unhappy and that someone else will make her happier. She will appreciate your efforts more then because you are being more supportive than a nay-sayer. Make sense?
I can understand this situation. I think your room mate feels that by discussing there relationship with you (one which you disapprove/don't support of) is like telling your parents you did something back, and know that you're going to get scolded. So why bother? Roomie probably wants to keep the details air tight, that way less judgment (even though you don't mean to). So what do you do? I'm guessing just lay low for awhile, and when your room mate does come with complaints/advice try to be understanding (or at least pretend to lol), and just let things run its course. Obviously you've given your two cents in and your roomie doesn't listen, so you can only do so much. Hope this helps.
talk to her more about it. there's probably something she's hiding that you both need to clear up
If you've already told her politely that you don't approve, then you should probably just sit back and let her do her thing. If you press the issue, it'll hurt your friendship.
Don't do anything. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way and get hurt.
your roommate isn't telling you because she's afraid of your reaction...you may either get mad because you don't like the relationship or her gf, and your roomie knows this, or you might just bitch her out because you're tired of hearing it...
going through that situation with a sort-of friend of mine...she stopped telling me things because she knows i don't approve of what she's been doing and frankly i'm tired of listening to her bitch about a situation that she refuses to walk away from even though she's completely aware of how much it's ruined her life.
if you want your friendship back, you need to make an effort to accept her decision. it's her life, not yours. and try to get along with her gf...that always wins points. you don't have to like her, but don't shit talk when she's not around or put her down in front of your roomie. you don't have to go out of your way to become bestestestest friends with your friend's gf, but you at least need to act like a mature person and put on a nice face when she is around. and keep comments to yourself. or share them on xanga :)
@CrAdLe2daGrAve@xanga - Use your inside voice.